Ben Roethlisberger: HI BATCH!
Charlie Batch: Hey Ben.
Ben Roethlisberger: YOU KNOW TODAY IS FIVE-O DE MAY-O?
Charlie Batch: Yeah, you’re right. I guess it is.
Ben Roethlisberger: THAT MEAN WE GOTTA GET TOE UP FROM FLO’ UP
Charlie Batch: What now?
Ben Roethlisberger: DRUNK. MESSICAN-STYLE.
Charlie Batch: I dunno, man. I’m getting up there in years. My partying days are a little behind me, I think. Jeff Reed’s probably already at the bar though.
Ben Roethlisberger: BOOOOOOOO
Charlie Batch: Sorry, man.
Ben Roethlisberger: BOOOOOOOO
Charlie Batch: Look, man, I told you I was sorry.
Ben Roethlisberger: I WUZ SAYIN’ BOOOOOO-ATCH.
Charlie Batch: Gotcha… What do you have planned?
Ben Roethlisberger: THE BEN GOT THIS HERE LUNCHA LIBRE MASK. I THINK LUNCHA LIBRE MEAN FREE LUNCH, SO I WEAR MASK, I GET FREE GRUB ON. THEN START DRINK.
Charlie Batch: Uh, you might be confused. I think lucha libre is a type of wrestling.
Ben Roethlisberger: THE BEN HAVE TO WRESTLE FOR LUNCH?
Charlie Batch: Looks that way.
Ben Roethlisberger: THE BEN MUST BECOME BEN MYSERTIO JR., LEGENDARY WRESTLER OF SECRET!
Charlie Batch: But you just told me your identity.
Ben Roethlisberger: HARF HARF HARF. MUST FIND WAY TO THROW YOU OFF TRAIL
[Later]
Ben Roethlisberger: HI DIESEL
Brett Keisel: What’s up?
Ben Roethlisberger: CALLING IN FAVOR
Brett Keisel: But I don’t owe you a favor.
Ben Roethlisberger: THAT’S WHY I CALLS IT IN
Brett Keisel: Um, okay. What do you want?
Ben Roethlisberger: HOW WOULD THE BRETT LIKE TO BE THE BEN? I MAKES IT WORTH YOUR WHILE
[Later, during team drills]
Ben Mysterio Jr.: ONE SIDE, ONE SIDE, JABRONI.
Ben Mysterio Jr.: I, BEN MYSTERIO JR., ON THIS DAY, FIVE-O DE MAY-O, EXTEND OPEN CHALLENGE FOR FREE LUNCH TO ANY WHO DARE ACCEPT. WHO WILL STEP FORWARD TO TAKE ON LEGENDARY WRESTLER OF SECRET?
Brett Keisel: And, uh, I’m just, I mean, I IZ THE BEN, HANGING OUT OVER HERE AND NOT WHERE BEN MYSTERIO JR. IS AT. PEW PEW PEW, ETC.
Frank Summers: Free lunch sounds good. I’ll take that fight.
Ben Mysterio Jr.: A ROOKIE TANK HAS STEPPED INTO THE OCTAGON
Frank Summers: What Octagon? Where’s the Octagon?
Ben Mysterio Jr.: ROOKIE TANK HAS STEPPED INTO BATTLE ZONE WITH LOOSELY DEFINED BOUNDARIES
Teammates: FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT
[Summers lunges at Mysterio, attempts to throw him down, but Ben shakes free of his grasp]
Frank Summers: Damn. This dude’s actually pretty tough to bring down.
[Mysterio scrambles around the field, occasionally breaking free of Summers' tackles. Summers eventually becomes fatigued and doubles over, and Ben pins him with his foot]
Ben Mysterio Jr.: I IZ TRIUMPH! NOW PREPARE TO BE SHOCKED WITH SURPRISE AS BEN MYSTERIO JR. SHOWS SELF [takes off mask] TO BE BEN ROETHLISBERGER
[Teammates feign surprise]
Ben Roethlisberger: NOW WHERE IS FREE LUNCH?
Mike Tomlin: At the mess hall, like every day.
Ben Roethlisberger: ALLLLLLL RRRRRIIIIIGGGGHHHHTTTTT! [Skips away gleefully]
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One of the better ones…
Too bad there was no hines comment in there.
@BostonWahoo: My thoughts exactly. Then again, that photo of Lucha Ben was a hanging curveball of comedy unparalleled in recent times (at least for a non-party-mode image). Could possibly be topped by photo of potentially-soon-to-be carpetbagger, now land baron, in full southern plantation wardrobe.
@LFNR: Motorcycle helmet, indeed.
/HARF
Cinco de Mayo means you have an excuse for doing tequila shots, rather than just being a raging alcoholic.
Also, nice work. Definitely harfed.
@Yinzer B…Hines also looks like he has one of those retard hats on too. What a window licker!
This is the first one of these that was worth a damn…it says a lot about BigBen that riding him makes him seem like a good dude to hang out with (you all know you loved messing with the re-res in HS- we had this one who liked to put on hockey gear and chase the trim down the halls, he would later be found jerking off in the bathroom and wailing like a bnashee)…actually there are a few characters here that are actually enhanced by ridicule
Um, how does FIVE-O DE MAY-O get a whole post without a fucking Choco Taco reference?
Not sayin’, just sayin’.
@Nestminder
I think that’s a cracked-out Lee Flowers
Harf @ PEW PEW PEW, etc.
/seconded.
Beetlejuice from Stern is #41 on the steelers now?
Ha! The Ben fooled you guys. That’s his new mortorcycle helmet.
Had me harfing out loud today. Check out Hines in the background of the one picture. He’s covering his one eye with his hat/helmet. Guess he was one-eyed Wirrie for the day.
Ape, you have truly outdone yourself on this HARF post. I damn near soiled myself.
What Octagon? Where’s the Octagon? EXACTLY.
Oh ape, I needed a good HARF today, and you came through.
Ape, your mind is a brilliant, but frightening place.
HARF @ PEW, PEW, PEW, etc.
splendid. “DRUNK. MESSICAN-STYLE” Is how most people celebrate this holiday. It’s really not that big of a deal, it only celebrates them beating the French army.
That one was actually sweet, aside from being pretty funny. The team pulls together to cover for their retarded little brother.
It needed Hines Wald as Mr. Fuji.
I WUZ SAYIN’ BOOOOOO-ATCH.
I refuse to publicly acknowledge the brilliance of this post until Ape owns up and throws on the “gratuitous simpsons reference” tag. We all saw what you did there.
….GAH, I can’t hold it back. This was fucking awesome.
This is by far my favorite HARF HARF post ever.
Ed Bouchette is going to be one pissed-off beat reporter if he has to cover this all year.