SEX CANNON ABOUT TO EXPLODE ALL OVER VIRGIN FOOTBALL LEAGUE. Lost in all the breathless speculation about the destination of Michael Vick is the Sex Cannon sweepstakes. Probably because the only speculation surrounding Rexy is that of the paternity sort. Anyway, word has it Rex Grossman is getting a tryout for nascent United Football League. Where is the tryout, you ask? Vegas. Yeah, he’s not gonna make it. [Mouthpiece Sports via Sportress of Blogitude]
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#1 member of the Rex Grossman death cult.
“The population of my dick is higher than the population of Hartford. My dick cares more about football than the population of Hartford. My dick has more money than the population of Hartford.”
For those asking about dick jokes, there be three. Unsubtle, yet well done.
So there’s gonna be a UFL team in New York or, alternatively, in Hartford. Hartford effin’ Connecticut.
The population of my dick is higher than the population of Hartford. My dick cares more about football than the population of Hartford. My dick has more money than the population of Hartford.
Of course, once you get out into the suburbs, you end up in Millionaire County, Connecticut, but those Botoxed fur-wearing Benz-driving superior-acting WASPs find the commoners’ game quite beneath them.
@jackin’4beats
That’s funny, that post was my first too and is what got me hooked on KSK.
Long Live the Sex Cannon!
I’m not trying to say Grossman is better than Romo, or even good enough to be a starter…but to think the Cannon can’t even be a #2 or a #3 in the NFL is crazy. I mean, Ken Dorsey is still employed.
@j4b – Are we not allowed to poke fun at Tony Homo? He was the only QB I could think of that threw up a 5 INT game in the past few years…although a second ago I remembered that Delhomme matched it against the Cardinals a few months back.
And Grossman may be out of the League, but I’ve never seen him bobble a snap on a FG or blatantly cry while lying prone on the field (last seen in the 44-6 Philly game).
To add insult to #9, Grossman knocked up Homo’s gal. Why do you think Jessica Simpson got so fat? She’s pregnant, that’s why! The Cumslinger strikes again!
/dick jokes are more important
@Gross Rexman: And Tony Romo still plays in the NFL, while Grossman does not. Where do you believe Sexy Rexy would rather be? And the Cowboys won that god-awful 5 INT game.
I will give you credit for knowing all those stats about Rexy, but you should get your priorities straight about what’s more important.
yeah, Pennington has had his OMGWTF games, but i’d say fewer and further between than Sexy Rexy
@j4b – I don’t think Grossman ever had a 5 INT game. I know he had the 4 INT, 2 fumble game versus Arizona in ’06 (“Then crown their asses!”), and a pair of 3 INT games (’06 vs Minnesota, ’07 vs Dallas), but for the most part I think he mostly had 2 INT games. He may have put up 3 INTs versus GB in the 0.0 rating game. Ah, good ol’ Grossman, he of the numerous sub-50 QB rating games…
Guess that happens when your motto is “Fuck it, I’m goin’ deep.”
Tony Homo, on the other hand, put up 5 INTs versus Buffalo a few years back…
Sex Cannon better than Pennington? really?
Sex Cannon and Noodle Arm could not be more different.
@Daydream – Guess I just had that 4 INT playoff performance of Pennington’s fresh in my mind. Pennington’s arm is limper than 99-year-old Rex Grossman’s cock.
@SRV – Holy Christ that article is hilarious, especially the picture of “J Load” sitting on his fat ass getting his jersey replaced. The Arena football looks godawful.
the fat guy that used to back up Eli is playing arena ball in Lexington, Ky – you got the hefty lefty at QB and a clone of IronHead Heyward at fullback ( tipping the scales at 280) – 700 pounds in a qb and fb -awesome
http://www.pjstar.com/sports/x845561818/Wessler-More-than-a-half-a-ton-of-big-ol-fun
@UU: Good times…lofty times.
@Gross Rexman
Sex Cannon better than Pennington? really?
and Brad Johnson doesn’t have a job, Cowboys cut him
My lady is a Bears fan who does not appreciate the sexiness of the Sex Cannon and his unleashing the beast. She sadly has never felt the joy of being ravaged by Rexy, of creating a thong Xmas tree ( <3 Becky), of being impregnated while wearing a Sexy thong bought off of KSK while watching Rexy throw it downfiled. She’s never had the joy of reading the Sexy Rexy posts.
She hates the Sex Cannon, as all Bears fans do.
/starts hunting old KSK posts
//wishes they had tags
@ Porky1: Well, if Tampa is an animal shelter for QB’s, I think we have found Vick’s next destination.
/moar Sex Cannon plz.
I too long for the days of the Sex Cannon posts and wish him well in the UFL. Too bad we won’t be able to see him flame out after one too many 5 INT games, but at least we can all remember him thusly:
http://kissingsuzykolber.uproxx.com/2006/11/f-k-it-im-throwing-it-downfield.html
This was the 1st KSK post I ever read and will always cherish it.
/Vikings still need a QB Drew
//just thought I’d throw that out there
anyone else get a disturbing visualization upon reading the tags?
quick hit, Sex Cannon, xmas ape
Is Grossman that bad of quarterback that he can’t be third string in NFL?
/Bears fan that’s glad he’s gone
What a shame. I mean, he obviously is pretty bad, but there are far worse QBs “with” NFL jobs: Tarvaris Jackson, Sage Rosenfels, Chad Pennington, Jake Delhomme, every 49ers QB, David Carr, the fat dude who used to back up Eli, Kyle Orton, Chris Simms, Vince Young, Brad Johnson, Jon Kitna, Dan Orlovsky, etc.
Grossman was ruthlessly attacked by journalists and fans. At least Cade McNown can sleep better at night knowing that he is less hated in the annals of Bears history than Sexy Rexy. That just blows my mind right there.
Godspeed Sex Cannon. Hopefully you can make history in the UFL, throwing 90-yard bombs to “He Hate Me.”
If Sapphire and the Spearmint Rhino weren’t already open 24 hours, they would be now.
Cowboys. Because, you know… rape and stuff.
How far the mighty have fallen. He will forever remain a connoisseur; no – a champion of pussy in my memory.
The Jet’s need the Sex Cannon. Dirty Sanchez is going to need someone with experience in the ways of NFL nightlife.
Agreed. The whole world’s gone topsy-turvy if I can’t watch Rex launch those beautiful arcing ropes across the…
What were we talking about again?
Something’s not right with the world when Michael Vick’s name comes up in NFL discussions and the Sex Cannon has to go trolling in the bush leagues. (see what I did there?)
Surely the Buccaneers have a spot for Rexy somewhere. They’re like an animal shelter for QBs.
If there’s room in the NFL for Neck Beard, the holy ghost of Jon Kitna, the linguini leg of Daunte Culpepper and Michael Vick: Dogfighter, there’s surely a place for the Sex Cannon!
Man I miss the Sex Cannon posts here at KSK. Good times….