KSK Commenter Drafts: Eliminating Bad Scenes From Good Movies
For this weeks’ commenter draft we’re delving back into the world of film. Your job is to draft bad scenes that you would excise from otherwise awesome movies. We’ll start things off for you with Drew’s suggested pick, Butch and Fabienne’s bedroom scene from Pulp Fiction.
God damn, I hate you, Fabienne.
Make your own selections (one at a fucking time) in the comment section, and remember to wait 10 picks before selecting again. Once a movie has been selected all other scenes from that movie are off the board. And remember, we’re eliminating scenes from good movies. So don’t go picking some random crappy scene from Overboard. Are you still reading? Of course you’re not, because you’re a fucking jackass who is just going to ignore these guidelines anyway. Oh, and your sister is a whore.
Note you’ll surely ignore: Endings are off limits.
Tags: Fun With Mock Drafts, I belive Crash Davis' speech sucked, ksk commenter drafts
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:07 am
First (and therefore all) scenes with Sofia Coppola from Godfather III.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:08 am
Fargo–the scene where Marge meets the Asian dude from high school for a drink. After several viewings, I still have no idea what that was supposed to be.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:08 am
Every scene from Caddyshack that involved Maggie (Danny’s girlfriend). I honestly tried to follow the rules and pick just one scene but THEY WERE ALL FUCKING TERRIBLE. And since Caddyshack is off the board, it doesn’t really matter.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:09 am
No Country for Old Men: the scene where Chigurh gets hit by the car. Don’t understand it at all.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:09 am
The scene in Bull Durham where Kevin Costner goes on and on about pussy ass shit and then all of a sudden mentions “the clit.” If Crash was supposed to be a bad ass, he wouldn’t have tried to impress some AAA slut who was not only ugly, but probably had a variety of VD’s.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:10 am
Quint’s death in Jaws. The shark eating him is awesome and should be unchanged, but seeing the 3/4’s of its body jump onto the boat to do so is ridiculous. Perfect movie otherwise.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:11 am
MUDaveFan, for the win.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:11 am
My first pick: the scene from “The Departed” where Costello’s crew sees the TV news report about finding Delahunt’s body, and Nicholson delivers hands down the worst line of his career (”Don’t laugh! This ain’t reality TV!”). It’s only vaguely necessary in terms of the plot of the movie, and holy shit is that line terrible.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:14 am
“Back to School” the scene at the party where Jason is acting like a giant pussy feeling all sorry for himself while Oingo Boingo plays “Dead Man’s Party”
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:14 am
Brad Pitt’s ridiculous facial expressions at the end of Se7en.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:15 am
“Fargo–the scene where Marge meets the Asian dude from high school for a drink. After several viewings, I still have no idea what that was supposed to be.”
That’s the best scene, you moron.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:15 am
They’re not that bad I guess since there’s character development, but the creepy incestuous scenes in Gladiator where Comodus wants Lucilla “to love him the way I’ve loved you.” Come on we just want to see some crazy hand-to-hand combat.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:16 am
I never liked the ending from “Scent of a Woman”. Pacino shows up at the kids school, rants a bunch of random BS, and suddenly everything gets wrapped up perfectly and he gets a standing ovation from the students? Wtf? Messes up and otherwise solid movie.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:17 am
Let me start by outing my geekiness: Ewoks. Any scene with Ewoks.
That was meant to be a tribe of damn Wookies tearing ass! Instead we got…Ewoks.
/goes to corner to hide in shame.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:18 am
In Old School where that skinny ho from Grey’s Anatomy tells Luke Wilson, of her scummy boyfriend Craig Kilborn, “let’s just say I caught him red-handed and it wasn’t pretty.”
Quick and easy way of making her “available,” but come on…lame.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:18 am
Apocalypse Now: The whole dinner scene at the French plantation.
It has some interesting parts but it doesn’t really add anything to the movie.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:20 am
“Raindrops Keep Fallin’ On My Head” in Butch & Sundance
Fucking RUINS the movie.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:21 am
For a recent movie…
The last 30 minutes of Terminator Salvation. It made a halfway decent summer movie into an absolute shit-fest.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:22 am
All scenes from Any Given Sunday with Cameron Diaz in them. They could have had a muppet play her scenes and they would be more believable.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:22 am
Not exactly Oscar worthy, but … the parade scene and subsequent choreographed dance to “Twist & Shout” in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. Everything was at least semi-believable until that.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:24 am
Wevo takes the win. That annoying bitch ruins whole stretches of that movie.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:24 am
The scene from Pootie Tang where they go to Biggie Shorty’s party, it kinda dragged there– without that scene it would have won a (minimum) 4 Oscars.
Sign yo pitty on the runny kine.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:24 am
The scene in the The Godfather II when Kay tells Michael she had an abortion and not a miscarriage because she wants “this thing” to end. That shit is fucked up.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:25 am
The scene in the Dark Knight where Bruce Wayne is all depressed that he didn’t save Rachel and Alfred hides the note that she wrote (after of course, reading it). Bruce babbles about how she was going to leave Harvey and come to him. Fact…Maggie Gyllenhaal is ugly. You are one of the richest men in the world and you go after the gay guy from Brokeback Mountain’s sister?
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:25 am
@Grimey: But then you lose one of the great lines from the movie: ‘look at that fuckin bone!’
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:26 am
The “Bad Intelligence” scene in Team America: World Police, in a movie that spent most of the time hitting nails directly on the head, that little thing always bothered me.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:26 am
Surviving an atomic blast in a “lead lined” fridge. FUCK YOU LUCAS
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:26 am
The whole thing with brother shamus in the Big Lebowski seemed totally pointless.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:27 am
It’s a movie with low-hanging fruit, but the ‘NOOOOOOOO!’ scene at the end of Revenge of the Sith has got to go.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:27 am
@ Greg Olsen: I was literally about to pick the scenes with Lacey from Pootie Tang but man you picked the right scene.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:27 am
The scene in the The Godfather II when Kay tells Michael she had an abortion and not a miscarriage because she wants “this thing” to end. That shit is fucked up.
Whaaaat I fucking love that scene.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:28 am
How about the last 30 minutes of Wedding Crashers? It went from hilarious to dispicable chick flick.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:30 am
Forgetting Sarah Marshall – Full frontal male nudity is never needed unless its porn
Also, that hotel scene with Michael and Kay in Godfather II has got to be in the top 5 for best movie scenes ever! I feel like that scene defines acting
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:30 am
Everything after Tom Hanks gets off the island in Cast Away. Forced closure and ridiculous happy ending.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:31 am
Holly Martins’ talk to the book club in The Third Man. I never got the point of that scene.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:32 am
In Citizen Kane, the scene where a fucking marching band and dancing girls parade in to the office and go through a painfully long song and dance number. I felt embarassed watching that.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:32 am
@Slothrop
But removing the Darth Vader scene would have been deprived us of one of the greatest memes of all time! Its cultural significance cannot be overstated…as horrific as that scene may have been.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:33 am
The sex scene from “Enemy at the Gates”. It looked like it hurt both of them, was completely uncalled for, and took this great film about shooting things in the head into this great film about shooting things in the head except for that weird sex scene in the middle.
Ughgh. I still have nightmares over the look on her face, the silence of the movie theater, and the thought of probing my lovestick around into unshaven dirty no doubt diarrhea-ed back door action.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:34 am
Second pick: The scene from “There Will Be Blood” with Paul Sunday. I understand that they only used Paul Dano to play both brothers because the original Eli dropped out and PTA rewarded Dano with the bigger role, but… come on, why do that to your viewers? Especially when the rest of your film is so fucking good.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:34 am
Purity and commitment can not be stopped by a mere car.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:35 am
All the football-related stuff in “North Dallas Forty” was great. All the relationship stuff was an abomination.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:35 am
Sorry to pull a sports guy here, but the makeout scene in Hoosiers.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:35 am
The ending of “Saving Private Ryan” where you get the old Ryan asking “Did I earn it?” Uh…8 people died to save your ass. You better have done something with it more than just generating fine pieces of granddaugher trim!
It defined forced ending.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:36 am
@SSB and HoC, I see the merits of that scene but if there is a cuntier thing a woman can do I don’t know what it is. Like I said getting an abortion out of spite is really fucked up.
/please do not interpret this as some political commentary
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:36 am
“Vince” singing along with Werewolves of London, and doing karate with his cue in The Color of Money.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:36 am
RE HustlerofCulture Says:
“Apocalypse Now: The whole dinner scene at the French plantation. It has some interesting parts but it doesn’t really add anything to the movie.”
It added context. I like the movie better with that in it, but, eh, to each his own.
I can’t think of any movie I’ve seen and liked that would be considered a good movie that I would delete a scene from. There’s some unpleasant shit I’ve seen in movies that I wouldn’t want to see again, but I wouldn’t delete it from the movie, just my memory.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:37 am
When Kevin Spacey doesn’t bang Mena Suvari in American Beauty… WTF… I mean He overhears her talking about dowing his junk and then when he is about to seal the deal he find out she is a VIRGIN.
Best part of that movie however was when my girlfriend gave me theater head.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:37 am
Second pick: The scenes from Man on Fire with the lead detective flirting with the lady reporter. In addition to the fact that I could have figured that relationship out eventually, I have never seen so little chemistry in my entire existence.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:37 am
if you erase every lame Anakin/Queen Amidala romance scene in Star Wars II, which means all of them, you have yourself a badass action film.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:37 am
So I know Lord of the Rings isn’t exactly Citizen Kane or anything, but every scene in The Two Towers where the hobbits are riding in the fucking tree was just torture. That entire movie is one long battle scene, ruined by random cuts to two gay hobbits talking to a walking tree. Awful.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:38 am
The Ewok party in Return of the Jedi. best of all the Star War movies ruined by happy dancing Ewoks.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:39 am
@UU: I know, that’s what makes the scene so awesome.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:39 am
The scene in Short Circuit 2 where the gangsters beat the fuck out of Johnny 5. A despicably violent unnecessary scene. It was like watching my father get beat to death in front of my own eyes.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:41 am
No basketball scene from “American History X?” I’ll take it.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:41 am
Can I ask the KSK crew a question: Why do you bother putting any rules on these? Next week’s draft should just be “Type whatever the fuck you want because what we say clearly doesn’t matter.”
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:42 am
The Kathy Bates hot tub scene in About Schmidt.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:42 am
The anal rape scene in Gone with the Wind.
Scarlett O’Hara had it coming and all, but seriously, that was just unexpected and wrong.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:43 am
@ UU: I claimed the Ewoks already.
Third pick: “Star Trek”. The scene where tween Kirk drives that muscle car off a cliff.
Uh…why?
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:43 am
The museum scene in Ferris Bueller’s day off. YAWN.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:43 am
@RBP, I apologize. I need to utilize the F3 function more often. Honest mistake.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:44 am
@The White Boom Boom – Amen
“Casino Royale”… the “ball tap” scene.
/Shudders
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:44 am
@MUDave: I would have gone with the prison rape scene, but that’s just me.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:45 am
Just about any piece of dialogue by Prince in Purple Rain…should have sang all his lines and left the speaking parts to the pros-Morris Day and the Time
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:45 am
I’ll take the Volleyball scene from Top Gun. Totally decent movie about flying jets and blowing shit up turns into oily gay porno.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:45 am
That reminds me… the most morbid scene in a kid’s movie ever, the Artax drowning scene from The Never-Ending Story
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:46 am
The Mooby’s boardroom scene in Dogma. It didn’t really fit.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:47 am
The Matrix. Neo is lying there dead, and gets brought back to life because Trinity tells him she loves him and kisses his lifeless, flatlining corpse. Fuck that.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:48 am
@ Inanimate Carbon Rod: You, sir, need to purify yourself in the waters of Lake Minnetonka.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:48 am
Oh, and Boogie Nights where Dirk is paid to whack it in the truck. Not my cup of tea, thank you.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:49 am
@Grimey – Great pick. I still have flashbacks to that scene whenever I go to the track.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:50 am
The Deniro/Streep pseudo-relationship in The Deer Hunter. Right after he gets back from “Nam”. Just never felt right. Actually there was about a solid half hour or so you could cut from the film. Not to mention the horrific rendition of “God Bless America”. That one made me squirm.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:51 am
The “Baby Be Mine” scene from Dumbo. I fucking hate that racist movie, but that damned scene makes me cry every goddamn time.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:51 am
@NothingCleverComestoMind: Great call, though for a runner up I’d go with Val Kilmer’s preposterous apology to Tom Cruise: “I’m sorry about Goose.” *DEEP INHALING SNIFF* “Everybody liked him.” *DEEP INHALING SNIFF* “I’m sorry.”
How did this guy get overlooked for an Oscar???
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:51 am
@ Gogetyourshinebox
I thought this was supposed to be cutting a scene out of a good movie as opposed to making a horrific abomination slightly less awful. I don’t think Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull can qualify.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:52 am
The Matrix Reloaded: The rave scene. I paid 8 bucks for a ticket to see gunfights and people getting ninja-kicked in the face, and you give me a bunch of dirty undground hippies dancing to shitty techno? F you, Wachowski brothers.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:52 am
Third pick: You know what? I don’t care if it’s perfectly in line with his character, or if the filmmakers had an Alan Moore graphic novel to try to stay faithful to… V’s flowery-ass introduction to Evie in “V for Vendetta” is stupid. Really, really stupid. If you found that impressive and not at all corny/contrived , that’s a damn shame.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:52 am
@Kid: but that’s redeemed by the greatness of Alfred Molina and “Sister Christian”
@UU: no problemo. it’s gonna happen.
Speaking of “no problemo”…the Eddie Furlong-Ahnold scene where he’s teaching him early 90s slang in T2. Dear God Almighty did I want to punch that kid!
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:53 am
Kung Fu Hustle, when the kid in the flashback gets pissed on by a huge group after getting his ass kicked. I didn’t need to see that.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:54 am
Any scene with Steven Spielberg’s wife whining and screaming in “Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.”
you could replace every one of those scenes with monkey brain eating, and i would be happy
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:54 am
@HustlerofCulture: Forgetting Sarah Marshall is a solid pick. Not only was it male nudity, it was completely unnecessary, too.
Because I just saw the movie, I’ll go with the montage scene in Twilight. Edward sucks the poison vampire blood out of Bella, and then there’s a montage of the movie, with little shots of Bella’s life. So, I’m thinking, Edward can now read her thoughts, or knows her history or some shit. But nope, it was just a recap of the movie to really shitty music to remind the tween/teenaged girls with ADD what has happened thus far. Totally unnecessary (just like the movie).
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:54 am
The love scenes between Dana Delaney and Kurt Russel in Tombstone. I just want to see gun fights.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:54 am
that one scene in that movie where Robin Williams’ character pretends to be all gangsta and says, ‘yo yo yo’ and crosses his arms and shit. Oh, what’s that movie!
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:56 am
the end of devil’s advocate. Keanu should have plowed that red head.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:56 am
that one scene in that movie where Robin Williams’ character pretends to be all gangsta and says, ‘yo yo yo’ and crosses his arms and shit. Oh, what’s that movie
The Seventh Seal 2: Electric Boogaloo
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:56 am
Any scene in Tombstone where Wyatt Earp’s opium addicted whore Matty is acting like a cunt. Which would be every single scene she is in. Your a great gunfighter, just cap her already and go fuck Dana Delaney.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:57 am
I’ll take any scene involving Adrian in the Rocky movies; especially in the 4th one when she stands at the top of the stairs and tells him “You can’t win.”
You go from working in a fucking pet store to living a life of luxury on account of the fact that your husband is Rocky? Hey Bitch – how about you shut the fuck up? Rocky should have punched her out on the spot…right before one of the greatest scenes in cinema where he’s driving his car while “No Easy Way Out” is blaring.
While I didn’t care much for the most recent Rocky…at least her whining, snivelling character was written out.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:57 am
All of the asian teenager’s dialog in Gran Torino. Worst. Acting. Evah.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:57 am
DAMMIT UU. Just ahead of me.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:57 am
@RBP: Agreed, the “Sister Christian” scene is one of my favorites movie scenes ever. The Asian kid throwing down firecrackers for no apparent reason is gold.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:58 am
Second Pick – The Madonna dress up scene from “Leon: The Professional”. I get it, the girl acts older than she should and sees herself as a sex symbol. Thank you heavy blunt symbolism for crushing my skull. I still have to get up and leave the room when that part comes up, it’s so painful to watch.
Those following the rules, good picks. Lots of old flicks I got to watch again now.
But yeah, does anyone really read the rules before they post?
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:58 am
@ Hollywood ~ Fuck and yes.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:59 am
@ Slothrop…it’s Mrs. Doubtfire (hangs head in shame)
I am going to pick the entire movie in Full Metal Jacket after Private Joker kills his drill sergeant and then himself. And then he shows up on Law and Order! How does that happen? I thought he was dead.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:59 am
@ Jono: I hated that scene. My sixth grade English teacher forbade us from writing “alarm clock” endings and goddamnit, professional Hollywood screenwriters should be able to out-write sixth graders in Dayton, Ohio.
May 22nd, 2009 at 12:00 pm
Superman 4. The whole movie.
May 22nd, 2009 at 12:01 pm
@MUDaveFan.
Agreed. That movie quickly went down the shitter after Private Pile killed the Seargent and himself.
May 22nd, 2009 at 12:02 pm
@UU…Great call. Needs way more Huckleberry.
May 22nd, 2009 at 12:03 pm
HustlerofCulture – The plantation scene wasn’t in the original cut of the film. Does the Redux even count? Because I can name about 1000 movies that were actually better before the directors went back and fiddled again.
May 22nd, 2009 at 12:03 pm
@ NY not NYC
I always thought the more disturbing scene was when Natalie Portman talked about Jean Reno taking her virginity and wanting it to be good for her. However, most of the scenes involving her in that movie were pretty damn frightening.
May 22nd, 2009 at 12:04 pm
#1: I’m ashamed to say that the first time I saw the Good, the Bad and the Ugly (and was old enough to appreciate how fucking kickass Clint Eastwood is) was earlier this year, but I take my first pick from that by saying I’d eliminate every single Civil War scene. You guys know what I’m talking about, all the wankery over the bridge and the drunk captain and the explosion and such. It was filler and a waste of my time and some serious filler and filler and have I emphasised how unnecessary it was yet?
May 22nd, 2009 at 12:06 pm
I will select the Kevin Bacon full-frontal nudity scene in Wild Things. What the hell did seeing Footloose’s junk add to that movie?
Neve Campbell + Denise Richards = Good. Kevin Bacon coming out of the shower = Violently unnecessary.
May 22nd, 2009 at 12:08 pm
@betheballdanny: I’ve read the book and was pretty impressed they left that scene in.
May 22nd, 2009 at 12:08 pm
All of Transformers that doesn’t involve Megan Fox. Fucking horrible movie. Jason Bay can suck my shit.
May 22nd, 2009 at 12:08 pm
The scene from Brotherhood of the Wolf where the French general comes in, kills a wolf, and has Fronsac stuff it to look like the beast. Cutting that would have saved half an hour, or added more time for Monica Bellucci’s sweet naked ass.
/needs more prostitutes.
May 22nd, 2009 at 12:09 pm
@TheStarterWife: The Amadeus recut got way more creepy–I didn’t really need to see Stanzi throw herself at Salieri.
2nd real pick: Cloverfield: when the hot girl explodes. I could have done with more hotness, less vomit in my lap.
May 22nd, 2009 at 12:11 pm
Platoon, the scene where Sgt Elias has Charlie Sheen put his mouth on the other end of the rifle, and inhale the opium/weed smoke. Forgot which. Great movie with an uncessary and uncomfortable gay scene. Didn’t fit.
May 22nd, 2009 at 12:13 pm
Can’t believe this is still on the board… “Dances with Wolves”…. Two socks gets shot. Jerks.
May 22nd, 2009 at 12:14 pm
@Jay: that’s part of Leone’s “thesis” — that in the middle of all this carnage and devastation, you got people who are interested only in themselves. That said, it is a bit of a drag.
@NothingClever: they tried to fit that in because there’s historical records of a wolf being killed and displayed for the King. Yeah, there was a real “Beast” killing buxomy French maidens. Hence they threw it in the movie.
Next pick: the scene between Gene Hackman and Keanu Reeves in “The Replacements” where they talk alone in the lit stadium before their first game. If the movie’s gonna try and be anti-inspirational, you can’t have that sappy crap in there!
May 22nd, 2009 at 12:15 pm
The whole dance scene from Airplane? I mean, it has its moments, but compared to the rest of the movie I think it’s too much time spent on not enough funny.
May 22nd, 2009 at 12:16 pm
The last 5-10 minutes of “I Am Legend” that completely screw up the point of a great book.
May 22nd, 2009 at 12:20 pm
@make it snow: Heresy! I love that damn scene.
May 22nd, 2009 at 12:23 pm
@ Hampton
Apparently it was a last second switch to that crappy ending. There’s an alternate, not quite so bad ending on the DVD.
May 22nd, 2009 at 12:23 pm
the sleepingbag scene from ‘’superbad”…….just un needed.
May 22nd, 2009 at 12:24 pm
I totally screwed up on my first pick, as I didn’t pick a good movie. So, for my second pick, I’ll go with the love/rommance scene with William Wallace and Princess Isabel. It added nothing to the movie, and historically speaking, Isabel was about 8 years old during the time period. I’m doubting she could have been pregnant with William Wallace’s love child. Especially since Edward III was born 8 years after Wallace’s death.
May 22nd, 2009 at 12:24 pm
@RBP: Yeah, I don’t expect that to be a popular choice, but it just doesn’t do much for me.
May 22nd, 2009 at 12:26 pm
Raiders of the Lost Ark. The fucking submarine stow away scene. You mean to tell me he swam all the way onto a German U-Boat in the ocean, broke in and hid! A sub that just so happens to take him to a secret island base where the Ark resides… Absolutely ridiculous. Speilberg is such a hack sometimes.
May 22nd, 2009 at 12:27 pm
I know this breaks the ending rule, but this ending had no bearing on the plot, which I assume is the point of that rule…
I always thought the last scene in Die Hard – still the father of all great over-the-top action movies – in which the dad from Family Matters blows away the German ballerina was all at once ludicrous (there;s a shot of him still hanging from the chain after ten minutes…he’s not Carrie, doesn’t need to come back from the dead), cloying, and stupid…he doesn’t use his gun anymore because he accidentally killed a kid, and we’re supposed to be overjoyed that he finds it within himself to kill again? Yayyyy….
May 22nd, 2009 at 12:27 pm
@ O_O – Just one scene out of Leon, it’s got to be the Madonna scene. I’d rather have child Portman talking about stuff, rather than the Symbolism Hammer beating it into me via “Like A Virgin”.
@ NothingClever – Agree a lot. Best part of “Brotherhood” was Monica Bellucci in those dresses, and then the awesome lack of said dresses.
@ ReggieBush – The Replacements was a movie about jokers. That scene did not fit at all.
May 22nd, 2009 at 12:28 pm
@Slothrop
That scene from Fargo is important because it shows that Margie isn’t so squeaky clean after all. She is a force of ‘good’ in the film, is about to have a baby and is supposed to be in a very secure trusting relationship and yet she gussies herself up for an old friend… subtly implying that she is perhaps not so good after all. At least that is how I read that scene.
May 22nd, 2009 at 12:30 pm
The fag scene from “Wet Hot American Summer”.
Completely inexplicable and creates a large moral quandary when recommending the movie to friends: do I warn them or do I let them see the horror unannounced like I had to.
May 22nd, 2009 at 12:31 pm
The Shining. Shelley Duvall is running hysterically through the hotel, and comes upon a ballroom filled with skeletons. In the midst of a brilliant horror masterpiece, that shot is hackneyed and unscary. It’s like Kubrick said, “I should throw in an homage to Roger Corman somewhere in here”.
May 22nd, 2009 at 12:32 pm
K, I have one: I felt that the lesbian sex scene in Disney’s “Snow White” was unnecessary.
May 22nd, 2009 at 12:33 pm
I’ll tell you what movie deleted a scene it should have kept, the fendi scene from austin powers
I like the case, i dont like the idea of not getting a choice in the matter
May 22nd, 2009 at 12:34 pm
@ Slash
“lesbian sex scene” and “unnecessary” are words that don’t go together
May 22nd, 2009 at 12:37 pm
“lesbian sex scene” and “unnecessary” are words that don’t go together
Rosie O’Donnell and Whoopi Goldberg lesbian sex scene = unnecessary.
May 22nd, 2009 at 12:37 pm
@ Nom de Plume: Don’t forget the “dog head” shot in that same sequence. I understand it’s a reference to the original Stephen King work but… guh.
On a side note, if the draft were “Replacing Any Actor/Actress In a Great Movie” Shelley Duvall in The Shining would be near the top of the list. Her face is just as difficult to look at as anything in that movie.
May 22nd, 2009 at 12:37 pm
Actually, you could do each of the Die Hards…
Die Hard 2: More of a theme change, but take out all the coincidental parallels to the first movie, like the reporter, Christmas, etc. It’s enough of a stretch to think this guy would get sucked into another faux-terrorist showdown….
Die Hard 3: Again with the ending, but to take a solid New York-based action movie and move it out of the city for no reason is ridiculous…
Die Hard 4: The jet scene from the point where he manages to get on the plane…just have the pilot get called off or something after blowing up the freeway…we can only suspend disbelief through so much…plus Kevin Smith…plus the PG-13…maybe just don’t make this one at all…
May 22nd, 2009 at 12:40 pm
I could have done without DOnald Sutherland’s bare ass in “Animal House.” Katy didn’t need any “character development.”
May 22nd, 2009 at 12:41 pm
Her face is just as difficult to look at as anything in that movie.
O O Gary, that may be part of the point. If Wendy were played by a beautiful woman, you might not identify with Jack so much. Which, admit it, you kind of did.
May 22nd, 2009 at 12:43 pm
Giovanni Ribisi hooking up with Nia Long in Boiler Room. They’re in his bedroom in his little fucking twin bed in Queens. No amount of Scientology magic could make that believable.
May 22nd, 2009 at 12:43 pm
Right back @ NDP: ‘m not saying I don’t understand why they’d want a plain looking actress for the part, but there’s a difference between “plain” and “distractingly unattractive”. Now, if you’ll excuse me, these nits don’t pick themselves.
May 22nd, 2009 at 12:45 pm
The ending of Watchmen.
Way to oh-so-faithfully follow the novel in ridiculous detail, yet change the best/most important part for no good reason. Further proof that Snyder is a hack.
May 22nd, 2009 at 12:47 pm
Bull Durham, about 10 seconds of the movie in the middle of the “Soul, the cock the pussy…” part.
Get rid of “long, soft, wet kisses that last 3 days” and you’ve got a helluva movie. That one line is awful though.
May 22nd, 2009 at 12:47 pm
The acid scene in SLC Punk. It made me never want to do acid.
May 22nd, 2009 at 12:49 pm
birth scene in knocked up
May 22nd, 2009 at 12:50 pm
@ Kid – First off, no endings. Secondly, that sex scene in Archie was awful. As much as I’d love to see man ass grind into a dark shadow, complete with O face? Thanks but no. Just before that scene started, my wife said “oh no, I like this song”. Before the whole thing went down she knew that it was going to end up terrible. That says something about a scene.
May 22nd, 2009 at 12:52 pm
Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels: when Rory Breaker gets shot by Plank. I hate when badasses die in retarded fashion (see also: Boba Fett).
May 22nd, 2009 at 12:54 pm
The rape scene in Showgirls. The ultimate “So Bad it’s good” movie, with boobs galore turns into a total downer when the black chick is rape by the star singer. Talk about a buzzkill.
May 22nd, 2009 at 12:54 pm
The tube scene in the new star trek. So unnecessary.
May 22nd, 2009 at 12:55 pm
@ Dougery – I have a different impression of that scene. She has 2 sides in the movie; loving, innocent, mother to be and dispassionate cop. I saw this scene as showing her innocence triumphing over the sleaziness of the nut bag.
May 22nd, 2009 at 12:56 pm
Can’t believe the Skydiving scene in Point Break has not been taken.
Come’on…one parachute for two guys….this is not only the start of a bad joke….it’s like a scene out of a Roger Moore 007 Movie.
May 22nd, 2009 at 12:57 pm
@NY: Wow, I really did ignore that rule. There are a few questionable scenes (i.e. any involving Dr. Manhattan’s blue wang) … I stand by my pick, though.
May 22nd, 2009 at 12:58 pm
At least half of the scenes that have been drafted don’t qualify in any way, other than that they apparently make allegedly heterosexual men uncomfortable. Grow the fuck up, ya homos.
May 22nd, 2009 at 12:59 pm
The butter scene in Last Tango in Paris.
Totally fucked up.
\shudders
May 22nd, 2009 at 1:02 pm
In a world where I was forced to watch a split screen of either Doc’s Digital Blue Dong or Owl’s grinding ass, I’d be an A # 1 Meat Gazer for certain.
May 22nd, 2009 at 1:03 pm
@ starksgotejected: Goddamnit, yes! I saw that for the first time a few months ago and all I could think was, “There is no plane of reality in which Nia Long ever fucks a squirrely twerp like Ribisi, let alone on his pathetic little bed.”
May 22nd, 2009 at 1:03 pm
@Jono:
Any scene in which Keanu Reeves shoots himself in the head is a good scene.
May 22nd, 2009 at 1:07 pm
My friend and I just had a disagreement about the Singing Bush scene in Three Amigos. I personally don’t think it hurts the movie. I think they should’ve made a Jefe spinoff/sequel. Straight to VHS, I’d buy that tape.
May 22nd, 2009 at 1:09 pm
* NO ENDINGS!
* ‘STAR TREK’ AND ‘BULL DURHAM’ HAVE ALREADY BEEN TAKEN!
Anyway, the Oscar-baiting scene in “Schindler’s List” where Liam Neeson bursts into tears saying how he could have saved more people if he had sold his car or Nazi pin or whatever . . . and the people he rescued BUY THIS? Yeesh.
May 22nd, 2009 at 1:12 pm
@ I likes the poop..
Good Call… I guess im still bitter that George Lucas has destroyed two of my favorite things from childhood.
May 22nd, 2009 at 1:18 pm
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
The scene when they’re actually out riding in the desert. It’s not necessarily bad, and I get why it’s there, but the rest of the movie is so fantastic that it makes that scene seem really pale.
May 22nd, 2009 at 1:21 pm
@ betheballdanny
Thank you. The Gene Hackman / Barbara Hershey hookup makes my skin crawl.
May 22nd, 2009 at 1:23 pm
An scene that involves Woody Harrelsen playing basketball in White Men Can’t Jump.
May 22nd, 2009 at 1:26 pm
Any scene in Teen Wolf where Scott Howard has to jump shoot a free throw…..WTF??? Nice actor selection.
May 22nd, 2009 at 1:26 pm
How are people blocking the second half of Full Metal Jacket? Animal Mother is one of the greatest movie characters of all time. “If I’m gonna get my balls blown off for a word, my word is “poontang”.
May 22nd, 2009 at 1:27 pm
Karl’s romantic interest “Slingblade”. She’s in the movie for 5 minutes and then disappears. What’s the point? To give us false hope that Karl can reintegrate into society? Cut her out.
May 22nd, 2009 at 1:28 pm
Hamlet, when Polonius is all like “sometimes chicks be withholding sex and shit.”
May 22nd, 2009 at 1:28 pm
The scene in Heat where DeNiro goes back to get the girl. I don’t care what anyone says. It ruins the whole fucking thing.
May 22nd, 2009 at 1:30 pm
The Crying Game: That scene where they show you that the hot chick has a dick. Ruined the whole movie for me.
May 22nd, 2009 at 1:32 pm
How about in Empire Strikes Back, when Luke left dagobah…Obi-wan says “That boy was our last hope”. Yoda responds with “No, There is another”(Refering to Leia).
Obi-wan should alreay know this shit as we find out in Jedi (and again in revenge of sith) about luke & leia.
Also teh Luke/Leia kissing part needs to go. Incest = mutant children
Lucas sucks ass
/nerd rant off
May 22nd, 2009 at 1:32 pm
I loved Harsh Times but the scene where Christian Bale shoots something (vinegar?) up his cock hole makes me uncomfortable- even if they explain why he does it.
/seriously doesn’t think this movie is mentioned above, even though only checked about 15 of the 150 posts above
May 22nd, 2009 at 1:33 pm
@LaFavre
interesting reading. Haven’t seen that movie in a while and was going from my memory which is at times, rubbish. I’ll have to catch in on one of the many rebroadcasts on TNT, etc and see what I think after all these years.
May 22nd, 2009 at 1:35 pm
@Reggie Bush’s Pimp
Totally agree about Star Trek
May 22nd, 2009 at 1:36 pm
I’ll go with the scene from “I am Legend” where he has to put down the German Shepherd. Great film, and Bob Marley in the background is never a bad thing, but do I really have to watch that dog die just to reveal another layer of the Will Smith character? HE’S ALONE! I GET IT! NOW HE’S ALONE AND YOU’VE WASTED A PERFECTLY GOOD DOG! Its sad for the sake of sad only. Ass.
May 22nd, 2009 at 1:37 pm
The basketabll scene from American History X, most unrealistic hoops scene since Leonardo DiCaprio trying to dribble in the Basketball diaries.
May 22nd, 2009 at 1:38 pm
@Grimey: That Artax scene gets me every time. “…stupid horse!” Just painful. Not now, because I’m an adult. When I was 9. Ok. Now, too.
May 22nd, 2009 at 1:42 pm
To finish the trifect:
Jar Jar Binks. Episode 1. GONE.
The movie is pretty solid in setting up the political shit, you keep the bad ass lightsaber fight. But fuck that Jar Jar Binks shit.
May 22nd, 2009 at 1:43 pm
The Cow fight scene in Kung Pow: Enter the fist……greatest movie ever, I might add
May 22nd, 2009 at 1:49 pm
The final beach scene in True Romance: obviously a Quintin script, but far from Taratino ending.
May 22nd, 2009 at 1:50 pm
Oh, and watchman is an abysmal film.
May 22nd, 2009 at 1:54 pm
No one mentions that awkward sequences of answering machines message left by John Favreau to the girl he just met in Swingers. God, I always skip through that sequence or else I will punch the tv screen.
May 22nd, 2009 at 1:56 pm
Kevin Costner talking to Donald Sutherland on the park bench in JFK. That was the moment when potentially a really good movie jumped the shark, and became yet another Oliver Stone exercise in excess and bullshit…
May 22nd, 2009 at 1:56 pm
@ Rob in WI
Agreed! When that shit bag appeared I died a little inside. Also, thanks to Jar-Jar the genocide of the Jedi & enslavement of the galaxy happened, as he nominated Palpatine to Chancellor.
May 22nd, 2009 at 2:04 pm
that dancing shit at the end of Slumdog Millionaire.
May 22nd, 2009 at 2:09 pm
@Mike T: Seriously, when I first saw that Artax/Keyboard Cat movie, I instantly got upset. That’s some repressed memory action right there.
@Mr. Smith: The answering machine scene in Swingers is one of the best movie scenes of the 90’s.
May 22nd, 2009 at 2:12 pm
Kill Bill. The Bride being buried alive scene. Not the whole scene, just the internal of the pine box as the dirt is hitting the lid. That shit fucks me in my claustrophobic goat ass.
May 22nd, 2009 at 2:19 pm
The end of the championship game in “Slap Shot.” Everything is going great, the Cheifs are playing Syracuse, there’s a bench-clearing brawl, monkey wrenches are flying from the bleechers, and the broadcasters are guiding you through the whole thing. Then Braden does his strip and THAT’S HOW THE GAME ENDS!?! Weak.
May 22nd, 2009 at 2:19 pm
The whole jogging part of Forrest Gump. Every time I watch it just feels like it doesn’t flow with the rest of the film.
May 22nd, 2009 at 2:22 pm
Jesus Christ, people, just because a scene is unpleasant or makes you feel uncomfortable DOES NOT MAKE IT A BAD SCENE!!!!!!
May 22nd, 2009 at 2:23 pm
All scenes with Sharon Stone in Casino.
Stop needlessly injecting female characters into awesome gangster flicks, Scorcese.
May 22nd, 2009 at 2:28 pm
No endings?
Damn it, you mean I can’t hack off that gangrenous craptastic Spielbergian alien scene from AI just because it’s at the END?
May 22nd, 2009 at 2:32 pm
Spider-Man 2: The “I’M BACK! I’M BACK!” scene. Seeing Peter Parker jump between buildings was cool and all, but seeing him fall like a dipshit, hit roughly 20 things on his way to the ground, and then get up holding his back was just fucking stupid. It served no purpose.
May 22nd, 2009 at 2:32 pm
@ Sea Otter,
Costner talking to Sutherland is easily the best part of that 3 hour long movie.
May 22nd, 2009 at 2:33 pm
This sort of molests the spirit of the draft, but I’ll pick anyway:
The vampire half of “From Dusk ‘Til Dawn”. The first part had the makings of a really cool crime/caper flick, but the rest was shit. If it had started out as a silly vampire movie, fine, but it started out as a movie about fugitive psychotic brothers.
May 22nd, 2009 at 2:38 pm
Stripes, after they totally redeem themselves as a platoon and stick it to John Laroquette with their drill: END MOVIE. What was with the armor plated, high-tech RV mission in Czechoslovakia?
May 22nd, 2009 at 2:39 pm
@OJ Incandenza: Agreed. Spielberg made a great movie up until the kid hits the water. Should have ended it there…
May 22nd, 2009 at 2:42 pm
I know that the Big Lebowski was taken off the board by SSB, but the scenes that really have to go from that masterpiece are the fantasy scenes when he gets knocked unconscious. They are Sofa King Retarded.
May 22nd, 2009 at 2:44 pm
munich: climactic bana sex scene intercut with flashbacks of executions. dire.
i was freaked out when they kicked the shit out of johnny 5 too
May 22nd, 2009 at 2:44 pm
@ozmodiar
It does make it a bad scene if it adds nothing to the movie… There are a lot of directors/writers who seem to add a scene to a movie for the “eww” factor simply because they want a cheap shock for the audience
May 22nd, 2009 at 2:46 pm
This may be the worst draft ever. You guys have eliminated some of the greatest scenes.
-The answering machine scene in Swingers: Are you freaking kidding me?!? That scene is the joke everyone remembers from that movie, and has been imitated a thousand times since.
-Kill Bill 2: Bride buried alive is fantastic, very well done, disturbing with the POV shots. Sorry you’re a pussy and can’t take it – I’m claustrophobic as hell. Learn to ride it out.
-Transformers: While I agree with your general sentiment, Jason Bay is busy playing baseball, not making movies.
-Heat: Are you retarded? DeNiro does NOT “go back to get the girl,” he goes back to kill Waingro.
-Fargo scene with the Asian boyfriend: if you don’t get this scene, you’re an idiot. Thankfully, someone already called you on this.
-American Beauty: Kevin Spacey not banging Mena Suvari was kind of the whole point of that movie.
-Any Given Sunday: Eliminating all scenes with Cameron Diaz playing, as she should always play, a total bitch would also eliminate awesome scene of Charlton Heston smackdown. “That woman would eat her young.”
-Ferris Bueller’s Day Off: Point taken, but that scene makes sense if you believe, as I do, that Ferris Bueller is actually a Tyler Durden-esque daydreamed creation of Cameron’s disturbed psyche.
-Godfather II: Okay, now you’re just fucking with me. The scene where Kay tells Michael she got an abortion is maybe one of the best-acted scenes in modern film. Have you looked at Pacino in that scene? His eye twitches in a way that looks perfectly involuntary. It’s maybe his best acting ever. That scene may disturb you, but getting rid of it shows you have no taste.
BTW, the ending on I Am Legend is exactly the opposite of what Matheson, the author, intended – that’s why you think it sucks. Read the book.
May 22nd, 2009 at 2:46 pm
Gattica- when Ethan Hawke explains the “mysterious” scars on his shins (exact height of some cars bumpers) is just lame
May 22nd, 2009 at 2:46 pm
Since there’s a lull and nobody would’ve picked this anyway:
The scene in “Cooley High” when Cochise gets beaten to death by Stone and Robert. I understand that it was necessary to the narrative arc, but it was so sad. Cochise was going to play college ball! Anybody every see “Cooley High”? Anyone?
May 22nd, 2009 at 2:46 pm
edward nortons penis flopping run in fight club
May 22nd, 2009 at 2:50 pm
I agree with Ben-
I Am Legend may be the best literary portrayal of a man totally alone- in any genre of literature. Even the sci-fi/horror stuff is secondary to the character portrayal in this piece. The movie just shat all over the book. I can think of couple, but not many, instances where Hollywood did a worse cross over (not that studios have a stellar record there anyway…)
May 22nd, 2009 at 2:50 pm
@ Dan
That’s his “story” but the Uma Thurman character sees right through it because she’s privy to his secret.
@ Ben
Amen. People really screwed up this draft.
May 22nd, 2009 at 2:52 pm
Actually come to think of it- what they did in the movie version of I Am Legend actually invalidates the title of same…
Hey Hollywood: GET FACKED!
May 22nd, 2009 at 2:53 pm
@huh?
Still I feel the movie dragged a bit during that scene… but then again, Hollywood needs the obligatory love story…
May 22nd, 2009 at 2:54 pm
I’m gonna make two picks since I missed most of the draft: in The Ice Storm, the scene where Tobey McGuire runs off for the train to Connecticut after he drugs Katie Holmes and shes passes out in his lap. I’d rather just imagine that he fingerbanged her all night.
#2, the scene in Wonder Boys where Tobey McGuire goes into Robert Downey’s bedroom and has gay sex for the first time. I’d rather just imagine he snuck into Katie Holmes’s bedroom and fingerbanged her all night.
They’re kind of the same pick, really.
May 22nd, 2009 at 2:56 pm
“That’s the best scene, you moron.”
you beat me to it. that scene with the asian dude was phenomenal.
May 22nd, 2009 at 2:57 pm
““Raindrops Keep Fallin’ On My Head” in Butch & Sundance”
My dad made me watch that movie when I was a kid and when that song kicked in he agreed that it was completely indefensible.
May 22nd, 2009 at 3:06 pm
All of the scenes with the prostitute in He Got Game.
/OK not a great movie but those scenes were interminable
May 22nd, 2009 at 3:08 pm
@TDub: Agreed. See: Diaz, Cameron.
May 22nd, 2009 at 3:11 pm
When I was a kid I watched “The Dirty Dozen” with my Dad and loved it- except when Jim Brown’s character got killed. He was my favorite guy and when he was shot carrying out a vital part of their plan, I pointed at the TV and yelled out a very action movie-like “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”
If Jim Brown’s character had lived, it wouldn’t have changed the film.
May 22nd, 2009 at 3:14 pm
@Mr Smith
That might be the most excruciating scene (if you’re a guy) in any movie ever…It’s almost physically painful. I wouldn’t cut it, though.
May 22nd, 2009 at 3:14 pm
The scene in Sleepless in Seattle when Meg Ryan is listening to Tom Hanks on the radio talking about how his wife could skin an apple all in one piece while she’s doing just that. Ridiculous.
What? I mean, the scenes in 300 when people aren’t dying.
May 22nd, 2009 at 3:21 pm
I might get crucified over this- in the Usual Suspects, the scene when Kevin Spacey shoots the guy in the head in the parked car. It gives away the end of the movie. I’m sure they put it in because they wanted some people to pick up on it and figure out the movie, but really it made me just sit there and think: “OK, I had suspicions before, but now I know for sure.”
Eh, I feel it was jsut a little heavy handed. Instead of wondering at the movie, at the end I was like “Meh. Duh.”
May 22nd, 2009 at 3:23 pm
Any scene in the Pam and Tommy tape where Pam isn’t naked. Just totally useless.
May 22nd, 2009 at 3:54 pm
“Ass – ta – Ass” scene in Requiem for Dream, scares the fuck out of me.
May 22nd, 2009 at 4:07 pm
damn…Ditmas beat me to the Denzel/Milla Jovovovich (or however the fuck you spell it) scenes in “He Got Game”.
I’ll go with the part in Terminator 2 when Edward Furlong is teaching Arnie modern slang…or the part where Edward Furlong orders Arnold to not kill anyone. you know what? fuck Edward Furlong in that movie.
May 22nd, 2009 at 4:10 pm
Ugh. This draft is a disaster.
May 22nd, 2009 at 4:16 pm
Knocked Up – the crowning. Did not need to see that.
And for whoever said they should cut the Holly Martins book club meeting… you’re so full of shit your eyes are turning brown. Could it have been done better? Maybe. But it’s too important to the exposure of Martins as a bumbling idiot (as opposed to a troubled protagonist) to cut completely.
May 22nd, 2009 at 4:16 pm
Lethal Weapon 1: The whole “you wanna go for the title” shit before the final fight & the fight witnessed by the whole police force. They shoulda just let Riggs & Joshua fight off by themselves somewhere….to the death.
May 22nd, 2009 at 4:18 pm
OK, fine, so someone took it already. Switching to Blues Brothers… I never got why Dan Aykroyd’s character had to hit on the woman at the gas station, then cut to her during the chase. It doesn’t really add to the story or the character.
May 22nd, 2009 at 4:53 pm
@ Ben
Yeah, and by trying to get that chick to leave with him causes Pacino to track him down. You need to watch the movie again, faghat.
May 22nd, 2009 at 5:06 pm
“Schindler’s List” – more Spielberg hackery. Showing the body of the girl in the red coat being exhumed from the mass grave. Uh, hate to tell you Senor Spielbergo, but that girl actually survived the Holocaust. She wrote a book about her experiences called “The Girl in the Scarlet Coat”.
May 22nd, 2009 at 5:07 pm
Can I remove the parts of INDIANA JONES AND THE LAST CRUSADE that change Marcus Brody and Sallah from interesting, dynamic characters into comic relief retards? Then that’s my late pick and I’m glad I got it.
May 22nd, 2009 at 5:10 pm
What Ben said, you cinematically-retarded shitstains. Most people who pick a scene that makes them uncomfortable offer no further justification, showing their retardedness.
“You’re such a super lady!”
May 22nd, 2009 at 5:18 pm
Since it’s so late, I’m going to make another pick against the rules.
SUPERMAN: THE MOVIE
“Can you read my mind?” Just remove the dialogue track from that scene and the movie is improved tenfold.
May 22nd, 2009 at 6:24 pm
The whole subplot with Bill Paxton in True Lies was stupid. But since it is limited to one scene, I will take the Sarah Connor waitress scene at Big Boy’s in the first Terminator where the kid puts the ice cream in her dress. Totally useless.
May 22nd, 2009 at 6:29 pm
No brainer: The dialogue between Knish and Mike McD i “Rounders”. The one where he tells Knish about how he outplayed Johnny Chan…
May 22nd, 2009 at 7:07 pm
@Danish – great call. Winning one hand against someone in a cash game doesn’t mean anything.
My choice would be from “Let the Right One In” Great vampire film, until they show the horrific scar that shows the little girl was actually a mutilated little boy. Completely took me out of the film. I read the book afterward, and it fit much better there. Unnecessary in the film.
May 22nd, 2009 at 7:25 pm
Any scene in the new Star Trek involving any sort of making out between Spock and Uhura. I mean really? Why do you have to go and kill one of the greatest Star Trek characters of all time. Just dig my eyes out of their sockets with a rusty desert spoon. Honestly.
May 22nd, 2009 at 7:42 pm
All of Mickey Rooney’s pointless, racist scenes in Breakfast at Tiffany’s.
May 22nd, 2009 at 7:44 pm
@Gino Tourettsa: I remember Cooley High. Sad scene but it did have some relevance. You could say the same thing about Cornbread, Earl and Me when Jamaal Wilkes get’s shot but you would lose the tragedy and the overall inner city strife the films were trying to show.
May 22nd, 2009 at 8:19 pm
@socialNinja,
I actually liked the Uhura-Spock subplot for two reasons. For one, it added depth to the Uhura character as had never been previously done. Secondly, I thought that Zachary Quinto’s portrayal of Spock as a young man trying to suppress his feelings and human urges added quality to his character, especially after he rejected admission to the Vulcan Science Academy earlier in the film.
Though, as long as we can agree that Jennifer Morrison was milftastic as Kirk’s mom, it is all water under the bridge.
/nerd rant
May 22nd, 2009 at 8:27 pm
Nitpicking: on behalf of The Express, WVU is shown as a hellpit of racial problems. But 1) that game didn’t occur (it was a home game that year) and 2) the events portrayed didn’t happen in the following year when there was a game at WVU. Drop the scene, and you still stay to true to things that did happen.
May 22nd, 2009 at 8:32 pm
@ yeah right?
Yes! Thank you! I remember hating it when Silk Wilkes got killed in “Cornbread, Earl and Me” while realizing it was part of the movie’s message. It’s just like when Ricky the football star gets killed in “Boyz N The Hood”. I wouldn’t ever cut that scene out, but I hated to see that character die. Skol Vikings!
May 22nd, 2009 at 8:49 pm
The scene when they fall into the street in Ghostbusters. What a waste of 7 minutes.
May 22nd, 2009 at 9:38 pm
Yikes…I’ve seen a lot of movies and I am drawing a blank. How about any non Groucho, Chico or Harpo musical number in any Marx Brothers movie? Though Harpo is pushing it sometimes….
May 22nd, 2009 at 9:39 pm
SKOL indeed, Gino. Skol indeed.
May 22nd, 2009 at 10:02 pm
@Gino,
I agree with the Boyz N the Hood commentary. However, if I had to shoot that scene over again, I probably would have made fixed it so that when Ricky & Ice Cube’s mom opened the letter with the SAT scores, Ricky would have scored a little higher than 910 (i.e. 10 points higher than the minimum to qualify). Granted he was supposed to be a moron with ADD, and football was supposed to be his only way out of the hood, but perhaps a few study sessions with Cuba Gooding Jr. teased that score up to something a little more respectable, like a 980, so that I wouldn’t be left to think that he would have failed out of college, anyway.
/realizes that football stars at USC don’t fail out of school
May 22nd, 2009 at 10:43 pm
If Ricky from “Boyz N the Hood” had lived, which USC RB would he be like?
A) O.J. Simpson
B) Marcus Allen
C) Reggie Bush
D) LenDale White
E) Frank Gifford
/have to work late on a fucking Friday
May 23rd, 2009 at 12:07 am
In Transformers: Revenge when Megan Fox was writing on a cardboard poster with a marker jammed in her snatch……..The spelling was pretty good (considering), but it had nothing to do with the plot and needs to be only included in the deleted scenes of the DVD released in time for Christmas.
May 23rd, 2009 at 12:09 am
Ricky would be like Reggie Bush……..and Doughboy coulda been like Lendale.
May 23rd, 2009 at 12:35 am
Ricky would be like Reggie Bush……..and Doughboy coulda been like Lendale.
May 23rd, 2009 at 2:00 am
The scene in The Shining where the wife is trying to escape the house, and she looks in a room and sees some fat guy in a teddy bear suit about to give some guy head… I went from “scared out of my mind” to “thats just fucking weird”
May 23rd, 2009 at 2:47 am
The scene in Rocky where Paulie comes home drunk and starts breaking shit with the baseball bat. Awkward scene that tries to have a moment, but just comes off as weird.
May 23rd, 2009 at 4:27 am
In the original Transformers: The Movie, the animated one, the early scene where Megatron, Starscream and the Constructicons ambush the Autobot ship and kill Brawn, Ironhide, Ratchet, and Prowl. I still get sad thinking about to this day. Plus, I don’t think Megs even killed all of ‘em. A couple of wimpy Constructicons with their gay little laser guns killed two of the Autobots. They didn’t even merge into Devastator or anything, just killed Prowl and Ratchet all by themselves. Plus later in the movie you see Wheeljack and Windcharger and Optimus die. You know how many Decepticons you see die in that fucking movie? One. It’s Starscream, and he’s killed by Megatron/Galvatron so that doesn’t even count.
That was my pick where I followed the rules. Now my three picks where I break the rules:
1) The Fifth Element: Any scene with Chris Tucker. God was his character annoying.
2) Kill Bill II: It was bullshit that Elle Driver killed Budd. Beatrix Kiddo was supposed to have her revenge by killing everyone herself, not have the bad guys pick off each other. She was denied! NO ONE DENIES THIS.
3) Top Gun: The “Love” Scene between Tom Cruise and Kelly McGillis. Totally ruined what was otherwise the iconic gay movie of the 80s.
May 23rd, 2009 at 10:14 am
@Ben: You are a fucking massive pussy. I’m glad you took a film class in college. Go tongue Kenneth Turan’s scrotum, you douche.
May 23rd, 2009 at 11:19 am
@Michael,
Tremendous analysis on the Transformers movie. I still remember how stunned I was as a 4 year old when Optimus Prime died, especially since Hot Rod/Rodimus Prime kind of sucked.
Needs more Bumblebee!
/Spock was the bomb as Megatron/Galvatron
May 23rd, 2009 at 11:48 am
@Tim Tebow’s Girlfriend’s Tits: Ah, okay. But if you’re going to push it farther up in the movie, DeNiro still didn’t just “go back for the girl,” he went back because he thought his exit had been burned – so he kills Fichtner and gets new IDs, etc. from Jon Voigt. The girl going with him to New Zealand was an added bonus, but if he had stuck with his original exit strategy, he never would’ve gotten to the point where he was driving with the girl, totally free. But he had to go back to get revenge. He couldn’t let Waingro win. No loose ends.
@Kim Hong: Film class is for guys who wear eyeliner. I don’t know who Kenneth Turan is.
May 23rd, 2009 at 11:55 am
@Grimey – That’s possibly the crux of the entire film! It’s the classic nature of Cormac McCarthy: He creates this unstoppable character, who maims and murders without care or reason, goes on a bloody rampage, and then he gets into an accident and breaks his arm. In the book (which I haven’t read), all it would have said was “It hurt.” It’s injecting humanity into the character, not to make him good, but to show that he isn’t indestructable, which lends gravity to the character.
I second the removal of the Asian guy scene from Fargo, but I kinda hated that movie, so my opinion on the matter is less valid.
Okay, we could probably also do away with the scene in Juno involving Rainn Wilson. Or at least fix it up. By that point in the movie, I was so nervous that I’d stepped into another Napolean Dynamite I almost left. Thank god the rest of the movie was as great as it was to make up for it.
May 23rd, 2009 at 1:38 pm
@ Reggie Bush’s Pimp: But I weep every time the ewoks attack, they’re just so…so goddam brave.
May 23rd, 2009 at 2:01 pm
@ Ben I never skip the buried alive scene in Kill Bill, I just said it fucks me up.
/deeeek jhoke
May 23rd, 2009 at 2:24 pm
@ Tim: The worst scene in Heat is when De Niro asks Idi where she’s from and she goes “My family is…scotch irish…they immigrated to Appalachia in the late…1800s.”
May 23rd, 2009 at 4:56 pm
@NothingClever Great pick going with Top Gun, that was the first scene I thought of when I saw this draft.
May 23rd, 2009 at 5:55 pm
@Ben
You are right – I wasn’t clear. He didn’t go back for her. But, if he didn’t convince her to take off with him, she isn’t sitting there in the car, Pacino doesn’t see her and DeNiro slips away. I just felt like the movie would have been far better served by DeNiro being faithful to his code and cutting off all emotional attachments with her and getting away, while everyone else dealt with the emotional fallout of all the shit that went down.
May 23rd, 2009 at 5:55 pm
I’d take out two scenes from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory: one that annoys me, and one that traumatized me as a youth.
First to go is Charlie’s Mom (I think?) singing as Charlie walked home… where the fuck did that even come from?
Second, of course, is the ferry scene with chickens getting killed and other weird shit. I get it. Willy Wonka is fucked up in the head. I didn’t need to be worrying about him murdering the children… even though they ended up nearly dying anyway.
May 23rd, 2009 at 6:42 pm
@Michael
Agree completely on Transformers. Rodimus Prime was gay as hell. That movie was still sick though, especially with Orson Wells in it.
May 23rd, 2009 at 6:44 pm
Ben, thank you for setting these shitstains straight.
Removing the greatest scene in a masterpiece like Godfather II = FAIL.
May 23rd, 2009 at 7:27 pm
The scene in Fargo with Frannie visiting Mike Yamakita does have a purpose…during that scene, the guy breaks down crying after claiming that his wife died of leukemia. A few minutes later, she receives a phone call from an old friend who informs her that Mike Yamakita is actually a deeply disturbed person who was never married, and that the woman he claimed her married is actually alive and well. It’s at that point that Frannie realizes that seemingly good people are capable of lying, and this leads her to visit Jerry Lungergaard’s dealership a second time to press him about the whereabouts of the missing burnt umber Ciera.
I think?
May 23rd, 2009 at 7:43 pm
The Godfather – The fight outside on the street that Sonny (James Caan) and Carlo get into. It´s completely fake and you hear Sonny land a punch when his fist is like 3 feet away from Carlo´s face. It takes me out of the movie every time I see it and is the only weak scene in an otherwise classic film.
3 Weddings And A Funeral – Okay, I wouldn´t remove the whole scene because it´s necessary for the outcome of the film, but I would so love to remove the line spoken by the otherwise lovely Andie McDowell, “It´s raining? I hadn´t noticed.” God, that line is so bad and so badly delivered just at such a critical time that I want to punch the director in the face for leaving it in what is otherwise one of the best romantic comedies of all time.
May 23rd, 2009 at 10:17 pm
@Audiosuede: Maybe you should try reading a fucking book before offering your insight on the “classic nature” of its author. In the book, Anton Chigurh speaks to many of his victims (at greater length than in the movie) about the randomness of violence and death (hence the fateful coin tosses, and “I got here the same way the coin did”). Then he randomly gets into a car accident and survives… tying into the basic narrative of the book that the violence in American culture (while it has always been violent) continues to get worse and worse with each generation. If I was to change one thing about the movie, it would be the dialogue switcheroo in the 2nd to last scene when Ed Tom questioned his faith (in the book it was Ellis who did so). In the book, there are several entire chapters that consist of nothing more than monologues from the sheriff, and in many of them he talks at length about his faith and values (including a revealing anecdote wherein he ties abortion and euthenasia in as examples of our culture of violence and death). To me, this seemingly slight dialogue shift clouds the meaning of the dream that he describes in the closing scene. While I (and many I’ve spoken to that read the book) believe the dream was emblematic of his regret that- like his father before him- he was helpless to stop the downward spiral of our society, but with no mention of his faith throughout the film (until the aforementioned lamenting of a lack of God in his life) it is easy to interpret the dream as him “realizing” that there is no heaven.
/end of book report.
May 23rd, 2009 at 10:41 pm
The scene in Miracle at St. Anna where the Nazis (yes, the very nazi’s who later mow down a crowd of women and children in front of a church) have a discussion about how they must adhere to the Geneva Convention, until the nazi officer determines that they don’t need to since the Italian loyalists are “terrorists”. C’mon Spike, you can hide your silly-ass political commentary better than that! Why not just have one of the nazis refer to W. by name and proclaim “He is exactly like us!”. What a fucking joke. (The ending of that movie was atrocious as well, but the rules say I can’t change it).
Staying in the Hollywood agenda vein, I’ll take the torture scene in Body of Lies when the head terrorist declares “Welcome to Guantanamo” before proceeding to smash and cut off DiCaprio’s fingers. Oh my God, it all makes sense now, they live in constant fear of our horrible “torture” practices and they’re looking for revenge! What else could be motivating them (especially since the movie Traitor explained to us that they practice the religion of peace)?
Last but not least (though I haven’t seen it yet-and it’s not really a scene, but a character identification), I’d like to change the assassin in Angels & Demons into a Muslim (as he is in the book) rather than a Dane… WTF, Ron? You have no qualms with the fictional account of Christianity being completely at odds with science (and a priest murdering people to suppress science), but you just couldn’t stomach a muslim bad guy?
May 23rd, 2009 at 10:46 pm
@Clayton: You are 100% fucking right. Testify!!
May 24th, 2009 at 1:29 am
The Wizard of Oz.
Fuck them flying monkeys, man.
Fuck them.
/Dream invading monkeys, man.
Fuck them!
May 24th, 2009 at 5:09 pm
castaway again: it would have been a much better (not feel good), if he had a put a bullet in his head because he couldn’t cope with civilization anymore. after he went to all the trouble to survive… it would make a feelbad movie but it would have been ballsy and awesome
May 25th, 2009 at 12:24 pm
The scene in “Psycho” where the psychiatrist goes on a five minute rant about Schizophrenia. Should have cut to Anthony Perkins in his straight jacket after the first few sentences and ended the movie.
May 26th, 2009 at 1:08 am
“The Last Samurai” could have been one of my favorites from that year. But, Tom Cruise had to go and live through the howitzers mowing everyone down except the white guy. If you have Cruise die, it makes it great. But, that squinty fuck had to go and live to offer himself to the emperor.
May 26th, 2009 at 7:14 am
I don’t know where to begin with how disappointed I am with these comments.
May 26th, 2009 at 2:19 pm
hardly a great movie, but the scene in spiderman 3 where the venom (or whatever it was) turns peter parker into a douche with an emo haircut was unbearable
May 26th, 2009 at 5:53 pm
I’m a little late to this party… but props to whoever said when two socks gets shot in dances with wolves. I was like 10 when that movie came out and was pretty bored through most of it, except for when the wolf came on. Then they had to go kill him and make me cry. Kill as many Indians as you want, but what the hell did the wolf do to you?
In fact, I would nominate any movie where a dog dies… Turner & Hooch comes to mind. I went to that with my uncle when I was like 8. It was supposed to be this comedy and than the dog gets shot and killed in the end. What the shit is that? And I hate the easy ending of just getting a new dog… that’s not how mourning works, hollywood crotchstains.
Ben – I get most of your points (although you do present yourself in a douchey “I am above all of you” sort of way), but your take on Ferris Bueller is beyond bizarre.