[A procession of kazoo players enter from a hallway, followed by a regal figure]
Fail Lion: Royal iconographers! What news of the design of the my kingdom’s crest?
Royal iconographers: [Together] Thy task be done!
Fail Lion: You mean you did my bidding in a timely manner? Within the allotted period? Such deeds bespeak success! IT WAS MY DECREE THAT SUCCESS BE BANISHED FROM MINE EYES!
Royal iconographers: [Together] My liege, we submit that we did exceed your budget by a factor of three.
Fail Lion: I suppose that will do. Show me the fruits of thine labors.
Royal iconographers: [Together] We have added The Lines of Articulation! Now the royal banner has become slightly less abstract. The Lines of Articulation define a lion’s mouth, his mane and his crotchular fold. What’s more, the team font has been equipped with pointy serifs. A man could be impaled upon one.
Fail Lion: Lines of Articulation!? I asked for stink lines! Herald!
Herald: [Unfurls scroll]
Fail Lion: Do you not see the effect? Pungent fore and aft! He achieves both rectal gaseous and halitotal stink! Truly emblematic of our peoples.
Royal iconographers: [Together] We have then failed to carry out thy will, your majesty.
Fail Lion: Ho ho! So you have! Speak of other changes.
Royal iconographers: [Together] The team color is to be named Honolulu blue! Such an appellation, by reminding your subjects of better climes, only serves to reinforce their misery.
Fail Lion: [Giddily clapping] Atrocious! Abysmal! Expertly awful!
Royal iconographers: [Together] And we have needlessly rounded and italicized the jersey numbers.
Fail Lion: Ah, but every kingdom makes that failure with jersey redesign.
Royal iconographers: [Together] Then we have failed at being distinctive, as well as creating tasteful uniforms.
Fail Lion: Thy wisdom shines through. Such is a garment fit for a Stafford. Ready his quarters, for his will be glorious welcome. The groans of my subjects will strike a most melodious pitch.
I want more like this!
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