We learned yesterday that Buffalo fullback Corey McIntyre was arrested in March and charged with a misdemeanor for alleged masturbating in a woman’s front yard in Port St. Lucie, Florida. The sordid details:

The 59-year-old woman told police she was at her home about 8:30 a.m. sitting at the computer when she heard a knock at the window. The blinds were closed or mostly closed, and when she looked out the window she saw a man masturbating.

The man was described as being about 5 feet 10 inches tall and in his 20s. He reportedly had dreadlocks and wore a white T-shirt and dark pants, and had a muscular build. An officer spotted a muscular man on a bicycle, and when the woman was taken to the man, the woman said, “That’s him.”

Actually, this is a simple misunderstanding caused by a difference of cultures. McIntyre, as his surname suggests, is a proud Scotsman. He was merely taking part in his national pastime– the Scottish Biathlon. The rules of Scottish Biathlon are fairly simple: bike for a while, stop to enjoy quick wank, then back on the bike for a leisurely jaunt to the finish line.

scottish-biathlon-winnar1

If this woman had possessed a greater appreciation for foreign traditions, she wouldn’t have called the police on McIntyre. Instead she could have whipped up some haggis for him, as is the custom of Scottish Biathlon spectators. This would have provided McIntyre with the protein needed to rub one out and finish his Tour D’ Fap.

[ TCPalm ]