If wearing aqua & orange and naming your stadium after Jimmy Buffett’s beer hasn’t wussified your fan base quite enough
This season the Miami Dolphins will furnish hand-held gizmos to 5,000 preferred season ticker holders. These devices– manufactured by Kangaroo Media– will allow fans to watch replays, access statistics and send text messages during the game. Y’know, all the things you could do for much, much less if you were watching from the comfort of your home.
Here’s a closer look at what some of these jolly, candy-like buttons can do:
1- Nice old man reassures you that Ted Ginn, Jr.’s breakout season is “just around the corner”
2- Alternate audio track: Bill Parcells questions your manhood.
3- WILDCAT! WILDCAT! WILDCAT!
4- Ricky Williams’ option play (puff/pass)
5- Switch from Dolphins game to Miami’s favorite NFL team (N.Y. Giants, duh)
6- Greg Camarillo Grit-o-Meter (current reading: “extra coarse”)
[ Bloomberg ]
Tags: bad MS Paint, miami dolphins, old people
May 22nd, 2009 at 8:37 am
+1 for the classic Ren & Stimpy
May 22nd, 2009 at 8:41 am
That dolphin has a very smug look on his face. Makes me want to punch him.
Also, Button 7 – Big Head Mode
http://k1.stylefeeder.com/thumb/ec/0f/ec0f8bd1a0aa487e81fe8f366b2ce0834bdb47f9-200.jpg
May 22nd, 2009 at 8:41 am
Except there’s also a BewbZ camera view.
http://deadspin.com/5264267/new-land-shark-stadium-upgrades-include-creepy-old-man-cam
May 22nd, 2009 at 9:06 am
Button8 ground level cheerleader cam=record ticket sales
May 22nd, 2009 at 9:15 am
Where’s the button that overrides the video feed to the Jumbotron and shows everyone pictures of my grandchildren?
May 22nd, 2009 at 9:42 am
Button 7 – Big Head Mode
Z Button 2 times – Pass Button 3 times – Right
May 22nd, 2009 at 9:59 am
needs a cheerleader cam.
cheerleader *locker room* cam
/fixed
May 22nd, 2009 at 10:00 am
or maybe I should have read the DS article first.
Is it the weekend yet?
May 22nd, 2009 at 10:00 am
Ow-ah season ticket hold-ahs ar-uh more-ah savvy with the current hand held technology than yo-ah season ticket hold-ahs!! NO ONE DENIES THIS!!
May 22nd, 2009 at 10:05 am
It also comes with a button that makes your beer more expensive.
May 22nd, 2009 at 10:11 am
Notre Dame already pushed the history eraser button. Or did Charlie think it was a Chuckle? Maybe a Chicklet?
May 22nd, 2009 at 10:13 am
button #9 lets you watch old game film of Dan Marino to remind you a good QB once played for Miami
May 22nd, 2009 at 10:15 am
I’ve had this Ice Cream Bar since I was a child!
May 22nd, 2009 at 10:22 am
@UU
But the fucker never could get the laces out properly.
May 22nd, 2009 at 10:25 am
@FLS, funny you say that because button #10 plays “Ace Ventura Pet Detective”
May 22nd, 2009 at 10:30 am
Nice work Dolphins. If there’s one thing that geriatric fan base needs, it’s electronic gadgets they can’t figure out how to use.
May 22nd, 2009 at 10:37 am
That device looks more like what you’d get if you typed in “Miami Dolphins Stadium” into a Polish GPS device.
May 22nd, 2009 at 10:38 am
Ah Christ, previous post brought to you by the department of redundancy department.
/Sorry for the amateurish double-post.
May 22nd, 2009 at 10:40 am
Seriously, it’s so easy to hate our division “rivals”.
Bills? Jets? Dolphins? Really? That’s all we get? Can we trade for a Baltimore, Indy, Pittsburgh, or anyone else worth playing against twice a year? Please?
May 22nd, 2009 at 10:41 am
Button #11 plays Mercury Morris reminding everyone that the Dolphins are still the only team to ever have a perfect season.
May 22nd, 2009 at 10:45 am
Button 12 is the spy-cam to a the massive gay orgy that is the Patriots’ fan base.
May 22nd, 2009 at 10:49 am
BUTTON 7 GETS YOU RESPECT!
May 22nd, 2009 at 10:51 am
nice call Ape
FIX YO BUTTONS!
May 22nd, 2009 at 10:59 am
@85: I can’t get this gizmo to stop flashing 12:00. Stupid thing.
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:37 am
Seriously, it’s so easy to hate our division “rivals”.
Bills? Jets? Dolphins? Really? That’s all we get? Can we trade for a Baltimore, Indy, Pittsburgh, or anyone else worth playing against twice a year? Please?
*
And Pats fans wonder why the rest of the NFL hates you. Not because you’re good or your coach is a genius. It’s because you’re all arrogant cockmuffins.
/18-1 never gets old
May 22nd, 2009 at 1:00 pm
@Captain: You’d love the off-season hype around the Bills here. Every moron insists this is the year we make the playoffs and beat the Pats, Jets, and Dolphins. Too bad we still suck.
/I’d take 18-1 over 7-9
//Wait, that would 0-5 in Super Bowls? Maybe not.
///FML
////Just kill me now for using “FML”
May 22nd, 2009 at 3:06 pm
up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, select, start.
WTF? It aint workin’
May 22nd, 2009 at 3:25 pm
How come the left blinker is always on?
May 23rd, 2009 at 3:15 am
Button #13 changes the language of the telecast. Options include:
Hebrew
Spanish
1940’s Lingo
Peezy Speak
Trick Daddy
May 23rd, 2009 at 3:17 am
Button #14 adds you to Dwyane Wade’s Fave 5
May 23rd, 2009 at 2:27 pm
Button 15 plays the last two minutes of Super Bowl XLII. Anti-Pats schadenfreude is sure to be more rewarding than anything that happens on the field for the Dolphins this year.