Could You Ever, In a Million Years, Find a Worse Guy in the Booth?
The failed three-year Tony Kornheiser Experiment on Monday Night Football has come to a merciful close, which is ESPN’s minor atonement for adding Matt Millen to their pregame theatrics. When Kornheiser was brought in, he was hailed for, if nothing else, not being Joe Theismann, but he turned out to be just as bad, if not worse. At the time, TK had run a tremendously entertaining radio show, even if it belabored American Idol to the point of absurdity. Whereas that radio show was smooth and engaging, despite the constant Idol banter, he was overly gimmicky on MNF, always playing up ESPN-approved storylines and star players regardless of what transpired on the field. He stuck to oft-repeated speculation on what sportswriters were working on in their “column” about the game, as though he were a displaced journalism professor who just happened to be sitting in on a TV show for a lark. Favre became the analog to radio show’s insistence of Idol talk. How many times did he try to shoehorn Brittfar’s name into the commentary during the MNF game with the Packers this past year? Even Tirico had to tamp it down at one point. If it weren’t for PK, he’d be the Jackie Harvey of sports.
So who will carry the mantle of color commentary on the second tier weekly primetime game? None other than Jon Gruden, who will most assuredly be stilted and awful, weighing down the broadcast with even more platitudes and cliches. How a coach months removed from the sideline is supposed to counterbalance the overly analytical Jaws and the good play-by-play straight man Mike Tirico isn’t clear, though I don’t see Gruden being up to the task. WHITHER GUS JOHNSON!? CAN’T HAVE TWO BLACK GUYS IN THE BOOTH!? IS THAT IT!?
So, in the end, the commentary will suck, but at least won’t call as much attention to its awfulness through braying antics and dumb pandering to ESPN talking points. And, at the very least this might lead to a Jennifer Tilly cameo in the booth at some point.
Tags: hey tony shut the f*ck up, Jon Gruden, mnf, Tony Kornheiser, xmas ape
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May 18th, 2009 at 11:24 am
You forgot this gem of a reason for stepping down:
“I am totally grateful for the MNF opportunity that I truly enjoyed the last three seasons,” Kornheiser said. “I feel we got better each year. My fear of planes is legendary and sadly true. When I looked at the upcoming schedule it was the perfect storm that would’ve frequently moved me from the bus to the air. I kept looking at the schedule the past month and wanted to find a way to quietly extricate myself.”
May 18th, 2009 at 11:25 am
Good riddance. Now back to PTI with you!
{holds wooden chair, cracks whip}
May 18th, 2009 at 11:25 am
Need my PK bashing fix for the day. Please?
Regarding Chucky in the booth: Maybe he’ll rip all the qb’s he sees, and provide insight on Gay Zorro’s true identity!
May 18th, 2009 at 11:26 am
I’m just glad he’ll be getting back to radio where he belongs.
May 18th, 2009 at 11:26 am
Jon Gruden is going to be fucking annoying.
May 18th, 2009 at 11:30 am
I was really hoping that TK would be reading his tweets from the booth this season.
May 18th, 2009 at 11:30 am
Jon Gruden is going to be fucking annoying.
It’s all relative, my friend. Jon Gruden can’t hold Tony Kornheiser’s jock when it comes to annoyance in the broadcast booth. TK was on another plane.
Note to Jon Gruden: The foregoing was not a challenge. Please do not treat it as such.
May 18th, 2009 at 11:31 am
Pfft. He wasn’t looking at the schedule, he was looking at old games in HDTV and realizing the Kornover looked awful.
May 18th, 2009 at 11:34 am
Can’t wait for Chucky to drop an F-Bomb as Tirico looks on in HORRAH.
May 18th, 2009 at 11:34 am
Gruden will complain repeatedly to management that Jaws is not good enough and they need to have 8 more QB’s to provide analysis on MNF.
/you can never have too many backup QBs
//it would be nice if you could find one starter out of all them
May 18th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Good MSPaint job with the Chuckie head Ape *claps*
May 18th, 2009 at 11:35 am
“Jon Gruden is going to be fucking annoying.”
Will he ever. “That’s just a great football play.” Trust me, it’s just switching out one shitty analyst for another.
May 18th, 2009 at 11:37 am
Speaking of Miss Tilly, I just found she is 50 years old. Holy hell, that woman must have struck a deal with the devil to look that fine now.
May 18th, 2009 at 11:38 am
They need to pry Tim Ryan away from Fox.
/goes back to corner.
May 18th, 2009 at 11:40 am
Frog Pussy!!!!
May 18th, 2009 at 11:40 am
I don’t understand why they couldn’t just go with Dick Vermeil. Him, Nessler and Jaws together are second-to-none.
May 18th, 2009 at 11:40 am
If Gruden doesn’t get kicked off for swearing his entire existence is a lie. In other news, Jon ‘without an h’ Gruden’s entire existence is a lie.
Still, it’d be awesome to see him beat the 7 second delay with, “there’s another faggity-ass pass” or “see, runnin a train is prison speak for…”
May 18th, 2009 at 11:44 am
Yes:
1) http://www.aeispeakers.com/speakerbio.php?SpeakerID=309
2) http://www.afb.org/section.asp?sectionid=1&topicid=129
May 18th, 2009 at 11:44 am
This is going to collapse when the mikes keep picking up the sound of Gruden grinding his teeth.
May 18th, 2009 at 11:45 am
WHITHER GUS JOHNSON!? CAN’T HAVE TWO BLACK GUYS IN THE BOOTH!? IS THAT IT!?
We all know there would have been a power struggle. Johnson’s only destiny is the captains chair and playing third fiddle on what can only be a magical setup of exciting contests that have plagued the MNF schedule the past few years would have been degrading not only to Gus but to society in general.
May 18th, 2009 at 11:45 am
please let Gruden drop a “concrete cyanide” reference during MNF.
also, MNF blogkakke here on KSK will never be the same without Kornhole.
May 18th, 2009 at 11:48 am
You know who would be really good as an NFL announcer? The reanimated corpse of Howard Cosell: Other Announcer Guy: “What do you think, Howard?” Cosell: “Uhhhh gahhhh unnhhhh….”
Sounds like it would be an improvement on what they’ve got now.
Or, as long as we’re talking about Jennifer Tilly, why not Jennifer Tilly? I have no idea if she knows anything about football, but she’s got a killer rack, and do you need a better reason than that? I’m pretty sure she can speak in full sentences, another plus.
May 18th, 2009 at 11:48 am
Why again do we need three guys in the booth?
May 18th, 2009 at 11:48 am
Good point, rodgers.
With TK gone, I have to reshuffle my most hated NFL booth commentators ranking.
1. Dierdorf
2. Phil Simms
3. Tony Siragusa (isn’t technically in the booth, but annoying enough from the sideline to make it)
4. Collinsworth
5. Joe Buck
May 18th, 2009 at 11:48 am
The only thing missing is a murder-murder-suicide involving Kornholer, PK and their middle man Favre.
May 18th, 2009 at 11:49 am
I’m pretty sure she can speak in full sentences, another plus.
Full, supple sentences.
May 18th, 2009 at 11:54 am
PLEASE stop trying to jam 3 guys in a booth, when only 2 are needed/required. Hey ESPN: Save yourselves the money and our ears from bleeding.
Gruden and Jaws will repeatedly step on each other as both are guys who will try to analyze offense. If you MUST foist 3 people on us, at least get a defensive guy in there to counterbalance the analysis (and NO, that’s not an invitation for Matt Millen to be in the booth).
May 18th, 2009 at 11:55 am
Does Gruden have any experience doing this sort of thing? At all? He’s going to get bored halfway through the week 5 Jets/Dolphins match-up and walk out. I can only hope that when he does leave it’s in a storm of expletives and inappropriate comments about players’ wives.
May 18th, 2009 at 11:56 am
I still don’t get the Collinsworth hate. Sure he carries himself a bit smug, but at least he’s not one of these cliche-spewing empty heads that are normally in the booth.
May 18th, 2009 at 11:58 am
@ StuScottBooyahs
Exactly, three is a fucking crowd in the booth. Tirico and Jaws would be great as a duo.
May 18th, 2009 at 12:05 pm
as bad as TK was, jeff van gundy is the worst announcer in the history of sports. his voice gives me shingles. he’s followed closely by joe buck. i can’t wait for the day when he and aikman get caught making out coming out of a commercial and the have to kill both of them.
May 18th, 2009 at 12:23 pm
@Big Dave – don’t forget Joe Morgan and Tim McCarver. Each game they broadcast is a constant battle to see who can be wrong (while ignoring statistics, and you know, facts) more often.
May 18th, 2009 at 12:25 pm
better oil up the 7 second delay button. i cannot wait. i predict the opening salvo will be a “bullshit!” not a F-bomb. 1st game, 2nd qtr.
May 18th, 2009 at 12:28 pm
Don’t worry, Gruden will be in the booth one year, max. Then it’s back to coaching whenever Notre Dame opens up or Al Davis is exposed to sunlight.
May 18th, 2009 at 12:32 pm
also, “the Jackie Harvey of sports.” nice one, Ape
May 18th, 2009 at 12:41 pm
My ten year old son said to me the other day while watching baseball:
“Daddy, why does that guy not shut up?”
“You mean Joe Morgan? Well, he..”
“He needs to shut the fuck up. He sounds like he hates his job.”
Gruden will be in the booth one year, tops, like Porky1 said. But it will still be a horrible miserable year.
At least I can hit the SAP button and listen to the Spanish language commentators who very obviously and painfully HATE american football and feel they are being punished by their bosses. I have noted silent gaps of almost two minutes. Glorious!
May 18th, 2009 at 12:44 pm
At least Gruden’s knowledge of the sport is recent.
May 18th, 2009 at 12:48 pm
CobraCommander, we’re all pleased that your ten-year old is comfortable enough around you to interrupt you with f-bombs. I’m guessing you have lady parts, because I’ll finish my sentence if my seven year old is on fire.
May 18th, 2009 at 12:59 pm
I disagree on the Gruden hate. I know it’s not the same but if you watched Inside The NFL, whenever he was miked up, he was hilarious. If he brings 1/5 of that personality to the booth, he’ll be a good one.
Plus getting rid of Kornheiser is a gift unto itself. When you actually make me long for the esoteric stream of consciousness nonsense that was the Dennis Miller Experiment, that’s saying something. Although I will miss Jaws and Tirico’s thinly veiled “You’re a fucking idiot, Tony” comments whenever they grew tired of his idiocy.
My new hate list is thus:
1) Phil Simms
2) Troy Aikman
3) Joe Buck
4) Tony Siragusa
5) Steve Tasker/Ron Pitts (tie)
May 18th, 2009 at 1:07 pm
If he brings 1/5 of that personality to the booth, he’ll be a good one.
Gruden is a walking cartoon.
May 18th, 2009 at 1:22 pm
At the time, TK had run a tremendously entertaining radio show, even if ithat was many years before the absurdity of American Idol.
May 18th, 2009 at 1:39 pm
That picture terrifies me. I feel like he’s staring into my soul and shitting all over it. Tirico, that is.
May 18th, 2009 at 2:24 pm
My thoughts as of just a second ago:
1. Ape, you’re very hard on an ex-colleague.
B. Thank you Lord.
3a. After 20 minutes, Jaws wears on me.
D. Gruden might be good, but it’ll be more fun if he blows.
May 18th, 2009 at 2:25 pm
Why all the hate? Gruden can actually be damn funny. And having a guy in the booth who has actually been inside the game as recently as the past season is awesome. He actually knows shit, as opposed to Jaws who’s been out of the game for 20 fucking years.
TK was an abomination. I get it, you like show tunes and it’s past your bedtime and you don’t know shit about football. Genius. GTFO.
May 18th, 2009 at 2:51 pm
I’m convinced whoever is running MNF hates football
May 18th, 2009 at 4:10 pm
I still don’t get the Collinsworth hate. Sure he carries himself a bit smug, but at least he’s not one of these cliche-spewing empty heads that are normally in the booth.
I think he got lumped in with all the asshats on NBC’s studio show, which is unfortunate. Sunday Night Football will be exponentially better with his replacement of Madden.
May 18th, 2009 at 4:33 pm
See, I don’t get all the fulsome praise for Collinsworth. I don’t think he’s any more insightful than any of the other talking heads, and he’s a simpering, nasally douche to boot.
Plus, he was horrible on the NFL Network broadcasts, so I don’t think you can pin it on the other NBC studio idiots (sorry Bus).
May 18th, 2009 at 5:29 pm
Bryant Gumble had more than a small part in the suckiness of the NFL Network broadcasts. I think Collinsworth does a good job pointing out what we should be looking at that made a play work or not work. Then again, I also think Jaws is great, and appear to be in the minority there, too.
May 18th, 2009 at 5:39 pm
Collinsworth is crap…he does act at times like his shit doesn’t stink & that he was actually talented
May 18th, 2009 at 6:33 pm
I think Jaws is all right. Gumble’s wooden delivery surely did its part in hurting the NFLN games, but they didn’t lead me to believe Collinsworth could carry a broadcast either.
May 18th, 2009 at 9:49 pm
Up until I started attending blogkakes, I had the tv on mute anyway. This can only lead to more hilarity.
But seriously, is there not one defensive-minded person they could have gotten?
May 19th, 2009 at 10:13 am
Tirico and Jaws together have everything you need from an announcing team. Tirico is a great play by play guy and Jaws has a ton of football knowledge. Disney is just trying to bring in non-football fans with someone else. Its a terrible idea – almost as bad as having Christian Slater spend almost a full quarter in the booth last year.