HURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
05.27.09
Last week in the sexbag (by the way, send on your sexy preguntas here for inclusion in tomorrow’s column) Ufford chastised a Pittsburgh fan for asking whether it was okay to hate on Bill Cowher for sounding the conference championship losing alarm in Carolina when the Penguins were their opponent.
Well Ufford may love freedom and cat-related viral videos, but he hates on the ‘Burgh with regularity and he is wrong wrong wrong on this one. See, what instances like this do is allow the fan (i.e., me) some extreme catharsis. And since I don’t get laid because I’m a filthy blogger, that’s the best I can get.
Here’s the thing: Because Chinny up there was coach of the Stillers for 14 years, that’s a long stretch of being forced to apologize for his inveterate conference title choking and his Jon Scheyer-esque propensity for making stupid faces in photographs. And now, because he went and did this (Yes, there’s betrayal involved – it’d be one thing if he coached the Panthers, but the fact that he bought a home in Cackalacky and went to NC State back in the day doesn’t trump his connection to Pittsburgh sports, and, besides, having him do it is an obviously ploy by the Hurricanes to stick it to Pittsburgh fans), I am freed to mock him without compunction for looking like he’s about to about to hulk out out of his stupid red shirt and have his big chiclet teeth ravage downtown Raleigh.
So when KOGOD says in the photo he looks like he’s taking George Clooney’s Burn After Reading sybian chair for a spin, I can laugh without qualm. And laugh I shall YOU BIG RETARDED CHOKING KORDELL DEEP THROATING CHINNY ASSBAG!
Whew. That felt good.
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As a die-hard stillers fan, I would like to comment on some of the previous remarks:
- primanti Bros’ sandwich… all hype. rather suck down a dozen wings in buffalo anyday.
- cowher schlobbing the knobs of idiot carolina fans… fuck that guy. his replacement is showing to be far superior.
- bullshit about affirmative action nonsense from idiot hillbilly… suck down down a fifth of cheap vodka and 15 perkosets and stop embarrassing the fanbase with that horseshit.
can’t wait to see the hobbled pats falter farther this year, while the superbowl champs solidify there place as “team of the decade”.
you ass-wipes in boston can’t possibly think that anyone takes any of those ill-gotten lombardis seriously do you? the asterisk is tattooed on your foreheads.
I liked Cowher better when he played The Judge in Frighteners…
…and they even quote the ape.
As per usual, Stillers.com drops the knowledge on this subject:
http://www.stillers.com/articles/2417.aspx
It gets worse with Cowher. He said he couldn’t root for the STEELERS in the Super Bowl because Arizona employed Grimm and Wheezenhunt, his ex-assistants.
I don’t know. I’m just trying to stir some shit. The latter?
It doesn’t matter. Fran Tarkenton spilled the beans on the Steelers. They won those Super Bowls in the 70s because they all took steroids. Fucking cheaters.
Because steroids retroactively became illegal then? Or they were somehow the only team taking them?
It doesn’t matter. Fran Tarkenton spilled the beans on the Steelers. They won those Super Bowls in the 70s because they all took steroids. Fucking cheaters.
But Redskins fans can’t tell me if Joe Gibbs showed up at Mellon Arena in the playoffs this year and lead some cheer for the Pens when they were playing the Caps that D.C. fans wouldn’t be irate about it.
But Joe Gibbs doesn’t live in Pittsburgh, he lives in North Carolina. You know, like Bill Cowher.
I can’t believe this generated so many comments.
bottom line:
Cowher Hurricane fandom=pussywhipped
french fries and coleslaw in a sandwich= retarded
Peter King’s anger over melted Kit Kats = Pittsburgh’s anger that Bill Cowher roots for a different HOCKEY team.
As a Seahawks fan I have learned to shut my mouth about certain inane subjects, because I know complaining will only make myself look bad, and perhaps by extension all other Seahawk fans. At times this has frustrated me because I would love to be an insufferable douche, and get to drop the “My team won the fucking Super Bowl” trump card whenever I wanted to.
But now I see there is benefit to rooting for a losing/cursed team; stopping myself from getting my panties in a twist whenever a former coach does something I don’t approve of, or something of that ilk. I know we’re all in deep football withdrawl right now, but for the love of GOD AND ALL THAT IS HOLY can we not argue about this kind of bullshit?
I look forward to an uber-revealing mailbag tomorrow.
seahawk matt
Damnit Ufford use your usual name.
A fanbase that defines itself by its frenzied hatred for the successful franchise that denied them their one shot at a championship?
If by ‘fanbase’ you mean ‘a few people on the Internet’, then, yeah.
Otherwise, no.
What’s worse than a fanbase who has six championships and won’t shut up about them?
A fanbase that defines itself by its frenzied hatred for the successful franchise that denied them their one shot at a championship?
What’s worse than a fanbase who has six championships and won’t shut up about them?? A spoiled fanbase who bitch about a superbowl winning coach for them because of a hockey pick! WHO THE FUCK CARES ABOUT HOCKEY!?!?!
Pitiful. From all involved.
Dibbly: Don’t forget to add the double Pastrami to complete the heart attack.
I was surprised to see Cowher flying a solo mission last night. Usually his wife leads him around like a little bitch.
as an earlier commenter noted – the cheese steak is terrible at primantis – its like some kinda patty or something – you gotta go with the Pastrami, the double egg n cheese, capicola, the cheese combo, hell even the giant fish is delicious.
Fine, fine, hate us. But Redskins fans can’t tell me if Joe Gibbs showed up at Mellon Arena in the playoffs this year and lead some cheer for the Pens when they were playing the Caps that D.C. fans wouldn’t be irate about it.
Oh trust me, I’m not defending Redskins fans. Probably the only reason we don’t reach the levels of Pittsburgh and Boston is because we never win anything so no one notices.
reverse the colors at it’s al sharpton at the gates
Lord knows I hate the Steelers with everything that is holy, but let me ask you a question…how much head coaching experience did Cowher have when the Rooneys hired him as the 15th coach of the franchise? If you guessed ZERO, then you would be correct. So instead of trying to use the affirmative action card on a coach who won a super bowl in his SECOND year instead of his FOURTEENTH like Cowher, maybe you should consider that the owners like young coaches who bring new ideas to the job even if they haven’t been fired by four teams first.
Oh, and you two numbnuts are idiots.
No one’s bashes the Steelers more than me, but get the fuck out of here with the affirmative action hire bullshit about Tomlin. There have been a lot of coaches who have been hired without a lot of experience as a head guy or even as a coordinator who have had a lot of success (Ex. Andy Reid was a QB coach, never even a coordinator, and while he hasn’t won a Super Bowl, he’s had a pretty damn successful run). And if you want to hire retreads, Norv Turner says “call me.” Obviously the guy is a hell of a coach, and Rooney must have seen something in him when he hired him.
Also, you people claiming racism or whatever can also turn in your Boston-bashing badges. Unless you’re from Boston, in which case: no shit.
Sadly, it’s now official.
Boston fans > Pittsburgh fans
Fine, fine, hate us. But Redskins fans can’t tell me if Joe Gibbs showed up at Mellon Arena in the playoffs this year and lead some cheer for the Pens when they were playing the Caps that D.C. fans wouldn’t be irate about it.
/Gibbs might have done it anyway out of confusion
i have to agree with maxwell demon about affirmative action tomlin….
“lets see, we have 2 assistant coaches that helped us win a super bowl and have been with us for several years. lets pass them over for the black guy with a thin resume”
reverse the colors at it’s al sharpton at the gates
As the one who was chastised by Ufford, I’d like to thank Ape for coming to my defense here. The talk shows in Pittsburgh today are awash in debate over this, so I’d like to think it’s a fair fucking point.
And yes, the issue is that he is both FROM pittsburgh and COACHED pittsburgh. we have 2 sets of idealized sports figures here: the ones who are FROM here (Marino, Montana, Unitas, Namath, Ditka, etc), and the ones who led our professional teams to glory (Mario, Clemente, Joe Greene, etc). Cowher is both, therefore of course ppl are pissed; no one in pittsburgh has anything better to do than to care way too much about sports. The Penguins came out waving terrible towels when his 2005 team went to the Super Bowl, so I’d say a perceived breach of loyalty is a legitimate complaint.
With that said, I agree that it’s nothing for him to be demonized over; Bill Cowher’s relationship with Pittsburgh has that palpable but indefinable strain to it that you know is going to end in messy divorce as soon as he signs on to coach a new NFL team, so it’s better to get those negative feelings out in the open now.
Sadly, it’s now official.
Boston fans > Pittsburgh fans
Trying not to sound like “me too,” I really don’t care that he’s rooting for the Hurricanes. It’s hockey; it’s like soccer on ice. He led the Steelers to a Super Bowl win which is more than you can say for most coaches in the NFL. Now, if he does end up coaching for Cleveland/Cincinnati/Baltimore, then the hate is on.
Who’s he rooting for in the UEFA Champions League Final?
All that’s missing from that shirt is a big AIG logo.
Who’s he rooting for in the UEFA Champions League Final?
NOW YOU KNOW WHAT I FELT LIKE WHEN TOM BRADY WORE A YANKEES HAT AHHHHHHHHHH
Almost ready for bathing suit weather, Cathy?
Also, Primanti Bros. is fucking terrible.
You don’t like Primanti Brothers. http://yourargumentisinvalid.com/
NOW YOU KNOW WHAT I FELT LIKE WHEN TOM BRADY WORE A YANKEES HAT AHHHHHHHHHH
I for one was happy The Chin was cheering for the home team in a conference championship game. It means they were destined to lose.
People that bash Primanti’s have only had the cheesesteak which most definitely tastes like ass. There is no flavor to the meat. Try a capicola, roast beef or corned beef next time. You will have a different opinion.
Man, I hate when people bring up Slash. Dude was better than Michael Vick or Vince Young can ever hope to be and he still gets shat on just because a black quarterback turns some Stiller fans into Tawmmy from Bahstahn.
Well now they’ve got exactly what they want. A big retarded Midwest kid with an unpronouceable European last name.
Yeah, well, Cowher also lost AFC Championship games with Neil O’Donnell, Tommy Maddox, and Ben Roethlisberger. So instead of worrying about Slash’s INTs, I’d look at the common denominator (aka the guy coming up with the idiotic game plans with no ability to adjust on the fly)
Man, I hate when people bring up Slash. Dude was better than Michael Vick or Vince Young can ever hope to be and he still gets shat on just because a black quarterback turns some Stiller fans into Tawmmy from Bahstahn.
“I’m actually a despicable Redskins fan, so I’m used to bandwagon jumping fans.
However, I stand strong behind my statement that Primanti Bros. sucks. The steak and cheese sandwich is blander then Terri Gross eating saltines.”
Primanti Bros is a thousand times better than overrated Ben’s Chili Bowl.
For the record, Mike Shanahan could show up at the Lakers game tonight wearing a Kobe jersey and I wouldn’t give a fuck. He brought two titles to Denver, so he can do whatever the fuck he wants forever. Hell, he can come over to my house and fuck my sister.
But if I saw McDaniels so much as eating at a Fatburger here in Colorado, I’d slash his tires and throw a brick through his windshield.
totally unqualified affirmative action Mike the clueless coach
Who, in two seasons, has won the division both times and a Super Bowl. I don’t hate HATE Cowher, though I am irritated by this move, and, yes, he did draft most of the current roster. And, yes, Tomlin deserves criticism for sticking with that dipshit Arians at OC, but you can stow that racist “affirmative action hire” bullshit. The guy has helped improve the secondary play considerably, which was always a problem with Cowher’s teams, and has for the most part (except the $7 million one-year contracts to Max Starks) overseen a lot of smart moves with the roster.
Oh that’s right, you guys lost in the AFC Championship that year. But I’m sure those interceptions weren’t his fault.
I’m mad at him just for showing up at a hockey game.
/wistfully remembering how much better SportsCenter was when the NHL was on strike
lifelong steelers/pirates/pens fan:
i have no problem with cowher, he did win a superbowl and thats his home now. it’s not like he went to a game in the igloo wearing a canes shirt. or go to a steeler game and wear a panthers shirt.
cut him some slack. plus he drafted and developed most of the team that won the superbowl with totally unqualified affirmative action Mike the clueless coach.
Kordell never took anybody to the Superbowl. He did throw multiple interceptions in 2 home AFC cahmpionship games, but somehow never made it over that hump.
You sound like a terrible Jets fan or something
I’m actually a despicable Redskins fan, so I’m used to bandwagon jumping fans.
However, I stand strong behind my statement that Primanti Bros. sucks. The steak and cheese sandwich is blander then Terri Gross eating saltines.
Cowher didn’t “win us a Superbowl.” All he did was coach his team to victory over the Seahawks. Any coach in the league (Except maybe Brad Childress) could have done that.
Also Jerome Bettis doesn’t watch hockey. He’s black.
I thought Kordell was pretty good, wasn’t he? He was Slash. Very exciting. He took your team to the Super Bowl and made the Pro Bowl that one year. Was he a homosexual? Probably. But so is most of your current roster, so I don’t see why you get so upset about it.
@Doc Holliday…Wooter is pronounced that way in Eastern PA. in Western PA they wush their clothes in the crick.
Bill needs to start jackin’ it with the left hand to even those arms out.
Chuck Noll never pulled shit like this.
This will just make it easier to root against Cowher in 2010 when he’s coaching the Redskins/Cowboys/Browns/Panthers/Jaguars/Vikings/Saints/Chargers/Bills/Bears/Bengals/Texans
Possibly all at the same time.
Fuck. School must be out.
*Also, Primanti Bros. is fucking terrible.*
Wow, could you be any more wrong? You sound like a terrible Jets fan or something. Your whole post should be disregarded, and anyone (including myself) is dumber for reading it.
Maybe Cowher will drop a bomb on Pittsburgh and end all of our suffering. He’s could be our Jeebus.
Because fuck Pittsburgh.
That’s fine and I thank him for that. So Ravens fans can’t acknowledge that Brian Billick is a monster douche because he won them a title? That’s kind of dumb.
So your equating Cowher’s douchiness to Billick’s, because he chose to move his family away from your shit city and root for his new hometown team, in a sport that is completely unrelated to football? Even after he won you a Super Bowl and took you to 6 Conference Championships.
I didn’t think it was possible for Pittsburgh fans to be any more unbearable, but you’ve done it…congratulations.
Also, Primanti Bros. is fucking terrible.
I hate Pittsburgh as much as anyone, but i can’t believe that no one has brought up the most important part of all this: the man is FROM western PA. Add in the 14 years of coaching the stillers, and i’d say it is very fair for any stillers fan to be upset. It isn’t like his only connection to the city is his coaching. This is a total D bag move.
Does Cowher pronounce “water” “wooter” like the rest of that fucking city? If so, he is officially attached to the Burgh foreva.
What a dick. I can almost forgive the jack-in-the-box routine. Almost. But that interview with the always sexy Chris Simpson sounded like something a bad guy pro wrestler would cut. It’s like he was trying to piss off Steeler Nation.
In the language of the city that Cowher evidently forgets made him famous enough to crank that idiotic siren or afford pretty white Chiclets by the mouthful: What a jagoff.
Billick = monster douche.
Like 6’4″ of douche.
Atsa’ lotta’ douche.
Nice shirt, too.
In Cowher’s defense, everybody hates Pittsburgh.
man i hate living in NC and reading this blog
and i hate pittsburgh
and boston
and i hate monumental carolina playoff collapses
ps: it’s spelled cackalacky. thats right, your spelling was corrected by a hick
but, you know, he kind of won a Super Bowl for you guys and stuff.
That’s fine and I thank him for that. So Ravens fans can’t acknowledge that Brian Billick is a monster douche because he won them a title? That’s kind of dumb.
but, you know, he kind of won a Super Bowl for you guys and stuff.
so get fucked.
Who does Bettis root for during the Penguins/Red Wings Cup finals?
The Red Wings. Until he realizes they aren’t related to buffalo wings.
/mocking all his childhood heroes
For that matter, is it better to live in a shit city, or a state with no cities at all?
Who does Bettis root for during the Penguins/Red Wings Cup finals?
Your use of “Cacklacky” give you immediate skreet cred Ape. Bravo Sir!
Bill Cowher will next appear in the ABC made-for-TV movie “A Little Dabney Will Do Ya: The Dabney Coleman Story”
Fuck’em….the Pens proved last night that the broom is mightier than the chin