THIS WEEKEND IN SELF-PROMOTION: I took off my dick joke hat and participated in a discussion about feminism and Slate’s Double X magazine over at Gawker.  It was positively terrifying, but I think I escaped relatively unscathed.  Read part 1 here, part 2 here.

Unrelated side note: cheers to Theotis Jones for the best #followfriday tweet ever.

AND BRADY MAKES THREE. Gisele is reportedly heavy with child of Dreamboat, which of course is the first step toward Tom dumping her and shacking up with Megan Fox (she likes the older guys!). If it’s at all in keeping with the naming patterns of the prior Scions of Tom, it will be called Bill, regardless of gender, and it will spring forth from the womb wearing a Yankees cap. Now cue six New England columnists using this as an excuse for saying he’s gone soft. [Radar via Boston Globe]

Punté already pointed this out in today’s edition of Saint Andrew’s Net, but we’d be failing our Sexy Friday duties if we didn’t bring your attention to the almost-but-not-quite NSFW blog I Dream of Mina.  It’s about Mina, a nice girl who sports an engagment ring and writes candidly about masturbation, her erotic photo shoots, and all the ways you can pay for pictures of those events.  Here’s what she wrote about her experience with the blonde in the picture above:

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That’s the second thing I wondered when I first watched this new video from the Parisian pop group Make The Girl Dance. The first being, “Hey, she doesn’t have any clothes on. Hey, she’s walking through the street naked. Hey, there aren’t any guys jumping on her in an attempt to forcibly enter her. It speaks volumes about the differences between French culture and American culture. And the biggest difference is obvious–all the men in France are gay.

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ALL THAT REMAINS IS A BULLET TO THE ASS AND A FIGHT WITH A BENGALS LINEBACKER LINEMAN IN VEGAS. And then the transformation from James Harrison to Joey Porter will be complete. The latest indication: Harrison’s son, appropriately named James Harrison III (THAT’S HOW YOU KNOW HE’S LOYAL TO JAMES HARRISON!), has been hospitalized after being attacked by one of his father’s dogs. Perhaps Harrison is a lycanpeezy and only exhibits Peezy-like tendencies under the glow of a full moon. Though his reticence suggests he’s got some zombie Greg Lloyd in him as well. Hybrid monster!

For this weeks’ commenter draft we’re delving back into the world of film. Your job is to draft bad scenes that you would excise from otherwise awesome movies. We’ll start things off for you with Drew’s suggested pick, Butch and Fabienne’s bedroom scene from Pulp Fiction.

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This season the Miami Dolphins will furnish hand-held gizmos to 5,000 preferred season ticker holders. These devices– manufactured by Kangaroo Media– will allow fans to watch replays, access statistics and send text messages during the game. Y’know, all the things you could do for much, much less if you were watching from the comfort of your home.

Here’s a closer look at what some of these jolly, candy-like buttons can do:

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You know the deal: you send us questions about your fantasy sex life and your fantasy football team, and we give you flippant answers when we don’t have the right answers.

Before we get into this week’s mailbag, a clarification from last week: one reader wrote in about his desire to “bang a blackie,” something that we found both offensive and out of touch (as slurs go).  While it was made obvious that the person should be ridiculed in the comments, we should have done a better job of making it clear that we don’t want your racial or homophobic or gender-biased slurs in your submissions.  Unless it’s one of the ones for Italians or the Irish.  Those dagos and micks don’t deserve any better.

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In an effort to regain control of his team, Bengals coach Marvin Lewis decides to take the drastic step of bringing volatile wideout Chad Ochocinco into his home in a spirited attempt to get the two men to understand one another.

Marvin: Hey, Chad! Chad! Get down here! We got minicamp! Let’s go! Practice bubble in fifteen!

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SEX CANNON ABOUT TO EXPLODE ALL OVER VIRGIN FOOTBALL LEAGUE. Lost in all the breathless speculation about the destination of Michael Vick is the Sex Cannon sweepstakes. Probably because the only speculation surrounding Rexy is that of the paternity sort. Anyway, word has it Rex Grossman is getting a tryout for nascent United Football League. Where is the tryout, you ask? Vegas. Yeah, he’s not gonna make it. [Mouthpiece Sports via Sportress of Blogitude]