Peter King Puts the ‘Anal’ in ‘Tom Brady Analysis’
This week in “Proof that the Media Should Think Twice Before Sending Press Releases to Blogs,” a kindly Director of Communications at Time Inc. made sure that KSK was made aware that Tom Brady is on the cover of this week’s Sports Illustrated (his 11th appearance on the cover! That’s more than Cheryl Tiegs!).
It’s the first extended interview Dreamboat’s given in almost a year, and SI turned to its biggest non-stroke-impaired NFL writer for the heavy lifting: Peter King. (”That Brady’s so cool he keeps Kit Kats from melting on a summer day!”) From the press release:
Exuding confidence in his surgically rebuilt left knee, Brady tells SI that his recovery is on schedule and that he is running and cutting without pain or restricted movement. King writes: “He was convincing when he said he was ‘as confident as anyone could be that I’ll be ready to play, back to playing normally, when the season starts. I’ve done everything I could to push myself, sometimes too hard. Right now, I’m doing everything. Literally everything. There’s nothing I can’t do.’ ”
Brady tells King that he has learned much about himself during his forced layoff and that he is so anxious to play again that he looks forward to the grind of two-a-days. “‘When I was playing every week, I bitched about the little things,’ he said. ‘Like, God, we’ve got to go outside today? It’s raining! Or, why is Bill dunking the ball in soap? Or, why do we have a meeting at 7:30 to talk about everything we’ve already talked about. Geez! Then when you’re not playing, you realize that you would [gladly] do any of that—whatever they wanted me to do.’ Brady drew an analogy based on his parenting experience with his 21-month-old Jack. ‘I don’t see him everyday”—Brady shares custody with former girlfriend Bridget Moynahan—‘and we play when I change his diaper: lifting his leg up, playing with his toes, biting his feet. There’s a different appreciation. If you had him every day, you’d go, Let’s just get this done. But when you get him, say, one week a month, you’re like, This is so cool!’ ”
“If I had to be a parent every day, it sure would get boring!”
In addition, Brady tells King that he’d like to play for 10 more seasons: “I want to play until I am 41. And if I get to that point and still feel good, I’ll keep playing. I mean, what the hell else am I going to do? I don’t like anything else. People say, ‘What will you do after football?’ Why would I even think of doing anything else? What would I do instead of run out in front of 80,000 people and command 52 guys and be around guys I consider brothers and be one of the real gladiators? Why would I ever want to do something else? It’s so hard to think of anything that would match what I do: Fly to the moon? Jump out of planes? Bungee-jump off cliffs? None of that s— matters to me. I want to play this game I love, be with my wife and son and enjoy life.”
Hmmph. All in all, he sounds disgustingly well adjusted for a two-time Super Bowl MVP/baby-daddy of a Hollywood actress who instead got married to a supermodel. And that’s probably the most infuriating thing about Brady: for all the “Best Dressed Man Alive” articles and goat-holding photoshoots, he never comes across as an ignoramus or a total asshole.
Which is why we should hate him even more.
Tags: captain caveman, dreamboat, peter king, Tom Brady, Ufford Photoshops
May 27th, 2009 at 8:54 am
Time for a new bounty? I’ll kick in $10
May 27th, 2009 at 9:02 am
I call bullshit, there is no way Brady changes his kid’s diapers.
May 27th, 2009 at 9:11 am
Aaron Maybin you have one mission this year.
Take out Brady.
You do that your defensive rookie of the year in my mind.
May 27th, 2009 at 9:11 am
I call bullshit, there is no way Brady changes his kid’s diapers.
I’m sure he tells the nice Latina lady to do that for him.
“Ok, Consuela, now … BOND!”
“yess meeser tommm”
May 27th, 2009 at 9:15 am
“and be one of the real gladiators” Do the Lions know about this?
May 27th, 2009 at 9:16 am
i dont like brady… he’s so full of it… i’ll be happy to him out…
May 27th, 2009 at 9:19 am
Christ, if the asshole grows a beard he’ll be the Most Interesting Man in the World. Soon he’ll be teaching tai chi to supermodels and firing a machine gun while waterskiing in a tuxedo without spilling his martini.
May 27th, 2009 at 9:24 am
All this attention just makes it that much harder for Brady to come out of the closet.
May 27th, 2009 at 9:29 am
Nice to see they picked an image of Tom from the worst day of his professional career. No livestock was available?
/that’s (sniff) my quarterback.
May 27th, 2009 at 9:32 am
God, I’d feel great if I was that kid. “I only have to see him 7 days a month so he’s kind of enjoyable. If I had to see him every day it would be a fucking nightmare of boredom.”
May 27th, 2009 at 9:32 am
Now we know why King moved to Boston.
May 27th, 2009 at 9:32 am
I mean, what the hell else am I going to do? I don’t like anything else.
Well, aside from fucking gorgeous women.
May 27th, 2009 at 9:35 am
I renew my plea that you once again publish pictures of Peter King’s daughter.
Do it right as he comes off of his vacation so that he gets distracted and forgets to file a training camp report. Or, better yet, has a stroke. That would be OK with me. In fact, I’d be so happy that I would be willing to kick in some money for the Peter-King-Had-a-Stroke-and-Is-Now-a-Drooling-Mess fundraiser. How much would I bid to spend an afternoon spoonfeeding him a big fucking Starbucks milkshake? Everything I have, my friend, everything I have.
May 27th, 2009 at 9:41 am
Whoa. What does PK’s daughter look like? That has to be a nightmare.
May 27th, 2009 at 9:46 am
Peter King’s daughter? Well, imagine if you combined Bridget Moynahan with Gisele Bundchen.
That’s what she would weigh.
May 27th, 2009 at 10:00 am
I can’t wait for the weekly posts of hatred while Tom Terrific is lighting up all of your respective teams. I really can’t wait to see him tossing darts around the field again, effing Bernard Pollard.
/channels inner Tawmmy
OWAH QUAHTAHBACK IS BETTAH THAN YOWAH QUAHTAHBACK
May 27th, 2009 at 10:02 am
CC you hit it on the head. That is EXACTLY why I hate him so much.
May 27th, 2009 at 10:15 am
I read somewhere that the collective boner of 4,000,000 New England men can be seen from space.
May 27th, 2009 at 10:21 am
he runs and cuts like i jack off: slowly and clumsily.
didja see the ESPN spot on him, ran in a continuous loop all day yesterday? LOVED THE SOFT GUITAR MUSIC, THO. keep it comin’, ESPN. was chris connelly out on location?
May 27th, 2009 at 10:25 am
Hate! Hate! Hate! Hate! Hate!
May 27th, 2009 at 10:32 am
+1 claude balls
Wow, Drew, Brady made parenting fun! Why can’t you figure that out…
May 27th, 2009 at 10:33 am
If Tom Rinaldi shows up at Tom and Gisele’s door, then we got a problem.
I like to dream I could sit down next to Tom on a plane and drool and he would be polite. Of course, I am female, and he would never be flying coach, but WTF. I gotta have a dream.
May 27th, 2009 at 10:34 am
Right now, I’m doing everything. Literally everything. There’s nothing I can’t do
Like loosen up Peter King’s bowels for him when he comes a calling
May 27th, 2009 at 10:35 am
Italics FAIL. WHOO HOO.
May 27th, 2009 at 10:36 am
Once again Captain Murphy shows up, Brady cum still dry around his mouth, his anus enlarged and bleeding from the daily ass pounding he begs for from his fellow Pats “fans”, to amaze us with the banal and repetitive Pats love haikus he must spend hours crafting.
@ BigRicks: surely such a thing cannot be seen. Pats fans are all so fucking fat they themselves cannot see their 2 inch boners. And even if they could, they would all be in CaptMurphy’s mouth.
May 27th, 2009 at 10:52 am
When asked if the reason Brady played to win championships, Brady responded:
“Championship is a word. You think i play through all this bullshit for a word. If that’s it, then my word is ‘poontang’”.
May 27th, 2009 at 10:54 am
@ Cobra
Feeling a little aggressive today?
I purposely add the Tawmmy part just for people like you in order to reinforce the fact that I’m joking. Good work though.
May 27th, 2009 at 10:55 am
Somewhere, a gunslinger is working the land and shedding a single tear, now that his tubby media manservant has found a new quarterback to service.
May 27th, 2009 at 11:01 am
I think he sounds like an asshole when he says things like this: “But when you get him, say, one week a month, you’re like, ‘This is so cool!’”
Yeah, that full-time parenting thing is such a drag, part-time is definitely the way to go. Good thing he and Gisele are both fabulously wealthy so that when the parent thing gets to be tiresome, they can hand the Messiah off to the nice lady they hire to raise their kid and go have martinis, like civilized people. People who take care of their kids 4 weeks out of the month are suckers.
May 27th, 2009 at 11:10 am
Slash, I am with you. He seemed like a normal kid brother when he first hit the league. But now? He is not living like a Southern Cal middle class kid anymore.
May 27th, 2009 at 11:36 am
I want to play until I am 41. And if I get to that point and still feel good, I’ll keep playing. I mean, what the hell else am I going to do? I don’t like anything else. People say, ‘What will you do after football?’ Why would I even think of doing anything else? What would I do instead of run out in front of 80,000 people and command 52 guys and be around guys I consider brothers and be one of the real gladiators? Why would I ever want to do something else? It’s so hard to think of anything that would match what I do: Fly to the moon? Jump out of planes? Bungee-jump off cliffs? None of that s— matters to me. I want to play this game I love, be with my wife and son and enjoy life
He’s already setting himself up to become the next Favraro.
May 27th, 2009 at 12:04 pm
Tom Brady reminds me of Matt Damon in Team America: World Police.
tom…brady
May 27th, 2009 at 12:25 pm
He’s already setting himself up to become the next Favraro.
Tom Brady is a baby baron.
May 27th, 2009 at 12:32 pm
Outside of being on the Pats – I bet most of us would even hang out with Brady, get a beer, grill some meat, stare dreamily into his…., I mean tag team the hot blonde from the bar – as he seems like a nice guy, down to earth, sculpted good loo…., modest. But because of being on the Pats and because he doesn’t act like a huge douche:
Yes, I hate him even more.
May 27th, 2009 at 12:40 pm
Yeah, you’re a real gladiator Tom. *rolls eyes*
May 27th, 2009 at 1:36 pm
PK was dreaming of a manage-o-three between Brady and Farve during the interview.
May 27th, 2009 at 1:49 pm
manage-o-three
I know what you meant, but damn if you didn’t manage to fuck up all three words. that’s quite an accomplishment. Please tell me that you were quoting a line from a comedy of which I am not yet aware.
May 27th, 2009 at 2:12 pm
I think “manage-o-three” means you let your Yankees squad get swept in the opening weekend.
May 27th, 2009 at 2:22 pm
If PK was dreaming of anything, it was that double fisted warm buttery mouthful of love from the ol’ Double J hisself.
And popcorn too.
May 27th, 2009 at 3:03 pm
claude -
It’s a line from South Park, frenchie.
May 27th, 2009 at 5:22 pm
I mean, what the hell else am I going to do? I don’t like anything else.
Uh, how about changing diapers? You seem to be getting a real thrill out of that…
May 27th, 2009 at 6:24 pm
@ Ditmas… Spot on
I had a gut feeling that someone would not get the reference. I do feel accomplished!
Also whats the over/under on the lb’s on PK’s head… 15? 20?
May 27th, 2009 at 9:01 pm
Exuding confidence? Shouldn’t he have that drained?
May 28th, 2009 at 12:45 am
@ Ditmas
Thanks for the education.
May 28th, 2009 at 7:28 am
“lead 52 guys”???? what the fuck is he talking about? I don’t see that shit-bag making tackles. A QB doesn’t lead a defense.
Fuck him.