Brett Favre’s Shoulder X-Ray, As Explained By Brett Favre
Yassee dare hushpuppy, daboddys inna mayzin thing. Darezoll kendsuh stuffa gonn onn indere. Wut kinna thins in dere? Welp, dare blood. In dare piss. In dare itty bitty clumps o’stakein rump roast in dere kulled mussels. In dem mussels issa reesin Aykin throwdat dare futbawl o’er dem mountins. Mussels is guud. But er’ry wunce inna bluu muun, Dem mussels go bad.
A mussel’s lot lacka dawg. Sumtime dat dawg luukin reel guud, enyookin rub its bellyin itta git yewa bawl erra stick er maybe sum ol’ panties that dem silly naybors leevin outin da yard. But sumtime dat ol’ dawg don’t wanna hunt, so yew take dat dawg unneruh knaff enemm doktuhs gone fix dat dawg up guud. Cuzza ded dawg meen no playin tamm, no playin tamm meen no rode hay’d, and Issa need my rode hay’d.
S’I gussin dat Coach Childruss gon lookit deesin say, Brittfarr yousa gone beuh Vikin, or he say, Brittfarr, yew needsa play sumwhure else. Aint no ducks offa mah back. Cuz iffee dunt wunt me, I jussa weytin til hee git farred annden Brittfarr go talky da new coach nixt year.
Tags: backwater Brett, MMP
May 11th, 2009 at 8:46 am
If I was to run this through Google Translate, would it be Hillbilly-to-English or Egomaniac-to-English?
May 11th, 2009 at 8:48 am
that’s even harder to read than Hines Wald
May 11th, 2009 at 9:06 am
“Jesus, what the fuck?” — James Joyce upon reading this
May 11th, 2009 at 9:28 am
“no playin tamm meen no rode hay’d, and Issa need my rode hay’d.”
True words. Lofty words.
/punches self in groin for using the most overused KSKliché.
May 11th, 2009 at 9:29 am
Babelfish needs a good favre-to-english translator.
Of course, having watched brittfarr for so many years, I got most of it. Lucky me?
Bravo Punte
May 11th, 2009 at 9:30 am
Try reading it aloud to yourself. It’ll eventually make since.
This all makes perfect sense to me, but all of my uncles sound like Boomhauer.
May 11th, 2009 at 9:36 am
Where’s the x-ray of Favre’s vagina? The Vikings need to make sure his vagina is in good working order before they can sign him.
Cuz he’s gonna fuck them too.
May 11th, 2009 at 9:36 am
Bravo, sir.
May 11th, 2009 at 9:38 am
I know that’s Brittfarr’s skull cause it shurnuff empty.
May 11th, 2009 at 9:58 am
This made my nose bleed.
May 11th, 2009 at 10:15 am
jeez punter…that’s just…confusing.
May 11th, 2009 at 10:16 am
“dems da ribs, mmmmm ribs”
Cannot. Stop. Laughing.
May 11th, 2009 at 10:22 am
I wonder if I am going to open my big fat mouth about Brett Favre’s inability to make a decision. Maybe I should apologize to my son for giving him Asperger’s with my steroid usage. Naaaa, I got 3 world series, it was well worth it.
May 11th, 2009 at 10:26 am
No hablo Brettglais.
May 11th, 2009 at 10:45 am
I feel really bad for Farrah Fawcett, but I did not know what type of cancer she actually had. I just found out it was anal cancer….
But I dont remember cleaning her out like I do every Red Sox player. Maybe it was Peter Gammons, since I had already licked the red sox clean, maybe the cancer Peter Gammons himself inflicted cancer upon Fawcett. I guess we’ll never know, Peter’s dishonesty and lack of integrity will make sure of that.
May 11th, 2009 at 10:48 am
Wow, this Curt Schilling is far more honest than I ever remember. We appreciate your honesty Curt, maybe your son will one day forgive you, although it appears you were happy to sacrifice his well being for 3 world series.
May 11th, 2009 at 10:55 am
Clearly, I am way to sober to understand a word of this.
May 11th, 2009 at 11:35 am
Wait, did I just get laid? What the fuck happened here?
May 11th, 2009 at 11:39 am
Waiting for PK’s MMQB, As Explained by BDD. PK on ‘The Wrestler’ and ‘Gran Torino’ define asinine.
May 11th, 2009 at 11:53 am
Where’s his wooden spoon?
May 11th, 2009 at 12:04 pm
Peter King told Dan Patrick this morning that next time they meet in person, Peter will play his infamous Brett Favre voice mail for him. Said he’s played it for about 20 people now.
PK also justified New England’s #1 ranking in his Power Poll (already!) because nothing’s changed for the Pats since they went 18-1. Nothing at all.
May 11th, 2009 at 1:20 pm
Looks like the x-ray of a chronic masturbator.
May 11th, 2009 at 1:57 pm
I had no idea Brittfar was from Louisiana.
May 11th, 2009 at 2:18 pm
Did someone actually get paid to write this shit? Brett Favre speaks in clear English with no gramatic issues, or “extreme southern” dialect. The problem with unfunny people is they don’t know what kind of exaggeration is appropriate for a joke. To throw in a couple southern expressions or the occasional broken English might have worked, but instead it’s an unreadable mess that no one in their right mind would actually take the time to read. The rest of the site isn’t funny either… whoever runs this joke of a site should probably give up, and get an office job where this stupid shit might get a couple of chuckles.
May 11th, 2009 at 2:24 pm
Deanna, is that you?
May 11th, 2009 at 2:25 pm
i was already laughing out loud from the post. i now have cramps. fix. yo’. unfunny! NOW!
May 11th, 2009 at 2:26 pm
Nate – i was going to take that one but . . .
May 11th, 2009 at 2:49 pm
Thank you for your input, Hecatombmi. You are a valued and respected reader of Kissing Suzy Kolber. This Web site’s administrators will take your suggestions under advisement.
May 11th, 2009 at 6:05 pm
The Brittfar posts are by far my favorite posts on the site. The whole point of the post is be over the top. Ease up Hecatombmi. You must be a huge Brittfar fan.
May 11th, 2009 at 9:42 pm
ESPN is reporting that this is actually how Brett Favre talks off-camera.
Yahoo! Sports is reporting that this is not actually how Brett Favre talks, and that ESPN can go suck a bag of dicks.
May 11th, 2009 at 11:03 pm
Hecatombmi sacks cawk…NO ONE DENIES THIS!!!
May 12th, 2009 at 12:16 am
Hecatombmi was portrayed by Bruno Kirby in ‘Good Morning Vietnam’.
May 12th, 2009 at 12:16 am
Hecatombmi thinks you could learn a thing or two from Carlos Mencia about the art of comedy.
May 12th, 2009 at 12:19 am
Hecatombmi is disappointed that you didn’t use Favre’s name in a hysterical pun.
May 12th, 2009 at 1:16 am
Hecatombmi, its ok, take deep breaths. This is supposed to be funny, as in, its ok to make fun of southerners and anybody from any team. Just tell yourself its all make believe.
/emails Hecatombmi website for vagina desanding kit
//hopes desperately this person is not from the south
May 13th, 2009 at 12:44 am
L wins
cards fan is apparently still jealous from 2004
May 13th, 2009 at 2:51 pm
Nevermind, I see that you have a whole fanbase of people who are easily amused. As to the comment about my subscribing to the Carlos Mencia style of comedy. I hate that hack. I’m more into the George Carlin, Bill Maher, Bill Hicks, David Cross…. and so on. My point is that it would have been funny with a little variety. Maybe have someone else commenting on it in real English. The problem is I got the joke, and was bored of it in the first paragraph. Let’s face it, even the people who laughed didn’t read the whole article. Because if that easy of a joke stayed funny for that long… you’re very easily amused. Check out the Onion(especially their earlier stuff) on ways to make this kind of comedy funny.. it’s a blend of exaggeration and subtlety.