The Cooley Family Gets Real, Mad Real
Chris Cooley, the Redskins tight end/internet sensation, has begun work on a new reality show called The Cooley Zone, the first webisode of which you can see below. While this provides just a quick look at life in the Cooley household it’s evident that the show is already significantly better than just about any reality show on television right now. Multiple episodes have been filmed and they’ll be rolled out periodically throughout the offseason.
Note: What follows is the censored version of the Cooley Zone preview webisode. The original was yanked by the NFL because they get off on your frustrations.
Well it looks like the NFL has pulled the censored version as well. Hopefully Reel Jems won’t splice NFL game footage into subsequent webisodes.
While I can’t speculate as to the goings on in future episodes, I’d venture to guess that we’ll see plenty gratuitous shots of Christy looking hot and at least one brotherly slap-fight that ends with Chris forcing Tanner to hit himself repeatedly. Oh, and I’d say there’s a 75% chance that Chris downs a few beers pisses on that hornets nest at some point.
Tags: Chris Cooley, Dear God stay away from the water hole!, It's like Newlyweds only nobody is retarded, Oh and they gon drank, Tanner will emerge as the Pam to Chris' Michael Scott, Unsilent Majority, YouTubes
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April 15th, 2009 at 1:12 pm
The bigger attention whore: Cooley or Portis?
(Enjoy another 8-8 season, fuckos!)
April 15th, 2009 at 1:13 pm
we now take you to the offices of NFL Commissioner Roger “The Ginger Hammer” Goodell for comment. Commissioner?
“FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKK! I will now take questions.”
April 15th, 2009 at 1:13 pm
what this show really needs is, like, ten or eleven illegitimate kids running around the house
April 15th, 2009 at 1:17 pm
this is going to be fucking amazing
April 15th, 2009 at 1:18 pm
the word “webisode” infuriates me.
not sure why.
April 15th, 2009 at 1:20 pm
Shana Moakler > Christy Cuntley
April 15th, 2009 at 1:25 pm
[i]what this show really needs is, like, ten or eleven illegitimate kids running around the house[/i]
Travis Henry is sprinting to his phone right now to call his agent.
April 15th, 2009 at 1:27 pm
Imagine Mr. Henry’s chagrin when he realizes it’s not a phone, but a jailhouse cheese sandwich that he is talking to.
April 15th, 2009 at 1:31 pm
Christy looks like a blond lollipop.
April 15th, 2009 at 1:32 pm
Fuck you Nate.
April 15th, 2009 at 1:34 pm
Let’s admit it – Chris Cooley doesn’t give a shit about football. He’s using this show as a way for him to get a spot on VH1’s “The Pick Up Artist”
April 15th, 2009 at 1:39 pm
+1 flub
April 15th, 2009 at 1:42 pm
Well-played flubby.
I’d like to have a picture like that in my living room.
April 15th, 2009 at 1:58 pm
They’ll divorce in two years when the romance fizzles out.
April 15th, 2009 at 1:58 pm
Wow. Sexy Wednesday?
April 15th, 2009 at 2:11 pm
“On the next episode, Albert Haynesworth ruins Chris’ moonwalk!”
April 15th, 2009 at 2:37 pm
Nothing says classy like a pic of you and your wife getting it on over the mantle. Tan lines? Only classing it up further.
April 15th, 2009 at 2:39 pm
All w/l records aside, DC does enjoy the most entertaining sports starts in the country.
Portis
Cooley
Ovechkin
Smoot
Agent 0
Zorn
April 15th, 2009 at 2:40 pm
@Lucius: over the mantel? Oh, and I forgot no girls wear bikinis at the beach. Retard.
April 15th, 2009 at 2:44 pm
Stars not starts
/fucking dipshit
April 15th, 2009 at 2:51 pm
All w/l records aside, DC does enjoy the most entertaining sports starts in the country.
…and some of the worst teams in professional sports.
April 15th, 2009 at 2:54 pm
Over under on number of episodes before his cock makes an appearance?
Over under on number of episodes before his cock makes an appearance insomethingotherthanChristy?
April 15th, 2009 at 2:54 pm
FIX YO WATERHOLE!!!
April 15th, 2009 at 3:01 pm
He gets to call his wife “so stupid”. “You are so stupid”, he exclaims.
The very rich, they are not like the rest of us. They’re far more awesome.
April 15th, 2009 at 3:12 pm
Chris Cooley: great man or greatest man?
April 15th, 2009 at 3:13 pm
Over/under on how many people notice Cooley’s cock when it makes an appearance? I say three.
April 15th, 2009 at 3:15 pm
This is ridiculously entertaining for some reason…
April 15th, 2009 at 3:17 pm
They had me at ‘Loser.’
April 15th, 2009 at 3:18 pm
@TF88: I’ll just say “great” for now, with room for improved greatness.
April 15th, 2009 at 3:30 pm
@Hustler of Culture:
Yes, entertainment certainly equals this moutbreathing fucktard who goes on Elliot’s shitty morning show, where they laugh at shit that isn’t funny; Bumbert Arenas AKA Mr. Pay me millions so I can sit around and pontificate what would happen if I played the 82 UCLA Bruins by myself; Alexander “I refuse to learn English as even a 3rd language” Ovechkin; and last but certainly not least, ol “Maroon and Black” himself, Zorny.
I wish M. Vick woulda had Chris Cooley at his dog-fighting facility… and that he would’ve been one of the dogs that didn’t surive to make it to dogtown.
April 15th, 2009 at 3:30 pm
In Episode 7, Chris waves a firearm at his neighbor after his mastif leaves a loaf in the the Cooley driveway.
April 15th, 2009 at 3:38 pm
Yes, entertainment certainly equals this moutbreathing fucktard who goes on Elliot’s shitty morning show, where they laugh at shit that isn’t funny; Bumbert Arenas AKA Mr. Pay me millions so I can sit around and pontificate what would happen if I played the 82 UCLA Bruins by myself; Alexander “I refuse to learn English as even a 3rd language” Ovechkin; and last but certainly not least, ol “Maroon and Black” himself, Zorny.
“And I hate Christmas! And puppies!”
April 15th, 2009 at 3:55 pm
I wish M. Vick woulda had Chris Cooley at his dog-fighting facility… and that he would’ve been one of the dogs that didn’t surive to make it to dogtown.
Ohh yeah, I wish you were a bird, specifically one of those birds who gets sucked up into airplane engines before it can complete it’s migaratory route. Or perhaps I wish you were one of those turtles that mass hatch on the beach, but you get eaten by a predatory bird before you make it to the ocean to live a long fulfilling life.
ZING!
April 15th, 2009 at 4:15 pm
I have one of those photos above my mantel as well. Except it’s a chimp on top of a dog. Still, classy.
April 15th, 2009 at 4:18 pm
Um, I’m not the first one among us to read (on another site, I think) that Michael Vick is trying to get someone to produce a “reality” show of his life when he gets out of the pokey in July, am I?
I’m guessing it wouldn’t consist of him being mauled by dogs, which is a shame, because if it was, I’d watch the shit out of that. Come to think of it, I’d gladly watch any number of people being mauled by dogs.
April 15th, 2009 at 4:36 pm
I can’t wait for the episode where they reenact a scene from Eyes Wide Shut using Clinton Portis’s masks.
April 15th, 2009 at 4:44 pm
@BDD: That’s no way to talk about Purple Jesus and Tavaris. That’s racist!
April 15th, 2009 at 4:51 pm
Dude, if I had that picture of me with that chick, I’d toss it over my mantle too.
April 15th, 2009 at 5:03 pm
The picture of his wife mounting him over the mantle pales in comparison to the framed picture of his nutsack in the guestroom.
April 15th, 2009 at 5:06 pm
Don’t you always mount your trophy above the mantle?
April 15th, 2009 at 5:11 pm
@Surtt: That’s what Peter King does to his Brett Favre statue.
April 15th, 2009 at 5:28 pm
What? You mean putting a picture of yourself humping your wife over your mantle isn’t classy? Rocco disagrees with this.
April 15th, 2009 at 5:36 pm
I think tan lines are sexy. They’re like taking a highlighter to all the good parts.
April 15th, 2009 at 5:36 pm
Meh – call me when a player mounts a picture of his pre-marriage conquests on his mantle.
“I’ll marry you – but this picture stays. Don’t even think about moving it or I’ll throw your ass out and you’ll be working as an executive assistant for a construction company for the rest of your life. Now where the fuck is my dinner?”
Being an NFL player is awesome.
April 15th, 2009 at 5:47 pm
God bless you, Christy, you seem like a sweetheart, but it’s a good thing you’re hot and married to a millionaire.
Quick tip: You need more than a pink fly swatter, beer bottle and rock to take care of a swarming hornets nest.
April 15th, 2009 at 5:54 pm
Are we all sure this isn’t the newly formed “Cooleyism”, where he uses his superhumor by “mounting” a picture of him being “mounted”? We can only hope he uses his powers for good rather than evil.
/douchefag
April 15th, 2009 at 6:22 pm
Reckon we could get that picture as a Fathead?
P.S. FIX YO ASYMMETRICAL FACADE.
April 15th, 2009 at 6:33 pm
BDD, the picture over my mantle here is dogs playing poker. Which is what I want to do with her. Nonetheless, five years, he’s out of the NFL, eight he’s divorced, ten he’s bankrupt. If he’s lucky.
April 15th, 2009 at 7:01 pm
I wonder if he has a spy cam set up to watch his sister in-law like Strahan did ???
April 15th, 2009 at 7:07 pm
When I saw that picture, my first thought was “Wow. Now Chris Cooley has a sex tape.”
After watching the video, I now hope and pray some dork hacks his home network so that dream can become a reality.
April 15th, 2009 at 10:52 pm
just add TO’s to this shit show. and they might have enough to fill up an entire stations worth of shows
April 15th, 2009 at 11:51 pm
Over under on how long it took Chris to pull off the threeway with his wife and Tanner’s wife:
3.5 “webisodes”
My guess is that that was the requirement for letting that homosexual move in
April 16th, 2009 at 12:31 am
Thank God. Cooley’s “F U waterhole” has pushed that damnable filet I fish song out of my head.
April 16th, 2009 at 1:46 am
Wasn’t expecting to see that!
April 16th, 2009 at 1:25 pm
Am I blind? There the fuck is there a mantel in that picture?
April 16th, 2009 at 1:26 pm
There, where, close enough.
April 16th, 2009 at 1:28 pm
Fuck me. Nevermind.
April 16th, 2009 at 9:31 pm
Hey guys, what’s going on?
Signed,
Charles Haley’s Giant Cock
April 16th, 2009 at 11:06 pm
The link doesn’t work because the NFL forced the original version to be removed.
You can find the correct link to “The Cooley Zone” at http://www.youtube.com/reeljemsproductions
April 17th, 2009 at 8:26 am
Thank joo for the link Margarettttttttt!!!
August 18th, 2009 at 5:03 pm
Nate Newton’s van Says:
April 15th, 2009 at 1:12 pm
The bigger attention whore: Cooley or Portis?
(Enjoy another 8-8 season, fuckos!)
Tony Romo.
(Good luck winning a playoff game in the next decade.)
February 2nd, 2010 at 5:52 pm
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