Commenter Mock Drafts: Who Do You Want Watching Your Back?
Welcome to another glorious Friday on the internet. For today’s commenter mock draft we’ll be examining the most badass characters in film. Specifically you’ll be drafting the one movie character you’d want to have your back in a street fight. For the sake of the draft we’re limiting the scope to flesh-and-blood humans who lack super-powers. So if you were to draft the Terminator, for example, I would not hesitate to edit your comment to make you look like a filthy pedophile. I’m tough, but completely unfair. Note: Once someone is selected all of the actor’s other characters are off teh board.
I’ll get the ball rolling with the first pick, Jason Bourne. He can take anybody apart with ease, and I don’t have to worry about him snapping like John Rambo.
Add your picks in the comment section, but remember to play by the fucking rules. Oh, and thanks to reader Zach for inspiring this week’s topic.
Tags: Bill Simmons will never forgive me for not picking Dalton, Brick Tamland has excellent accuracy with a trident, commenter drafts, Fun With Mock Drafts, I wasn't kidding about editing your comments, Street Fights, Unsilent Majority
May 8th, 2009 at 10:27 am
Hmm. I’ll take Jet Li from Lethal Weapon 4.
May 8th, 2009 at 10:27 am
Definitely Jack Bauer.
The guy can stay awake for days on end without bathroom breaks. That sounds like the perfect sidekick.
P.S. I don’t know the difference between television and film.
May 8th, 2009 at 10:28 am
Seagal.
I don’t know the difference between an actor and a movie character. Oh, and my other ex is an 9 year-old boy.
May 8th, 2009 at 10:28 am
Bruce Lee.
May 8th, 2009 at 10:28 am
Great…just in time:
The Bride from Kill Bill. She can tear through hundreds of opponents and has great legs.
May 8th, 2009 at 10:28 am
I choose Peter King. Free coffee whenever I want it and hotel and restaurant employees shit bricks whenever I walk in the door. Plus he knows a guy who does great things with a riding mower.
May 8th, 2009 at 10:28 am
Bruce lee.
May 8th, 2009 at 10:29 am
Poop
May 8th, 2009 at 10:30 am
Ray Lewis. Not only will he have your back, but he’ll get away with it so he can do it again.
Ray Lewis was a movie character, right? The only movies I watch are tween snuff films from the far east.
May 8th, 2009 at 10:30 am
Bruce Lee from Enter the Dragon.
May 8th, 2009 at 10:30 am
I can’t believe Chuck Norris fell this far…
May 8th, 2009 at 10:30 am
Batman! (Bale version)
May 8th, 2009 at 10:31 am
John McClain….finally got in on one of these before the 200th pick
May 8th, 2009 at 10:31 am
Freddy
May 8th, 2009 at 10:32 am
The Transporter
May 8th, 2009 at 10:32 am
Love the Jason Bourne pick.
/”Brick, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that. You should find yourself a safehouse or a relative close by. Lay low for a while, because you’re probably wanted for murder.”
May 8th, 2009 at 10:32 am
Nicky Santoro from Casino. All he needs is a pen.
May 8th, 2009 at 10:32 am
James Bond, cool gadgets plus he could help you get some pussy.
May 8th, 2009 at 10:32 am
Tommy DeVito in Goodfellas
May 8th, 2009 at 10:33 am
Duh, Swayze from Roadhouse. Rips a dude’s fucking neck out….maaaaan
May 8th, 2009 at 10:33 am
Has anyone picked Bruce Lee?
I’ll take Italian Spiderman
May 8th, 2009 at 10:33 am
Donte Stallworth. Comes with Bently. Bently apparently only equipped with lights and horn in leiu of brakes.
I’m really bad at this game, but I’m great at having sex with children!
May 8th, 2009 at 10:33 am
Wolverine.
May 8th, 2009 at 10:34 am
@bobafet: I was wondering if I drafted Pecci from Casino if he comes with the phone.
May 8th, 2009 at 10:34 am
Ah fuck, I should have read the rules. Strike that.
Gimme BA Baracus instead.
May 8th, 2009 at 10:34 am
Tom Stall(Viggo Mortensen….A History of Violence…narrowly over his Eastern Promises man. Never know when he’s going to explode
“Oh Marge, but he’s gonna do something good”
May 8th, 2009 at 10:35 am
No but he comes with a fucking shinebox
May 8th, 2009 at 10:35 am
Yojimbo.
May 8th, 2009 at 10:35 am
The Bandit, played exquisitely by Burt Reynolds. He would completely diffuse the situation.
May 8th, 2009 at 10:35 am
Josh McDaniels… O wait, fuck im dead
May 8th, 2009 at 10:36 am
Sorry White bread missed your pick up there.
2nd pick I’ll take John Cena in The Marine.
May 8th, 2009 at 10:36 am
Samwise Gamgee. 3 feet of solid badass.
May 8th, 2009 at 10:36 am
@Sea Otter
Chuck’s stock has been in freefall since his encounter with Bruce Lee
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JLO1YIWQuXE&feature=related
May 8th, 2009 at 10:36 am
Emmanuel Dapidran Pacquiao aka Manny
May 8th, 2009 at 10:37 am
Martin Blank
May 8th, 2009 at 10:38 am
Ghost Dog. I win.
who’s gonna fuck with Forest Whitaker?
May 8th, 2009 at 10:38 am
Ok then. Mel Gibson’s Detective Riggs FTW.
May 8th, 2009 at 10:38 am
The Man With No Name/Blondie
Morally ambiguous, yes, but if I walked down the street with him a couple of paces behind, I could do just about whatever I felt like because who the fuck is going to argue with the Man With No Name?
May 8th, 2009 at 10:38 am
My second pick will be Miyamoto Musashi
May 8th, 2009 at 10:38 am
I’ll take Schwarzenegger from Commando. Especially with the circular saw blades!
May 8th, 2009 at 10:39 am
I can’t believe Chuck Norris fell this far…
We are all getting old…or getting drunk on Thursday nights…
My next pick: The Punisher from War Zone (AKA Titus Pullo). That’s someone who’d kill for you.
May 8th, 2009 at 10:39 am
Remo Williams, because then the adventure would begin.
May 8th, 2009 at 10:39 am
Solid Snake.
May 8th, 2009 at 10:39 am
Oh Dae-Su from Old Boy
May 8th, 2009 at 10:39 am
Han Solo. The Empire wouldn’t have had to strike back if not for him.
May 8th, 2009 at 10:39 am
Neo from the Matrix.
You want a guy who can kick ass, but not one who’s smarter than you, because then you become superfluous.
May 8th, 2009 at 10:40 am
Gotta go with Josey Wales.
May 8th, 2009 at 10:40 am
Leroy Green aka Bruce Leroy. The “Glow” alone would scare most people off
May 8th, 2009 at 10:40 am
Chuck “The Truck” Williams
May 8th, 2009 at 10:40 am
I would argue that Tony Stark is a flesh-and-blood human with no superpowers. So Iron Man. Loophole.
May 8th, 2009 at 10:40 am
Walter Sobchak. He’ll get you a toe by 3 o’clock and bring an uzi to a simple drop. Ok, he’s fairly stupid, but still. A toe.
May 8th, 2009 at 10:41 am
Jules Winnfield from Pulp Fiction
he has a wallet that says “bad motherfucker”
May 8th, 2009 at 10:41 am
I’ll take Schwarzenegger from Total Recall. When he took-out that crowd of co-workers without thinking – that’s the kind of support I’ll require.
May 8th, 2009 at 10:41 am
Rorschach. He doesn’t have any superpowers to speak of, but he’s fucking bad-ass.
May 8th, 2009 at 10:41 am
I have somebody who can watch me from afar and kill at long range, next I think I need somebody who can pop out of nowhere and torch some motherfuckers. Somebody like, oh I don’t know, fucking RORSCHACH.
May 8th, 2009 at 10:41 am
with nail polish
May 8th, 2009 at 10:41 am
@swing4 that’s a value pick. must realign my board now.
May 8th, 2009 at 10:42 am
@ Jay
HAHAHAHAHA beat you to the punch by a millisecond!
May 8th, 2009 at 10:42 am
Bodie Zypher.
I’M NOT GONNA PADDLE TO NEW ZEALAND!
/kicks Anthony Kiedis in the jaw.
//fucks a bitch after taking a tequila shot from her tits.
May 8th, 2009 at 10:42 am
Alonzo Harris from Training Day.
May 8th, 2009 at 10:42 am
Funny how?
May 8th, 2009 at 10:42 am
1. The dude from 300. I win.
2. Russell Crowe from Gladiator
10. Ufford. He’s good a destroying people with a gun, verbally and in print.
May 8th, 2009 at 10:42 am
2nd pick: Chili Palmer.
May 8th, 2009 at 10:43 am
Ah. In light of being beaten to Rory by what can only be fractions of a millisecond, I will happily downgrade to Ozymandias.
May 8th, 2009 at 10:43 am
I’ll take Schwarzenegger from Red Heat.” When he punched that Russian dude in the gym with that hot sauna rock in his hand – classic!
May 8th, 2009 at 10:43 am
Leon. The professional indeed.
May 8th, 2009 at 10:44 am
The Punisher
May 8th, 2009 at 10:44 am
James T. Kirk
/Space pussy is the best pussy.
May 8th, 2009 at 10:44 am
I like your thought process, Jay, but you should have gone Silk Spectre II or Nite Owl. Ozy will just stab you in the back :(
May 8th, 2009 at 10:44 am
I will take Ahmed ibn Fahdlan, ibn Al Abbas, ibn Rasid.
In other words, Ibn.
May 8th, 2009 at 10:44 am
Dirty Harry Callahan
May 8th, 2009 at 10:45 am
Next pick… Dave “The Hammer” Schultz.
/win
May 8th, 2009 at 10:45 am
Filo Betto (sp?)
May 8th, 2009 at 10:45 am
Cartman.
Especially if I’m in a fight with a fellow Jew
May 8th, 2009 at 10:45 am
Punisher’s gone. This time, I think I’ll go with the Doc, Emmitt Brown himself.
May 8th, 2009 at 10:45 am
John McClain from Die Hard.
Yippie Ky-Aye Mother Fuckers!
May 8th, 2009 at 10:45 am
The Rock, any movie.
Plus, he’s a ‘Cane.
May 8th, 2009 at 10:45 am
Since everyone’s taken Bruce Lee from Enter the Dragon, I’ll go with a different cast member: Williams AKA Jim Kelly.
Big fro, big kicks and three ladies at one time!
May 8th, 2009 at 10:46 am
3rd pick: Keyser Soze.
May 8th, 2009 at 10:46 am
@Punching Bobby Flay
Already gone.
May 8th, 2009 at 10:46 am
Chewbacca
May 8th, 2009 at 10:46 am
And considering that people are picking Alonzo Harris and co. with impunity, I think it has to be a given that whoever you pick actually won’t stab you in the back.
May 8th, 2009 at 10:46 am
Bullitt because Steve McQueen’s gotta be in here somewhere.
May 8th, 2009 at 10:46 am
I’ll take Schwarzenegger from Predator. He beat the crap out of that alien Rambo-style.
May 8th, 2009 at 10:47 am
Slothrop wins with Keyser Soze.
May 8th, 2009 at 10:47 am
Mickey Rourke from Sin City.
May 8th, 2009 at 10:47 am
Jules Winnfield…..Ezekiel 2517
May 8th, 2009 at 10:48 am
Dammit, not a human, i take that back
May 8th, 2009 at 10:48 am
“Mickey Rourke from Sin City.”
No superpowers allowed.
And yes, of course Marv has some sort of superpower. To argue otherwise is just crazy.
May 8th, 2009 at 10:48 am
Next pick – Arn Anderson, the Enforcer.
/has to go to work now… fuuuuuck
//had a good draft anyway
May 8th, 2009 at 10:49 am
Note: Once someone is selected all of the actor’s other characters are off teh board.
I take back my Dirty Harry pick, Eastwood is off the board
I’ll go with Judge Dredd, he is the law!
May 8th, 2009 at 10:49 am
4th pick: Luca Brasi, when he and the Don were in their primes, not when he sleeps with the fishes. (in the book, Puzo details Luca’s reign of terror in the Don’s first war. Holy. Shit.)
May 8th, 2009 at 10:50 am
Denzel Washington’s character in Training Day. He’ll do whatever it takes to kick a mofo’s ass, I’ll just need to stay away from the laced joints and keep him away from beating up members of the Russian mafia.
May 8th, 2009 at 10:50 am
The Juggernaut
/win
May 8th, 2009 at 10:51 am
Charles Bronson. Doesn’t matter what movie.
May 8th, 2009 at 10:51 am
Scott Stevens
(the NHL Defenseman who played for the Devils and Caps for you fags who don’t like hockey….)
May 8th, 2009 at 10:51 am
Pick #4 – Shogo Kawade from Battle Royale
May 8th, 2009 at 10:51 am
…and I’ll finish with Schwarzenegger from Conan the Barbarian.
Commando
Total Recall
Red Heat
Predator
Conan the Barbarian
Some might think that I have an unhealthy obsession with Schwarzenegger. I say there’s nothing like a gang of five Austrian bodybuilders behind you to help you make your point.
May 8th, 2009 at 10:51 am
@UU: I hate that rule. Different characters kick differnt types of ass.
/Realizes I only took Seagal with no reference to any specifc movie/character. Then again, they’re all the same.
May 8th, 2009 at 10:52 am
@j4b. Alonzo’s long gone.
May 8th, 2009 at 10:52 am
Travis Bickle
May 8th, 2009 at 10:52 am
Ogie Ogelthorpe from Slapshot.
2nd choice: Thunderlips the Ultimate Male
May 8th, 2009 at 10:52 am
I’ll take Tony Montoya.
/I’d like you to meeeet my leetle friend.
May 8th, 2009 at 10:52 am
Next pick: Sam Spade. You want someone who can see all the angles and get you out safely.
May 8th, 2009 at 10:52 am
Herschel Walker.
Because one of him equals about 20 people
May 8th, 2009 at 10:53 am
Ron Artest saw a guy get stabbed in the heart with a table let. I’ll take him.
May 8th, 2009 at 10:53 am
ZacC Efron.
Wait… the fuck is this? He spells it Zac? ZAC EFRON IS BADASS ENOUGH TO DISREGARD THE K AND GO STRAIGHT FOR THE CILL, MOTHER FUCCER. YOU THINC HE CAN’T HANDLE YOUR ASS? HE WILL COME AT YOU LICE DEATH. HE WILL RAIN ON YOUR PARADE LICE A SHITSTORM OF PAIN, MOTHER FUCCER. YOU STAY THE FUCC OUT MY WAY OR ZAC WILL MURDER A BITCH, AND THAT BITCH BE YO’ MOM. MOTHER FUCCER
May 8th, 2009 at 10:53 am
Blankman.
If anyone diagrees, you’re racist.
May 8th, 2009 at 10:54 am
Navin – wow, way to get the character’s name and the famous quote wrong
May 8th, 2009 at 10:54 am
Tyler Durden
May 8th, 2009 at 10:54 am
Fezzik.
May 8th, 2009 at 10:55 am
The quiet guy in the Japanese Yakuza off to the side in a mob fight… you just know he’s about to fuck some shit up.
May 8th, 2009 at 10:55 am
OK Don Arturo took my pick, so I’ll take The Rock (e.g., Scorpion King, Walking Tall). He might turn something sideways before shoving it your candy ass.
May 8th, 2009 at 10:55 am
Fucking Omar from the Wire
May 8th, 2009 at 10:55 am
John. Jay. RAMBO.
May 8th, 2009 at 10:56 am
Logan, that was funny.
Next pick and I gotta slap EVERYONE for ignoring this obvious pick: the black private dick who’s a sex machine to all the chicks…
…That’s right, Shaft! John Shaft!
May 8th, 2009 at 10:56 am
Note: Once someone is selected all of the actor’s other characters are off teh board.
Fuck, I just saw that… Well, I’ll argue that all the “Schwarzenegger” roles were not played by the same man, but each performed by carefully placed clones. Prove me wrong.
May 8th, 2009 at 10:56 am
The blind Japanese swordsman. He won’t be actually “watching” my back, but he’s cut the shit out of people.
May 8th, 2009 at 10:56 am
Mr. Miyagi. Fuck. Yes.
May 8th, 2009 at 10:56 am
@rusrus: methinks you should read the rulez.
May 8th, 2009 at 10:57 am
I’ll be taking Snake Eyes, thank ye.
May 8th, 2009 at 10:57 am
Next pick:
Ving Rhames from Undefeated.
Doesn’t matter if he lost… he scares the shit out of me.
May 8th, 2009 at 10:57 am
@normmac: You are the brute squad. nice pick.
But I will take the Dred Pirate Roberts.
May 8th, 2009 at 10:57 am
Anton Chigurh, friend-o.
May 8th, 2009 at 10:58 am
Next up will be Deebo.
Just the sound of his theme music is alone to scare the shit out of anyone.
May 8th, 2009 at 10:58 am
@rusrus: methinks you should read the rulez.
You too, genius.
May 8th, 2009 at 10:58 am
Damn, missed that one…..
Then I’ll go with Robocop……Have a nice day.
May 8th, 2009 at 10:58 am
#5 – Sticking with the Battle Royale theme, Kazuo Kiriyama as well.
May 8th, 2009 at 10:58 am
Wesley Snipes is Blade. No one’s fucking with me if Blade’s got my back.
WHAT!
May 8th, 2009 at 10:58 am
@Jackin’- the Rock is long gone
May 8th, 2009 at 10:59 am
I just got scooped on Shaft and Omar, so I’ll say … Brother Mouzone.
May 8th, 2009 at 10:59 am
Harrison Ford in the Tom Clancy series, there’s no way he’d let anything happen to you, he punches like thunder, and his best friend is an airforce trained Samuel L. Jackson.
May 8th, 2009 at 10:59 am
Danny McBride from Pineapple Express – Doesn’t die, has your back (most of the time), in touch with his emotions and totally has the hook-up.
May 8th, 2009 at 10:59 am
Did anyone take Van Damme from bloodsport yet? If not, then I’m takin him in a steal
May 8th, 2009 at 10:59 am
@Maj: That pick was taken WHILE I was reading the rules and before I hit refresh. So there! And I corrected myself so there again!
May 8th, 2009 at 11:00 am
Weebey from the Wire: because someone has to take the body.
May 8th, 2009 at 11:01 am
@ Otto – oh, nice one.
Plus you can totally read his back issues of Harpers. . .
May 8th, 2009 at 11:01 am
Brett Favre. The ability to have the media in the palm of his hand will allow for me never to be found.
May 8th, 2009 at 11:02 am
Sarah Connor
To recap:
Det. Riggs
Leon
Mr. Miyagi
Sarah Connor
May 8th, 2009 at 11:02 am
General Maximus Decimus Meridius
shocked he fell this far
May 8th, 2009 at 11:02 am
Kurt Russell as Wyatt Earp in Tombstone.
“skin that smokewagon and see what happens.”
May 8th, 2009 at 11:03 am
Ah, fuck — film characters only.
Mr. White from “Reservoir Dogs.”
May 8th, 2009 at 11:03 am
To be fair, the note was added after the post was up. I just saw it now. I thought UU decided to add that in on his own.
May 8th, 2009 at 11:04 am
I know Denzel Washington is off the table with the “Training Day” pick, but for the record, the version you want is the “Man on Fire” remake.
May 8th, 2009 at 11:05 am
@G.G.: It’s over Johnny. It’s over. NOTHING’S EVER OVER!
May 8th, 2009 at 11:05 am
Tom Reagan. What’s the rumpus?
May 8th, 2009 at 11:05 am
Reading is fundamental. Let’s see if i can get it right this time: The Master of Flying Guillotine
May 8th, 2009 at 11:06 am
Dynamo from the Running Man.
/belts out an aria from ‘The Marriage of Figaro’
May 8th, 2009 at 11:06 am
Fuck it, I’ll take Vin Diesel.
May 8th, 2009 at 11:06 am
Doc Holliday in Tombstone.
/I’m your huckleberry
/CTRL+F’d
May 8th, 2009 at 11:06 am
Jack Burton
“It’s all in the reflexes…”
May 8th, 2009 at 11:06 am
Mother from Mother, Juggs and Speed.
Tricked out ambulance with a cooler of beer.
Stares at Juggs all day long.
May 8th, 2009 at 11:06 am
Liam Neeson’s character from “Taken.”
May 8th, 2009 at 11:07 am
El Mariachi from the Mexico Trilogy.
May 8th, 2009 at 11:07 am
Dammit.
/Tombstone’d
May 8th, 2009 at 11:07 am
Marky Mark from Shooter; just let him post up at a distance and take everyone else out.
May 8th, 2009 at 11:08 am
Tuco Benedicto Pacifico Juan Maria Ramirez AKA The Rat AKA The Ugly from the Good, The Bad and The Ugly.
May 8th, 2009 at 11:08 am
Sig Hansen from “Deadliest Catch”
May 8th, 2009 at 11:09 am
Hannibal Lecter.
May 8th, 2009 at 11:10 am
Forrest Gump
Never leaves a fallen comrade behind.
Experienced marine farmer
Filthy rich
May 8th, 2009 at 11:10 am
Derek Fisher
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sy8UEuiuHtA
/blatantantly ignores draft rules
@jackin’4beats – the rock was taken 10 minutes prior
May 8th, 2009 at 11:11 am
Jay took my pick of The Man with No Name – nicely done Jay.
So I’m going to take Maxwell Smart (Don Adams from the 60s – not Steve Carrell). He may not be competent, but he gets the job done. His hijinks would be funnier than most “guys who’d have your back,” plus I always had a crush on 99.
May 8th, 2009 at 11:11 am
Brock Samson
May 8th, 2009 at 11:11 am
Ex KGB dudes from Rock N Rolla
May 8th, 2009 at 11:11 am
Conner & Murphy MacManus from The Boondock Saints
May 8th, 2009 at 11:11 am
The Highlander. The guys immortal, The One, AND carries a fucking sword!!! Ain’t nothing cooler then a sword… if your immortal that is. Otherwise I’m fully aware a bullet trumps sword. Although no one’s ever looked like a punk bitch cutting someone’s head off!
May 8th, 2009 at 11:11 am
Tony Jaa from The Protector aka Tom-Yum-Goong. The dude just wants his elephant back.
May 8th, 2009 at 11:11 am
Bill the Butcher – Gangs of New York, though I guess he’d be a liability if someone came from the left…
May 8th, 2009 at 11:12 am
@ Slothrop – Luca is a brilliant pick – especially since he was the only man Don Vito was truly afriad of.
May 8th, 2009 at 11:13 am
Damn you Rob in WI for taking Léon.
May 8th, 2009 at 11:13 am
WALL-E. someone’s got to clean this place up and I’m not asking Luca or Keyzer to do it.
May 8th, 2009 at 11:14 am
Fuck it, I’ll take Vin Diesel.
Seriously, are you retarded?
May 8th, 2009 at 11:14 am
Jim from 28 Days Later – those aren’t Romero-style zombies, they’re super fast zombies.
May 8th, 2009 at 11:14 am
Bruce Banner.
Technically, HE lacks superpowers.
May 8th, 2009 at 11:14 am
Richard Barathy. He was the co-star of ‘Caged Fury’ along side Erica Estrada. He kicked fake-female-prison-guard ass like no other. If you want to understand how much of a badass this guy is, his last line sums it up. “I’ve got to go talk to a man about war”//rides off on motorcycle.
Sleep pick of the draft.
May 8th, 2009 at 11:15 am
I know Kurt Russell is taken with Tombstone, but I’m still picking Snake Plisken.
May 8th, 2009 at 11:15 am
Guess I didn’t read the rulez. I suck.
Anyway, I pick Indigo Montoya. He holds a grudge like a muthafucka
May 8th, 2009 at 11:15 am
John Locke
May 8th, 2009 at 11:15 am
@UU: Didn’t you see the shit he can do in XXX?
May 8th, 2009 at 11:16 am
The Master Chief FTW.
/MOVIE IS COMING!!! DO NOT JUDGE MEEEE!!!
/HUH? WHAT? HUH? FUCK YOU!!
May 8th, 2009 at 11:16 am
Crazy as it sounds to take a Nic Cage character, that former Ranger he played in Con Air was badass. So I’m taking him.
May 8th, 2009 at 11:16 am
Brad Pitt as Mr. Smith
May 8th, 2009 at 11:16 am
Frankie Flowers from ‘Traffic.’
May 8th, 2009 at 11:17 am
I’m taking Kurtwood Smith as Clarence Boddicker
Just gimme my fuckin’ phone call
May 8th, 2009 at 11:18 am
@Miles
Unless you have tits on your back, is Mother gonna do you any good?
May 8th, 2009 at 11:18 am
Stephen of Ireland from Braveheart.
“I didn’t like him . . . he wasn’t right IN THE HEAD!”
May 8th, 2009 at 11:18 am
I didnt read all the comments but definately Anderson “Spider” Silva if he’s not off the board. He could basically pick apart any regular joe giving you shit in a heartbeat, provided he doesnt dick around for 2 rounds when he could easily finish the fight in about 45 seconds.
May 8th, 2009 at 11:18 am
Also, the Peter North version of Rambo (from the 80’s porn “Ramboohh”) was pretty bad ass…dude ko’s guys with car doors and karate chops before banging chicks….
Even includes a Peter North ankle grab scene.
May 8th, 2009 at 11:19 am
And since I didn’t see him gone. Viti corleone.
May 8th, 2009 at 11:19 am
@The Sickness: I’m a slow reader mmmkay?
Thanks for nothing Miles for taking Tom Hanks. I was going to go for his Capt. John H. Miller character from Saving Pvt. Ryan, but now I can’t…smh.
I’ll now take Will Smith (Independence Day) because he saved the world and he didn’t have super powers.
May 8th, 2009 at 11:19 am
Ash Williams – They Live cause he is here to chew bubblegum and kick ass and he is all outta bubblegum.
May 8th, 2009 at 11:19 am
Fuck, i forogt about Brad Pitt’s role as Achilles. Probably more bad ass than Mr. Smith, but the gun play probably helps.
May 8th, 2009 at 11:19 am
John Wayne in any of his movies. Old school, but who doesn’t want a paunchy drunk who smokes lots of cigarettes and kicks ass by his side?
May 8th, 2009 at 11:20 am
I don’t care if this is a dorky pick, it’s a great value for this late:
Aragorn from Lord of the Rings
May 8th, 2009 at 11:21 am
I’ll take Sarah Palin, my governor.
The liberals int eh bar fight will be distracted into yelling at her and the conservatives int eh bar fight will sidle up trying to hump her.
Oh wait, she has super powers, nevermind.
May 8th, 2009 at 11:21 am
@Don Arturo
I got him with my 2nd pick. in your defense, I did not use the character name, so CTRL+F probably did not work.
May 8th, 2009 at 11:22 am
@ Rocco
You forgot about Brad Pitt as Mickey in Snatch. Would have laid out Mr. Smith, and given the half Achilles a run for his money.
May 8th, 2009 at 11:23 am
@Shinons: I think Vigo Mortensen or whoever is already gone
I’ll take V from V for Vendetta.
May 8th, 2009 at 11:23 am
paxcincinnatus Says:
May 8th, 2009 at 10:55 am
Fucking Omar from the Wire
WINNER INDEED…
Do I look like a man that repeats himself?
May 8th, 2009 at 11:23 am
Here’s a stretch…but I select Michael Dudikoff as the American Ninja.
May 8th, 2009 at 11:23 am
I’ll go with O-Ren Ishii from Kill Bill. That way, if anyone says anything bad about me, she’ll collect their fucking heads.
May 8th, 2009 at 11:23 am
Lara Croft, Tomb Raider.
Jolie’s fucking beautiful, and crazy, and her character kicks the shit out of everyone.
May 8th, 2009 at 11:23 am
Adam Baldwin as Animal Mother in Full Metal Jacket
May 8th, 2009 at 11:23 am
Somebody said Vin Diesel, but I’m actually picking a character, so I say I win. I’ll take Riddick.
May 8th, 2009 at 11:24 am
Ok, this is incredibly obscure. Marc Dacascos from “Drive”.
You absolutely cannot fuck with this guy
May 8th, 2009 at 11:24 am
Billy Chow, General Fujita in Fist of Legend
May 8th, 2009 at 11:24 am
Phillip Marlowe, Robert Mitchum version.
May 8th, 2009 at 11:24 am
200 picks and no one’s got her: Ellen. Fuckin’. Ripley.
Steal of the draft, people!
May 8th, 2009 at 11:25 am
@ Steve: Damn. Who took Mickey in Snatch? I don’t see it. I was thinking of a Snatch or Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels character to pick.
May 8th, 2009 at 11:25 am
@ I’m Hafner – a link if anyone cares
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FiFSciELMLI
May 8th, 2009 at 11:26 am
@ Rocco
No one took it, but if Pitt hadn’t been off the board twice already I was gonna take it.
May 8th, 2009 at 11:26 am
I’ll take Audie Murphy from “To Hell and Back” he plays himself in the movie. he won the Medal of Honor. true American hero and bad ass.
May 8th, 2009 at 11:26 am
@Buzz…my rebuttal to UM was Vin Diesel in XXX…I forgot about him in Riddick…if he counts, I’ll concede the pick to you. Well played sir.
May 8th, 2009 at 11:26 am
Al Neri – Michael Corleone’s body guard – ruthless killer who will do what it takes to prtect his charge.
May 8th, 2009 at 11:26 am
Any of Abigail Breslin’s characters. Oh, they won’t have my back, but she’s young and naiive
May 8th, 2009 at 11:26 am
Pick #2 – I’d rather have Chong Li from Bloodsport than JCvD.
May 8th, 2009 at 11:27 am
Since I see Omar from the Wire is off the board, I’ll take Vic Mackey.
May 8th, 2009 at 11:28 am
Omar is a good pick, but I’d be a bit concerned that he was “watching my back” a little too intently.
For my money, I’d take Wade Garret, Sam Elliot’s character from Road House. He was a consummate CYA guy, and did a much better job of protecting Swayze than Swayze did for him. Plus his gravelly voice warms my heart.
May 8th, 2009 at 11:28 am
how about KEVIN SPACEY! so he can watch my behind and then slowly but forcefully enter it.
May 8th, 2009 at 11:28 am
Rutger Hauer as Nick Harper from Blind Fury
May 8th, 2009 at 11:28 am
Bullet-Tooth Tony from Snatch.
“Bon jour!”
May 8th, 2009 at 11:28 am
I pick Spock. He’s half human so I’m only half breaking the rules. Super strong, super smart, even keel under pressure, loyal to a fault and has that neck pinch to boot.
May 8th, 2009 at 11:28 am
Crap Rocco, you’re right.
Oh well – Beowulf was even more of a badass. I’ll take him.
May 8th, 2009 at 11:29 am
Dread Pirate Roberts
May 8th, 2009 at 11:30 am
Sho’Nuff – only Bruce Leroy could kick his ass so as long as we don’t mess with that pretty mothafucka, my back is got.
May 8th, 2009 at 11:30 am
@ Steve: Oh yeah, I picked Tyler Durden. Go figure.
May 8th, 2009 at 11:30 am
Lt. Colonel Bill Kilgore – Charlie don’t surf
May 8th, 2009 at 11:30 am
Clubber Lang: Whoever tries to take me from behind is “tailor made” for him… waitaminute!
May 8th, 2009 at 11:31 am
Leonard Parker (Leonard Part 6). Perhaps there would be free jell-o pudding pops as well.
May 8th, 2009 at 11:32 am
Catwoman – he,he,he.
May 8th, 2009 at 11:32 am
Marc Dacascos from “Drive”.
Also known as Manny the bad ass Native American from Brotherhood of the Wolf…or The Chairman in Iron Chef America.
Talk about range.
Next pick: Kate Beckinsale in Van Helsing. Crappy movie but since I can’t take Kate in Underworld (re: no powers) I’ll go with Kate in a corset over Kate in lycra and latex.
May 8th, 2009 at 11:32 am
Kambei Shimada from the Seven Samurai.
May 8th, 2009 at 11:33 am
I haven’t seen it, but any available actors left from Wanted characters? I figure assassins are handy.
May 8th, 2009 at 11:33 am
oooh
Kate Beckinsale as Selene from Underworld! Hot looking vampire chick! oh ya
May 8th, 2009 at 11:34 am
Dolemite
May 8th, 2009 at 11:34 am
Rosie O’Donnell. Everyone would just run away frome me
May 8th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Andrew Dice Clay – Adventures of Ford Fairlane
May 8th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Russell Means in Last of the Mohicans.
Because if you fuck with, me, he’s going to break your elbow, gut you, and throw your ass off a cliff. After killing your whole crew.
May 8th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Sir Lancelot from John Boorman’s “Excalibur”.
Sure the armor clanking around would get annoying, and yeah he’d probably bang my girlfriend, but it’d be sweet to have an unbeatable champion to do my bidding (whatever that may be).
May 8th, 2009 at 11:36 am
and er, I forgot no superhuman powers. F*ck me.
How about Jennifer Lopez from Enough, playing Slim Hiller?
May 8th, 2009 at 11:36 am
Michael Clarke Duncan from any of his movies. Let’s say Daredevil, since I have to pick one. He’s one big dude.
May 8th, 2009 at 11:37 am
Barry Pepper from Saving Private Ryan. Prayer + can’t miss.
On a side note, if you liked Wanted, you most certainly have a buttplug in right now.
May 8th, 2009 at 11:37 am
Darth Vader. Is the force a super power?
May 8th, 2009 at 11:37 am
Mani from Brotherhood of the Wolf.
/Draft Recap:
1. the 13th Warrior
2. George ‘Iceman’ Chambers from Undisputed
3. Dynamo from Running Man
4. Francisco Flores from Traffic
5. Mark Decascos
May 8th, 2009 at 11:37 am
Liam Neeson from “Taken.”
50 year old just absolutely destroying Eurotrash thugs with ease.
May 8th, 2009 at 11:37 am
@ Kanye east:
Sorry, but the Coz is gone with Mother
May 8th, 2009 at 11:38 am
Big Time Willie from He Got Game.
He’ll let me know what the tick tock is.
May 8th, 2009 at 11:38 am
Boris the Blade
As bent as the Soviet sickle, and as hard as the hammer that crosses it. Apparently, it’s just impossible to kill the bastard.
May 8th, 2009 at 11:38 am
motherFUCKER someone took mark decascos!!!!!
May 8th, 2009 at 11:39 am
bas rutten! how no one drafted him yet is beyond my comprehension, but i am going with bas!
May 8th, 2009 at 11:39 am
Jim Brown. Any good in a fight? Who knows, but I’m gonna say yes. Its Jim Brown for chrissake. And he was in a bunch of movies so I’ll go with Dirty Dozen, even if it proves he’s not bulletproof.
May 8th, 2009 at 11:39 am
Dirk Dingler
Bad ass karate moves
Slightly more endowed than me
May 8th, 2009 at 11:40 am
@Mo Charlo: I was typing that pick in then my boss walked in. Great pick. Lofty pick.
May 8th, 2009 at 11:42 am
Continuing the Snatch characters’ run: Bullet-Tooth Tony.
The man took 6 bullets in one sitting and is hard as hell!
May 8th, 2009 at 11:42 am
Billy from ‘Predator’
there, that’s my five
/ mark decascos could take Billy, though
May 8th, 2009 at 11:43 am
Kiera Knightly as Guinevere in King Arthur. Wearing this (SFW) with a bow and arrow? Yeah, I’d be happy with that.
May 8th, 2009 at 11:43 am
Liam Neisen and Bullet-Tooth Tony both already off the board.
May 8th, 2009 at 11:44 am
Slightly more endowed than me
Me fail english. Unpossible!
Slightly better endowed than myself
May 8th, 2009 at 11:46 am
The Lone Wolf from the Lone Wolf and Cub samurai movies. There will be fake looking blood everywhere.
May 8th, 2009 at 11:47 am
For the second round I would take Lou-Ellen Moss from No Country for Old Men, he may not be the biggest guy, but he was a crafty motherfucker, He found his way around and out of a lot of situations, until he got killed in a totally buzzkilling ending, I don’t care if it follows the book, it could have done better. Who didn’t wanna see some kinda showdown between him and Chuger? However the fuck you spell it.
May 8th, 2009 at 11:49 am
Oh yeah, and thanks to the asshole who chose Christian Bale’s Batman so that I couldn’t take John Preston from Equilibrium.
May 8th, 2009 at 11:50 am
@ Reggie Bush’s Pimp
What if the guy has seven bullets?
The pickings are getting kind of slim here. How about the Ice box from little giants?
May 8th, 2009 at 11:52 am
Is Sho’nuff, the Shogun of Harlem, available or did someone already take Bruce Leroy? I’ll take Sho’nuff over “The Glow” any day of the week.
Am I the baddest mo-fo, low-down, around this town? SHO’NUFF!!!
May 8th, 2009 at 11:53 am
John Patrick Mason, Her Majesty’s Special Air Services.
May 8th, 2009 at 11:53 am
Don Zimmer
May 8th, 2009 at 11:55 am
Frank Costanza from Seinfeld
“Are you saying … you want a piece of me?”
May 8th, 2009 at 11:55 am
I can’t believe the dad from Teen Wolf fell this far. Taken. He is the ultimate stealth weapon, sneaking around as a pudgy, middle aged Midwestern widower, but with a growl can make a grown man vacate himself.
And since I traded down to get here, I’ll take Berenger from the Cobra-Kai dojo. Bow to your sensai.
May 8th, 2009 at 11:55 am
I choose Sayid Farrah from Lost. Not only is he a bad-ass with weapons and hand-to-hand combat but he can do almost literally anything you can think of. In addition to fixing radio equipment and bandaging potentially lethal wounds he is apparently also a master with hydrogen bombs.
May 8th, 2009 at 11:56 am
Karl Childers from Sling Blade.
May 8th, 2009 at 11:57 am
Oh yes, and Matthew McConaughey aka Van Zan from Reign of Fire. I’m subbing out Dynamo.
May 8th, 2009 at 11:58 am
Action Jackson!
How do you like your ribs!
May 8th, 2009 at 11:58 am
Gordon Freeman, just don’t expect him to tell you if shit is getting out of hand
May 8th, 2009 at 11:58 am
Chong Li
/brick not hit back
May 8th, 2009 at 11:59 am
Aeon Flux
May 8th, 2009 at 11:59 am
Can’t take one…got to take them all….The Hanson Brothers and warehouse full of tin foil
May 8th, 2009 at 12:01 pm
Rowdy Roddy Piper in “They Live”…because he is all out of bubblegum.
May 8th, 2009 at 12:01 pm
Going with another Seinfeld pick … Bob & Ray, the robbers.
“Well, maybe, he was talking to me. Was you talking to him? Because you was obviously talking to one of us. So what is it? Who?! Who was you talking to?!”
May 8th, 2009 at 12:03 pm
O.J. he would actually kill for me.
May 8th, 2009 at 12:04 pm
Sonny from the Godfather…he’d take a bullet or 100 for me.
May 8th, 2009 at 12:04 pm
Radio Raheem
May 8th, 2009 at 12:05 pm
Next I choose Nicholas Angel from Hot Fuzz, the shit that dude did was awesome, I would love to have a guy who fights back like that if provoked. Plus Simon Pegg is fucking great.
May 8th, 2009 at 12:05 pm
Rose McGowan from Planet Terror/Grindhouse.
Reasons:
1. She’s always bringing a gun to a knife fight.
2. Excellent zombie-killing skills.
3. Hello latent amputee fetish!
4. If she’s not into me, she’d still make a good wingwoman.
May 8th, 2009 at 12:05 pm
Amanda Peet’s character from Whote 9 Yards, Jill St. Claire. She’s no badass, but she knows the business and goes topless.
May 8th, 2009 at 12:07 pm
Kyle Reese.
May 8th, 2009 at 12:07 pm
Last pick is a two-fer.
Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.
Recap
Martin Riggs
Leon
Mr. Miyagi
Sarah connor
Don Corleone
Butch and Sundance.
Win.
May 8th, 2009 at 12:10 pm
dolemite, mother fucker! “with his all girl army of kung fu killers”
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dolemite
May 8th, 2009 at 12:11 pm
Martellus Bennett
He has an invisibility cloak, some Harry Potter shit, and is totally fuckin insane.
May 8th, 2009 at 12:14 pm
willem dafoe’ Sgt. Elias in Platoon.
May 8th, 2009 at 12:15 pm
Since my namesake is already taken,
John Clark/Kelly – the Without Remorse version
Baddest. Man. Ever.
May 8th, 2009 at 12:15 pm
I choose Zhang Ziyi from Crouching Tiger. HIIIIYYYYAAAAA indeed!
May 8th, 2009 at 12:16 pm
I stopped reading as soon as Maj stopped editing the posts.
More fake pedophile comments, please!
May 8th, 2009 at 12:17 pm
Looking for value at this pick, so I’m going with William “Billy” Costigan Jr from The Departed.
steal of the draft
May 8th, 2009 at 12:20 pm
@Maj
My first pick is valid, as Jack Bauer was in 24: Redemption, which was definitely a movie.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0813980/
May 8th, 2009 at 12:21 pm
You want Value Don? My next pick is not only someone who I would want to have my back but also an appeal to my beloved FMRA: I choose Sean Avery.
May 8th, 2009 at 12:22 pm
I know it’s a book/miniseries, but…
Major Dick Winters.
May 8th, 2009 at 12:25 pm
Well I just re-read the initial post and it appears I need to re-draft for my Sayid from Lost and Sean Avery picks so I will so now.
Replace Sayid with Choco from Domino (Which also eliminates Paz the final asset from The Bourne Ultimatum)
Replace Sean Avery with Paddy Considine from Dead Man’s Shoes (He kills in increasingly indiscriminate and bizarre ways in an effort to appease an imaginary ghost, imagine what he would do for a real life human being who he can actually talk to)
May 8th, 2009 at 12:26 pm
Bruce Campbell as Ash in Army of Darkness. How did he slip so far?
May 8th, 2009 at 12:26 pm
pee wee herman
May 8th, 2009 at 12:30 pm
Charlie Prince(Ben Foster) from 3:10 to Yuma…man never stops and slight insanity helps
May 8th, 2009 at 12:31 pm
Steve McQueen
300 picks – steal of the draft
May 8th, 2009 at 12:31 pm
Samuel L. Jackson, Snakes on a plane! Stand Down Bitches!
May 8th, 2009 at 12:33 pm
Deebo.
You got knocked ‘da fuck out!
May 8th, 2009 at 12:34 pm
Dan, he was taken way back.
Second pick: Captain Malcolm Reynolds from Serenity. Sarcastic dick and good with a gun…what more do you need?
May 8th, 2009 at 12:35 pm
mcqueen didn’t fall this far.
ctrl+f
May 8th, 2009 at 12:35 pm
I will take Rainier Wolfcastle….Upon further inspection, these are loafers.
May 8th, 2009 at 12:35 pm
2nd Pick- Princess Amadala
Real friggin hot, check.
Galactic political influence, check.
Blaster, check.
May 8th, 2009 at 12:38 pm
John Goodman from The Big Lebowski – when he bit that nihilist’s ear off and threw the bowling ball at the other one… He really mixes it up.
May 8th, 2009 at 12:38 pm
Shitballs, it has to be film? Too many fucking rules in this draft.
May 8th, 2009 at 12:38 pm
Jayne from Serenity/Firefly..He’s not that bright but he has some sweet weapons.
May 8th, 2009 at 12:39 pm
Kurt Thomas in Gymkata. As long as we found a random pommel horse or some uneven bars in the middle the fight, we’re golden.
May 8th, 2009 at 12:40 pm
#2 Mickey O’Neil
May 8th, 2009 at 12:40 pm
Johnny Laurence from the Cobra Kai dojo, that guy strikes hard, and strikes first. He truly is the Karate Kid, not that scrawny, nerd kid from New Jersey.
May 8th, 2009 at 12:41 pm
Billy Jack from Billy Jack
You know those hippies can score kind too.
May 8th, 2009 at 12:42 pm
Bud White (Russell Crowe) from LA Confidential
May 8th, 2009 at 12:43 pm
Frankenstein (David Carradine) from Death Race 2000
He has a hand grenade!
May 8th, 2009 at 12:43 pm
Keeping with the slightly insane, never say die back-ups….Wez from the Road Warrior
Lord Humongus was always keeping the man down….
May 8th, 2009 at 12:44 pm
Jean Claude Van Damme
May 8th, 2009 at 12:44 pm
the Phenom, the American Bad Ass, the Man from Death Valley, the Lord of fucking Darkness [dong dong dong dong] — The Undertaker. get out of my way bitches.
May 8th, 2009 at 12:46 pm
Lee Van Cleef as Sentenza from The Good, The Bad and The Ugly
May 8th, 2009 at 12:48 pm
Nao Omori as Ichi in Ichi the Killer
You never know when you’ll need someone to unhinge his jaw and bite someone’s head off.
/still have nightmares from this movie
May 8th, 2009 at 12:49 pm
Furio…. I’m counting the Sopranos as a movie.
May 8th, 2009 at 12:49 pm
I take “Chief” from One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest. He ripped out a water fountain and threw it through a window.
May 8th, 2009 at 12:49 pm
note — i’m counting “Suburban Commando” as the UT’s movie appearance tho he was not using that specific character per se
/yes i am one, why do you ask?
May 8th, 2009 at 12:51 pm
he’s most likely already been picked but John McClain…Yipee Ki-Yay Motherfucka!
May 8th, 2009 at 12:52 pm
Egil Skallagrimsson
May 8th, 2009 at 12:52 pm
“Hoot” from Black Hawk Down…. I’ll bring the zip ties.
May 8th, 2009 at 12:53 pm
@ Jason – Thanks for picking me, but I work alone.
But if I did pick someone, it would be Tuco from The Good, The Bad and The Ugly
/when you have to shoot, shoot, don’t talk’d
May 8th, 2009 at 12:54 pm
@Prehistoric Martyball: Good to see you around these parts. Love the Excalibur pick, although I’d pick Uther for banging with all the armor on.
May 8th, 2009 at 12:56 pm
Dick Cheney and his hunting rifle. i prefer to think of the entire past 8 years as one long ass horror movie,
also, i miss reading the KSK’ers picks. wtf?
May 8th, 2009 at 12:56 pm
Okay 3rd pick- Xena Onitopp. Machine Gun w/Grenade Launcher, thighs that can crush my enemies, cool spy gadgets, and a sexy Russian accent all included.
Lets recap- 1st pick Zhang Ziyi (Crouching Tiger), 2nd pick Natalie Portman (Star Wars), 3rd Pick Famke Janssen (GoldenEye).
I feel like I am running away with this draft.
May 8th, 2009 at 12:56 pm
Ben Linus from Lost, that man can fuck your shit up in ways that aren’t even in time or space.
May 8th, 2009 at 12:58 pm
How about Christ from The Passion of the Christ? Not sure on the superpowers. We’re running out of wine! That’s having your back right there.
May 8th, 2009 at 12:59 pm
Larenz “O-Dog” Tate from Menace II Society. He was the baddest mothafucka in that movie and he wasn’t even 18 years old yet. Yeah he got arrested eventually, but bulletproof, peelin’ caps, smokin’ marks, bad ass right there.
/whippin out old 90s slang on dat ass
May 8th, 2009 at 1:04 pm
Neo from The Matrix. He doesn’t have super powers. He just realizes that none of this is real.
May 8th, 2009 at 1:05 pm
N.O.R.E. as El Pollo Loco in State Property 2.
Mike Katz as himself in Pumping Iron.
Kevin Gage as Waingro in HEAT.
… and Steamin Willie Beamen.
also The Machine from 8MM
ok i’m done
May 8th, 2009 at 1:05 pm
^ Rat’s ass, already taken. My bad.
May 8th, 2009 at 1:07 pm
Chris Brown…. as long as I’m only going up against women.
May 8th, 2009 at 1:09 pm
Pedro Cerrano from Major League
It is very bad to steal Jobu’s rum…it is very bad.
May 8th, 2009 at 1:09 pm
John Slade from I’m Gonna get you sucka
May 8th, 2009 at 1:09 pm
The Waco Kid from Blazing Saddles…as long as we’re not fighting any 6 year olds and would be able to get some high quality hooch for the post beatdown party
May 8th, 2009 at 1:09 pm
Since we are picking all over the place now I would like to pick Omar Little. And then subsequently retire from this draft with this as my line-up (Now that we are taking wrestlers and tv characters I am reinstating my previous picks)
1. Sayid from Lost
2. Nicholas Angel from Hot Fuzz
3. Sean Avery from The New York Rangers
4. Choco from Domino
5. Paddy Considine from Dead Man’s Shoes
6. Omar Little from The Wire.
May 8th, 2009 at 1:09 pm
President Camacho for the win!
May 8th, 2009 at 1:12 pm
fuck it, i’ll take him: Heath Ledger’s Joker, you think anyone’s gonna fuck with me now?
May 8th, 2009 at 1:14 pm
Kyle MacLachlan as Paul Atreides
/ it never ends
May 8th, 2009 at 1:16 pm
Riki-oh. The originator of Craig Kilbourn’s smashed head…
Carnage and subtitles FTW
May 8th, 2009 at 1:21 pm
Ivan Drago. “I must break you.”
May 8th, 2009 at 1:22 pm
#6 – Horatio Caine. Glasses, odd style of talking, gun, omniscient morality license, ability to come up with a snappy one-liner for all eventualities. Oh yeah. Steal of the draft right here.
May 8th, 2009 at 1:25 pm
Bo Jackson from Tecmo Bowl
May 8th, 2009 at 1:25 pm
Ragnar Lodbrok
May 8th, 2009 at 1:27 pm
Wow, can’t believe no one though of this one….KAREEM ABDUL-JABAR (was in bruce lee’s game of death)
Man is over 7 feet tall and knows jiu-jitsu….nobodys fuckin with him.
May 8th, 2009 at 1:29 pm
LEATHERFACE!!!!!!!
(I know he has a chainsaw but you didn’t say no weapons)
May 8th, 2009 at 1:34 pm
Charles Heston as Moses… Wrath of god on your side…
Clyde from Clint Eastwood’s Any Which Way But Loose
Clint Eastwood as Kelly from Kelly’s Heroes
May 8th, 2009 at 1:35 pm
Rufio from Peter Pan
May 8th, 2009 at 1:36 pm
And as long as its a STREET Fight, I got to go with Derek Vinyard(American History X)
May 8th, 2009 at 1:38 pm
Begbie (Robert Carlyle) from Trainspotting. That dude lived to fight people in bars.
May 8th, 2009 at 1:43 pm
Major Kusanagi
May 8th, 2009 at 1:53 pm
JohnJohn the Bastard – Hes been taken.
May 8th, 2009 at 1:57 pm
Gonna go with a sleeper pick in Jesse Ventura’s “Blain” from Predator. He ain’t got time to bleed. Plus, damn would it be fun to listen to him get shitfaced and start rambling about his politics…
May 8th, 2009 at 1:58 pm
Rocky Balboa. Yoink!
May 8th, 2009 at 1:58 pm
Robert DeNiro from “Cape Fear”. Dude’s intense.
May 8th, 2009 at 1:59 pm
Oh right. Rambo’s been taken. *remembers bullshit draft rules*
Disregard.
May 8th, 2009 at 2:02 pm
Optimus Prime. Because every time we hit the club, he can say “Autobots, roll out!”
And not the pansy ass movie version either. The badass 80s cartoon version.
May 8th, 2009 at 2:06 pm
Ed Norton from Fight Club or American History X. Wayne Brady. Cause he sings, dances, and he will choke a bitch!
May 8th, 2009 at 2:08 pm
Kinpatsu Sakamochi AKA Kitano…played by Beat Takeshi (or Takeshi Kitano) in Battle Royale. Dude kills kids, legally. Savage.
May 8th, 2009 at 2:09 pm
I’m going to go with Brian Mills. he was played by Liam Neeson in the movie “Taken.”
Bad mofo right there!
May 8th, 2009 at 2:09 pm
Sean Connery’s tough-as-nails Irish cop Jim Malone in “The Untouchables”.
“You want to know how to get Capone? They pull a knife, you pull a gun. He sends one of yours to the hospital, you send one of his to the morgue. THAT’S the Chicago way!”
Fuck Yeah.
May 8th, 2009 at 2:15 pm
So I think he’s still on the board, I’m taking Slevin Kelevra from Lucky Number Sle7en. I would have taken Mr. Goodkat, but I’m sure Bruce Willis got taken already.
May 8th, 2009 at 2:15 pm
oh, not too mention Beat Takeshi in Brother…possibly more savage ex-Yakuza
May 8th, 2009 at 2:20 pm
I’ll take Brett from There’s Something About Mary
he’ll just piss everyone off to where they just turn around and walk away
May 8th, 2009 at 2:20 pm
Gene Hackman as Royal Tanenbaum. Dude can take a knife to the gut better than anyone.
May 8th, 2009 at 2:29 pm
optimus prime
May 8th, 2009 at 2:32 pm
Kirby in “Dead Presidents”. He was the one-legged hustler played by the super bad Keith David. Kirby will let you go with him to collect debts and he’ll even let you drive his Lincoln.
May 8th, 2009 at 2:33 pm
I’m going to assume James Caan as Sonny Corleone is still on the board.
I’ll take him.
May 8th, 2009 at 2:44 pm
Bruce, the Great White Shark from Finding Nemo.
May 8th, 2009 at 2:45 pm
Okay, now I am taking Silk Spectre, but I want her as a blond. I already have enough brunettes in my squad.
/can’t believe no one else is picking hot chicks
May 8th, 2009 at 2:46 pm
Mr. Blond, AKA Vic Vega, (Michael Madsen) ‘Reservoir Dogs’
Chaos! Tastes like sweet, sweet wine!
May 8th, 2009 at 2:47 pm
How is William Munny (Clint Eastwood in Unforgiven) still available? He went back into town while drunk just to avenge Ned’s death. “Deserve’s got nothing to do it.”
May 8th, 2009 at 2:52 pm
LATE ROUND PACKAGE DEAL:
Jeff, Steve and Dave Hanson from “Slapshot”.
“I”M LISTENING TO THE FUCKING SONG!”
May 8th, 2009 at 2:54 pm
The Road Warrior
May 8th, 2009 at 2:58 pm
Short Round…hey, worked for Indiana Jones
May 8th, 2009 at 2:59 pm
@Rocco very nice but I’d prefer:
IL DUCE.
/what if it was just one guy with six guns?
May 8th, 2009 at 3:02 pm
Since Omar was taken I am gonna take Chris Partlow.
May 8th, 2009 at 3:05 pm
@Gino – Connery went off the board as “Mason.”
Giuseppi Petri a/k/a George Stone — “You got ‘im? . . . Yeah, I got ‘im.”
May 8th, 2009 at 3:09 pm
Lemmy Fucking Kilmister of Mötörhead!
He was in the classic “Tromeo and Juliet”, among other B movies. I don’t really care about the stuff he’s been in, but I’d like Lemmy to back me up in a fight. He can kick some major ass.
May 8th, 2009 at 3:13 pm
@ Never Pass A Bar
Fuck! I knew the Connery pick was too good to be true. Sorry, everybody. Pick respectfully withdrawn.
“Just like a Guinea. Bringin’ a knife to a gunfight.”
May 8th, 2009 at 3:14 pm
I can take Danny Trejo’s collected works?
May 8th, 2009 at 3:15 pm
Mason, played by Ice T, in Surviving the Game. Actually, I take the King James version of Ice T in Trespass.
May 8th, 2009 at 3:20 pm
@Cooper: Nice pick. You don’t fuck with Il Duce.
May 8th, 2009 at 3:20 pm
Danny Trejo is a great pick. He’s the real thing- as bad in real life as any of his characters.
May 8th, 2009 at 3:21 pm
Can’t believe Remo Williams is off the board, so I’ll take Chiun, he made Remo.
May 8th, 2009 at 3:26 pm
@ Gino…same goes for the Hansons
last pick(for now) Blake(?) otherwise know as Mr “F$@% You, That’s My Name”, Alec Baldwin from Glengarry Glen Ross…need a wordsmith to intimidate and belittle them into thinking maybe they don’t want a street fight with me and my posse
May 8th, 2009 at 3:26 pm
Doc Holliday
/too lazy to check through 200+ comments to see if he’s still available.
May 8th, 2009 at 3:29 pm
I’ll have to to take Phillip Rhee (Tommy Lee) from the “Best of the Best” series.
Not only did he almost singlehandedly beat the KOREAN NATIONAL TEAM at Tae Kwan Do by beating Dae Han, He also beat the everliving fuck out of Brakus and then the all-time bad ass himself Wayne Newton in the sequel.
That and he is Korean with a mysterious Native American background.
May 8th, 2009 at 3:31 pm
I’ll go with Master Blaster from Thunderdome. Fuck you if they’re two people.
May 8th, 2009 at 3:33 pm
I’d like to take this time before Sexy Friday gets kicked off to apologzie to Unsilent and the commenters on instantly fucking up my draft picks. Now, we all know what an idiot I am, so it shouldn’t be much of a surprise. But I humbly ask for your forgiveness on this greatest of days.
1. Steven Seagal as Orin Boyd in Exit Wounds
2. John Cena as John Triton in The Marine
3. Brad Pitt as Tyler Durden in Fight Club (Mr. Smith, Mickey, and Achilles also would have been picks)
4. Vin Diesel as Xander Cage in XXX (better choice would have been Riddick in The Chronicles of Riddick)
5. Sean Patrick Flanery & Norman Reedus as Conner & Murphy McManus in The Boondock Saints
6. Hugo Weaving as V in V for Vendetta
Wow, that’s really not that hard.
7. David Prowse as Darth Vader in Star Wars. Is The Force a super power?
May 8th, 2009 at 3:33 pm
I’m late so I’m taking a twofer: Mr. Orange from Resevoir Dogs (eat lead Mr Blonde) and Angelina Jolie from Mr and Mrs Smith. SHE is the steal of the draft.
May 8th, 2009 at 3:34 pm
paul hogan as croc dundee? still on the board?
May 8th, 2009 at 3:37 pm
just realized I need a woman in the gang…as long as her and Wez can get along, Warrior Woman from The Road Warrior
May 8th, 2009 at 3:37 pm
Christopher Walken’s character in “Last man Standing”
May 8th, 2009 at 3:37 pm
@ Inanimate Carbon Rod
Sorry about the Hansons re-pick, man. I thought I was so clever I couldn’t be bothered to do a simple CTRL + F. Fuck. Pick respectfully withdrawn.
May 8th, 2009 at 3:40 pm
How could Barney Miller have dropped so low???
May 8th, 2009 at 3:45 pm
Pootie Tang, value pick of these late rounds. Master of the belt and the wimmens. Sepatown!
May 8th, 2009 at 3:47 pm
Keyser Soze
May 8th, 2009 at 3:47 pm
Okay for my 5th and final pick, I am taking Red Sonya. I need someone to carry around my bags, dismember corpses, and a redhead will round out the group nicely. Plus she could work the camera while I make sexy time with Jen Yu, Princess Amadala, Xena Onitopp, and Silk Spectre II.
/i declare win
//sexy friday has already begun in my mind
May 8th, 2009 at 3:48 pm
Campbell The Elder from “Braveheart”. He was badass Dad of William Wallace’s burly friend Hamish Campbell. He’ll kill any fookin’ Saxon dog that crosses his path. He gets stabbed in the chest by a spear, so he drinks whisky and cauterizes the wound with a red hot iron. “That’ll wake ya in the mornin’, boy!”
He gets his hand chopped off in battle and he attaches a morningstar to the stump. Badass. Drunk, crazy and Scottish (a redundant phrase) is what you want in a fight.
May 8th, 2009 at 3:54 pm
I think Maj has stopped paying attention. You all can stop now. No really, stop. Go home…enjoy the weekend.
/gives up
May 8th, 2009 at 3:55 pm
I really do exist. I’m not just a theoretical thing.
May 8th, 2009 at 3:58 pm
brian bosworth from that time he was in a movie
May 8th, 2009 at 4:12 pm
I should mention that my pick is Zac Efron being played by Samuel Jackson in the “We Da People” original movie “Disnayah”
May 8th, 2009 at 4:19 pm
Tommy (Joe Pesci) in Goodfellas…. 400 comments in and no one picks dis fuckin guy?!?
May 8th, 2009 at 4:30 pm
oh of course, richie from boiler room. ass-beatings galore!
May 8th, 2009 at 4:30 pm
Masai from the Gramercy Riffs in “The Warriors”. He took over after Cyrus got wasted. Ajax of the Warriors was tough and loyal, but he got fatally-duped by a chick he wanted to bang. Masai, wearing all black and sunglasses 24 hours a day and carrying a hockey stick, would add a psychological edge to his considerable fighting prowess.
CAN YOU DIG ITTTTTTTTT !?!
http://www.warriorsmovie.co.uk/cast.html
May 8th, 2009 at 4:47 pm
Daniel Simpson Day, “D-Day” to his brothers.
May 8th, 2009 at 4:50 pm
Alex (Malcolm McDowell) from A Clockwork Orange
May 8th, 2009 at 4:58 pm
Richard Nixon.
/win.
May 8th, 2009 at 5:09 pm
Damn, just went through 400+ comments, and I’m pretty sure this guy is availabe, but if so I got your STEAL OF THE DRAFT right here:
Andre the Giant’s character in “The Princess Bride”
(Yeah, he got bested by Cary fucking Elwes. So what? Dude’s 7′4″/520 lbs; you’d have to be in some deep, deep shit for the big man to leave you high and dry.)
May 8th, 2009 at 5:28 pm
Hulk Hogan from Mr. Mom.
I legdrop on your Andre the Giant pick.
May 8th, 2009 at 5:32 pm
@JL white
Gone about 400 picks ago.
May 8th, 2009 at 6:01 pm
Apollo Creed so I can learn to fight like a brother. Plus we both dislike communists so we would have things to talk about.
May 8th, 2009 at 6:07 pm
Hannibal Lecter and Mayday
May 8th, 2009 at 6:13 pm
I was going for Dirty Harry (asian chick offers to go get beers) but he went, and justifiably so, before this. In his stead I select Bud Selig. That fucker gets away with everything and everybody believes his feigned denials. Besides crooked used car dealers know crooked people, don’t they?
May 8th, 2009 at 6:13 pm
White She Devil(Denise Richards) from “Undercover Brother”.
She is hot as fuck and down with ‘Da Man’.
May 8th, 2009 at 6:30 pm
I am SO stupid.
i of course take my namesake.
sorry for the oversight, Pam!
May 8th, 2009 at 6:34 pm
I’ll take Rosario Dawson’s character Gail in Sin City. She’s the leader prostitute of a bunch of sexy prostitutes who can kill. So not only would I get her, but I’d get Miho, a Japanese school girl who kills with no remorse. Sexy bodyguards with free sexy time= steal of the draft.
May 8th, 2009 at 6:49 pm
Can’t believe so many of you cockwallets took Omar over Partlow. Fags. I’ll take the tall man, Slim Charles
May 8th, 2009 at 6:51 pm
LATE ROUND BLAXPLOITATION PACKAGE DEAL:
• Jim Kelly as Black Belt Jones
• Fred “The Hammer Williamson” as Black Caesar
• Jim Brown as take your pick of badass characters Bad Jim Brown has played
May 8th, 2009 at 6:56 pm
Ron O’Neal as Priest in “Super Fly” has been included in this draft day deal.
May 8th, 2009 at 6:58 pm
Deniro’s character from Ronin. That dude was high speed.
May 8th, 2009 at 7:18 pm
I will take Tom Savini as Sex Machine in From Dusk Till Dawn. I am very pleased to see him still available at this spot. In true Vikings fan fashion I will insist that the next poster was expecting me to pass on him for character issues.
May 8th, 2009 at 7:31 pm
Snake Plisken and Johnny Utah as his sidekick, yeah thats right.
May 8th, 2009 at 7:36 pm
@ BeardedAxe
I just picked Fred Williamson, but his fellow vampire-killer Tom “Sex Machine” Savini in “From Dusk Til Dawn” is a real steal.
I’ll sign Ragnar The Viking as a rookie free agent. Skol Vikings!
May 8th, 2009 at 7:37 pm
Gonna need a spell check but Pai Mei from Kill Bill is the pick. Don’t poison my fish heads.
Late value pick would be Mongo from Blazing Saddles. Especially effective if our opponents are on horseback
May 8th, 2009 at 7:39 pm
Candygram for Mongo!
May 8th, 2009 at 7:57 pm
Awww, Mongo straight
May 8th, 2009 at 7:58 pm
Mikaela Banes(Megan Fox) from the Transformers and a lollipop and my opponent won’t be able to focus…of course neither would my posse, then we party…
May 8th, 2009 at 8:01 pm
Xiao Mei – the chick from house of flying daggers.
May 8th, 2009 at 8:06 pm
MSG Gary Gordon and SFC Randy Shughart. They were played in the Film ‘Black Hawk Down’. The two snipers that kept CWO Mike Durant alive after his Blackhawk crashed due to RPG fire. They died defending Durant, and were posthumously awarded the Medal of Honor. Aaaaaand they were US Army Delta Force. Need I say more?
May 8th, 2009 at 8:14 pm
Charleton Heston is The Omega Man
May 8th, 2009 at 9:07 pm
Drexl Spivey – True Romance. “It ain’t white boy day, is it?”
May 8th, 2009 at 9:13 pm
Frank Dukes – Bloodsport (jean claude van dam)
May 8th, 2009 at 10:11 pm
You guys are such unimaginative sexists. Over 440 picks in, and it doesn’t look like anyboyd has taken Lucy Liu. Damn. She could kick the tar out of anybody and then me (if you know what I mean).
/Ya, I know that last bit was nerdy, but I gotta be me.
May 8th, 2009 at 10:16 pm
And for Mr. Irrelevant, I take Odd Job from Goldfinger. Loyal, ethnic, and doesn’t talk. Also makes a great conversation piece when garden parties get awkward and quiet.
May 8th, 2009 at 11:01 pm
Hitler.
May 8th, 2009 at 11:18 pm
@Soufle You want a 5′ 8″ German corporal with one testicle at your back?
May 8th, 2009 at 11:21 pm
Sean Taylor
May 8th, 2009 at 11:28 pm
Sigh. My own idea for a draft (thanks for using it, guys!) and I don’t get to participate because the internet at work is down. But my #1 is still on the board! Gogo Yubari from Kill Bill. A hot, psychotic Japanese chick who will defend you until she’s bleeding from her eyes. FTW.
May 8th, 2009 at 11:35 pm
Value pick! Chow Yun Fat’s character from Hard Boiled. Dude knows how to use a firearm. Plus I’m Asian, too, so all the white guys would get us confused.
May 9th, 2009 at 12:21 am
Late round steal – Captain Vidal from Pan’s Labyrinth. That mother fucker was fierce.
Also @Spatula: Lucy was taken as O-Ren Ishii awhile ago. Nope, nothing sexist here
May 9th, 2009 at 12:24 am
Finally, the nastiest bastard out there, The Butcher from “Paradise Cove”. Oh yeah look it up.
/shamelessly whoring my brother’s movie
//It was pretty horrible
??Iz gonna drink now
May 9th, 2009 at 12:46 am
Truck Turner
May 9th, 2009 at 1:11 am
Joe Pesci in Casino. He stabs a dude in the neck with a pen at the drop of a hat. Which is nice.
May 9th, 2009 at 3:57 am
Pesci was one of the first off the board. You could have at least read the first 100 or so picks, as I did. I did not, however, read beyond that, and the fact that Tyler Durden (i.e.Ed Norton’s crazy ass in fight Club) was not mentioned within said picks is a travesty.
May 9th, 2009 at 8:06 am
My pick? His name is Robert Paulson. His name is Robert Paulson. His name is Robert Paulson.
May 9th, 2009 at 8:08 am
The man with no name would be my #1 pick
Can’t believe no one from the City of God was taken such as Lil Ze or Knockout Ned
May 9th, 2009 at 8:41 am
Donnie Yen’s character in Flashpoint. Ow. Motherfucker will BREAK A DUDE.
May 9th, 2009 at 9:50 am
Dolemite, motherfuckers!
May 9th, 2009 at 10:55 am
DAMNIT. I was trying to remember Dolemite’s name so I could take him. Ugh. Nice late round value pick.
May 9th, 2009 at 12:12 pm
Unless I can get a ruling that the rules don’t disqualify River Tam (Summer Glau) from Serenity. I’m going to have to settle for Hector (Eric Bana) from Troy.
May 9th, 2009 at 1:05 pm
I’m gonna go with the absolute steal of the draft 400+ pick and no one’s picked 007? I’ll even take the bullshity 70’s version…
May 9th, 2009 at 1:30 pm
@Danish: Gone in the first 15 picks. You could argue for the different variations though, I’m sure Timothy Dalton could still be all yours.
May 9th, 2009 at 2:12 pm
Liam Neeson’s character in Taken. What other kind of protection do you need if you have a guy bouncing people’s heads off walls/cars or bashing people in the throats with a cocktail dish?
May 9th, 2009 at 2:13 pm
dang it, shoul’ve ctrl+f’ed that one.
/executes self
May 9th, 2009 at 2:55 pm
Bolo Yeung of “Enter the Dragon”, “Blood Sport”, etc.
http://www.usadojo.com/biographies/bolo-yeung.htm
May 9th, 2009 at 3:13 pm
Skeletor from Masters of the Universe. You know hes badass just from his name.
May 9th, 2009 at 7:19 pm
I’ll take:
1) Matt Damon
2) Superman
2) Swearengen
7) Ron Artest
….wait, there are rules?
May 10th, 2009 at 1:08 am
I gotta go old school here and pick Sam Spade from The Maltese Falcon. When he slaps you, you’ll take it, and like it!
May 10th, 2009 at 5:50 am
I don’t believe any one has picked any Jackie Chan characters, so I take Jackie in Police Story, his acrobatics and total lack of regard for his own safety make him a must have. Apologies if someone else has taken him, but I don’t think they have, George Clooney as Seth Rogan in Dusk till Dawn, angry, willing to do whatever it takes, hard as nails, awesome ink. Clive Owen from Shoot em Up, if you need a man good with a gun, you need this man. If it’s old school, John Wayne from The Quiet Man, a film all about punch ups. Brandon Lee from Rapid Fire. Will Smith from I Robot, but if having a robot arm discounts him, then I’ll take him as Ali, a mouth to match the speed. Colin Farrell from SWAT, just don’t leave him alone with your sister. Antonio Banderas’s Mariachi, a guitar case full of guns for the whole crew. Finally Woody Harrelson from Natural Born Killers, the wild card you would not want to fuck with!
May 10th, 2009 at 11:10 am
I got Shredder from the TMNT for the value pick. Win?
May 10th, 2009 at 1:19 pm
OGRE.
And all you have to do is tell him…”Hey, that guy just called you a nerd!”
May 10th, 2009 at 3:19 pm
Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels…..We’ll take Boris the Blade, aka Boris the Bullet Dodger: “….because he faukin’ daudges boolits.”
Honorable Mention:
Same Movie: Vinnie Jones as Big Chris:package deal with his son Little Chris:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5UmJS5ZSQqE
May 10th, 2009 at 3:37 pm
Ghost dog is a great pick, however I’ll take Mr. Miagi to get my back in a tough spot… Has anyone ever seen him kick the shit out of some spoiled dirt biking cobra kai fuck stains, while they are dressed as skeletons? Miagi literally translates to tough cookie, in english
May 10th, 2009 at 3:58 pm
I’ll take Moon Bloodgood’s character from that stupid Karl Urban movie about Vikings and Indians and shit. I doubt she’s much good in a fight. I just want to stare at her.
May 10th, 2009 at 4:00 pm
Whoa…that was a lot of reading and Boris the Blade was nabbed so I’ll take Jake the Muss from Once were Warriors:
“Too much weights, not enough speed work.”
May 10th, 2009 at 4:22 pm
I saw a lot of KILL BILL characters picked. But no one picked…
BILL
Undrafted Free Agents:
Michael Jackson from MOONWALKER. Even with his superpowers (changing into a flying car and luring children) removed, any potential fight turns into a dance-off.
President Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho from IDIOCRACY. Self-explanatory.
Vazquez from ALIENS. Fuck joo man.
May 10th, 2009 at 5:08 pm
Wilt Chamberlain as Bombaata in “Conan The Destroyer”.
May 10th, 2009 at 8:47 pm
Jake The Muss from ‘Once Were Warriors’
Youtube him
May 10th, 2009 at 8:49 pm
Damn! … Didn’t see the post above me where Jake was taken. Okay how about …
Chong Li from Bloodpsort I heard his pecs are bulletproof
May 10th, 2009 at 9:00 pm
John Creasy from Man on Fire. Gotta love anus bombs and blowing people’s hands off with shotguns.
May 10th, 2009 at 9:14 pm
Before I make a completely irrelevant late pick, allow me to gripe irrelevantly late… I don’t know how Maj hasn’t personally destroyed about three quarters of you. It wouldn’t be so bad if it were JUST a control-F problem, or JUST a rule-reading problem… but come on. There’s only so many times Mr. Miyagi can get taken. Shape the fuck up.
And now I’ll eliminate all the goodwill I may have earned from that rant/compound the ill will I may have earned from that rant by making an annoying loophole-y pick: Give me Henry Fonda’s Juror Number 8 from Twelve Angry Men. Not for the street fight face-mashing, which I’ll gladly handle myself, but to swing the court in my favor after I’m charged with murder. Instant judicial immunity? Yes and fuck.
May 10th, 2009 at 9:19 pm
D-Bo
May 10th, 2009 at 10:34 pm
Adam West as Batman – dude will make any enemies laugh themselves to death in his leotard – and he can dance the Bat-usi as well!
May 10th, 2009 at 11:37 pm
The Saint of Killers from Preacher.
Very nerdy, relatively obscure comic book reference. Basically the guy is Death funneled into the body of an old west gunslinger.
May 11th, 2009 at 2:36 am
Augie Farks in Role Models… As long as it’s in a Battle Royale and I’m dressed like a member of KISS
May 11th, 2009 at 7:22 am
Undrafted Free Agent Steals:
Brick Top, Snatch [Alan Ford]:
Baby Firefly, House of 1000 Corpses [Sheri Moon Zombie]
Cleon, Dead Presidents [Bokeem Woodbine]
Tito Severe, Empire [Fat Joe] Really, this pick is just for the spring mounted shotgun on the back of his couch in this film.
Brick Tamland, Anchorman [Steve Carell] He stabbed a man with a trident. A Trident.
May 11th, 2009 at 12:51 pm
The internet at work was down all day Friday so I didn’t get to participate in a draft that *I* suggested, but if anyone cares, here’s what my draft board looked like (i.e. who I *would* have picked had they been available).
1. Gogo Yubari from Kill Bill – a hot, psychotic Japanese schoolgirl who will fight for you until she’s bleeding out of her eyes? FTW.
2.
Chewbacca(I wasn’t expecting a “humans only” rule). Can tear opponents from limb to limb and exhibits a level of loyalty you’d normally only see in a canine species.3. Luca Brasi from The Godfather. Al Neri if Luca’s already off the board.
4. Officer Bud White (Russel Crowe) from L.A. Confidential. Dumb muscle, loves to mix it up.
5. Jaws from The Spy Who Loved Me. Size notwithstanding, can you imagine anybody sticking around to fuck you with you after this guy bares his teeth?
6. Critical Bill (Treat Williams) from Things to Do in Denver When You’re Dead. Sleeper pick that’s probably safe to take this late – “out of his tits,” but there wasn’t a guy he fought that didn’t end up in critical condition.
7. Chief from One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest. Big silent Indian. Intimidating as hell.
8. Technical Sergeant Michael Horvath (Tom Sizemore) from Saving Private Ryan. Brooks no disloyalty and absolutely refuses to die when he’s a member of your crew.
9. Doc Holliday (Val Kilmer) in Tombstone. You’d better believe he’s got your back.
10. Trejo (Danny Trejo) in Heat.
11. Vatgrown Ninja in Johnny Mneumonic.
12. Any single one of the Marines in Black Hawk Down.
It’s a shame nobody has ever made a movie out of the Chronicles of Thomas Covenant, because having any one of the Bloodguard getting your back would rule.
May 12th, 2009 at 10:53 am
Sloth from The Goonies.
May 13th, 2009 at 11:50 am
“I don’t know the difference between an actor and a movie character.” arguably neither does seagal
man, not many actors left. I mean, even J Lopez is off the board. I wanted Karen Sisco.
I think I’m down to Judge Rheinhold in Beverly Hills Cop or something
this is what i get for coming late to the draft