‘Hey you guys? I can’t find my contact!’
Ashlee: Hey? Hey you guys? I can’t find my contact!
Britnee: Hang on, Britnee. I’ll help you look!
Courtnee: There’s a puppy across the street! That makes me happy!
Ashlee: Not now, Courtnee! I have to find my contact! Or the varsity will leave without us!
Britnee: Just ignore her. She always gets stupid when puppies are around.
Ashlee: What a bitch.
Britnee: Total bitch.
Ashlee: Stupid bitch.
Britnee: We’ll find it, let’s just keep looking.
Ashlee: Thanks, Brit. You’re such a good friend!
Courtnee: I think I’ll find that puppy a stick! [runs off]
Ashlee: I hope she impales herself on that stick!
Britnee: I hope that dog eats her whole stupid face.
Ashlee: What a bitch.
Britnee: Total bitch.
Ashlee: [yelling] Stupid bitch!
Britnee: So Ashlee?
Ashlee: Yeah, Brit?
Britnee: I want to eat your asshole out.
Ashlee: …what?
Britnee: It’s just that…I really like you, Ash. I just think that you’re so pretty, and I love being your friend. But I…I want to be more than just your friend.
Ashlee: But…you ARE more than my friend. You’re my best friend, Brit!
Britnee: Ashlee, I have to tongue out your anus. I need this. I need you. I need your butt.
Ashlee: Brit…you’re really making me uncomfortable.
Britnee: Just…just give me ten minutes. Okay? Five minutes? Just let me get the lay of the land in Hershey Valley.
Ashlee: No!
Britnee: Please?
Ashlee: [pauses] I found it! [pulls contact out of the grass and runs off]
Britnee: Dammit. [yelling] Come on Courtnee, let’s okay!
Courtnee: That doggie was really neat! I named him Fred!
Britnee: Whatever, let’s just go before Ashlee leaves us here.
Courtnee: Okay. So…is Ashlee gonna let you rim her?
Britnee: Oh yeah, I’m gonna lick that pooper til there’s no hole left.
Courtnee: Nice. Just don’t grab her by the insides of her thighs. She hates that. [Courtnee runs up to the car]
Britnee: CUNT!
Tags: jeez punter that's just wrong, not so much throat clearing as loud swallowing, sexy friday just got disappointing
May 29th, 2009 at 4:41 pm
wow…..just wow
May 29th, 2009 at 4:47 pm
I thought this was going to be Sexy Friday
May 29th, 2009 at 4:48 pm
Jesus…
May 29th, 2009 at 4:51 pm
Hilarious post to end the week
May 29th, 2009 at 4:53 pm
Gimme an R!
May 29th, 2009 at 4:54 pm
Courtnee is a total bitch!
May 29th, 2009 at 4:57 pm
Chris Hanson wants to have a word with you in the kitchen. Go on…..have a seat.
Obviously I’m too busy playing with myself to realize that these young women are wearing Auburn cheerleader uniforms. Auburn is, in fact, an American university where nearly all of its students would be at or above the age of consent.
But don’t take my word for it. I’m just store-brand dipshit.
May 29th, 2009 at 4:57 pm
Stunned silence.
May 29th, 2009 at 5:05 pm
well that took a hard left turn.
May 29th, 2009 at 5:10 pm
ummmm yeah lost contact – rimming ummmm yeah – just cannot string a set of coherent words together
May 29th, 2009 at 5:14 pm
That was comedy platinum PUNTE. My god mab, just why?
Britnee totally like spells her like name with a like heart over the “i” you know, like really.
May 29th, 2009 at 5:15 pm
…..
May 29th, 2009 at 5:15 pm
man, not mab! DAMMIT
/going home now
May 29th, 2009 at 5:17 pm
Do what now?
May 29th, 2009 at 5:22 pm
Simply genius! BRA – fucking – O!
May 29th, 2009 at 5:26 pm
Punte… thank you, thank you very much.
Yes, yes, and yes, for the record.
May 29th, 2009 at 5:27 pm
wow…hmmmm….
/crickets chirp
May 29th, 2009 at 5:30 pm
this gives new meaning to Tommy Tuberville’s fear the thumb shirt he used to wear.
May 29th, 2009 at 5:42 pm
Sexiest Sexy Friday ever? I’ll say it. Sexiest. Sexy. Friday. Ever.
May 29th, 2009 at 5:51 pm
That’s funny… puppies make me happy too
May 29th, 2009 at 5:51 pm
aaaaand we have a winner
May 29th, 2009 at 5:59 pm
not your best work but, little C-Student still moved a little.
May 29th, 2009 at 6:03 pm
And, with that, we can all now leave work to sail the seas of Twisted Teas.
May 29th, 2009 at 6:21 pm
Totally wasnt expecting that.
But I liked it !!
May 29th, 2009 at 6:27 pm
There are no words to describe how much I didn’t expect that
May 29th, 2009 at 6:42 pm
I thought that after Punte’s With Leather post about Tyson’s daughter, he’d never be able to surprise me again. Damn, was I wrong.
We are the cunts who end in “nee.” Nee! Nee!
May 29th, 2009 at 6:59 pm
So basically you found a picture, came up with a quick dialog in your head while masturbating, and then regurgitated blog style. I love it.
May 29th, 2009 at 7:02 pm
No way Ashlee turns down a rimmer.
May 29th, 2009 at 7:12 pm
Seriously though, no links to anything? Booooo.
May 29th, 2009 at 7:35 pm
KSK – your home for NFL commentary and co-ed fan fic.
And rape. Lots of rape.
May 29th, 2009 at 7:46 pm
jeez Punte that’s just classic Punte
Good way to end the week.
May 29th, 2009 at 7:46 pm
*I need to spell my screen name right
/Underdog
May 29th, 2009 at 7:46 pm
dammit! long week
May 29th, 2009 at 7:50 pm
You know, if these had been Bama cheerleaders a strap-on would have been involved. Just saying.
May 29th, 2009 at 7:53 pm
@UU Is “undedog” what you get when you mix a zombie and cream and puree in blender (or would that be undeadog)?
May 29th, 2009 at 8:25 pm
I’m into all assholes. I like it because it’s tinier than a pussyhole. It’s so tiny, it’s tinier than a clitoris. When i get the feeling of licking a york peppermint patty, it’s a sensation.
May 29th, 2009 at 8:28 pm
i expected phillip rivers to pop up, but he never showed…
May 29th, 2009 at 8:31 pm
You sir, are a sick, depraved, disgusting animal.
And the fact that you are a fellow Buckeye fan fills me with pride.
/ O-H!!!
May 29th, 2009 at 8:33 pm
Punte… you’re making me really uncomfortable.
May 29th, 2009 at 8:38 pm
I’m sure it was said but I’ll say it again… more of this please
May 29th, 2009 at 8:39 pm
om nom nom?
May 29th, 2009 at 9:21 pm
fapulous
May 29th, 2009 at 9:24 pm
squirt
May 29th, 2009 at 9:26 pm
at least she found her contact
May 29th, 2009 at 9:28 pm
Hmm…interesting.
BTW…a friend of mine was drinking Twisted Teas tailgating at the Dave Matthews Band concert on Wednesday. I wanted to call him Tommy.
/back to drinking alone
May 29th, 2009 at 9:48 pm
Awesome Punter! Simply awesome. Gisele approves, too.
May 29th, 2009 at 10:09 pm
You broke my brain, in a good way.
Bravo.
May 29th, 2009 at 10:25 pm
wow
May 30th, 2009 at 12:27 am
Most random post we’ve had in a while…
And yet I feel slightly dissatisfied. As if it should have gone farther. How desensitized I’ve become. Thanks KSK.
May 30th, 2009 at 2:25 am
I just read this for the first time and I think it blows.
May 30th, 2009 at 3:20 am
I’m drunk and read this for the first time and I THINK ITS FUCKIN AWESOME WOOOOOOOOOOOOOo
May 30th, 2009 at 9:29 am
+1000 Moof!
May 30th, 2009 at 1:06 pm
trash
May 30th, 2009 at 1:33 pm
Fuck and yes
May 30th, 2009 at 1:36 pm
WHAT A TWEEST
May 30th, 2009 at 2:07 pm
Punte/KSK = Brian Russell/Seahawks
May 30th, 2009 at 5:30 pm
Girl/girl analingus is good. Almost as good as another New England Patriots championship.
May 30th, 2009 at 10:19 pm
Girls.
May 31st, 2009 at 1:08 am
Ashlee: What a bitch.
Britnee: Total bitch.
Ashlee: Stupid bitch.
Peter: Lofty bitch.
May 31st, 2009 at 2:50 am
This isn’t really fantasy at all, boys. I went to high school with girls/cheerleaders who more than likely had this conversation once or twice. The one suggesting it was a closeted lesbo who dropped out my junior or senior year and is now a model (who knew?) and the one agreeing was a stoner who now has a kid. And the third… well she was 4′11″ and made Forrest Gump look like Stephen Hawking so she fits in perfectly. Oh reality, how you ruin a perfectly fucked up fantasy concocted by lonely football-obsessed men.
/wonders what fucked up shit her boyfriend fantasizes about. Euuughhh
May 31st, 2009 at 5:31 am
i agree….IM DRUNK. AND THIS POST IS AWESOMEEEEEEE…who does think anal licking is funnnnnny lick lick lop
May 31st, 2009 at 3:05 pm
So Brittnee says “Hang on, Brittnee. I’ll help you look.” ? …Fail.
May 31st, 2009 at 6:31 pm
+1 Animal Mother.
June 1st, 2009 at 8:12 am
No Pacman, HinesWald, Ochocinco, or O’Sullivan cameo? Come on
June 1st, 2009 at 10:02 am
/slow clap
June 1st, 2009 at 10:09 am
Should I be so turned on by this?
June 1st, 2009 at 3:46 pm
I am disappointed by the lack of extra cheerleader pictures.
High school football season cannot come soon enough. :(
June 1st, 2009 at 6:45 pm
ARROWED!
June 2nd, 2009 at 10:22 pm
punte, i’m just glad you’re using your awesome narrative powers for good rather than evil. carry on.
August 22nd, 2009 at 7:51 am
“Just don’t grab her by the insides of her thighs. She hates that.”
Yeah, that’s the chocolate frosting on this fap cupcake.