The Lions Are Doing Awesomer Than EVAR!!!!
Not only did the Lions NOT learn from Jon Kitna’s 10-win guarantee two seasons ago, their front office is still hilariously cutting corners. Yahoo’s Michael Silver pulls two Millenesque examples of Detroit being Detroit in his most recent column. The man making the Kitna-like promise? Second-year tailback Kevin Smith, who wrote on his blog:
“We will definitely make the playoffs this season. Believe it or not we weren’t far off last year. Almost every game we could have won, we were one play or one player short. Except for Tennessee on Thanksgiving, they just came out and beat us to sleep. They manhandled us, but nobody else did.”
That’s a totally fair and accurate assess– **COUGH**Week 2 vs. Green Bay: L, 48-25 / Week 3 at San Fancisco: L, 31-13 / Week 5 vs. Chicago: L, 34-7 / Week 10 vs. Jacksonville: 38-14 / Week 12 vs. Tampa Bay: 38-20 / Week 16 vs. New Orleans: L, 42-7**COUGH** Sorry, I just can’t seem to shake this swine flu.
Oh but wait: there’s more. The other slice of trivia pie (it’s orange for sports & leisure!) from Silver is this story from Terry Foster of the Detroit News:
Lions season-ticket holder Todd Taylor , who commutes from Chicago to attend Lions home games, and his buddy Jim Allen from Royal Oak were stoked when Taylor won a replica Kevin Smith jersey during the Lions’ draft party at Ford Field.
But something was strange about the No. 34 jersey. The Smith name on the back looked bulky. So they cut it off and were shocked to see the name Jones underneath.
It appears the Lions repurposed some old Kevin Jones jerseys, turning them into Smith jerseys and gave them away to season-ticket holders.
Oh man, I hope Matt Stafford doesn’t wear #8 next season. Just think of all those priceless Kitna jerseys that might get ruined!
Tags: 0-16, captain caveman, detroit lions, you poor Lions fans
![[badge]](http://cdn.ksk.uproxx.com/wp-content/themes/default/images/100121_FOXmsnBadge_200x50.gif)
May 13th, 2009 at 9:04 am
In defense of Kevin Smith, I seem to recall that the Lions were in that Week 2 game against Green Bay well into the 4th quarter, possibly even winning.
So that only leaves five teams that beat the piss out of the Lions.
May 13th, 2009 at 9:16 am
At least he didn’t tell that fucking Amy story again.
May 13th, 2009 at 9:31 am
@fozzie
Yep. Lions were leading in the 4th until the pack returned 2 pickerceptions for tds. I remember wanting to kill a hobo during that 4th quarter
May 13th, 2009 at 9:33 am
This post is too awesome for words.
May 13th, 2009 at 9:40 am
Lions season tickets holders deserve everything they get, including rape…There was some sort of rape involved in this story, right? I stopped reading after “The” in the headline.
May 13th, 2009 at 9:42 am
where are the stink lines on the Lions logo?
Smith saying the Lions weren’t too far off from making the play-offs last year is like me saying I was so close to fucking a super model because I was in the same room with her.
May 13th, 2009 at 9:51 am
Shaved like that, that dog’s gonna freeze all the faster when it falls down an abandoned elevator shaft.
May 13th, 2009 at 9:51 am
Smith saying the Lions weren’t too far off from making the play-offs last year is like me saying I was so close to fucking a super model because I was in the same room with her.
I once had an orgasm in the same room as a supermodel. And then security showed up.
May 13th, 2009 at 9:59 am
@ Doc – So the Millen years weren’t rapey enough, they should be violated some more? Yes? OK, just checking.
I think Smith has a good lawsuit against the team doctor, he’s obviously still suffering from a concussion during last season.
May 13th, 2009 at 10:06 am
They should just put “Kevin” on the back of the jerseys from now on.
May 13th, 2009 at 10:25 am
They should just put “Kevin” on the back of the jerseys from now on.
What about just going with “FAIL” across everyone’s jerseys but Megatron’s?
May 13th, 2009 at 10:28 am
@ Stu: I agree, understated, not the sarcastically humorous gems we’re accustomed to, but when there’s this much factual awesome, why expand?
May 13th, 2009 at 10:40 am
To be fair, the Lions just happened to catch everyone playing at their peak.
May 13th, 2009 at 11:26 am
These FAIL posts are just great. Nothing’s better than kicking a shitty team while they’re down and/or losing 6 games by more than 3 TDs. At least the Ford family will have a monopoly on the domestic car market by the time football season begins. Can’t wait to get my brand spanking new Ford Focus!
/not driving a Ford Focus
//Smith is batshit crazy
May 13th, 2009 at 12:05 pm
Say what you want about the Lions, but so long as you don’t care about on-field success (and believe me when I say that many of us Lions fans gave up on that a long time ago) they are an enormously entertaining franchise to follow. This is the team that gave us an assistant coach going through a drive up window naked, sent out team calendars featuring players no longer on the team and used the words “Fuck ‘em” in an e-mail to a season ticket holder. They may be the worst team in history, but they aren’t dull.
May 13th, 2009 at 12:12 pm
Players no longer on the team? Oh, please do tell. This is JV high school-level fun.
May 13th, 2009 at 12:44 pm
That picture is clearly not from Detroit. No one has stolen the wheels off the chair…
May 13th, 2009 at 2:18 pm
That is the saddest dog I’ve ever seen.
May 13th, 2009 at 4:02 pm
@ Concrete Cyanide
Leaving ex-players on promotional stuff is classic Lions. They left Roy Williams on the 2009 calendar and I think they did the same thing two years ago with Kevin Jones but I couldn’t find a link with a quick search.
http://www.faniq.com/blog/Detroit-Lions-2009-Calendar-Features-Cowboys-WR-Roy-Williams-On-The-Cover-Blog-19161
Williams, by the way, was traded in October of 2008.
May 13th, 2009 at 7:58 pm
This season, I have word that the Lions will be unveiling a new package of plays, that features a running back on a direct snap and a quarterback split out wide. Tentatively referred to as “Crazy Kitties”, this playbook will undoubtedly revolutionize the game as we know it.
Matt Millen is stoked.