mcdaniels

This asshole Childress. This bald Mr. Noodle motherfucker. This cumstachioed cockbin.

This was to be the Offseason of McDaniels!

I was gonna set fire to franchise and watch that fucker burn to cinders with all the world cackling right along with me. I was to set the new gold standard in head coaching sabotage. It was to be mine and mine alone. I forced out a young franchise QB because I pined for fucking Matt Cassel, tried to smooth it over, then made it clear I still wanted Cassel. Then I didn’t do shit to address the defense, which was the problem in the first place.

I EVEN DEVELOPED THE SUPERAIDS

But in one fell swoop, it’s all been taken away from me. [Rubs eyes frantically] The Offseason of McDaniels has become the Offseason of Favre just. like. that. All my tireless work…squandered. I have to admit, it was a masterstroke, Childress. Bringing in a mortal franchise enemy, one who has nothing left in the tank, to helm your frustrated franchise. Gotta hand it to ya. That impressed even me. But you’re a one-trick pony, Childress.

Indeed. All is not lost. I can get the forces on chaos back on my side. A little more handiwork is just the ticket. I…I have it in me. No one licks Crazytrain McDaniels. Oh no.

DON’T THINK I CAN’T SIGN MICHAEL VICK AND PLAXICO

AND DONTE STALLWORTH AND MAURICE CLARETT

AND FUCK IT JEFF GEORGE

OH I CAN DO IT

I’M JUST CRAZY ENOUGH TO TRY

[Hyperventilates]

But that’s not all. You know how we gotta trot out those cunt ugly throwbacks for two games this season?

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Yeah, the ones that make us look like a fucking Tecmo Bowl team. How’s about we make these babies permanent? That’ll drive our merch sales through the fucking floor. I mean, I know the Broncos already have ugly fucking jerseys, but look at these goddamn things. Mustard and brown. Think of the humiliation potential. It’s staggering.

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That’s right. I didn’t even bother to swap out the Cutler jersey. In fact, I think I’ll make EVERY SINGLE PLAYER ON THE TEAM WEAR THE CUTLER JERSEY! And check out that shit-eating grin. You think you got one half that off-putting in you? I’d like to see it. You think you got that in ya? Do ya? You ain’t got shit.

Oh, you thought I was done?

We take it away naming rights for stadium away from Invesco.

No more Invesco Field at Mile High

Now: Raiders Stadium at Fuck You Denver

I can make it happen.

I just brought the noise, Brad.

Let’s see you headline every SportsCenter now.

[Stares wide-eyed at you for three minutes without speaking]