Biking Bill accused of strong-arming his lance in woman’s yard
We learned yesterday that Buffalo fullback Corey McIntyre was arrested in March and charged with a misdemeanor for alleged masturbating in a woman’s front yard in Port St. Lucie, Florida. The sordid details:
The 59-year-old woman told police she was at her home about 8:30 a.m. sitting at the computer when she heard a knock at the window. The blinds were closed or mostly closed, and when she looked out the window she saw a man masturbating.
The man was described as being about 5 feet 10 inches tall and in his 20s. He reportedly had dreadlocks and wore a white T-shirt and dark pants, and had a muscular build. An officer spotted a muscular man on a bicycle, and when the woman was taken to the man, the woman said, “That’s him.”
Actually, this is a simple misunderstanding caused by a difference of cultures. McIntyre, as his surname suggests, is a proud Scotsman. He was merely taking part in his national pastime– the Scottish Biathlon. The rules of Scottish Biathlon are fairly simple: bike for a while, stop to enjoy quick wank, then back on the bike for a leisurely jaunt to the finish line.
If this woman had possessed a greater appreciation for foreign traditions, she wouldn’t have called the police on McIntyre. Instead she could have whipped up some haggis for him, as is the custom of Scottish Biathlon spectators. This would have provided McIntyre with the protein needed to rub one out and finish his Tour D’ Fap.
[ TCPalm ]
Tags: bad MS Paint, his brother Jason is kinda weird too, Scottish Biathlon, toronto bills
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May 16th, 2009 at 11:32 am
That must be one hot 59 year old. If you’re older than a cougar, what do they call you?
May 16th, 2009 at 11:43 am
The cops were perplexed by the fact that the only song on Corey’s iPod was ‘Movin’ in Stereo’, a minor 80’s hit by The Cars.
“Tour D’Fap” sacre bleu!!
May 16th, 2009 at 11:57 am
He was probably really confused when they arrested him. Most Scots are celebrated for their ability to play their bag n’ pipe.
May 16th, 2009 at 1:50 pm
Older than a cougar…. hmm….
Hyena?
May 16th, 2009 at 2:08 pm
Old. And lacking subtlety. He was doing a well known British Isles courting ritual: Bangers N Mash, and she couldn’t feel the romance of the situation. Jeez, lady that is just wrong.
May 16th, 2009 at 4:57 pm
At least he wasn’t dancing around to Q Lazarus’ “Goodbye Horses” with his cock and balls tucked between his legs like other Buffalo Bills…
May 16th, 2009 at 5:47 pm
Older than a cougar…. hmm….
Hyena?
How about older than a cougar = Puma
May 16th, 2009 at 5:49 pm
who’s your favorite new kid?
Call me joey
May 16th, 2009 at 6:07 pm
a cougar is a puma…
May 16th, 2009 at 6:14 pm
It’s disturbing enough that he was wanking one out in the front yard looking through a window at 8:30 in the morning to a 59 year-old woman.
But why would you knock!?!?!?!!?
May 16th, 2009 at 6:58 pm
What a lame attempt at a penis joke.
May 16th, 2009 at 7:32 pm
Why do you think the Scots wear kilts
May 16th, 2009 at 8:51 pm
The term you’re looking for is “jackal.”
May 17th, 2009 at 1:33 am
hey at least he was stylin in his ed hardy shirt.. hopefully he didnt get man juice stains all over it, those are pretty high quality shirts
May 17th, 2009 at 2:31 am
The Bills are the best off the field team in the league. On the field….not so much
May 17th, 2009 at 2:54 am
Buffalo’s off the field antics has gotten the team a lot of offseason media coverage. Maybe this is all a part of Buffalo’s plan to grab media attention, because otherwise they get jack shit (no thanks to their record).
May 17th, 2009 at 12:19 pm
I smell next season’s Hard Knocks featuring the Bills. Or maybe they’ll wait a few years and film it in Toronto.
May 17th, 2009 at 2:33 pm
What an idiot. I never knock on the window.
May 17th, 2009 at 9:31 pm
Actually McIntyre is Irish — MacIntyre’s the Scottish version — still looks like a pretty distant relative to me, but the biathalon tradition is just as strong
/a McIntyre from the pasty-white side of the family
May 17th, 2009 at 11:48 pm
A 59 year old is a Lygar! I bet McIntyre has some skilz!
May 18th, 2009 at 12:18 am
@ Another McIntyre
Ah! So that’s what they mean when they say “Black Irish”
May 18th, 2009 at 1:27 am
Clan McIntyre invented the McRib and the Highland Jig.
May 18th, 2009 at 5:37 am
I smell next season’s Hard Knocks featuring the Bills.
“Hard Knuckles”
May 18th, 2009 at 5:38 am
It’s disturbing enough that he was wanking one out in the front yard looking through a window at 8:30 in the morning to a 59 year-old woman.
“Oh, Elihu? Would you loofah my stretch marks?”
May 18th, 2009 at 9:00 am
If the Bills were in Toronto, this would never have happened.
May 18th, 2009 at 3:29 pm
Now that’s thinkin’ with yer dipstick, Jimmy!
May 18th, 2009 at 8:50 pm
Do we know if he let any knuckle chidren loose?