F–K YOU, BRETT FAVRE
My favorite team is going to sign Brett Favre in the coming days, or weeks, or months, or however long it takes that fucking asshole to milk the publicity machine to his satisfaction. It’s going to happen. Debating whether or not it will is a complete waste of fucking time. When it comes to the Land Baron, speculation always becomes reality.
It’s fitting that it would come this. For years and years, I have fucking loathed Brett Favre with every fiber of my being. He is the single most self-aggrandizing piece of shit who ever walked the Earth, the most blatantly phony human being in America this side of Bobby Bowden. Say what you will of openly douchebaggy people like Matt Leinart or Spencer Pratt. At least there are no illusions when it comes to those gents’ intentions. Everything about Favre – from his style of play to his carefully cultivated everyman image – is complete bullshit, and everything about the man is tiresome, to the point where bitching about him being tiresome has become an even more tiresome enterprise than whatever it is that makes him tiresome to begin with. Not only am I sick of this dipshit, but I’m sick of being sick of him. And I resent that everyone is so tired of hating him, that I’m beating a dead horse by still hating him.
I have always argued that pro athletes should play their respective sports as long as they damn well please, because it’s still a kickass job even if you aren’t all that good at it anymore. So I don’t begrudge Favre his right to play football, even if it’s for the Vikings. What I do begrudge is the fact that this asshole NEVER WANTED TO FUCKING STOP PLAYING TO BEGIN WITH. He knew the second he rererereretired earlier this year that he’d try and get his release so he could play in Minnesota. This whole myth perpetrated by Peter King that, “I don’t think even Brett Favre knows what Brett Favre is going to do” is the most insulting pile of shit I’ve ever heard. That fuck knows exactly what the fuck he’s doing, and anyone who says otherwise probably spends all day licking radiators.
Make no mistake, when the Vikings end up signing Favre, it won’t be the final piece in some kind of championship puzzle. It’ll be the nothing more than the final nail in the coffin for Brad Childress. It’ll be the last act of a desperate coach who has spent the past three years wasting an otherwise talented roster on unimaginative schemes and an abject failure to produce anything of note at the quarterback position. This asshole had three fucking years to cultivate a decent QB for this team. Three. A fucking lifetime in NFL years.
Instead, he insisted he could develop Tarvaris Jackson, who can play the position somewhat decently only when there is nothing important to play for. Jackson was drafted by Fran Foley, the onetime Vikings personnel director who was immediately fired after the Jackson draft, for warning his secretary there would be a coming “bloodbath” (his word): a mass firing of scouts and team administrators. Foley traded two third-round picks to select Jackson, whose predraft grades (most pegged him as a late round pick to rookie free agent) immediately made his selection the equivalent of the Raiders’ Michael Mitchell pick two weeks ago.
The Vikings could have made any number of moves in recent years to give Jackson competition, or to outright replace him. They had a chance to trade for Matt Schaub. They had a chance to draft any number of other QB’s. They could have traded for Jay Cutler, regardless of whether or not you found his price too exorbitant. Instead, they did virtually nothing until trading for Sage Rosenfels earlier this year. It’s an indictment of just how poorly prepared Jackson is that Rosenfels, who averages one interception for every 20 fucking pass attempts, represents a colossal upgrade at the position.
And now, only now, after time and again fucking up the QB situation, does Childress feel urgently compelled to seriously upgrade the position. And how is he going about it? By making late overtures to an erratic 39-year-old journeyman with half a bicep. Hey shitbox, you already have an erratic journeyman on the roster. Do we really need fucking multiples of them?
I’ve heard arguments in the Minnesota media that, while Favre almost certainly offers no January promise for the Vikings, that his presence will at least make the coming season more interesting. Well, you know what? I don’t want my team to be fucking interesting. I want my team to fucking WIN. I’ve seen this team do the interesting thing before, with Denny Green and Randy Moss and all that shit. It was fun. But ultimately, it ended up going to shit.
Interesting teams don’t win it all in the NFL anymore. If you want to win a Super Bowl, you’re better off being the most boring fucking team alive. Look at the Steelers. They change coaches once every two decades. They never sign big name free agents, particularly those “he’s the final piece!” type free agents. They don’t do any of that shit. They keep things running smoothly, and then they go win titles. And they don’t sign players I fucking despise.
That’s the biggest dagger of all in this whole shitshow. That seething hatred I have of Brett Favre is part of who I am. It’s ingrained in my very being. When I die, my body will turn into nothing but solid black ash. I won’t go to Heaven. I won’t go to Hell. I’ll simply stop existing. Not a trace of me will be left, on this plane or any other. But, even then, I assure you I’ll still find a way to fucking hate Brett Favre.
And now, as a final, personal FUCK YOU to every Viking fan like me who ever wished him dead, that fuckface is now going to make it so I have to root for him. I actually have to cheer when he goes and does something good. And that makes me hate his fucking guts all the more. Because now I’m supposed to buy into all his bullshit.
That fucking fuck.
Well, fine. If that’s the way it has to be, then so be it. I’ll root for you in a Vikings uniform, Favre. But just know that I will hate every goddamn minute of it. Just know that never has loving a sports team been more exposed as a thoughtless, irrational, singularly idiotic pursuit than in this coming instance. Just know that I will fucking hunt you down with a goddamn bow when you end up fucking us in the end. And you will fuck us. Just know I’m far more excited by the thought of you getting booed at Lambeau than the thought of you being cheered at the Metrodome.
Just know that your new head coach is an incompetent, arrogant fuckwit who couldn’t place an order at a Sonic drive thru without fucking it up and triggering some sort of biochemical attack.
Just know all that before you sit down for your little powwow with Brad Childress, Farvaro. You fucking pussyflap. Oh, I’ll cheer you on, you fucking Hollywood redneck cockpuller. I’ll pull for you every step of the way, you miserable shit volcano. I’ll cherish your token three good games during the season that make Collinsworth flood his pants, you blood-soaked pantyliner.
I’ll do all that that.
But I’ll never stop hating you.
Fuck you. Die.
Tags: Big Daddy Drew, F--K YOU BRETT FAVRE, haterade, Homerism, i still think sage could be halfway decent, rants, writing angry is fun, yes i know the vikings are going 3-13 this year
May 6th, 2009 at 11:51 am
Wait a second…Brett Favre retired? When did this ever happen?
May 6th, 2009 at 11:51 am
Rosenfels, who averages one interception for every 20 fucking pass attempts, represents a colossal upgrade at the position.
So does Favre these days. I’m sorry Drew. I really am.
May 6th, 2009 at 11:51 am
As a Houston fan, I must reach out to you and prepare you. the Rosencopter will let you down in new and creative ways en route to epic failure. Halfway decent is too optimistic. We signed Dan “Out the endzone” Orlovsky as an upgrade!
May 6th, 2009 at 11:52 am
So you’re pretty excited about the upcoming signing?
May 6th, 2009 at 11:52 am
I’m in agreement on Favre as well as Rosenfels.
May 6th, 2009 at 11:54 am
/slow clap
May 6th, 2009 at 11:55 am
pussyflap? I like it.
May 6th, 2009 at 11:56 am
Well this is how we gonna’ do this:
fuck Brady,
fuck Belichick,
fuck The Patriots as a staff, team, and as a mother fucking crew.
And if you want to be down with The Patriots,
Then fuck you too.
Randy Moss, fuck you too.
All you mother fuckers, fuck you too.
fuck you and your mother fucking mama.
-drew inspired me
May 6th, 2009 at 11:56 am
/slow clap
May 6th, 2009 at 11:58 am
You know what I never get tired of? The look of horror on people’s faces when I tell them that I, too, hate Brett Favre.
May 6th, 2009 at 11:59 am
I can’t tell from reading, are you going to buy a Favre #4 Vikings jersey (special edition)?
May 6th, 2009 at 12:02 pm
I liked the part where he got angry.
Seriously, awesome post, Drew.
And that wasn’t deja vu I was feeling, it was un-Favrelike consistency in position. http://deadspin.com/5023793/brett-favre-as-a-viking-and-the-importance-of-your-one-true-hate
May 6th, 2009 at 12:02 pm
This is the Favre-hate post we’ve been waiting almost a year for out of Drew. Excellent.
Now someone needs to make some sort of photoshopped/animated gif and put Favre’s head on the Emperor and Drew’s on Luke’s. (Some random cheesehead is Vader? Not sure.)
May 6th, 2009 at 12:04 pm
Damn BDD…. That’s some powerful hate. Just let it flow through you…
May 6th, 2009 at 12:04 pm
BDD, you sound like a GB fan today. To quote the great Eugene Levy, You think you hate him now? Wait until he throws one final interception in dec, jan, or feb to drive a stake into YOUR heart. Only this time he’ll be on your sideline.
May 6th, 2009 at 12:05 pm
you think those asshats in GB are going to boo him? Have you ever been to GB? Farvrvre could start simultaneously for the Bears, Vikes AND Lions and those blindly loyal fans would cheer for every TD pass he throws.
May 6th, 2009 at 12:06 pm
With Favre at quarterback, I bet the Vikes could have a shot at selling out their home playoff games.
May 6th, 2009 at 12:06 pm
So on the off chance that Favre and the Vikings win the Super Bowl (hey it is the NFL), then what? Because thats the post I’d really like to see.
May 6th, 2009 at 12:07 pm
I can’t wait for Ashvoice to review this post over on youtube.
May 6th, 2009 at 12:09 pm
Chris Mortensen is on Sportscenter right now with a breaking story: BDD doesn’t like Favre. You heard it from Chris first.
May 6th, 2009 at 12:11 pm
Drew you should send this in letter form to Favre and Childress both by registered mail so maybe they’ll read this
May 6th, 2009 at 12:12 pm
I want to move into a bunker just to avoid all of this nonsense. OK, there is NBA and NHL playoffs going on. Actually kind of major news involving the bankruptcy of the PHX Coyotes, and ESPN is leading with Britfarr. And devoting like 20+minutes an hour to that fucking fuck box.
I know that most people don’t give two unholy shits about hockey, but you can’t tell me that right now that is not more important sports news than Brett Favre is going to play again. I refuse to believe it. Also, I hate everything about Farvaro and ESPN’s coverage, that the only way I can think to feel better about this is to become a cutter.
May 6th, 2009 at 12:15 pm
Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate…leads to suffering…surely Britfar’s coming will bring balance to the NFC North?
May 6th, 2009 at 12:18 pm
As a Vikings fan this post sums up all the feelings. I haven’t been able to watch a minute of sports news in the last day.
May 6th, 2009 at 12:20 pm
/slow clap
May 6th, 2009 at 12:21 pm
Favre be it from Drew to go too Farve with his rage, but we all knew Favre’s career was Favre from over and thereFavre we can’t become too angry. Favrethermore, the Favresota Vikings, while Favre from a Super Bowl contender, saw a need to be Favres and went Favre the best Favre agent Favressible. Favre Favre Favre Favreably Farve Favre Farve, Favre Favres…
/kills self
May 6th, 2009 at 12:23 pm
/Standing ovation, shaking head in marvel of how awesome that was
May 6th, 2009 at 12:25 pm
I’m pretty sure Drew’s pudding cup bubbled up and exploded into a rampaging ghost right as his voice reached full decibel at the end of that rant.
May 6th, 2009 at 12:26 pm
Great hatred. Lofty hatred.
May 6th, 2009 at 12:28 pm
Sometimes it’s the simplest lines that really get you. Solid article as a whole, but “That fucking fuck” and “Fuck you. Die” were easily my favorite parts. I agree whole-heartedly, and feel it would be the same kind of emotion I’d feel if a decrepit old Peyton Manning signed with the Patriots. But what can you do.
Vikings fans this year: doing the cheering version of hate-fucking.
May 6th, 2009 at 12:28 pm
You know what this has created?
Pity for the Vikes fans from Lions fans. Yes, I said it.
May 6th, 2009 at 12:30 pm
What happens, if somehow, by the act of God, Favre leads to Vikes to a Super Bowl? What do you do then Drew?
May 6th, 2009 at 12:31 pm
will PK move to Minnesota now?
May 6th, 2009 at 12:31 pm
@Thighs of Wilfork:
“…it would be the same kind of emotion I’d feel if a decrepit old Peyton Manning signed with the Patriots.”
Sadly, as much Belichik is hated around here, we can all acknowledge that the old adulterer would never pull a stunt like that.
May 6th, 2009 at 12:31 pm
That’s good stuff, Drew.
As an Eagles fan, the only equivalent to this I can think of, would be if Michael Irvin tried to play for the Eagles at the end of his career.
May 6th, 2009 at 12:32 pm
Bravo, sir.
May 6th, 2009 at 12:32 pm
Goooooooooooooooooooo VIKES!
May 6th, 2009 at 12:35 pm
As unlikely as it is, I can honestly say I hope Favre wins the Super Bowl with the Vikings. Just to see Drew’s reaction.
May 6th, 2009 at 12:36 pm
But he did so well for the Jets last year… What? He threw how many interceptions? Never mind then.
May 6th, 2009 at 12:37 pm
Favre is a pussy flap? So is Rosenfelds. Congrats, you have a vagina at QB. Add in Childress as the asshole into the mix and you’ve got yourself the insides of a female’s underoos.
Favre will fuck at one (or more) point this season. He will fuck you dry and hard and wipe your blood off his cock with your pillow as you cry yourself into your happy place. NO ONE DENIES THIS!!
May 6th, 2009 at 12:38 pm
Who is this Brett Favre fellow that you speak so ill of? Seems awfully rude to lay into a 14-year-old youth football player in such a manner.
\the only thing surprising is a deal wasn’t reached before the TV schedules were locked in.
May 6th, 2009 at 12:39 pm
This is a fucked-up, dirty thing to do to a fan base by a guy who’ll be unemployed by January. The old “I’m taking everyone with me when I go out” play. I’ve seen it a million times.
May 6th, 2009 at 12:42 pm
/slow clap
//Curious what the post would be like if Rex Grossman were signed to the Viqueens today.
May 6th, 2009 at 12:44 pm
“I’ll root for you in a Vikings uniform, Favre.”
No need to soil yourself in such a manner. Think academically about this problem….take a NFL sabbatical. The Gophers look forward to your support.
May 6th, 2009 at 12:46 pm
THE HORROR! THE HORROR!
May 6th, 2009 at 12:46 pm
That post could obliterate puppies and moonbeams.
Don’t know what that means, but nicely done BDD.
May 6th, 2009 at 12:48 pm
The 5 int. performance in Week 17 with the division title on the line will be truly epic.
May 6th, 2009 at 12:48 pm
The real issue here is that Favrvaro doesn’t understand what John Elway so clearly did. It’s not playing on Sunday that is hard to do when you get older. It’s the work and commitment during the off-season that enables you to play well on Sunday that taxes the body. Throwing soft tosses to high school kids while wearing your Wranglers isn’t exactly the workout routine that will get him past week eight.
/Mr. Ed joke
May 6th, 2009 at 12:49 pm
he’s like a kid out there, havin’ fun, drawin’ up plays in the dirt, Drew! he’s a gunslinger! he’s just havin’ fun, draggin’ down franchise after franchise after franchise!
we need to buy donte stallworth a plane ticket to mississippi… WHO’S CHIPPIN IN YOU PUNKS?
May 6th, 2009 at 12:52 pm
If could be worse Drew, the Vikes could have signed the Sex Cannon
May 6th, 2009 at 12:54 pm
Interesting piece of work….I just wish you could have used stronger language. ;)
May 6th, 2009 at 12:54 pm
Go calm yourself by masturbating to Kelly Ripa bikini pics
May 6th, 2009 at 12:58 pm
With the possibility of BDD having to watch Favre play for the Vikings, I’m psyched that an NFL fan out there will feel more deep spiritual pain than me having to watch the Broncos get turned into the fucking Patriots by McDouchebag the boy wonder.
May 6th, 2009 at 12:58 pm
As a resident and season ticket holder for the Packers, I can tell you that no one I’ve talked to in the past 24 hours is still on board with Brett. We had his back when he retired, we questioned our judgment when he signed with the Jets, and now we are straight up pissed and embarrassed. While much remains uncertain, signing with the Vikings – or anyone else for that matter – will guarantee public burnings of Favre jerseys. The little boy who cried wolf one too many times.
May 6th, 2009 at 12:59 pm
Romo doesn’t look too bad these days, does he?
May 6th, 2009 at 1:03 pm
I don’t want my team to be fucking interesting. I want my team to fucking WIN
Amen Drew, A-fucking-men.
This is the kind of hate that reminds me of this hate: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Madd_Rapper
May 6th, 2009 at 1:04 pm
I hate the Vikings, Bears and the Packers. But not as much as I hate Brett Farve. Way to say it Big Daddy!
May 6th, 2009 at 1:06 pm
Haw Haw!
May 6th, 2009 at 1:07 pm
Licking radiators??
May 6th, 2009 at 1:07 pm
Drew, I’ll give you a hug
May 6th, 2009 at 1:08 pm
I’ll start the bounty on Favre’s knees at $100.00
May 6th, 2009 at 1:11 pm
@ Porky1: Bravo good sir. I applaud you and all you have ever done.
@ Drew: As the official spokesman for all things Jets, I know I speak on behalf of all of GangGreen when I say that, when not rooting for the Jets this upcoming season, we will be rooting for whomever is facing the Vikings and hoping that someone manages to dive at Favre’s knees and/or shoulder and/or C5 vertebra and cripple him a la Theismann.
He deserves nothing less.
May 6th, 2009 at 1:19 pm
As a true Packer fan – GOOD RIDDENCE To this traitor! Someone else’s problem and I agree – cannot wait to boo him at Lambeau!
May 6th, 2009 at 1:23 pm
As a Packer fan I am loving every minute of this…..have fun with Favre assholes!!!! HAHAHAHAHAH
May 6th, 2009 at 1:25 pm
I’ve been waiting for this post since the rumors started, and it did not disappoint. Excellent work.
May 6th, 2009 at 1:30 pm
On the flip side, just think of how much fun it will be when he’s yanked in the 3rd quarter for Sage Fucking Rosenfels…and the home crowd rejoices. As a Bronco fan, I am clinging to the joy I will feel when McDouchebag is ridden out of town on a rail.
I’ll set the over/under at Week 6 (home vs. Ravens).
May 6th, 2009 at 1:31 pm
At least Favre will have new land to work!
May 6th, 2009 at 1:31 pm
As a Bears fan, I now will enjoy the season even more. How do you take a step back from Tavarious? Oh yeah, sign BrittFarr.
Vikings= 6 INTs/game
Lions= abortion
Packers= Wild Card Bitches
The North is going to be fun
/Praise to the Almighty Cutlerfucker
May 6th, 2009 at 1:32 pm
Wow so much hate for mere speculation. Did anyone actually make it to the bottom of this novel? If so tell me how it ended.
May 6th, 2009 at 1:33 pm
Isn’t this the exact same speesh that Mike Greenberg gave last year when Favre was traded to the Jets?
May 6th, 2009 at 1:34 pm
Righteous hate. Our kind of hate. It’s been said but we’ll reiterate: Brett Favre is a model idiot?!
In Marmalard We Trust
May 6th, 2009 at 1:34 pm
This will go live on Fark at 3:13 p.m.
May 6th, 2009 at 1:40 pm
My favorite part was the sidewise swipe at that sanctimonious prick, Bobby Bowden. Thank you.
May 6th, 2009 at 1:41 pm
Wow.
Is there a Blogging Hall of Fame?
May 6th, 2009 at 1:43 pm
I was personally moved by “That fucking fuck.”
I believe it poignantly expressed an emotion that most football fans (and us Bears fans especially) hold for dear, Mr. Favre.
Thank god he’s not going to Chicago.
May 6th, 2009 at 1:44 pm
The LOLZOMGs are scheduled to arrive at 3:14 p.m.
Great rant, Drew. Every Purple Jesus needs a Purple Judas.
May 6th, 2009 at 1:47 pm
Drew -
As a Jet fan, I pity what’s about to come your way. If you hear the media say anything about Jet fans being upset over this, I assure you that’s complete horseshit. We couldn’t happier to get rid of that prima donna interception macine, and not just because we drafted Dirty Sanchez.
Just to emphasize how phony he is, have you read that Favre “wasn’t considering coming back, but was surprised that the Jets released him?” Yeah, that’s a complete lie. “Bus” was begging the Jets for Favre’s release for weeks.
May 6th, 2009 at 1:49 pm
I’m already looking forward to the “Aim for the Knees” signs during the game at Lambeau.
May 6th, 2009 at 1:52 pm
This is the one of the best things you guys have ever posted. Fucking great
May 6th, 2009 at 1:53 pm
so, are we enjoying that nice, stress-free vacation drew?
May 6th, 2009 at 1:55 pm
Wow so much hate for mere speculation. Did anyone actually make it to the bottom of this novel? If so tell me how it ended.
WITH YOU GETTING RAPED, RAPE VICTIM
May 6th, 2009 at 2:01 pm
It was just a matter of time until things got all rapey here
May 6th, 2009 at 2:02 pm
Speaking of rape, Drew, you should use your twitter account to try to become the new Vikes GM.
May 6th, 2009 at 2:03 pm
No heaven? No hell? I guess you bought into that John Lennon “Imagine” bullshit. Just so you know, there is an afterlife and it ain’t all good.
And Brett Favre is pathetic.
May 6th, 2009 at 2:05 pm
that’s the kind of visceral hate that keeps me coming back to this site in the offseason. great work!
May 6th, 2009 at 2:06 pm
Damn, that was awesome!
I think you have to quit writing now because there is no way to top that.
Kind of like when Isaac Hayes first heard the playback of the Theme from Shaft. He should have just walked off into the wilderness, ’cause there is nothing you will ever do to touch that.
May 6th, 2009 at 2:11 pm
Rumor notwithstanding, one good thing to come of this unlikely outcome will be some highly motivated and emotionally charged Favre v. Cutler posts.
Sulkface v. Land Baron? Favre mouth-eyes? The stuff writes itself.
As a Bears fan I can’t stop grinning — at least until week 1 at Green Bay…
May 6th, 2009 at 2:13 pm
That last paragraph (before those three single sentences) is just a work of art. Like John Wayne Gacy’s clown paintings, but still, impressive.
I won’t root for Favre, since I don’t give a shit about football, but I will hate the shit out of him and express contempt any time I hear someone praise him. In your name. Amen.
May 6th, 2009 at 2:26 pm
Whew…it is REALLY gonna burn your ass when you finally realize that the only chance the Vikings will ever have to win a title (ever) is with Brett Favre at the helm.
May 6th, 2009 at 2:27 pm
Tell ‘em why you mad, son
May 6th, 2009 at 2:29 pm
As a Bear’s fan, let me say: AHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!
Have fun, bitches. I have to say I am glad he’s back in the division. Farve is money when it comes to throwing the back-breaking interception in the 4th quarter. Glad we’ll be having two opportunities for that this season.
BTW, didn’t he always play like shit in the Humpdome? Yeah, this is shaping up to be GREAT fucking season!
Take heart, Drew: There’s no way in hell Chilly will be back next year. Maybe Wylf will hire someone with a clue.
May 6th, 2009 at 2:32 pm
Actual analysis?
May 6th, 2009 at 2:36 pm
If you haven’t done so yet, read Don Banks’ article on SI.com. It’s pretty much Drew’s rant without the profanity (so not quite as good). Plus, he even takes a subtle swipe at Peter King: http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2009/writers/don_banks/05/06/favre/index.html?eref=T1
May 6th, 2009 at 2:46 pm
” You miserable shit volcano”
I almost made a shit volcano in my shorts on that one.
Somebody needs a hug.
May 6th, 2009 at 2:47 pm
@Windy City Sulker…
+1 for “Purple Judas” but would it be Favre or Childress? I’d say Childress. Favre could become “Purple Methuselah”.
Rosenfels, of course, is merely “Purple Sage”, the Jewish Rifleman. Or as I’ve always called him: “Buckshot Rosenfels.”
/a Methuselah rookie card
May 6th, 2009 at 2:53 pm
Predictions:
Vikes 7-9,
Favre fractured spine in offseason ATV roll-over
Go bears
May 6th, 2009 at 2:57 pm
If the putz was planning on coming back – he needed to get the bicep operated on. He was afraid of the rehab cecause the doctors told him he would not be able to jerkoff. He would still be a jerkoff – but he would have to masturbate lefty.
May 6th, 2009 at 2:59 pm
Judging by the schedule, Chicago will have some fun destroying the Vikes twice in the final month to win the division.
And I thought Cutlerfucker was a gift…
May 6th, 2009 at 2:59 pm
Should have called him a cunt. That’s what this needed, a good cunt calling.
May 6th, 2009 at 2:59 pm
Favre fractured spine in offseason machete attack by masked chubby blogger.
/fixed
May 6th, 2009 at 3:06 pm
Finally!
I’ve been waiting for Drew to go one record about this for quite a while. And it exceeded my hate filled expectations.
Go Lions?
May 6th, 2009 at 3:17 pm
Signing Brett Favre is the only way the Vikings can sell out playoff games. However, signing Brett Favre will ensure that the Vikings don’t host a playoff game.
Oh, what a cruel, cruel conundrum!!!
May 6th, 2009 at 3:19 pm
@Porky1 – I was thinking it was the Land Baron of Working The Land himself, what with the betrayal and all. But time will tell. Neither of those geezers is in Vikings purple after this season.
/WHOOOSSSHHHH
May 6th, 2009 at 3:23 pm
*cackles evilly.* “Good… good! Your hate has made you powerful!”
That was some 100% primetime grade A hatred right there. It fucking sizzled Peter King’s twitter account.
I have to agree though. Fuck Brett Fucking Farve.
May 6th, 2009 at 3:26 pm
BDD: Real, comfortable, hate.
May 6th, 2009 at 3:27 pm
Ugh. My Vikings are spectacular at fucking themselves; truly innovative in their self-destructive incompetence. Fuck you, Brett Favre. You’re going to fuck over the Vikings somehow- which will give morbidly-obese Packers fans something to be happy about besides Old Milwaukee and fried cheese curds. Brett Favre, you are an agent of Satan, but you’re no longer fooling anyone, you fake-ass, egomaniacal taint blister. Fuck you, Brett Favre. Even if he gets the Vikings a Super Bowl title this years (he won’t), I’d still hate him. Fuck you, Brett Favre.
May 6th, 2009 at 3:30 pm
@ lil wayne chrebet
Jets fans tears taste the best. Colts and Chargers fans are a close second, but seriously, nothing makes me happier than suffering Jets fans. Go fuck yourself with an iron stick, it’ll be far more enjoyable than you watching that shitbag team compete for mediocrity for the 30th strait year.
/nothing channels the repressed inner Tawmmy like a bitter Jets fan whining
May 6th, 2009 at 3:37 pm
Does this mean Madden’s coming out of retirement too?
May 6th, 2009 at 3:38 pm
This line, for me, says it all, “Just know I’m far more excited by the thought of you getting booed at Lambeau than the thought of you being cheered at the Metrodome.”
I lived in Mpls for about 6 years and had to go to bars to watch the Packers play when they were scheduled for games the same time as the Vikings. Vikings fans would join us at Old Chicago or whatever other shitty bar where they showed all the games, but the only time you ever heard Vikings fans cheer was when the Packers fucked up. They never cheered when their team did well. So, I wasn’t really surprised when I found out long ago that you’re a Vikes fan. Makes sense.
May 6th, 2009 at 3:40 pm
As a Green Bay fan I am sick of these Favre combacks. It feels like he’s stabbing a knife into my chest. That said, the man is one of the top 5 qbs OF ALL TIME. He has the best stats ever for a QB. He won a Superbowl, and if not for shitty defensive tackle play in SB XXXII, he would have two. Also, jerry rice fucking fumbled in that terrell owens catch in the endzone game, and they were good that year. Favre isnt a journeyman! He is a shit volcano.
May 6th, 2009 at 3:41 pm
As a Green Bay fan I am sick of these Favre comebacks. It feels like he’s stabbing a knife into my chest. That said, the man is one of the top 5 qbs OF ALL TIME. He has the best stats ever for a QB. He won a Superbowl, and if not for shitty defensive tackle play in SB XXXII, he would have two. Also, jerry rice fucking fumbled in that terrell owens catch in the endzone game, and they were good that year. Favre isnt a journeyman! He is a shit volcano.
May 6th, 2009 at 3:44 pm
I hope like hell this happens. I’m sorry, Drew, but your misery is comedy gold. I look forward to a whole year of Big Daddy updates on the Land Baron, The Boiled-Blood Kit Kat Baron, and their fabulous love fest! Make it happen, Favre!!!
May 6th, 2009 at 3:44 pm
Dear NFL Fans, there’s only one way to end this madness. Stop looking and stop caring about Favre. As soon as people stop giving a damn about Favre, Favre will grow to become Mecca-Favre. That’s when the air force will be able to take him down.
May 6th, 2009 at 3:45 pm
It’s Packers fans who make the Packers so hateable.
May 6th, 2009 at 3:46 pm
Paul,
Your comment sucked both times.
Paul,
Your comment sucked both times.
May 6th, 2009 at 3:49 pm
That was beautiful. Unfortunately, I know that 2 of the 3 games he’s going to find a way to win are the Bears games. Why? Because he plays better against my Bears? Oh no, no, no. But somehow, some way the Bears will find a way to lose to Brett Favre.
I remember years ago now. Favre had the worst first half of football you could imagine. He threw I believe 3 picks? He was running for his life the whole time. I was celebrating. High-stepping in front of my TV. He actually was so desperate to avoid a sack that he got called for intentional grounding….on a ball that ended up becoming a pick six. It hung up there so long that Briggs ran ACROSS THE FIELD and took it into the endzone. Favre was a humiliated shred of a man. Then, before half, another one of his picks was bound for the endzone. It was Roosevelt Williams. Williams had nothing but green grass in front of him, the Bears were going to salt this one away. BUT WAIT…Williams started running out of gas…it couldn’t be! Tillman was on his back hip, but Williams didn’t lateral, and Tillman didn’t block, and suddenly the rookie corner fell down inside the five and was touched down. Time expired in the first half. I knew right then that the Bears would lose that game. It was inevitable now. Some higher power realized that no team deserved to play that badly and win a game, and that higher power smote us duly. We lost.
I could see Brett Favre die and feel nothing.
May 6th, 2009 at 3:51 pm
Being a Cowboys fan, I wasn’t too excited when we signed T.O., but I would rather have T.O. any day over brett favre. At least T.O.’s act is funny.
May 6th, 2009 at 3:52 pm
Pure gold. And I agree with every word.
May 6th, 2009 at 3:56 pm
BUT WHAT OF PETER KING’S SAVED VOICEMAIL?? WON’T ANYONE THINK OF PETEY’S VOICEMAIL???
May 6th, 2009 at 3:59 pm
I second Mark’s comment…that was the most brilliant thing that I’ve ever read.
May 6th, 2009 at 4:02 pm
@Hater: This is for you
You wanna know why, yo first of all, yo first of all you can’t
Be askin me no question knowhatI’msayin who the fuck is you?
YouknowhatI’msayin? You can’t be askin me no question
I’ma tell you why I’m mad, youknowhatI’msayin? I’ma tell you why
I’m mad. I’ma tell you why I’m mad. These n____z is makin five
Hundred thousand dollar videos, yunusayin? They drivin around in
Hot cars, yunusayin? They got bitches, they got all that shit.
YouknowhatI’msayin? I’m still livin with my MOMS, youknowhatI’msayin?
That’s my word. Yunusayin? I’m makin records I ain’t made no money
Yet I done made this is my fourth album yo, this my FOURTH ALBUM.
I ain’t made a dime yet. This n___a made one album, he makin wild
Records. That Ready to Die shit, it was aight, it was aight,
Yunumsayin, that shit was aight, it was cool. But my shit is
More John Blaze than that! I got John Blaze shit. And they not
Recognizing, they not sayin I recognize. And fuck is that, who
Is you to be askin me questions, youknowhatI’msayin? Who is you?
May 6th, 2009 at 4:02 pm
Well, at least this will be the end of Brad Childress. If there is one thing I’ve seen time and again over the last decade it is that Favre is incapable of playing in the Metrodome. Seriously, someone should look up his stats at the Dome. He’s horrid there – and that was throwing against awful corners too. Thank god we’ve gone from Astroturf to Field Grass so he might have a chance of winning a couple of home games this year.
May 6th, 2009 at 4:09 pm
What a fucking shitty post. I thought there was no crying in football… Leave it to Drew to tear it up on the field.
May 6th, 2009 at 4:10 pm
24 PICKS MINIMUM. NO ONE DENIES THIS.
May 6th, 2009 at 4:16 pm
Now you know how I feel Drew. I’m a Lions fan in NY who likes the Jets. I couldn’t cheer one game for them this year. I rooted for him to fail miserably…and he did.
May 6th, 2009 at 4:18 pm
FUUUUUUUUCK.
I just realized what this reminds me of. THEISMANN.
Wouldn’t shut up. Wouldn’t go away. Got old and wouldn’t retire. Thought his shit didn’t stink. What happened?
HAD HIS LEG AMPUTATED ON LIVE TV.
#4 is gonna have dodged the bus one time too many.
May 6th, 2009 at 4:20 pm
Jeff Garcia is still available. Just sayin’
[stifles chuckle]
May 6th, 2009 at 4:23 pm
The Pittsburgh Steelers would like to take this opportunity to formally invite you to the fold? Will you join us?
May 6th, 2009 at 4:32 pm
Make fun of Eli all you want, you’d toss the salad of some bum in the bus station for a QB like him right now.
May 6th, 2009 at 4:34 pm
As a fan of organized sports, I feel your pain. Anyone who doesn’t only cheer for winning teams and has instead watched the team they love struggle and piss away the chances they do get feels your pain.
As an asshole who posts on KSK, I laugh at your pain. Laugh until I can no longer feel my own.
May 6th, 2009 at 4:37 pm
“He is the single most self-aggrandizing piece of shit who ever walked the Earth, the most blatantly phony human being in America this side of Bobby Bowden.”
Yo, bitch, yo!
/Michael Jordan
/Barry Bonds
yep, there is another holy trinity working here . . .
May 6th, 2009 at 4:38 pm
To all the Viqueens fans who are excited about maybe getting the queen of drama queens in the NFL (Mr in retired Brett Favre), you can have him. Green Bay is a lot better place without, besides do you really think he will get out of the first game you play the Packers actually walking. From one Mississippi Gulfcoast man to another Brett, stay retired and quit embarrassing my home state and your self.
May 6th, 2009 at 4:41 pm
It’s spelled “Vikings”, not “Viqueens”. Oh, wait. I see what you did there.
May 6th, 2009 at 4:50 pm
Dear NFL Fans, there’s only one way to end this madness. Stop looking and stop caring about Favre.
You’re picking on the wrong target. NFL fans don’t give a shit about Favre, and haven’t for some time. The media must have their plucky, everyman, just-loves-to-play-the-game narrative, and if such a narrative doesn’t present itself, they make it up.
May 6th, 2009 at 4:52 pm
@Nom de — “media must have their plucky, everyman, just-loves-to-play-the-game narrative”
WELKAH!!
May 6th, 2009 at 4:54 pm
WHY HAS NO ONE THOUGHT OF THE IDEA THAT FAVRE IS DOING THIS TO GET MONEY INTO HIS HOMETOWN?? what if he does all this bullshit so that espn & fox sports & sports illustrated etc. are all sending people there, funelling money into his hometown! he’s actually being a nice guy by being a douchebag!! maybe he doesnt really give a shit about the accolades if we think about it like that. justttttt a conspiracy theory me and my buddies just came up with after smokin a doobie
May 6th, 2009 at 4:54 pm
I am a Packers fan, yet today you are my hero, sir.
May 6th, 2009 at 4:55 pm
Yea, how dare someone come in and ruin such a sterling program. You know, that program with no Super Bowls. That’s terrible.
May 6th, 2009 at 4:56 pm
@Gino
Maybe someday your team will win a Championship. Oh wait you are a Vikings fan? Yikes…nevermind.
May 6th, 2009 at 4:56 pm
ever been utter morons . . . on WEED?!
May 6th, 2009 at 4:58 pm
I actually did a video blog about this.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uIB0iROgOvw
May 6th, 2009 at 5:00 pm
Is this what happens when a post gets on Fark? Bummer.
May 6th, 2009 at 5:09 pm
looks like Tawmy from Quinzee stole himself a video camera and some editing software. Needs more star wipes though.
May 6th, 2009 at 5:10 pm
Hey Richard, sweet video.
May 6th, 2009 at 5:10 pm
The funniest part of reading this for me, was the advertisement with a small child next to it. I almost expected the picture of the child to burst into tears, confused by all the anger.
May 6th, 2009 at 5:15 pm
I think we’re about 17 years away from Drew’s daughter telling her court appointed psychiatrist about her father’s Sundays spent drinking and mumbling, “Brett Favre, fucking Brett Favre.” She’ll then have to catch the bus to make it her shift at the Cheetah Lounge where she dances under the name ‘Crystal.’
May 6th, 2009 at 5:34 pm
@Ted There’s already a young lady there named “Crystal” (as well as Krystal, Chrystal, and Chris-tail) so she’ll need a different name.
/or so I’ve been told
May 6th, 2009 at 5:42 pm
Post of the year that is so fu*king funny I’m still LMFAO 10 minutes later
The full post should be bronzed, encased in gold and displayed in the NFL Hall Of Fame right next to the Madden bust
ROFL ROFL ROFL
May 6th, 2009 at 5:55 pm
Come on dude, tell us what you really. None of this holding back!
I have to say I laughed my ass off reading this rant. And when it got to the line:
“When I die, my body will turn into nothing but solid black ash. I won’t go to Heaven. I won’t go to Hell. I’ll simply stop existing. Not a trace of me will be left, on this plane or any other. But, even then, I assure you I’ll still find a way to fucking hate Brett Favre.”
I was pissing my pants and rolling on the floor with laughter. part of it must be that in each and every one of us we feel the same way about Favre but propriety keeps us from going insane as you have. Thanks for the vicarious thrill of letting the rage out with no fear for your sanity.
May 6th, 2009 at 5:58 pm
I hope madden unretires and signs on to call vikings games
/fuck you I had to watch shitdick favre last year
May 6th, 2009 at 6:00 pm
Best rant ever, I loved it!
May 6th, 2009 at 6:03 pm
I counted 22 fucks or variations thereof in that post.
So, to Big Daddy Drew:
As a Colts fan, I’d like to extend an open invitation to you to hop on our bandwagon. We’re a small town, with good values, and our team reflects this. Not a lot of character cases. No really big offseason moves. And barring catastrophic injury we’re set with a franchise QB for most of the next decade.
However, we win. A lot. Like, 12 games a season, guaranteed. Chalk us up for a Division title basically every year. Figure we’ll host at least one playoff game at home. We won a Super Bowl in 2006. We’re in the mix for another one this year. Our drafts are solid, with no real reaches, and at least one or two starters out of the bunch. We’re not big players in free agency. We’re basically the Steelers with less yinzers.
Sure, our quarterback is goofy and has a huge forehead, and might choke in really big games, but he’s a 3 time MVP and guaranteed first ballot Hall of Famer. We’ve got lots of great characters. Guys like Reggie Wayne, Dwight Freeney, and Bob Sanders. Dallas Clark too! Sure, they’re no Purple Jesus, but Joseph Addai and Donald Brown should be like 80-90% of Purple Jesus. They’re like Diet Purple Jesus! Most of the flavor, none of the heartburn!
So, come on over. You’ll feel better. You really will.
Sincerely,
Monkey Business
Resident Colts Fan
May 6th, 2009 at 6:11 pm
that may be the greatest thing ive ever read
May 6th, 2009 at 6:28 pm
As a Lions fan, I have never, ever, EVER agreed with a Vikings fan more than I do with this post. Dude, you are the fucking man. I wish to whatever the fuck ever deities exist that someone on ESPN or the sports shows has the brass balls to say this on live TV.
Fuck Brett Favre.
Fuck him and the Farrelly brothers for casting him in There’s something about mary
Fuck him and his fucking self righteous douchebaggery
Eat petrified shit and swine flu and Fucking DIE Favre.
May 6th, 2009 at 6:29 pm
*stands*
*claps forcefully*
*wipes a tear*
*slams a fifth of Grey Goose*
May 6th, 2009 at 6:47 pm
From one unfortunate Vikings fan to the next, I also am sorry. This is the worst thing that could ever happen to anyone ever.
The one plus I take out of this is watching the shit show in Green Bay, and the tears on the children’s faces when their fathers forcibly remove their Favre jersey because they can’t stand the number 4 anymore.
If we’re going down Green Bay, so are you and your 17 year love affair.
May 6th, 2009 at 6:54 pm
You just seriously spoke out loud what I felt about this situation from the jump.
Fuck that wrangler jeans wearing, fake ass cowboy mother fucker Brett Favre.
Fuck that big bald headed, john clayton with a mustache looking mother fucker Brad Childress.
Last of all fuck Tarvaris Jackson for making this situation have to come to pass. No talent, scared in the pocket bitch who cant win a game throwing against 2 fucking DB’s. What a worthless cock sucker.
May 6th, 2009 at 7:01 pm
For me the saddest thing about Favre, is that as a football fan, he gave me some awesome chills and spills before he turned into a caricature of a person. He is now on Favre TV all the time. He has turned into the worst type of narcissistic bullshit artist of any I can remember.
And he used to be fun to watch play football. Now we all hate him. That sucks.
May 6th, 2009 at 7:07 pm
At the same time drew, what do they have to lose? when is clitter going to be introduced?
May 6th, 2009 at 7:31 pm
God. Damn. Brilliant, Drew. Your hate completes me. As a fan I like the idea of taking the year off and waiting a year for Leslie Frazier to become head coach.
Fucking cockstained, grey-pubed, bitch-titted donkey rapist. Fucking Favre. FUCK!
/yeah, it does help.
May 6th, 2009 at 7:42 pm
From Don “Donnie Brasco” Banks:
“• You know what really cracks me up about this latest twist in Favre’s self-indulgence? Every time there’s another Favre flip-flop coming on the retirement front, every veteran Favre-watcher in the media who had no idea what he was going to do about retirement the past five times feels compelled to tell us once again they have no idea what he’s going to do this time.
Well, no kidding. Can we all just assume that no one knows what Favre is going to do at this point, given that even Favre doesn’t know himself? Isn’t that a tad obvious? The guy is incapable of making up his mind and sticking to it for an entire offseason. We get it. So why do the “experts” feel the need to remind everyone of just how inaccurate they’ve been?”
Which walking, talking CNNSI sabaceous gland do you think that’s directed at?
May 6th, 2009 at 7:52 pm
Sorry Drew, good drafting plus boring midwestern franchise that ISN’T the Steelers is the Tennessee Titans. You need calls to get over the hump, and the only way to get Steelers’ level officiating without the giant, merchandise-buying fanbase is to sign washed up stars that get national attention. Enjoy the Favre era, and the subsequent Jon Gruden one.
/every single comment on KSK is the same spiel about hating the Steelers
May 6th, 2009 at 8:25 pm
“Well, there you go.”
May 6th, 2009 at 8:27 pm
Dude, it’s the Vikings. Who fucking cares?
May 6th, 2009 at 8:34 pm
As much as I enjoyed this hatesunami………it’s even worse when you consider:
The Vikings drafted Tavaris Jackson the SAME YEAR Cutler went to the Broncos, who
Moved up from 15 to 11 by trading their 3rd round pick (68) to St Louis, so
They received Jay Cutler for what amounted to Tye Hill (wha?) and Claude Wroten (guh?) while
The Vikings sat at 17 even though they had the 48th pick (Cedric Griffin), 51st pick (Ryan Cook) and the 64th pick (T-Jack himself) ergo
FuckyouFranFoleyAndYourFuckingArgyleSweatersAndFuckYouChildressAndFuckYouTJackAndFuckYouZigiYouGreedyStadiumWhoreAndFuckYouFavre
Et Cetera…………..
May 6th, 2009 at 8:37 pm
@Jets fans: Thank you. Thank every fucking one of you for not being the retarded inbred hillbilly cumsnorting favre-worshipping dickbags that claimed Jets fanhood and then said that, even after the fucktaster’s arm imploded, even after the lolphins went crazy, that Chad Pennington was a terrible quarterback, Brittfar is some sort of saint, and that Rex should’ve taken up the ass from him before letting him retire. Thank you for not being these abominations.
May 6th, 2009 at 8:59 pm
Monkey Business reminds me that I hate the Colts too.
May 6th, 2009 at 9:01 pm
Right or wrong, that was a really funny piece … I especially like the part about the Sonic drive-through order triggering a biochemical attack. Hilarious.
May 6th, 2009 at 9:02 pm
Drew, you are an inspiration to all of us, including myself. If you ever come to Savannah, I’ll have to buy you a beer. I hope my hate could create epic tomes.
And, yes, Britfar needs to just give up. What’s the bounty on him?
On the plus side, if the Vikings, Britfar, and Childress go down in flames, your team will be in the running for the Tim Tebow Sweepstakes.
May 6th, 2009 at 9:19 pm
I hate Favre, don’t get me wrong, but is it fair to call an 18-year pro with a career passer rating of 85.4, some career passing records and a couple of Super Bowl appearances a journeyman? Or was Drew referring to someone other than Favre then?
May 6th, 2009 at 9:21 pm
Also, Tim Tebow will be a slight upgrade on Alex Smith.
May 6th, 2009 at 9:32 pm
You take this whole thing so personally… its a business… the Vikings are a business… nothing more…
pro sports sells the common man the false notion that they personally win or lose with this “corporate entity”… sells the notion that you have skin in the game just in order to make your pathetic and pointless life a little more palpable… in order to give your otherwise inane existance a bit of color and joy… in order to keep you sedated and distracted from the daily crimes that are perpetrated upon you… its as big a con as the banking system… I wonder if you got this mad over the fact that AIG just gave away $434 million (of your money) in bonuses…
doubtful.
Fuck you and fuck Brett Favre.
You deserve each other.
Keep taking it up the ass and keeping sucking that NFL dick you fucking idiot.
May 6th, 2009 at 9:41 pm
Thanks Drew. You’ve basically put my feelings into paragraph form.
May 6th, 2009 at 9:46 pm
Oh no. $434 million in bonuses? Why, that’s a fucking fraction of a fraction of a percentage of our national debt!
May 6th, 2009 at 9:47 pm
“…the most blatantly phony human being in America this side of Bobby Bowden.”
And for that, I wish my mom had given me a hot-ass sister to mail you.
May 6th, 2009 at 10:01 pm
@Robin: You’ve obviously made a mistake. This is an NFL blog, not an anarcho-syndicalist site (or is it nihilist; I get them confused). No problem. It’s an obvious mistake; could’ve happened to anybody. No need to feel like an idiot. No, really.
May 6th, 2009 at 10:16 pm
Jesus Fucking Christ Drew… this is one of your best posts ever. Combine this with Ape’s awesome Merrimam Footballhood post (as well as the last 2 character based ones), the super hilarious mailbag last week, the martellus bennet twitter, the Cleveland tourist video, and the sexy picture of some juicy In-N-Out burgers (and animal fries!), and this may go down as one of, if not the best weeks in KSK history.
also, i just finished the Wire and after watching it remain pessimistic and violent for 5 seasons (must like this pessimistic and violent post!), i am convinced that Drew Magary is the Marlo Stanfield of the new age of “sportswriting.” Also, Matt Ufford is Chris Partlow and Christmas Ape is Snoop. for some reason, i feel that i don’t need to elaborate on this.
May 6th, 2009 at 10:17 pm
Just let the man do his thing! I’m pretty sure if I had a smidgen of his talent I would want to keep playing. I HATE the fact that he ever “retired” from the Pack in the first place but GOOD LORD they were fools for not taking him back. Just think, we all would never even be making these remarks (some not very well though out), if the dumbasses in charge would have let him play for the Packers again like they should have when he first wanted to come back. Regardless, I still hope the Packers kick the Bears and Vikings butts, but I wouldn’t mind seeing Favre lay it down on on the Bears :) if he did end up going ot Minnesota (a little bit of vomit in my mouth when I just typed that).
May 6th, 2009 at 10:20 pm
Any passing mention of the Steelers = canned tirade from Tim the Enchanter about the refs. Seriously, try it sometime. He’ll show up like Candyman.
Also, Monkey Business is really annoying sometimes.
May 6th, 2009 at 10:22 pm
fuck it. i got nothing. this post is the tits.
May 6th, 2009 at 10:29 pm
“If you want to win a Super Bowl, you’re better off being the most boring fucking team alive. Look at the Steelers.”
Second best example of your point. You know the best example, by far. The fahkin’ Patriots!
Just too painful to write?
May 6th, 2009 at 10:39 pm
the vikings can have farve and his asshole wife too and all the dramatics from that hillybilly country cocksucker- retire my ass, he just cant let go of the attention. oh he’ll throw rockets all over the field in mississippi weather, then he’ll start throwing game losing, season ending (go vikings you shitheads)interceptions, at least you wont have to listen to the asshole madden making excuses for him like “farve was just trying to make a play” or” he’s the only one you’d want to try that one” or ” Holy crap that was a stupid fucking play by one of the great ones” or some other fucking stupid statement that covers up the fact that farve is a choker, doesn’t give a shit about his teammates or the team and expects preferential treatment . Go vikings! sign another fucked up mess, what are you trying to do, become the lions?
please don’t let us stop you! then all we would have to worry about is whether the Bears and that nutbag Cutler self destructs this year or next- we are on the clock on that one.
May 6th, 2009 at 10:41 pm
@Ape
LETANG LETANG LETANG LETANG
(conveniently looks past the enormous lumps of shit left on the ice by Letang after each power play)
May 6th, 2009 at 11:07 pm
Never in my life did I think this Packers fan would agree so much with a Vikings fan. Well said. I’m glad you’re gonna get him and not us again. I still think he can set a single season interception record – might as well do it wearing purple!
May 6th, 2009 at 11:10 pm
i’d ‘ve double-bagged it.
May 6th, 2009 at 11:12 pm
@ billb
OWAH FACKIN’ SOOPA BOW TAME IZ MOAH BARRING THAN YOAH FACKIN’ SOOPA BOW TAME YA FACK.
May 6th, 2009 at 11:14 pm
“I’ll root for you in a Vikings uniform, Favre. But just know that I will hate every goddamn minute of it.”
It’s like how my girlfriend feels about anal sex.
May 6th, 2009 at 11:15 pm
@ spatula
No really?
Or is that because you are a knuckle dragging papist worshipping pedophile idiot…?
May 6th, 2009 at 11:39 pm
Francois Leroux Speedskater:
Stunned.
May 6th, 2009 at 11:56 pm
@Robin You know me so well.
May 7th, 2009 at 12:01 am
As a huge Packers fan, I must say this is the best thing I have ever read from a Vikings (What, no “ViQueens”? Nope, people who do that are moronic d-bags) fan. I loved Brett with all my heart and now hate him equally. You are dead on that his second “retirement” was just a set up to gain his release and do this. The commish should seriously look into this shady move. I hope the Vikings do terrible ever year, but this year I hope you and your shiny old QB get throughly embarrassed.
May 7th, 2009 at 12:04 am
BTW, I’ve seen a couple people say that the Lambeau faithful will cheer for #4 even if he shows up in purple and gold… Dream on. The thunderous boos that will rain down on him when he emerges out of the tunnel will rival any cheer he has gotten in that stadium!
May 7th, 2009 at 1:02 am
Great take on Favre.
dougery Says:
you think those asshats in GB are going to boo him? Have you ever been to GB? Farvrvre could start simultaneously for the Bears, Vikes AND Lions and those blindly loyal fans would cheer for every TD pass he throws.
But dougery et al are delusional. Last year I was upset at idea of Favre being a Viking, this year I welcome it. What better way to have Minnesota flush themselves down the turlet than at the hands of Favre?
May 7th, 2009 at 1:04 am
Great take on Favre Drew. Spoken like a true fan.
dougery Says:
you think those asshats in GB are going to boo him? Have you ever been to GB? Farvrvre could start simultaneously for the Bears, Vikes AND Lions and those blindly loyal fans would cheer for every TD pass he throws.
But dougery et al are delusional. Last year I was upset at idea of Favre being a Viking, this year I welcome it. What better way to have Minnesota flush themselves down the turlet than at the hands of Favre?
May 7th, 2009 at 1:08 am
Ladies and Gentlemen, your 2009 Minnesota Vicokings!
May 7th, 2009 at 1:31 am
As a Bears fan, I too hate Brett Favre. My fury for Favre’s existence on this mortal coil burns with the heat of a thousand suns. I wish he would just go away. I, too, am sick and tired of his lying crap, his graying beard, his Levi Jeans, his Louisiana accent, and, most of all, his “itch”. I hope to God the only “itch” Brett Fuckball Favre gets is from the crabs of a thousand infested hookers. However, as much as I hate Favre, I equally hate Brad “My Balls Are Blue From The Cold Air, I Swear” Childress. As much as I can picture him literally shitting bricks when he realized that Jay Cutler, Matt Stafford, and Aaron Brooks are all infinitely better than the pieces of crap on his roster, to even think about Favre is surely an act of desperation. Chilly must be delusional for entertaining the insane desires of a painkiller-popping lunatic, and the New York Jets are retarded for falling for Bus “*ANYTHING* For My Quarterback” Cook’s schemes and giving Favre an unconditional release. It is my only hope that Roger Goodell or NFLPA President DeMaurice Smith step in, roll up a newspaper, and beat the ever-loving crap out of that tractor-riding asscock until he finally gets some sense knocked in him and does something with himself other than football. Hell, I’d even tolerate seeing him as a talking head on NBC or something. I’d rather see Rex Grossman in a Vikings uniform (Disclaimer: As a Bears fan, I know that sounds a little prejudice, but I actually like him. He doesn’t whine, he has a halfway decent arm, he knows where the back of the end zone is, and I think that he deserves a shot to play again for any team over Favre being anywhere *near* a football, ever, again, even if it’s just for a one year veteran minimum contract. It wouldn’t hurt). Someone please kidnap Favre, crate his ass up, and bury him in the set of ABC’s Lost for the next two football seasons. Or, at the very least, set him on fire. Something. Anything to get his ass out of the news, once and for all.
May 7th, 2009 at 1:58 am
Hey drew, you can join the Jake Delhomme experience so that at least you can enjoy the playoffs before a massive implosion. You can even watch as brittfarr throws 8 INT’s against us in primetime later in the year!
May 7th, 2009 at 2:06 am
This article is a creepy seduction tool. If you want to nail the man, just ask him to ride you like the new T3902 Roadmaster Lawnmower. Turns him on every time.
May 7th, 2009 at 3:10 am
This is a load of shit. It’s all part of the league’s stand against letting Jewish quarterbacks start. Too long have I had to watch boring, shitty, overpaid QBs (see Carr, David) get outplayed by Rosenfels, yet somehow still go into training camp with absolute job security the next year.
Damn you, Favre. You won’t deprive Rosenfels of his rightful spot behind center. Go peddle denim in some city that doesn’t already have a semitic shoe-in hall-of-famer lined up to play QB.
May 7th, 2009 at 5:36 am
I’d have swapped John Calipari for Bowden, but otherwise – *slow claps*.
May 7th, 2009 at 6:10 am
Drew – I almost feel guilty for stealing your book now…
Wow. Simply wow.
/joins in the growing slow clap
May 7th, 2009 at 7:36 am
I am an Eagles fan and had always loved Brett Favre because I loved how he played the game. The last 2 years have made me hate him and want to choke him. I can’t even imagine how Viking fans would react to getting Public enemy #1 on their team-it would have been like getting a broken Troy Aikman on my Eagles-yick. Thanks for making me laugh this morning.
May 7th, 2009 at 8:42 am
That was nearly poetic dude!
Trust me when I say not all Packer fans are praising “The Favre…” There are many of us who see him the same way you do, (except we don’t have to dread him coming to play for our team this year)…
May 7th, 2009 at 9:33 am
Drew, you are missing the point here. Favre wants (needs!) to play for the Vikings so he can “get back at the Packers” for the way he was treated.
That reminds me: I need to get back at that insanely hot girl I had sex with in college who only went home with me because she was drunk. That bitch.
May 7th, 2009 at 9:40 am
Based on this, I see you exploding after Favaro leads the Vikings to the playoffs.
May 7th, 2009 at 10:01 am
As a GB fan I will say this season, as I said last season, as I said for two seasons before that – Go away Brett! You are done! He better not get cheered at Lambeau. Fabulous post, I couldn’t agree more.
May 7th, 2009 at 11:21 am
As a Vikings fan, I totally believe Favre is the missing piece….to being 0-5 in the Super Bowl. I hope he shares his vicodin.
May 7th, 2009 at 11:31 am
This one’s on you, Childress.
May 7th, 2009 at 12:49 pm
I love the Vikings. Truely love them. If they sign this rotten pig fucker I won’t watch the Vikings this year. I just don’t understand how Ziggy could jew Sage like that. I THOUGHT YOU GUYS WERE SUPPOSED TO STICK TOGETHER YOU PAT WILLIAMS ENEMA DRINKING WHORES. FFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
May 7th, 2009 at 1:06 pm
+1 Moof!
May 7th, 2009 at 1:21 pm
my brother is a die-hard Packers Fan. So much as to name his son Brett. Now my Nephew Has to walk around the rest of his life knowing that he is named after this piece of shit, traitor wearing Wrangler Jeans. Fuck U Brett Favre and the horse u rode in on.
May 7th, 2009 at 2:02 pm
Wow, a Viking fan that I can relate to! Great post. Go Pack. F Favre.
May 7th, 2009 at 2:07 pm
@ rApe
…..dang
May 7th, 2009 at 2:12 pm
THE BEST QUATERBACK OF ALL TIME…….And every one of you viking fucks know it ! FAGS !!!!
May 7th, 2009 at 2:30 pm
What a cocksucker this author is. Been guzzling gallons of Haterade, I guess. Where does media attention come from? Uhh…the media. If you hate Favre getting attention, let the media know. These people are in the business of selling news, so I’m pretty sure they know what most people want to hear or read about. And I’m just curious if someone has a copy of the paperwork that Favre filed with the league when he retired. Oh that’s right…he never retired. The fact is, TT and MM couldn’t take the fact the Favre was getting all the credit for the Pack’s success. Funny…because he sure got the blame when they flopped for a couple of seasons. TT and MM realized that as long at Favre was around, they would never get the credit they felt they deserved. So in the end, they ran The Franchise out of town and now they are going to pay with a division title. Not going to take the Norse division with 2 L’s to the Vikes. Hell…they couldn’t keep it out of Minnesota’s hands last year. What makes them think they are going to be able to do it with a motivated Favre at the helm?
May 7th, 2009 at 3:37 pm
@tre_03
tl;dr.
May 7th, 2009 at 4:07 pm
@tre_03
tg;dr
May 7th, 2009 at 4:08 pm
You know if I sucked as bad as the Vikings do I would keep my mouth shut. How sad is it to have to take Jets leftovers to even compete? Seriously your team sucks. Just getting Favre on the bench does your team significant help. And hey, maybe if he doesn’t work out, I hear Testaverde is maybe looking for a job.
May 7th, 2009 at 4:24 pm
Seems like some people jumped the gun a bit here.
And I ain’t talking about ESPN, you freaks….Aw fuck it, I’m talking about you people, you internet creatures that whine about what you talk about and talk about what you whine about in a constant circlejerk, and then you bemoan ESPN.
Fucking society.
May 7th, 2009 at 4:31 pm
Wow. +1
Feel better now?
May 7th, 2009 at 5:20 pm
man…talk about some brilliant adjectives!!!! pussyflap! shit volcano!
awesome. just fucking awesome.
May 7th, 2009 at 5:53 pm
Let’s face it, being a Vikings fan is the most sincere form of self-hatred. Even those of use that hate Favre and think he will wreck the Vikings still want him on the team. We all want to live vicariously through a man we hate as much as ourselves.
May 7th, 2009 at 8:25 pm
Don’t be such a fucking pussy. Maybe the fucking Vikings will actually be relevant with Favre taking the snaps. Go clean your vagina.
May 8th, 2009 at 1:58 pm
Don’t hold back. Tell us how you really feel.
May 9th, 2009 at 10:21 am
——————————————————————————–
There should be some kind of popular culture Pulitzer recognition for internet literature. Seriously….that was like a Viking fanbase version of “Common Sense” by Thomas Payne.
My life is different now.
May 9th, 2009 at 11:50 am
It was great to read a graphic version that resembles not only my sentiments, but how most of my longtime buddies talk. Unfortunately, it was like most of their “complaining” and comes off sounding like a sour grapes to everyone else. All reasoning aside, what gets lost is the ultimate message that true die-hard purple fans want to send. Forget Favre. We don’t want him. We don’t need him. Stay retired. What you hazy, dim-witted morons don’t get is HE ISN’T SUITING UP FOR GREEN BAY ANYMORE. That’s the biggest plus for us. 1) He can’t score against us and 2) We don’t have to listen to the media talk about him DURING the season. Wasn’t it nice last season to know he was playing for the Jets? That ended up having the same affect as if he’d retired. I wish all of you would show more faith in what we have instead of what we don’t. I refuse to believe that he is the key to our team’s success.
May 9th, 2009 at 12:00 pm
Us: Adrian Peterson and Percy Harvin. I don’t care if my grandma’s under center.
Opponents: Worried.
May 9th, 2009 at 12:13 pm
Jet fans are upset because Brett bailed on them. Packer fans… same. They comment here because they HATE Favre more than any Viking fan ever could. If he ends up in MN, then Packer fans will really hate him. After he screws up the season for MN, Viking fans will hate him again and in the end, nobody likes Brett Favre. We all win.
As far as you filthy mouth characters go, if you were here, I’d rub your face in dirt, give you a belt whippin’ and then send you to bed without your dinner. Like I say to all foul mouthed kids, I’m telling you to take it somewhere else, we don’t want to hear it. Why don’t you clowns take that energy and go back to school. Read some books for a change. You’re wasting your lives.
May 9th, 2009 at 2:00 pm
Serious question……
So how long did it take to bang that thing out with your helmet pointer?
May 12th, 2009 at 6:46 pm
As a packers fan I want to tell all of you that you can have him. I am so happy that that prima donna is gone. and it makes no sense for the viqueens management to sign favre. he’s an over the hill, high risk QB, signing with a run first and play defense team. I was worried about the queens this season but if they sign Favre then you may as well hand the division title to the bears or the Pack, because there is no way in heck that Favre will lead the Vikings to the playoffs.
May 12th, 2009 at 11:47 pm
Classic rant. I almost wanted the Vikings to sign favre just to bring this rant credibility.
May 18th, 2009 at 8:57 am
As a lifelong Vikings fan, having dealt with several SB losses and embarrassing playoff exits, the Denny Green QB Merry-Go-Round, the Mike Lynn Herschel Walker trade, a year of Steckel, the 1998 season, and Pearson’s pushoff, this just might push me over the edge. I do NOT want that spoiled rotten “Mr. I’m going to retire, no I’m not, yes I am, no I’m not, wait, maybe I will come back” pouty jerk who BTW sucks at acting, the same moron who put the hated Packers in a bind last year (which, BTW, as much as I hate the Packers, I thought they did an excellent job handling the situation), embarrassed the Jets and got mad when he wasn’t given the special treatment by Mangini that he was given in GB, a man who actually played BETTER when he was taking massive amounts of Vicodin, in a Vikings uniform. I’ve never sent a hate mail in my life. However, Chilly just might receive one from me if he takes Butt Favor. I shell out a hell of a lot of money for the Sunday Ticket every year so I can see my beloved Vikings play. I’m not sure I can stomach this. Go elsewhere Brat. You’re not wanted in MN. Take your poor play, bad judgment and interceptions elsewhere. Maybe Dallas needs a QB. You can go and destroy them too. Jerk. Stick to backyard football. Your career is over. Besides, haven’t you heard? The Vikes don’t seem to have receivers that can actually CATCH the football. I’m still waiting to see if we get a new WR coach.
May 21st, 2009 at 11:25 am
As a die-hard Packer fan since 1965, nothing could make me more happy than for Favre to get his arm healthy again, come back and kick the Packers “asses”… specifically McCarthey and Thompson. They are the ego maniacs in all this. To go from 13-3 to 6-10 says it all for me. Yes, I still hold a grudge, and as long as those two bone-heads are running the franchise, I’m a fan without a team.
As for the Vikings… I know it would be hard to accept Favre, and risk harm to the Vikings Championship Legacy and numerous Lombardi Trophys… but it might be worth a shot. Revenge can be so sweet.
May 29th, 2009 at 1:12 pm
You know who’s the pussy in all of this tripe?
The fucking punk who wrote this article.
Fuck you, asshole. Favre is a big improvement over what you have and you should bend down and kiss his nuts if he decides to sign with your pathetic, Viking team.
The only bigger losers than you’se guys are the stupid, backwards, in-bred Cheeseheads from Wisconsin who think that Aaron Rodgers is their savior.
Fuck all you little Madden playing punks who don’t know shit about football.
May 29th, 2009 at 1:16 pm
eat shit and die, jerkoff.
You never played the game.
May 29th, 2009 at 1:19 pm
Aaron Rodgers is a no talent, pussy.
A numbers hanger, like Jeff George, or Tony Romo.
June 25th, 2009 at 1:06 pm
Fuck the Vikings
Fuck Farve
You deserve each other you late season choking conspiracy theory loving dumb fucks.
Purple panty wearing, can’t win a superbowl LOSERS.
You’re right about Favre. He’s overrated, and he’s whiney, and has been riding his one superbowl win for a friggin’ decade…so he’s perfect for you, except you don’t have any superbowl wins, at least he has one to ride.
cry baby loser viking fans. Stop your fucking whining you dumb fucks. I’ve never met whinier fans than Minnesota fans.
If I were a Vikings fan I wouldn’t admit to it. 0-5 bitches. actually I hope you can get to the superbowl this year so you can take your rightful place ahead of Buffallo at 0-6 and don’t forget to blame the refs…Douchebags.
June 26th, 2009 at 2:05 pm
i dont feel quite as much hatred towards him, but i think we are on the same page – http://hesaidandshesaid.wordpress.com/2009/06/26/he-said-dear-mr-brett-favre/
July 1st, 2009 at 11:51 am
Well said, especially the “pussy flap” line.
I have yet to read a Vikings fan articulate what you said better. The patchwork way the Vikings fill their holes, instead of cultivating a talented team, is what keeps them out of the hunt year after year. Say what you want, the Bears getting Cutler, Detroit doing their best to improve, and the Vikings getting Favre-none of those are sure fire ways to a championship-it’s been proven time and time again. As a lifelong Packers fan, I can honestly say that Favre getting booed at Lambeau will be a surreal experience, and the 2 games that we play against each other are going to be 2 of the most exciting regular season games in a long time. I think everyone should seriously take a page from Aaron Rodgers’ book-when asked about Favre coming to the Vikings he said “he’s one player on one team we play twice a year”. Rodgers, at 25, is 100 times more mature than Favre is at 40. I just find it hilarious that Favre doesn’t think him playing for the Vikings will sour the Packers faithful. He’s that dillusional!
July 19th, 2009 at 9:18 pm
It’s nice to hear someone is hated more than me and my gay lover Dick Cheney. Fool me once shame on you,fool me twice…… we won’t get fooled again. Your ex-president G Dubya
August 18th, 2009 at 11:25 am
Can you believe this FUCK?!?! As you predicted back in effing May!
August 18th, 2009 at 1:11 pm
Tell me how you really feel. Seriously, the best article concerning Favre I’ve ever read. Great prediction. I’ve always hated him for all the reasons you mentioned. Fraud. I feel your pain- has to be tough to be a Vikings fan. Try not to get suicidal when ESPN, Peter King, and the rest of the media starts sucking Favres dick later today.
Un-fucking-believable that fucking fuck is back. Thank god he is in the NFC.
August 18th, 2009 at 1:43 pm
You’re an idiot.
August 18th, 2009 at 1:50 pm
You need to say FUCK more to let us know what a brilliant mind you have.
What a dip shit you are.
August 31st, 2009 at 9:12 am
I know how you feel. It was so hard to watch Favre on the field against the Chiefs. I just don’t see this punk lasting a whole season. And it sucks too. It’s like an accident waiting to happen. You know it’s going to happen but you can’t do a damn thing about it. You just have to let it happen. Someone is going to hit him and hit him hard and he won’t get up. Maybe it will be Jared Allen in practice, who knows. But it’s coming. And then where will we be. Childress sucks. This is all about him trying to CYA. And it is going to backfire big time.
August 31st, 2009 at 5:05 pm
Cracked rib. Favre fail.
September 30th, 2009 at 4:00 pm
That touchdown pass he threw to win the game against the 49ers was the WORST play I’ve ever seen. Seriously, if anyone took any enjoyment at all from that game, go fuck yourself. I hate Brett Favre, and I’d love to meet him, ask him for an autograph, then spit on it and spit right in his ugly face. He is complete garbage and so are the Vikings. Vikings fans, when you are eliminated from the playoffs this year, think of me laughing and taking great joy in your pain. And if you win the Super Bowl, which is very unlikely, again, go fuck yourself.
October 10th, 2009 at 3:33 pm
i love the article Farve is a piece of shit sell out and i feel very sorry for the vikings this year as i did for the jets last year. it was a year wasted for the young men waiting to make a name for themselves. i feel especialy bad for jackson that he got robbed of his position because an old man cant give up his career and accept the fact he is old. if i were him i would hold out or something to get away from this team. a move of desperation and it wont play out in the end. a very gross move by the vikings administration. i will never respect this team ever again like i could in the chris carter days. Fuck the vikings and the packers