The Grand Intiative Will Do Away With This Swivet
Swivet!
The turmoils of Cincinnatus are more numberous than The Cincinnatus Turmoils of Earlier Description. Indeed, these blights surpass the blights I was told to expect. Receivering men: tattered and bedeviled. Fellow quartered backs: possessing misshapen genitalia. Ownership: possibly voided entrails.
There are worse horrors still but I would fain not give utterance to them. Do not make me tell. Rest assured, the haymakers were barely enough to repel the hard-charging beasts. Look upon my face. Do you not see where it has been abrasied? Let that be story enough.
Fie!
Fine. Let me explain. Word was sent through postal dog to management that I did care for the unbecoming character of those with which I am aligned on this squad. Postal dog returnt a week later a limb lesser. This I tumbled as a presage of foul things in wait. Yes, there transpired several foul deeds enacted upon my person, often thrice in a row; five times if the perpetrators imbibet liquors of brownist tint, but the true terror never darkened my door. Quixotic was the word used by a man of proper book-learnting.
Instead, in the weeks since I have found the ownership most amenable to the demands of competition. Lofty words were spake. A grand initiative introducet. There, told to me through midway through a night of drink, is their solution.
First step is to for once have a draft class that does not elicit laughter from even the low-born blind syphilitic drunk gypsies. This they did.
And then:an elder safety is signt!
He is learned in the ways of the horse-led collar tackle. As I ambled in the direction of my bivouac, I asked him: in which ways would he apply this technique to yon ballcarrier, but by then I had already ventured past the expanse of his coverage area. This strikes me as a deficiency. But a friendly disposition nonetheless!
A Caucasiodal running back is acquiret through trade!
Finally a like-colored hand in the backfield that I know will take the ball with a hand that not recently ago held a shiv. This is no slight upon the Dark Man of Africa, but Gentleman Frank Gore once visited this very act on my non-throwing appendage and it predisposed me to distrust the race of Afromen. Perhaps one day this trust will be restoret, but doubt prevails.
The Scourge of Afromen aside, will these minor transactions suffice to build a great Bengal footballing empire? The vainglory swelling inside indicates yes. But it is wrong, in the main. I should endeavor to find out what the learnt man meant by quixotic. I feel this holds the key from turning vainglory into actual glory.
May 11th, 2009 at 3:36 pm
verily, this is the most underrateth of all KSK vignettes.
May 11th, 2009 at 3:40 pm
I think “look out itchy an irishman” is one of my favorite tags.
May 11th, 2009 at 3:47 pm
I thnk we need a little Pac-man post to REALLY hit the English as a third language trifecta.
May 11th, 2009 at 3:54 pm
Where’s the dick joke?
May 11th, 2009 at 4:05 pm
The Scourge of Afromen
That’s the name Rush Limbaugh wrestles under in the luche libre league.
May 11th, 2009 at 4:06 pm
first the Britfar, then O’Sullivan…you guys are making my head hurt today…
May 11th, 2009 at 4:07 pm
Definitely most underrated KSK skit, but in this one the language is less Olde Tyme Vaudeville and more Shakespearian?
May 11th, 2009 at 4:15 pm
Just looking at Roy Williams makes me think I tore my ACL.
May 11th, 2009 at 4:21 pm
oh, there are turmoils alright. the forcast said there may even be a tribulation before the end of the week.
May 11th, 2009 at 4:27 pm
Brittfar AND O’Sullivan in one day? If only there were a reason for the Sex Cannon to show up.
May 11th, 2009 at 4:29 pm
Pittsburgh is fraught with nervousness.
May 11th, 2009 at 4:35 pm
JT O’Sullivan: most undistinguished recurring character on KSK? Not that that’s a complaint. I loves me some olde-timey speak.
May 11th, 2009 at 4:37 pm
A correction, perchance. JT O’Sullivan: most undistinguished football player to become a recurring KSK character?
I near spoilt my good standing on these here boards, speaking such unintended vitriol as I did!
May 11th, 2009 at 4:43 pm
my favorite KSKharacter
May 11th, 2009 at 4:46 pm
The only thing that could improve this day is a Jerrah post.
May 11th, 2009 at 4:49 pm
“…but by then I had already ventured past the expanse of his coverage area. This strikes me as a deficiency.”
My five minute long snort laugh seems to have scared the person in the cubicle next to me. Thanks for bringing O’Sullivan back.
May 11th, 2009 at 4:49 pm
We get JT O’Sullivan and Alonzo Spellman within a week of each other? Fuck and yes.
May 11th, 2009 at 5:15 pm
Slightry lacist?
Good stuff ape.
May 11th, 2009 at 6:34 pm
I have come to the conclusion I translate Britfarr, Ocho Cinco, Finglish, Hines Wald better than J.T. O’Sullivan. I feel a need for Cliff notes with J.T. I will therefore conclude that my Shakespeare was less learned than the life skills of speaking to people with English as a second language…
May 11th, 2009 at 7:15 pm
@ Andy
“Srightry lacist” says the good laundering chinaman from the Burg of Pitts.
May 11th, 2009 at 7:19 pm
This is what I needed after a long day delivering mail to crackheads. BULLY!
May 12th, 2009 at 12:33 am
This is what I needed after a long day delivering mail to crackheads.
Oh, you ain’t catchin’ no crackhead.
May 12th, 2009 at 9:56 am
The Scourge of the Afromen?
Jeez, Punte, that’s just… Ape?
May 12th, 2009 at 9:59 am
agreed. Mr O’Sullivan’s caterwauling antics are gold.
May 12th, 2009 at 11:07 am
I hope O’Sullivan holds a box social pretty soon.
May 12th, 2009 at 1:36 pm
“Lofty words were spake.”
PK O’Sullivan! The fact that lofty has become a transcendent adjective for all/any characters is pure awesomeness. Well played, men.
/wants a “rofty” reference from Hines
May 12th, 2009 at 8:36 pm
This is funniest fucking thing I’ve ever read on this site, which is saying a lot.
/witty comment