“NYET!” So thundered the text message across the cosmos, one that at long last sealed the fate of a vast land-based fiefdom controlled by Baron Von Britfar. Its recipient: not longtime paramour and barnacle Peter King, but a journeyman quarterback turned broadcasting stooge. What textual riches had been vouchsafed to him! He could scarcely suss their import. His eyes alighted on the two-letter reply and his hands trembled until the cell phone fell from his grasp. He bounded into the newsroom, prepared to change the future irreparably.
UPDATE: That rock-solid Dilfer reportage didn’t take long to fall apart.
May 5th, 2009 at 3:43 pm
“Favre responded in a return text with the word “NO.” And he put it in caps. Does that mean Favre isn’t going to be playing for the Vikings this season?”
No, you fucking dipshit, it probably means he’s old as fuck and doesn’t know how to turn the caps off of his T9 texting.
May 5th, 2009 at 4:15 pm
He was actually trying to say “Not sure, Trent, I’m mulling it over and wondering who to screw over best this year” but couldn’t work out how the predictive texting thing worked and only put “NO” before he fell asleep in his chair with a packet of Werther’s Original and a pipe.
May 5th, 2009 at 4:20 pm
He really texted ” NO more painkillers, send VICODIN”
May 5th, 2009 at 4:23 pm
Favre: “NO, I will not tell such a mediocre QB my plans for the future.”
Dlifer: “But I mentored Alex Smith.”
May 5th, 2009 at 4:25 pm
NO, you ain’t making the Hall of Fame. It’s only for multiple Superbowl winners. Oh, wait.
May 5th, 2009 at 4:36 pm
But what does this have to do with Pittsburgh?
/Nest
May 5th, 2009 at 4:43 pm
Ok, so I’m sure you guys are all over this: but this is even better than having sex in a pile of Twinkies.
May 5th, 2009 at 4:51 pm
@FMRA – I expected you to be in a St Louis hospital, grieving.
May 5th, 2009 at 5:00 pm
Trent Dilfer’s texts are like truth syrup which is like truth serum, but much more delicious.
May 5th, 2009 at 5:40 pm
apparently hes meeting with childress later this week……fuck
May 5th, 2009 at 5:56 pm
Wasn’t there a clause in the deal b/t the Pack and the Jets that GB gets a boatload of picks if Farve ends up in the NFC North? That would be delicious.
Dolphins Fan
May 5th, 2009 at 6:30 pm
Some needs to put the Land Baron Britfar Farvarro down. Put him out to pasture permanently before sending him off to the obligatory dog food and glue factories.
/sick of Britfar
May 5th, 2009 at 9:06 pm
“OK, Remaining Brett Favre Fans: Now Can We Talk?” by Gregg Doyel, CBS Sports:
http://www.cbssports.com/columns/story/11704772
“…That Brett Favre isn’t merely another great athlete struggling with the decision all great athletes have to make, eventually, about retirement. That Brett Favre is actually a liar, a fraud, a creep who for some reason — and I think it’s a lack of intelligence, I really do — cannot stop burning through his hard-earned goodwill any more than a chain smoker can stop burning through Camels.”
Wow. When mainstream sports journalists/commentators are openly calling you a liar, fraud, and stupid, it’s time to go.
May 6th, 2009 at 10:53 am
@ Stonecutter,
he was released, so the “poison pill” clause wasn’t triggered.
Sincerely,
Vikings fan
//cocks back the hammer
May 6th, 2009 at 4:28 pm
@Goiter — 39 is “old as shit” ?! i say fuck and you, sir