
Inspiration on occasion strikes, lightning in a bottle-like, those utterly devoid of talent and/or shame. Even repugnant hacks who spew hackneyed product designed for mass consumption strike gold once in a while on something that is both an artistic and commercial success. These works are as frustrating as they are rewarding, coming as they do from people who stumbled upon greatness, almost despite what they set out to do. Or maybe they just generally suck and got lucky. It’s a reminder of the capricious nature of inspiration in art. And it’s these fluky works of greatness that spring from the seed of fuckwittery that you are identifying in this draft. You’re looking for a memorably good movie, song, album, performance, book, painting, etc. from an otherwise lackluster or forgettable body of work.

My first pick is “30 Rock”. The artist: Tina Fey
There are more outrageous examples of hacks striking gold, but this one is particularly knotty for me, as it’s been difficult for me to reconcile my admiration of this show with my distaste for Tina Fey. Fey’s reign as the head writer for SNL presided over some of the worst years of the show. She was incredibly obnoxious on the Weekend Update desk, where she would get bubbly and high five Amy Poehler after all the jokes. It was grating. What made it worse were the scores of media profiles extolling her job as anchor and lead writer, glossing over the generally horrible quality of the shows. That treatment followed into her other projects. Mean Girls, however uninteresting, was generally well received and a box office success – though in a country where Night at the Museum 2 pulls in $70-plus million in a weekend. I’ve never seen Baby Mama and probably don’t need to. Recently, Fey got heaps of praise for the Sarah Palin character during the election, but has there ever been lower hanging fruit in comedy? I mean, people were already saying the Palin and Fey looked alike before one sketch was ever produced. The association was there, people just needed it to be actualized. That’s not to say Tina didn’t get the impression down, it was sound, but it hardly warranted the overwhelming pan-pop-cultural recognition.
But “30 Rock”. Ouf. It’s very, very good and only so much of that can I explain away with Alec Baldwin’s and Tracy Morgan’s genius on the show. Not as much as I would like. Bottom line, the show is very well written, and Fey deserves a lot of credit for that. And, Fey, after all, is the creator and star as well. A friend of mine and I are vocal in our dislike of Tina Fey, but we’re both dumbstruck and quiet on the subject of “30 Rock”. We just have to shrug and give her her due.


I feel it is terrible that loads of people want to watch her crash and burn. I hope that she can surround herself with friendly people and get the most from living once more.
@grungedave: Pearl Jam have only gotten better since Ten. I’m not a fan of Vitalogy or Vs. save for a few songs, but Yield and everything after that have been amazing. Lofty albums.
@No Pullout. Sonny was pretty good in 48 hrs
Sonny Landham as Billy in Predator.
John Carpenter – Halloween.
I’ll take Redman – Whut? Thee Album, he never came close to matching that.
@Tracer Bullet (re: The Pharcyde): Keep in mind that Fatlip was out after Labcab and so was Slimkid3 by the time fucking Humboldt Beginnings came out. And on a side note, that “Best Of” is comprised solely of Bizarre Ride and Labcab. I was as disappointed by Labcab as the next guy (though Runnin’ and The E.N.D. were classics), but I don’t think you could call the group “terrible” if you took away Bizarre Ride II The Pharcyde. If they stuck with J-Swift on production, they could’ve kept it going longer. J Dilla is talented, but his style did not mesh with The Pharcyde very well.
@Gino (re: De La Soul): Really? Fuck, I think Buhloone Mind State is one of the most grossly overrated Golden Age albums out there. Meanwhile, De La Soul Is Dead is great, and so is The Grind Date (Stakes Is High is good, but not great). And while I can relate to your distaste for the mass amount of skits in …Is Dead, you’re contradicting yourself by apparently excusing 3 Feet High and Rising of doing the same exact thing. I’m going to guess that you didn’t listen to The Grind Date though, and I really can’t recommend it enough [just skip the lead single, "Shopping Bags (She Got From You)"]. The AOI albums were trash, I can’t defend those.
@johndewar: Bust A Move may be Young MC’s one big hit into the mainstream, but he was pretty good for a while (his first two albums were great). Plus you might not be aware that he wrote both of Tone Loc’s hits: Wild Thing and Funky Cold Medina. Not all one hit wonders deserved to be.
Yes x1000 @ the guy who said Jon Lovitz on The Critic. Love the show (or at least season 1), but God is he fucking annoying in everything else.
Oh, and another vote that 30 Rock sucks.
martin lawrence – nothing to lose. (as an actor, early standup is gold)
and i don’t really know how this works into it but i’ll throw out this simple fact:
chow yun fat + john woo = amazing, apart they are shit.
Some excellent picks in this blog;
I’m going with the guy who does the Terry Tate commercials. What has he seriously done besides that?
Easy Pick: George Mason 2006.
that team had a magical run, hasn’t done crap before or since, and none of the guys are doing anything right now.
Marlon Wayans- Requiem for a Dream
I’d say it’s about time for him to give up this parody bullshit.
Danny McBride – Pineapple Express
I must be the only person who didn’t like East Bound and Down….
Fistfoot Way is also good
Jerome James – 11 decent playoff games transformed into $40 or $50 million Cablevision Dolan Dollars.
James Belushi – Real Men, awesome movie with John Ritter
Belgium – Chocolate
Ireland – Guinness
@Merk – Sam’s Town is genius.
Danny McBride – Pineapple Express
I must be the only person who didn’t like East Bound and Down….
Vinnie Testeverde in the “Monday Night Miracle”
The dude shit the bed in college, had a terrible career no matter where he went, was a waste on a number one overall pick, pushed Kosar out of Cleveland…..than has ONE good quarter of football. He’s an asshat
Anyone who doesn’t like November Rain by Guns n’ Roses needs to sit down and think about their lives for a while, figure out who they are, etc. Just because it isn’t fast hard rock doesn’t mean it isn’t amazing.
And Porky1, Tony Scott directed Top Gun, so I’m calling shenanigans on that one.
I can’t believe this draft has been up for two days and nobody picked Super Bowl MVP Dexter Jackson. He’s the neo-Larry Brown who immediately signed with the AZ Cards, a place veteran players go to die.
Joyce Hyser in Just One of the Guys. She’s on my Miles Simon/Bo Kimble list of “people who inexplicably never made it big.”
i agree. tina fey is overrated by a mile. i like ’30 rock,’ but she was awful on snl, ‘mean girls’ was mediocre and ‘baby mama’ was a cinematic abortion. it was beyond terrible. and fey just bugs me. so fuck her.
Obama – Getting white people to worship him
The Great Work of Art: The United States of America
The Terrible Artist: The British Empire
All the UK’s best colonies went independent. And British Commonwealth countires? MEH… warm vacation spots and cheap Canadian drugs, really.
50 Cent: Get Rich or Die Tryin’ (album, not the stupid video game or movie)
@NH Dan – “The Hung Jury” on Arrested Development. Duh.
“Smooth Criminal” – Alien Ant Farm
(how is that still on the F’ing board?)
@UZH – I think “S.C.I.E.N.C.E.” is their best album, actually.
@christoff
I refuse to live in a world where that is true.
http://perezhilton.com/2008-10-28-life-imitating-art-meadow-soprano-and-turtle-are-dating-in-real-life
Well fuck my ass its true.
I’m going to start drinking drain cleaner. See you all in hell
J.D. Salinger – Catcher in the Rye.
@Lazer….Berenger in Platoon….gotta give him a lifetime pass on that. Also wasn’t he Bear Bryant in Junction Boys too?
Let’s try Stealer’s Wheel: Stuck In The Middle With You….hear from them before or since? That was , like, early ’70′s.
/refraining from ear jokies
@ Arm Strongcock
I recommend Ctrl-F for your future
Real Late Pick, but I will take Snipes, Berenger, Sheen, Uecker, and Bernsen in Major League.
Total steal of this draft- Eddie Murphy – Boomerang.
Early Ed rocked, but everything after is a big brown shark.
Zach Braff – Scrubs
The guy is a total douche, but pulls off a likable character in this TV Show.
Okay, “Bound” has some great nudity, but other than that it’s almost unwatchable.
I really liked Bound. Joe Pantoliano + gratuitous nudity + a guy’s fingers getting cut off with shears + Christopher Meloni, when he had more hair, getting shot.
My choice is Oz. Even thought the show jumped off the rails during the “experimental aging drug” storyline, it’s still one of my favorite shows. No one associated with that show has done anything significant since.
Also, Oskar Schindler before World War II: womanizing, adulterous drunk. Oskar Schindler after World War II: womanizing, adulterous drunk. During war: saved some people.
Malcolm MacDowell- A Clockwork Orange
Caligula sucked ass. PORNO OR HISTORICAL DRAMA, PICK A SIDE!
@Pantherhands Ive seen all of those movies and they are enjoyable just as Roadhouse is. The thing about Above the Law, Out For Justice and the others is they were all the same movie. I’m quite easily entertained but seriously, how many times will a guy play a no nonsense expert martial artist former cia operative who is now a chicago detective with an awful faux chicago italian accent.
David Carruso in NYPD Blue? His CSI gravy train since is teh suck and the only thing remotely before was his insignificant role in First Blood.
Zach de la Rocha…Rage Against the Machine = Legend. Now…what the fuck is he up to? Only time he’s relevant is when they do a small reunion show.
Mark Prior – 2003 season
@ porky1
Don’t you never say an unkind word about the Time. Me and Silent Bob modeled our whole fucking lives around Morris Day and Jerome. I’m a smooth pimp who loves the pussy. And Tubby here is my black man servant. What!
James Vander Beek- Varsity Blues
Billy Thorpe: Children Of The Sun.
Zippo before. Nada since. And they won’t even print the original album, just some crap fodder remix CD.
Grrrrrr…
Morris Day & the Time in Purple Rain
After that movie, music critics thought Morris was the next James Brown. Turns out, not so much.
I think there needs to be some subcategories here. There are artists like Welsh, who only really have one story to tell, told it well once, got success and spent the rest of their career doing shit that was derivative of that. Then there are just completely untalented fuckwits would got lucky once.
Ach, ye gret sassenach git! Ye dinna ken shite. Irvine Welsh dis braw, bricht wark in his buiks, ye bloose-wearin’ poodle-walker.
Irvine Welsh — Trainspotting
All of his other novels are unreadable shit written in impeccable localized dialect.
Albert Einstein – “Does the Inertia of a Body Depend Upon Its Energy Content?”
Patent clerk writes 4 articles while in his early 20s which change the world as we know it, then spends the next 60 years of his life trying to prove the impossible just because he cant get over the fact that G-d, does in fact, play dice with the universe.
Total hack.
“She Bangs”- William Hung
Seriously, what has he done since?
Spandau Ballet, “True”.
…wait, that song sucks ass too. *shrugs*
Ted Turner’s Gettysburg- best part was when he got whacked going over the top.
@ Gino touresttsa
I missed that at first, but thats another great pick. One of my favorite albums, but the subsequent transformation of reggae into club med fodder for drunk white fourtysomethings is a god damn travesty. Along that reggae vein, in some sort of bizzare parallel universe draft where you had to choose one work that marginalizes the rest of the artist’s career, I would go with Legend by Marley. Sure, some of the songs are pretty good, but the man had so many other good albums that people will never listen to becuacse they are too busy singing along to no woman no cry for the thousandsth time.
@ Marrio Barrio
“Pet Sounds” is a fucking excellent pick that totally slipped my mind. Most of the time, hearing the Beach Boys drives me to homicidal rage but damn, they really hit it with that album.
@martinriggs
Solid pick with Buster Douglas KO’ing Mike Tyson. After that, Buster had a crappy video game on Sega Genesis.
@Mario
Great pick. Lofty pick. Clutch pick.
/is really sad that I didn’t pick that, since it was so obvious. D’oh.
@ Mario
Great, great value pick. Without a doubt one of the top 20 albums of all time
Boxing is an art, right? Then I go with Buster Douglas…one unforgettable moment, ……after that night in Japan…who?
Whoever said spacey – yeah hes done a lot of shit since he peaked, but I thorougly enjoyed him in american beauty. I’ll also throw out Dave Matthews Band for no other reason then the pot-smoking hotties that he consistentely brings along with him on tour. Sure, the music is insufferable even for a hardcore jam-band fan such as myself, but hot damn there are some good looking girls walking around Boston this weekend.
Amazed this is still available.
Brian Wilson/Beach Boys – Pet Sounds
Say what you want about their early stuff (to me it’s mostly corny despite a few gems). Pet Sounds is AMAZING. Top to bottom one of the best portraits of post adolescent angst in pop music ever. It forced everyone to take them seriously as artists and forced Brian Wilson to completely lose his shit. Never before or again did they reach these heights.
Jimmy Cliff’s work on “The Harder They Come”. Brilliant stuff, but after that it was a terrifying downhill ride that lead to generic “‘ey, mon!” reggae, stupid commercials and “Club Paradise” with Robin Williams.
Last pick (really, well maybe): Anna Nicole Smith’s playboy shoot. Hoo boy everything went downhill fast for her didn’t it.
@Ape: Yeah, yeah, I know, I know… {played off by Keyboard Cat}
With my fourth (and increasingly irrelevant) pick I’ll take Zack Snyder and the opening titles sequence of Watchmen. The remainder of the movie was mediocre, and the little I saw of 300 seemed awful, but those alternate history scenes with Bob Dylan playing over them was touching.
@ DaveK for the Entourage pick: “Turtle- Don’t even fuckin know the guys real name. Needless to say he’ll never be working in a meaningful acting job again.”
Isn’t he banging Jamie Lynn Siegler? That’s significantly better than Entourage and has given him 2 wins vs. Life.
My next pick:
Siegfried & Roy’s final performance. I wasn’t a fan before, but the tiger was brilliant in that one.
Withdrawing Kurt Russell- I forgot about Tombstone.
Replace with Caleb Carr- the Alienist was a good book. The other shite? Blech.
Go with God, my son.
@ Otto
Holy shit. I just went out to my car and found a CD wallet I haven’t looked at in a couple months and found “AOI: BIONX” and a nug on the same page. That must be a sign. A really nice sign.
So I’m withdrawing the De La Soul pick. Their overall body of work is too good to fit the parameters of this draft. I just don’t get their new shit.
@Ape: That SB was the peak of Larry Browns shitty ass career, one that got him a HUGE payday from the Raiders (Al Davis fucking up again) and us fans a semblance of some payback for the two superbowls the Boys let get away to the Steelers in the 70s. Your tears make me strrrong like bull. MUHAHAHA.
Considering since SB XXX, the Steelers have won 12 postseason games, including two Super Bowls, while the Cowboys won one postseason game 12 years ago and zero since, my bitterness about that game has been mollified a little.
Marilyn Monroe – dying
Ed O’Neil as Al Bundy
He’s terrible as anything else.
———————————————–
Even as Heisman winner and Pee Wee Coach extraordinaire Kevin O’Shea in Little Giants?
Gino:
Stakes is great, as noted above. But AOI: Bionix is probably my favorite album by them. Outstanding, all the way through. And the side work they’ve done with the Gorillaz (“Feel Good Inc.”) and Propellerheads (“360″) is solid, too.
mrpeanut:
For fuck’s sake, moron, no one is after you for “criticizing The One.” It’s your right to bitch about the president.
What you’re catching flak for is the fact that you made a claim which wasn’t true. I asked you to prove it, and you narrowed the parameters. I asked you to prove that, and you started crying. You said something happened that did not happen, so yeah — you lied.
No one here needed to provide the “knockout punch.” You hit yourself in the balls with your first comment, and never let up. Well done.
Big Daddy Drew-Sports Guy rant
Occasional decent stuff, but the majority is pretty formulaic and repetitive (Peter King rants, the Dick Joke Jamboroo, etc). We get it, you like to make up new swear words, they’re not that funny.
shit shit shit I forgot Timothy Hutton – Ordinary People. Has he even done anything other than Leverage since that movie? And God I hate myself for even knowing Leverage is a show… thanks NBA playoffs.
Mortal Kombat Trilogy- Anything else Mortal Kombat. The games since ‘Trilogy have been fucking terrible. And so were those two movies and the TV show. But Kitana in those movies definitely switched my sex drive as a 12-year old firmly to the “on” position.
Movie Actor: Dudley Moore in “Crazy People.” Those “Arthur” movies sucked and I’ve always found him annoying in everything else. Really, I don’t even like him that much in Crazy People, but it was a really funny movie.
Movie Director: Michael Bay in “Playboy Video Centerfold: Kerri Kendall.” He pretty much peaked with his first assignment, which was directing a hot naked chick to be hot and naked. After that it’s been one disaster after another for this asshat. (Though I kinda liked Armageddon)
TV: Richard Dean Anderson on “MacGyver.” Stargate was lame.
Food: Whoppers at “Burger King.” Everything else there, the chicken, the fries, the shakes, the breakfasts, is complete and utter shit compared to McD and other places. But they do burgers well.
Sports: Boobie Gibson in the 2007 playoffs for basketball, Francisco Cabrera in 1992 NLCS Game 7 for baseball, David Tyree in the 2009 Super Bowl for football and the 1980 Olympics for pretty much everyone on the USA hockey team in hockey.
Also:
@JohnDeWar Obviously you haven’t seen Alicia Silverstone in “Crush.” Mmmmm.
@ Rob: Um. . . Read the rules! The Undertaker and Mankind both had memorable matches before the Hell in a cell. Plus, aside from the two spots, the wrestling in that match was god awful. Fully wasn’t conscience, and Taker sprained his ankle, and could barely walk. Not only that, both wrestlers had matches that surpassed that match numerous times after the match.
@ Tim Tebow’s GF’sT
Yeah, I forgot about “Stakes Is High”. That’s a good, underrated album. I just don’t get the shit they’ve done since.
For my second pick, I’ll take the Hanson Brothers, in the movie Slapshot. One of the best sports movie ever. The sequels were garbage.
Both the Undertaker and Mankind/Cactus Jack/Dude Love/Mick Foley – Hell in the Cell Match
Unbelieveable to watch live – like I was witnessing history and knew it. Both were technically sound, but given the state of wrestling in the late ’90 and how entertaining it got to be, they were slow, prodding and boring. And Undertaker had no personality. Foley was at least kinda funny some of the time, but most of it got old real quick. His funniest stuff came when he was part of the Rock ‘n Sock Connection.
Easily the highlight and most memorable match of both careers, especially Foley.
@porky
I have to disagree on Christian Slater. It is probably terribly dated by this point, but Pump up the Volume never got quite the credit it deserved, IMO.
Now before anyone assumes that their next comment against me was “the knockout punch,” I regret to inform you that I have to do some work and probably won’t be checking this until later tonight or tomorrow morning (with a possible rebuttal that at that point, probably nobody will read.)
Peace.
@ Gino
Come on, now. Stakes is High?