Ashlee: Hey? Hey you guys? I can’t find my contact! (more…)

If you have an afternoon to kill this summer Friday, I strongly urge you to replay last night’s live blog of the Nationals Spelling Bee. It’s a veritable hailstorm of comedic brilliance. I can’t recommend it highly enough. Anyway, I also watched the Bee last night, but couldn’t join in the blogkakke. Here’s a quick mini-gamebook of it:

(more…)

Inspiration on occasion strikes, lightning in a bottle-like, those utterly devoid of talent and/or shame. Even repugnant hacks who spew hackneyed product designed for mass consumption strike gold once in a while on something that is both an artistic and commercial success. These works are as frustrating as they are rewarding, coming as they do from people who stumbled upon greatness, almost despite what they set out to do. Or maybe they just generally suck and got lucky. It’s a reminder of the capricious nature of inspiration in art. And it’s these fluky works of greatness that spring from the seed of fuckwittery that you are identifying in this draft. You’re looking for a memorably good movie, song, album, performance, book, painting, etc. from an otherwise lackluster or forgettable body of work.

(more…)

Live blog sneak attack!

We’re gonna be covering the finals of the Scripps National Spelling Bee, where the one Indian kid is gonna misspell one technical word with no application in everyday life and another Indian kid will correctly spell the term for a Greek unit of measurement in which each unit stands for the distance between orgies. Also, Erin Andrews making socially destitute young men fumble to hide their boner in their waistband! What’s that, you say? “The NBA Playoffs are going on tonight! That’s interesting!” Only if LeBron goes down in flames.

Somehow works better on her

Time again for weekly sexbag exhortations to the weak, wearied and wasted. In this installment, a man attempts to navigate his wife’s Byzantine cheating allowances, another fellow is hindered by hook ups, and still another contemplates a serious relationship with an exotic dancer, all the while threesomes upend anal for our reader request fixation de jure. We Americans are so staid. Here we are worked up by threesomes and the Japanese are having nipple tug of war (NSFW) at the beach.

(more…)

Who ordered the steamed gentile? DeAngelo Williams knows exactly how Carolina’s coaching staff shed their excess pounds. “They had their own ‘the biggest loser’ here. A lot of guys shed a lot of weight. They’ve done a great job. They’ve dedicated themselves in the weight room, in the sauna and the steam room.” Just imagine how much weight they could lose if they wore these hot pants (via @EthanJaynes). [Charlotte Observer via Florio]

Mortimer must be his butler. “Enough of the zany fun. Time to go to work. It’s a writing day in the King condo in the South End of Boston. Envy you, Mortimer.” [Twitter]

We’re in the slowest stretch of the offseason now: the dreaded post-draft period. There’s no football on, and there won’t be football on for quite some time. You’re angry. You’re hateful. We understand. At KSK, we’re hateful too. Of all things, at all times. Hating is what we do best. So, in that spirit, I’d like to present you with our new off-topic (or on-topic, in this week’s instance) offseason feature…

(more…)

Photo via TMZ.

‘A rickety tackler with a Frank Gehry eye for angles.’

The greatest fuel for hatred is a combination of knowledge and helplessness.  Seahawks fans are helpless to stop Brian Russell’s third year in Seattle this fall, yet we are saddled with the knowledge of his utter lack of worth as a professional football player — a lack of worth that, when detailed on a blog, is so lengthy that it takes two posts to encompass.  Read our misery over at Field Gulls: part 1 here, part 2 here.

Or, if you don’t feel like reading but would like to help out, murder Brian Russell.  Murder him dead.