Jared Allen, he of the phenomenal ass and the Kenny Powers haircut, gets to “feel like freakin’ Geronimo right now” by spearing an elk from above. With no regular old spear, mind you, but one-a them fancy Samburu Spears. Beats sniping wolves from a helicopter, that’sferdamnsure. Jared, once he reaches the downed elk after it’s done staggering toward a place to die, proclaims that he’s now addicted to hunting. Should he lump this into his melange of other addictions, a Death Race 2000-like league of competitive homicidal death cars is possible in our lifetime. Leonard Little, Donte Stallworth – get your hunting game tight. Shit’s on.
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This is the best damn video i have ever seen. All you pussys who dont like things to die need to man up. things die every day, thats life. and the more things a bad ass like Allen kill the better.
If you actually managed to kill something, you wouldn’t have the first clue how to make something edible out of it.
It’s called evolving from cavemen to actual modern day humans. Maybe you should try it after wiping the blood from your fangs. Oh and I cook my own meat thank you very much, so no need for the lectures from a true land baron such as yourself.
That is fucking weak dude. Where is the rope the calf sack dance after the kill?
“I have yet to meet a vegetarian I couldn’t convert as long as I could get my meat in their mouth”
So many sheep, so little time.
/gets the flock out of here
Lighten up Francis
Wow, you asshats can throw down the interwebs disses, but out in the woods, you apparently wouldn’t know your dickhole from a prarie dog hole. If you actually managed to kill something, you wouldn’t have the first clue how to make something edible out of it.
Although I prefer a nice centerfire rifle for hunting, there are those skilled woodsmen who use the bow, and in this case a spear to bag their prey. If you bothered to pay attention, Jared said he couldn’t wait to get eat what he killed. This is apparently not just some douchenozzle uber rich “hang the head on my wall and go kill something else” hunter. He sounds like he will actually eat what he killed which is the way it should be.
Backstrap = tenderloin= filet mignon for those of you watching at home. If you want to learn about meat, go find a knowledgeable butcher (not your buddy Mike who works at Sam’s club and repackages pre-cut meat) and get him to show you what it’s all about. Not only will this make you more manly, it will vastly improve your ability to cook better meals, and when your whining shrew of a girlfriend/wife/significant shacked up female roomate makes another inedible offering to your manly hunger, you will have the knowledge to procure the choicest cuts of meat you can find and turn them into a mouth watering meal that she will hate you for, but will be powerless against.
Yes, my wife was a vegetarian when I met her, but I converted her back in ’91. I have yet to meet a vegetarian I couldn’t convert as long as I could get my meat in their mouth . . . . but in most states that’s also considered forcible sodomy. . . . .
“I was a little nervous.”
What, you though the elk was going to catch the spear and throw it back?
/hates Vikings just a little bit more now
I’m in favor of giving Jared a 5 minute head start and then sending the Nuge in after him with a crossbow.
I wanted everyone to know that I used steroids, which caused my son Aspergers.
Hunting anything that you aren’t going to eat is the act of a true cocksmoker. (A rogue animal happening upon you and attempting to feast on your nutsack is a different story.)
Now, if Jared took a sizable portion of that meat to his family freezer…more power to him, even though he’s still a millionaire thrill-seeking weekend wanna-be caveman. But if he just trophied it or let it rot, Ted Nugent agrees he’s a douchebag.
“this really could use a “srightry lacist” tag”
I agree, it makes white males look like idiots.
Thanks Chiefs. I am proud to be a Vikings fan again.
On the slightly lacist tag, someone over on a Vikings message board today was talking about this video when they said that their dad and uncle had gone hunting before with Allen. They said he’s a fun guy to hang out with but found out that he is INDEED slightly racist, calling the Williams Wall a couple of ignorant dumb black people (more derogatory, of course). The legitimacy of this statement obviously cannot be verified, but … since we’re talking about making fun of ethnicities here … thought I’d throw that out.
I’d still take Ray Ray with a knife.
this really could use a “srightry lacist” tag
+1 SSB
Spears and Jetskis were made for each other.
oh, and blackface + spear…there’s an utterly inappropriate racist joke in there somewhere…
Tune in next week to Kill Kill Kill Theater, Shawne Merriman leaps from a cliff ledge and coldcocks a black bear with a flying Rape Tackle… then does the Lights Out dance.
not pictured: baited field, timed feeder and molasses lick
you’re not allowed to wear suspenders and yell, “awesome!”
you’re just not.
He needs to be drunker.
That elk was speared almost as hard as Wilile Roaf’s wife.
Wow a kill in an overstocked hunting preserve? Impressive.
So. . . do the Vikings know Jared Allen is climbing trees in the wilderness with a fucking spear?
I can’t wait to get this in my freezer, start pumpin’ weights, just let the buffalo become a part of me. I’m going to have buffalo strength because of this frickin’ meat. Just like they did in Dances with Wolves – “I ate his heart. Now the buffalo runs through me. Tatonka.”
Go home and cook up some “backstraps?” Is Elk meat that hard to say?
“After I take down a few wild boars, I just caint wait to go home a fry up some wigglyhonkers and get busy.”
/Allen’d
//Rednecks are scary
How many Miller High Life’s did he pound after the kill?
Tell me he owns a jetski.
Jared Allen- Fuck Yeah!
I wish we could have ubiquitous commercials of this Jared killing things with a spear instead of the ones with the doughy, sexually-ambiguous Jared who lost weight eating Subway or the shrill “Oo! He went to Jared!”.
How’s he hit the elk’s main artery from that distance? He’s some sort of Robin Hood with the spear. NO ONE DENIES THIS!
“All you Bears better watch out.”
Cutlerfucker is pouting with fear right now.
Seconded, Pacman’s Bodyguard. Bowhunters can suck it.
“What’s next a video of you raping strippers?”
After the last KSKhristmas Party, Chippendales refuses to book any performances.
i miss jared so much
/crying chiefs fan
Why is there blue shit on your face Cleg? What, did you just blow Robocop?
@ albo
Its legal to hunt in PA using an atlatl; which is basically spear hunting on ‘roids.
Real mature dicks! What’s next a video of you raping strippers? Real cool. I’ll be waiting.
This is far too awesome to warrant even an attempt at humor.
@albo
Illinois, of course.
What crazy state allows hunting with a spear? If it made sense, I know PA would allow it.
I’ll bet he hunts for poon with a spear too. It certainly did sound like Owen Wilson – don’t let him borrow your spear, dude.
Would Alonzo Spellman be interested in hocking Elks Hunting Spears? For when you have to nail those old people right in the sternum?
Is that Owen Wilson with the voice-over?
I’ve hunted elks before, but only in meeting halls.
Samburu spears don’t kill elk, people kill elk
@ Jeff – would you expect anything less since he is hunting with spear
/needs almost racist tag
Nice blackface, Jared.