Peter King’s Twete-a-Twete With Boston Izzo’s Spiritual Godfather
When we last left car-shunning douchebottle Peter King, he was proudly declaring Yogi Berra the greatest baseball player alive, still agog that you people living in cities NEVER TOLD HIM JUST HOW WONDERFUL LIVING IN A CITY CAN BE, and bragging about leaving his car unattended despite promising readers he would stop doing so. But then how would I know if he beat his personal record of 11 days without driving?!
But before we get into this week’s batch of King-approved tard scraps, a very brief detour. Or should I say… tweetour? Huh? Huh?
Here’s a quick King tweet from yesterday morning:
@RickLawson69 : Hey Rick, I’m a big tough guy. I can take care of myself. But thanks for having my back.
Naturally, this piqued my curiosity. Who is this Rick Lawson fellow? Why does he have Peter’s back? And does he like 69’ing as much as I think he does? Well people, a simple click of the mouse answered all those questions, and took me to one of the greatest Twitter feeds ever. People, I give you the brilliant tweets of RickLawson69.
@SI_PeterKing Hey Peter if you get grief for writing about the Patriots this week send them my way to kiss my ass.
I know what you’re asking. Does Rick Lawson follow Dane Cook? Sure does!
@SI_PeterKing did you make sure to begin your article by saying Bill Belichick is God!!
No Rick, for that would prove far too subtle for Peter.
Check out all the Celebs at Fenway. Tommy Lee Jones and Rob Schneider. I guess we are the LA of the East
And isn’t that a distinction to be proud of. Hey, we’re like the douchebag capital of the West of the East! SCHNEIDAH IS OW-UHS!
@Alyssa_Milano you would be the perfect woman except that you aren’t a Red Sox fan. Everyone knows Boston teams rule!!!
YOU SHOULD BE FACKIN’ PEDROIAH! NO ONE DENIES THIS! MAYBE THEN I’D LET YOU BLOW ME!
Angels and Demons was great. A must see if you are a fan of quick paced mysteries!!
I’m sold!
@richeisen Rich could you start every NFLTA by saying Bill Belichick Is God?
He’ll try and work it in, Rick. But perhaps you could make the same request of, oh, 500 other NFL broadcasters as well?
Watching Chuck and Larry. Jessica Biel is HOT!!!
But I wish they had started the film by saying BELICHICK IS FUCKING GOD.
Okay. That was enjoyable. Let’s move on to King now…
I’ve got the first extended interview with Brady since the Sept. 7 knee injury that knocked him out for the 2008 season.
His first tough question for Brady? “Tom, you had the greatest season a passer ever had two years ago. And now you’re back.”
I found him confident that his knee’s going to be fine, with a bold thing or two to say about his future… and an interesting explanation of how he got the staph infection that caused him a couple of setbacks in his rehab last fall.
“See, that’s the problem with owning a 500 sq. ft. shower, Peter. Banging your supermodel wife on the tiles exposes you to germs you previously hadn’t considered.”
They’ve had to replace 82 wide-receiver catches from that team, with Jabar Gaffney and Donte’ Stallworth out, so Greg Lewis and the ancient Joey Galloway are in… Galloway had a bad foot (since recovered) last year, started only four games in Tampa, and comes north with doubts that he can stay healthy… Funny to think of in this way, but the key to a great offensive season for New England might actually be the fleet Galloway, who I’m told is running in the 4.4s even at 38. Imagine splitting a healthy Galloway and Moss wide to either side, with Welker in the slot and a good receiver like Kevin Faulk in the backfield.
I think Joey Galloway is ancient. And that he can’t stay healthy. BUT I ALSO THINK HE LOOKS BETTER THAN EVER!
The sands in the hourglass are running out for Brett Favre… Will he or won’t he? I don’t know.
Yes, thank you for that update. I’m told the key person involved in Brett Favre’s decision to come back… is none other than BRETT FAVRE.
When you have a player as important as Cribbs is to the organization, you want to treat him right and show the rest of the team that you’re paid on merit, not just based on the loftiness of where you were drafted.
Or the trueness of where you were drafted either!
To say New York Jets special-teamer Larry Izzo enjoyed his time with the Patriots is an understatement. He played with New England for eight years, won three Super Bowl rings, was a fixture in Boston social and community events, and was a selfless volunteer (raising more than $600,000 for military families with an annual karaoke event called “Larryoke”).
So for you people keeping tabs out there, that’s $200,000 raised for Dr. Z by selling nights out with Peter King, and $600,000 raised for the military by watching Larry Izzo cover Trapt songs. I never realized just how easy it was to raise money for charity. Watch me next week as I raise $3 million for cancer research simply by auctioning off jars of my personal waste.
In the offseason, he signed with the Jets. Not exactly Johnny Damon to the Yankees, but notable.
Say, you know who looks like Johnny Damon? That Freddie Prinze, Jr.
He and wife Mara had a son this spring. They named him Boston.
Really? Boston Izzo? Jesus.
His full name, actually, is Boston Izzo Leethegreatestfackincityevahyoufacks.
Might want to keep that one to yourself when out in the Village, Larry.
BUT DON’T YOU HIDE THAT AMAZING SINGING VOICE YOU HAVE.
1… I can assure you that (Michael) Vick and Jim Mora will never be on the same team again. Let’s just say it didn’t end too well the last time they were together. Not just the ending, but the middle part, too. The entire Atlanta organization wasn’t crazy about Vick’s work ethic in the offseason. It’s illogical to think Mora would stake any portion of his future on Vick.
2. I think, though, when the Seattle quarterback depth chart is looking as if it will be Hasselbeck, Seneca Wallace and the immortal Mike Teel, it’s pretty logical to wonder why you wouldn’t consider bringing Vick in-house.
1. It is illogical for the Seahawks to bring in Michael Vick.
2. It is illogical for the Seahawks not to consider bringing in Vick.
You know, Vick and Bobby Engram are practically the exact same player.
I think I don’t expect the NFL to find the Redskins guilty of tampering with Albert Haynesworth — Jason Cole of Yahoo! reported the investigation Saturday — because I believe much of the investigation will center on the very public displays of affection Washington owner Dan Snyder had with Haynesworth’s agent, Chad Speck, in Indianapolis at the Scouting Combine.
And why would centering on those public displays of affection cause you to think the charges will be dismissed?
Snyder and Speck had dinner in full view of half the coaches and scouts in the city.
And when Speck crawled under the table and began servicing Snyder, things really got HOT.
You’d be naïve to think they weren’t discussing Haynesworth; that’s one of the reasons the league’s owners are considering a new rule that will make it legal for teams to speak with agents and looming free-agents in the week before the free market opens.
But it’s illegal NOW, yes?
I understand the Titans think Washington poisoned the water for Haynesworth and made it impossible for him to even consider coming back to Tennessee, but the flaw in that logic is that the Titans were never, ever going to pay Haynesworth the landmark contract he got from Washington.
But what does that have to do with whether or not the Redskins tampered? If they negotiated with him prior to the opening of free agency, that’s defined as tampering, which you seem to clearly think was the case. It doesn’t fucking matter if the Titans had planned on resigning him or not. Tampering is tampering. And that’s…
Let’s say the league went to an 18-game schedule with a bye week. (Some league people want two byes)
Two byes?
/drinks formaldehyde
If I’m a TV executive, what I’m thinking when I look at (an expanded 18-game) schedule is: How am I going to sell four regular-season weekends of pro football AFTER Christmas?
Allow me to: HOLY SHIT! EXTRA FOOTBALL FOR EVERYONE! FUCK YEAH! WOOHOO!
I think that one of the reasons I rated New Orleans at No. 24 in my power rankings a few weeks ago was wheeled out of a Las Vegas hotel on a stretcher yesterday. I don’t trust Jeremy Shockey anymore to stay healthy for 16 weeks.
Oh, so it took THAT to convince you? Jeremy Shockey hasn’t played a full 16-game schedule once in his career. “Call me crazy, but I think this Shockey kid could prove unreliable.”
The Saints have to hope that Sunday’s shenanigans in Nevada are not a precursor of things to come.
Again, allow me: It’s a precursor of things to come. In fact, it’s a fucking postcursor of shit that’s already happened.
I laugh when I hear fans of the pit bull breed say pit bulls are no more harmful than any other dog on the planet, and they only turn bad when they’re trained to be bad. Yeah, right. Why do I never read about golden retrievers attacking, maiming and killing people?
Because they hire Czech hitmen to do it for them.
I do not understand why families with children use pit bulls as guard dogs or pets.
It’s like having concrete cyanide IN YOUR HOME.
My buddy Jon Heyman thinks A-Rod not only had his hip fixed out in Colorado, but also his heart.
Oh, dear God. Right from Reilly/Lupica/Albom School Of Horrid Metaphor Deployment:
-“LeBron James not only made the big shot. He made a downtrodden city smile once more.”
-“There’s one thing Tony Dungy teaches his players that you won’t find in a playbook: Integrity.”
-“When Brett Favre plants sorghum, he isn’t just planting a plant. He’s planting seeds of hope.”
I’m not blind. I see David Ortiz being beyond awful. He is owed more than seven bad weeks, people, before being buried.
Give him at least six years, like I gave Jeremy Shockey. Then we might know if this is all headed the wrong direction.
Wake up, Ryan Howard. You are wreaking havoc with my rotisserie team.
I ONLY GIVE DAVID ORTIZ SEVEN WEEKS OF PATIENCE BECAUSE I ADORE HIM.
Coffeenerdness: The way the locals love Dunkin’ Donuts coffee, it’s almost as though you must be a Yankee fan if you step into Starbucks.
They love it almost as much as they love dogs. And baked dog goods!
The final Dr. Z-related fundraiser note: I have one more debt of gratitude to try to repay. I want to thank the internet.
It defines loose!
I admire the Red Wings a lot. I’m rooting for the Blackhawks. You remember the story of Dale Tallon’s father’s wake, when the team spent a day off trekking way up into Ontario to pay their respects because it was the right thing to do? That’s why.
I don’t see the Red Wings attending any wakes for dead people. DO YOU?!
Hey, all you who got so ticked off because I revealed Pam’s pregnancy four days after The Office season finale … I mean, come on. Are you telling me you hadn’t the time in four entire days to watch the TiVoed version of the last show of the season in a great series?
You mean to tell Peter you couldn’t be bothered to wach it yet? And you people call yourself true Officianados. NOW who’s the asshole?
I see a former presidential intern for JFK is writing a book about her story, 47 years after sleeping with him. Now there’s something the planet can’t live without.
Oh, you mean something akin to writing out a detailed travel diary every time you take the Acela train? I agree, the sarcasm is warranted.
I’ve set up my schedule for the summer, so you can make your plans now for my four dark weeks.
You’re gone for a month? NOOOOOO!!!! YOU CAN’T GO! ALL THE KIT KATS WILL MELT!
I know it’s the annual intolerable month of all of your lives
It is! WITHOUT YOU, WE’LL ALL DISRESPECT THE SUN.
I just want to make sure you’re prepared.
And we are here at KSK. Think just because Peter is away on vacation means we won’t get a chance to poke fun at him? THAT’S WHERE YOU’RE WRONG. Remember, this is a relatively new feature here at KSK. There are archives upon archives of useless Peter King douchannalia that we haven’t even touched. Yes, when King is away, fair children, I will personally break down CLASSIC KING COLUMNS. The colonoscopy. The stolen foul ball. All of it. You’ll never want for Peter King fat jokes again ever.
My Father’s Day shopping column will be June 15.
My favorite gift? LAND. And don’t forget to buy Rick Lawson a BELICHICK IS GOD hoodie.
Tags: Big Daddy Drew, boston izzo will get his ass kicked on many a playground, FJM style, fun with peter king, I WANT THE BALL
May 26th, 2009 at 8:24 am
“You’re gone for a month? NOOOOOO!!!! YOU CAN’T GO! ALL THE KIT KATS WILL MELT!”
HA HA HA HA HA HA
Fuck King.
May 26th, 2009 at 8:24 am
I demand that “King’s Klassics” become a regular feature to run every… oh, let’s say Wednesday.
May 26th, 2009 at 8:25 am
How does this King guy keep his job? BDD, on the other hand, defines clutch.
May 26th, 2009 at 8:34 am
Hey PK, you know why you never hear about golden retrievers attacking people? BECAUSE NO ONE TRAINS A GOLDEN RETRIEVER TO BE AN ATTACK DOG YOU FUCKING PIECE OF HUMAN EXCREMENT!
Seriously, my parents’ friend has a pit bull and trained it to be a regular house dog. It’s the dopiest, friendliest dog that I know.
May 26th, 2009 at 8:40 am
Thank you thank you for this excellent disseration (sp?). If I had an editor like Fathead I’d know the proper speling.
As for PKs claim to have the first lengthy interview with Brady, I draw your attention to the live on air interview he did with Bob McCown of FAN590 in Toronto several months ago. Brady didn’t delve into his injury very much, and that may be the distinction that PK is trying to make, but nevertheless his claim is false.
Please do the foul ball thing. It began my revulsion towards his View of Life. God bless all of you.
May 26th, 2009 at 8:42 am
My non-football thoughts of the week:
1) David Ortiz has two World Series rings in thirteen years. Ryan Howard has one World Series ring, a Rookie of the Year award, and an MVP in six seasons – and averages 14 more home runs over a 162 game season. This year, Howard has eleven times the home runs of Ortiz, so despite the short leash King is putting him on, he’s measurably better than the untouchable Ortiz.
2) That’s about it.
3) Seriously, everything else is football.
4) Well, not everything.
5) Have you ever masturbated so much that you kind of dry heaved?
6) It doesn’t feel so good.
7) Still, you should try it some time. Just to say you have.
8) (checks watch)
9) So Pam’s pregnant, huh?
10) (SPOILER ALERT)
May 26th, 2009 at 8:47 am
RickLawson is starring in the off-Broadway production of “Idiocracy.” But he doesn’t know it.
Incidentally, King really thinks the problem in New Orleans is the unreliable tight end on an incredibly prolific offense and not that putrid defense?
May 26th, 2009 at 9:03 am
The sands in the hourglass are running out for Brett Favre… so are the days of our lives.
May 26th, 2009 at 9:24 am
Why do I never read about golden retrievers attacking, maiming and killing people?
Maybe it’s because, unlike pit bulls, they’re not trained to do that? Just like the people told you? See, your example proved absolutely nothing, Peter.
Peter, since you’ve shown very clearly that you don’t “get” simple logic, let me explain it in terms you will understand. Let’s say there’s coffee and hot cocoa in the lobby of the Ritz-Carlton that you are staying at on SI’s tab. But, horror of horrors, the coffee does not satisfy your refined palate. You fault the coffee beans. I point out that maybe the beans were fine, and it was brewed very poorly in the coffee pot by those terrible employees, each of whom is very clearly worse than Hitler.
Now, you can’t respond to me by pointing out that the hot cocoa was fine, so it must be quality of the coffee beans that’s so bad. You know why you can’t make that argument? Because nobody ever brews hot cocoa in a coffee pot. JUST LIKE NOBODY BREEDS RETRIEVERS TO FIGHT! GET IT?
I can’t believe a man as dumb as Peter King is a successful journalist.
May 26th, 2009 at 9:45 am
Research is hard:
http://www.citynews.ca/news/news_8720.aspx
May 26th, 2009 at 9:46 am
“I understand the Titans think Washington poisoned the water for Haynesworth and made it impossible for him to even consider coming back to Tennessee, but the flaw in that logic is that the Titans were never, ever going to pay Haynesworth the landmark contract he got from Washington.”
In other words, you understand the Titans think Washington poisoned the water for Haynesworth, but the flaw in that logic is that Washington poisoned the water for Haynesworth.
May 26th, 2009 at 9:54 am
More from Rick Lawson: “@ThatKevinSmith Green Hornet is Fraking Gay but I wish you the best of luck.”
God forbid he use an actual curse word when sharing his homophobic slurs with the entire internets.
May 26th, 2009 at 9:54 am
stealofthedraft –
That happened in Canada. Who knows what disgusting acts were performed on that dog by those godless creatures.
/IntlFlaWa
May 26th, 2009 at 10:10 am
Not only does he think Joey Galloway will be good, but he thinks Greg Lewis is a “reliable darter” who will catch 50 balls.
Greg Lewis is the AIDS patient’s Todd Pinkston.
Greg Lewis was behind Freddie Mitchell on the Eagles’ depth chart.
Greg Lewis was the fifth receiver for a team who has needed functional wide receivers since Favre was a mere Lord of the Land.
And he’s gonna catch 50 balls this year? Holy shit he is stupid.
May 26th, 2009 at 10:27 am
Oh, fuck me with a pine log. Just when I thought Peter King could not sink any lower, could not demonstrate any faultier, intellectually lazy logic, could not get any more banal, he gives us this stew of shit. Drew, your feature provides an important public service. In a very clear, easy-to-follow format, you demonstrate exactly what is wrong with Peter King’s online columns. Nevertheless, despite your accurate, appropriate and Geneva Convention-compliant criticism, Peter King refuses to change his douchey ways.
It has to stop, and it has to stop now, before the 2009 season gets under way. Drew, you know what you have to do. You of all people know how to get Mr. King’s attention. The time has come to take off the kid gloves, to play dirty, to sink to his level. The time has come to resurrect the one line of attack that has a chance of compelling King to stop brain-fucking us every week with his mind-numbing drivel.
Yes, it’s time once again to publish photos of Peter King’s daughter. The more embarrassing, the better. Show him just how much he outrages journalistic integrity and competence by outraging him. He believes he intimidated you last time with his complaints and possible threats. That belief has led him to think smugly that he is untouchable, that he can continue to post unconscionable bullshit without repercussion. Show him that he has another thought coming. Show him that he is not above the laws of good writing. Show him that we are not to be trifled with; that you are not to be trifled with. Show him that from now on, it will be: No more Mr. Nice Guy.
I beg you. It’s the right thing to do.
May 26th, 2009 at 10:29 am
My best friend is a pit bull and I can assure you that they are trained to be evil by evil people.
May 26th, 2009 at 10:46 am
My mother was a pit bull and I demand that Peter King retract his inflammatory statement.
May 26th, 2009 at 10:57 am
Peter King is the type of guy who would cross to the other side of the street when passing someone walking a pit bull. I’ve had pits all my life and taken care of many more, and I can say from tons of experience that they are most times very loyal and sweet dogs. Of course you can get the bad apple, but that’s true with any breed; beagles, goldens, even fucking shitzus for christs sake. People’s ignorance about pit bulls is ridiculous, much like Peter King’s life.
May 26th, 2009 at 10:58 am
Yes, Pete: I wonder why you never hear about Golden Retrievers attacks, yet Pit Bulls have such a bad reputation? Could it be that Goldens are popularly known as good pets even if they attack a child (thanks, stealofthedraft), while whenever a Pit Bull sneezes it’s a national damn emergency? Or could it just be that Brett “Land Baron” Favre has a Golden? Seriously, have you ever spent time around REGULAR pit bulls, or dogs of any kind? My Baahstan terriah loves to play with pit bulls – do you know why? Because they are sweet, dopey, friendly, and tolerant of his attempts to bite their ears. Now, ask me if I want him around a dalmatian or a greyhound? I mean, as long as we’re being dog racists here.
/why does THIS make me so upset, given PK’s incessant inanity?
//oh well – straw, camel, etc.
May 26th, 2009 at 11:01 am
Im still strying to rid my head of the image of a naked Peter King singing ‘Baby.’ THANKS A LOT
May 26th, 2009 at 11:01 am
“But I wish they had started the film by saying BELICHICK IS FUCKING GOD.”
Is God a hot MILF now? Surely Billy B could do better.
May 26th, 2009 at 11:05 am
Oh, and I neither know nor care whether Land Baron actually has a Golden, but I figure it’s the type of dog he’d have. Also, there’s that jeans commercial.
May 26th, 2009 at 11:09 am
I can’t believe a man as dumb as Peter King is a successful journalist.
You’ve obviously never worked in journalism.
/shuffles off stage with a cane and top hat
May 26th, 2009 at 11:15 am
FozzieBear and stealofthedraft just made my fucking day.
May 26th, 2009 at 11:26 am
Damn it Drew, you misspelled Lard again. It’s L-A-R-D, not L-A-N-D.
May 26th, 2009 at 11:43 am
“I see a former presidential intern for JFK is writing a book about her story, 47 years after sleeping with him. Now there’s something the planet can’t live without.
Oh, you mean something akin to writing out a detailed travel diary every time you take the Acela train? I agree, the sarcasm is warranted.”
as i spit a gallon of mountain dew on my screen. tip of the hat, sirs.
May 26th, 2009 at 11:52 am
Greatest Living Players
Baseball: Yogi Berra
Football: Brett Favre
Basketball: Bob Pettite
Tennis: Patrick Rafter
Hockey: Cam Neely
Golf: Tom Kite
May 26th, 2009 at 11:54 am
-I demand that “King’s Klassics” become a regular feature to run every… oh, let’s say Wednesday.- Everybody else nods in agreement
May 26th, 2009 at 11:57 am
“When you have a player as important as Cribbs is to the organization, you want to treat him right and show the rest of the team that you’re paid on merit, not just based on the loftiness of where you were drafted.”
Nice fucking sentence. There are other pronouns in the world besides “you”. This mysterious “you” he is talking to (note: not me. I have nothing to do with this.) goes from the general manager to the non-Cribbs-important players.
May 26th, 2009 at 12:07 pm
King’s Komedy Klassics??? It worked for Krusty! Canyonero = Acela.
May 26th, 2009 at 12:16 pm
Why, of COURSE Peter naturally assumes that everyone in the world has TiVO and/or a DVR. Fucking gasbag.
May 26th, 2009 at 12:26 pm
Good catch Zach. Sometimes we all get so wrapped up in how inane King’s topics are that we forget what a shitty nuts-and-bolts writer he really is.
May 26th, 2009 at 12:35 pm
East Lansing Izzo will kick Boston Izzo’s ass.
May 26th, 2009 at 12:42 pm
So all it takes to be a successful sports journalist these days is to use Twitter, namedrop like a Butabi brother, and furiously lick New England’s collective taint?
That’s not rain…it’s Grantland Rice, Jim Murray and Ralph Wiley pissing on Peter King from heaven.
May 26th, 2009 at 12:56 pm
I hope on his 4 week road trip PK can stop by the Normans for a solid meal. I hear their daughter hasn’t been able to get a job out of college and is a barista at Starbucks.
May 26th, 2009 at 1:10 pm
While the owner has a large part to play in a dog’s temperment, to say that American pit bull terriers are not naturally agressive is empirically false. Due to their overenthusiasm, endurance, and protective nature (much like German Shepards as an example), they require more structured upbringing and a kind but firm owner. I am assured, however, that they are generally friendly toward people that they have a chance to meet.
However, when looking at dog bite statistics, it is more likely that white trash hicks gravitate towards American Pit Bulls due to their reputation and raise them poorly, so it does become something of a self-fulfulling prophecy.
/asked my friend who breeds terriers
May 26th, 2009 at 1:18 pm
Douchennalia?
Take a +1 for that too. And yes, that will get worked into a conversation today.
May 26th, 2009 at 1:42 pm
I like how King was all cool with letting Vick back into the league, no problem. But own a pit bull and you are an evil irresponsible person….oooookkk
/works with shelter dogs, many of them pits. Most of them are very good dogs with minor, fixable issues.
May 26th, 2009 at 1:46 pm
I wonder if PK writes his stuff with his butt plug in or out…. NO ONE DENIES THIS!!!!!
May 26th, 2009 at 1:54 pm
“Watch me next week as I raise $3 million for cancer research simply by auctioning off jars of my personal waste.”
Just what is the price on a jar of BDD’s piss with a crumpled page from ‘Men With Balls’ floating in it? HEYOOO!
May 26th, 2009 at 2:16 pm
Funny stuff. Still pissed at you for making us wait an extra day just because Monday was a holiday though. King published on Monday, after all. FIX YO WORK ETHIC!!
May 26th, 2009 at 2:20 pm
On your friendly, neighborhood pit bull, see: http://www.dogbitelaw.com/PAGES/statistics.html, especially the sentence, “According to the Clifton study, pit bulls, Rottweilers, Presa Canarios and their mixes are responsible for 74% of attacks that were included in the study….”
May 26th, 2009 at 2:22 pm
I want to thank the internet.
The internet is not a meta-physical entity, fatty. It is a collection of data and cold, unfeeling technology that powers that data. It does not care about your thanks.
You could, instead, thank the PEOPLE who infest the internet. That would be something that makes sense. Which, of course, puts it way out of reach of any of your scribbles.
Also, a month without Peter King wasting fucking packets is like a month of sex with three 18 year old virgins.
May 26th, 2009 at 2:28 pm
My friend who raises dogs says that pits actually have a propensity to attack other dogs because that’s what they were bred for. The weren’t bred to attack people or else they couldn’t be handled. However, because smaller kids are about normal dog level in size, I would keep my kids away from someone with a pit simply based on the premise that I don’t know how some dude has trained or acclimated his dog.
May 26th, 2009 at 2:53 pm
Speaking of golden retrievers, can we get a side-by-side comparison/takedown of King’s infamous my-dog-died column versus Simmons’ recent my-dog-died column?
MY DAWG DIED MOREAH NOBLY THAN YOUAAHHHS!
May 26th, 2009 at 4:04 pm
That picture of him still gets me every time. Classic.
May 26th, 2009 at 4:05 pm
“One To Grow On” was way better than “The More You Know”.
May 26th, 2009 at 5:07 pm
“One To Grow On” was way better than “The More You Know”.
Also, and not for nothing, Tootie has a fantastic rack.
May 26th, 2009 at 5:14 pm
Tootie has a fantastic rack.
She sure does. I don’t know what Natalie, Jo, Blair and the mush-mouthed standup “commedienne” look like now- and I don’t want to know- but Kim Fields looks good.
May 26th, 2009 at 5:31 pm
I didn’t even need to read the end of the sentence, I was dying at “When Brett favre plants sorghum…”
May 26th, 2009 at 5:51 pm
Fack Rick Lawson, everyone in Quinzee know Belichick is Moses
/drinks Dunkin’ Donuts coffee
May 26th, 2009 at 7:25 pm
@jimmy dolan shake n bake: You only thought PK crossed the street to avoid the pit bull. He actually waddled over there to pick up and consume a discarded, half-melted Kit Kat.
May 26th, 2009 at 8:03 pm
Am I the only one that is shocked that Peter King’s wikipedia entry says nothing of KSK? Now, I have never actually edited a wikipedia entry, but I imagine that a fair handed (though dryly witty) ‘criticisms of writing style’ section might not only be fun and welcomed, but would be easily defended if it was ever removed by one of his people.
I think a scathing, non-obscenity laced section of his wiki entry would be awesome. Of course, we can put a scathing, obscenity laced section in its OWN wiki entry.
May 27th, 2009 at 12:36 am
“I will personally break down CLASSIC KING COLUMNS. The colonoscopy. The stolen foul ball. All of it. You’ll never want for Peter King fat jokes again ever.”
I’m not sad…these are tears of joy.
May 27th, 2009 at 3:09 am
Whoa. Between the self-congratulatory pit-bulls-are-evil-QED bit and the chiding everyone-has-a-DVR comment, this might actually be the first King column to legitimately make me angry. What the fuck is wrong with this guy?
Also, he should totally change his Twitter account to @tardscraps.
May 27th, 2009 at 3:50 am
I am taking all of PK’s Schrute Bucks as punishment for the spoiler — perhaps those are not legal tender, but I heard he had about 30,000 and was saving for a Coolada and 2 KitKats at the proper temperature. Of course, for that amount he could probably paid to see Tootie do a pit bull or maybe become a land baron
/reminds self not to read all comments at once to prevent brainwarp
May 27th, 2009 at 10:05 am
Snyder and Speck had dinner in full view of half the coaches and scouts in the city.
And when Speck crawled under the table and began servicing Snyder, things really got HOT.
See, without BDD and KSK, I would not have all the up to date info!
May 27th, 2009 at 1:52 pm
As soon as I saw the word “Loftiness” I knew that nothing good could come of this.
“In fact, it’s a fucking postcursor of shit that’s already happened.”
Fuck you, Jeremy Shockey. Fuck you very much.