16 Responses to “”

1. Animal Mother Says:
   May 28th, 2009 at 11:25 am

   I’m pretty sure Morty’s Twitter goes, “Murder is the only way out. Where could I possible hide his bloated corpse?”

   /Great murder. Lofty murder.

2. StuScottBooyahs Says:
   May 28th, 2009 at 11:37 am

   MORTIMER!!! You call this COFFEE?? *hurls it in his face*

3. poop Says:
   May 28th, 2009 at 11:43 am

   Mortimer is probably some homelss guy he met on his way to Dunkin’ Donuts. Next Week’s column will all be about how lucky people are to be unemployed and have no mortgage.

4. Nom de Plume Says:
   May 28th, 2009 at 11:44 am

   It’s a writing day

   “Day”? It takes him a whole day?

5. Buttsmack O'Kelley Says:
   May 28th, 2009 at 11:58 am

   mortimer, your tweets define clutch!

6. Bill Brasky Says:
   May 28th, 2009 at 12:02 pm

   I wonder what Billy Ray Valentine thinks about all this.

7. LaFavre's Next Retirement Says:
   May 28th, 2009 at 12:13 pm

   Mortimer, take the day off. I’m walking today.

8. Windy City Sulker Says:
   May 28th, 2009 at 12:15 pm

   Mortimer, I’m feeling peckish. Do we have any gourmet dog treats left?

9. CR Says:
   May 28th, 2009 at 12:22 pm

   Mortimer = pet name for Brett Favre. Brett calls PK Jeeves. Its all very sophisticated.

10. StuScottBooyahs Says:
    May 28th, 2009 at 12:25 pm

    @CR: They have each other over for tea and sodomy.

11. Birdman Says:
    May 28th, 2009 at 12:27 pm

    From King’s other tweets, Mortimer is clearly Chris Mortensen. Why is PK envious of Mort? PK is writing while Mort is WORKING THE LAND!
    http://twitter.com/mortreport/status/1947631417

12. Doc Holliday Says:
    May 28th, 2009 at 12:48 pm

    What about Randolph? Are King, Mortimer and Randolph making racist jokes about black players?

13. CR Says:
    May 28th, 2009 at 12:54 pm

    @StuScott: there’s a teabagging joke in there somewhere but I just ate lunch.

14. Admiral Snackbar Says:
    May 28th, 2009 at 5:41 pm

    “Mortimer” is King’s code name for the LAND BARON.

15. Gogetyourshinebox Says:
    May 28th, 2009 at 5:49 pm

    On your knees mortimer…. time to service the King

16. JaysonAych Says:
    May 28th, 2009 at 11:21 pm

    [i]Nom de Plume wrote:
    It’s a writing day

    “Day”? It takes him a whole day?[/i]

    No, it’s just that the other 6 days of the week, he does no writing. It gets in the way of his coffee and bitching about hotels.

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