What better way to broadcast your love of the Bears and make yourself look like a flyleaf sheet in a yearbook than being a mosaic of player autographs. Now, the Intarwebs have taken note of this Glenn Timmerman fellow before, but a cursory examination of the photos shows that his is a work in progress. Note the addition of the Super Bowl XX logo at the base of his neck. With space seemingly at a premium, perhaps he needs to get innovative with future Bears. Cutler can be signified like this. The vag would also make sense for Jay, but if this latest advertisement is any indication, we know Jim McMahon is already occupying that real estate.

[AfroJacks]

The J-E-T-S fans in attendance at Radio City Music Hall were mostly buoyant about the team’s selection of Mark Sanchez, though there were some long-haired misty-eyed dissenters in the mix, as the video illustrates.

If Jets fans are known for their defeatism, or maybe outright belligerence, let’s look at these Lions fans, who show exuberance in the face of a horrible pick signed to an even more ghastly contract. That’s what I call getting behind a loser, Jets fans.

I find the card game with family shot far more endearing than the Darrius Heyward-Bey extended family-wide huddle in front of the TV. As a touted draftee, you know you’re getting paid no matter what. You can make up the difference in signing bonuses with a few decent hands against the old man. No reason to sweat it.

Meanwhile, this may skew a little too far toward nonchalance. That or Donald Brown is the only black man in Connecticut.

Lastly, let’s give some love to Drew Magary, who was selected with the 28th pick of the draft by the Buffalo Bills. Good luck up there, buddy. Don’t let T.O. push you around.

And the Matron Saint seems to have taken over for Erin Pageviews (and as soon as I write that she’s spouting some filth-flarn-filth with “Dr.” Bill Cosby) for second day coverage, which bespeaks how the tenor of the second day coverage is a lot more bearble than Saturday’s. So long as you ignore the gushing about the Pats stockpiling 2nd round picks. OW-AH DRAFT STRATEGIES AH MO-AH CALCULATED THAN YO-AH DRAFT STRATEGIES!

The NFL moving the start of the draft to 4 p.m. is an unforgivable sin, thus forcing us viewers to forestall our boozing for almost an entire afternoon, lest we be too bleary eyed to even make out the draft ticker (that sucker moves quickly in the later rounds). I mean, it’s gonna be, like, 9 by the time the finally Steelers pick. I’ll be too wasted to make a Secret World of Alex Mack joke when Pittsburgh takes the center from Cal. And the effects of WittenGate ’08 are shown with Ed Werder somewhere other than Dallas on draft day for the first time since Kogod knows when.

Five out of the six members of the KSK crew will be boozing up at an undisclosed location near the center of the earth, or at least at a basement bar, so I’ll be able to relate directly how distraught/close to suicide either Ufford or Maj are if their team takes Mark Sanchez. Or how irritated I’ll be if Darrius Heyward-Bey has to play for the goddamn Ravens.

No, not Ronnie DeVoe in the center. It’s Matt Stafford, who just agreed to become the #1 overall pick. It’s the richest contract ever given to a draft choice. Maybe now he afford to learn to wear a goddamn hat correctly.

LETS! GO! BUCS! LETS! GO! BUCKS! Read the rest of this entry »

Welcome to the final KSK Mock Draft before the actual 2009 NFL Draft. For this week’s installment we’ll be drafting party scenes from film that we would like to have attended. There are no real rules for this draft, although the party you select has to be an actual party with guests other than yourself and some naked chick (oh, and no porn).

Once a party from a particular film has been drafted all other parties from that film are off the board. The order is as follows.

1. Punte
2. Ape
3. Drew
4. Unsilent
5. Ufford
6. Flubby

It should be noted that Random.com’s list randomizing feature hates Flubby for some reason. It’s probably a Kentucky fan. Continue after the jump for the results, then play along in the comments.

Read the rest of this entry »

Worst Signing, Or Worstest Signing? I was a guest on two podcasts leading up to tomorrow’s draft. I joined the roundtable over at Joe Sports Fan, then I joined Levy & Co. over at On The DL, where we talked about the draft, and the fact that Carolina decided last night to hand Jake Delhomme $20 million guaranteed in what has to be the single most retarded signing I’ve ever heard of not made by either Al Davis or Dan Snyder. Seriously, $20 million for Delhomme after that platypus abortion he delivered vs. Arizona? Jesus. That’s almost worse than the picture Levy posted of me in my Vikings hat and pink shirt. Good Lord. I look like a gay sailboat.

Electronic Arts tried to keep the new Madden in the conversation for an extra blogcycle a few days ago by claiming that there were nine “finalists” for the cover of the Madden ’10 game (which included Matt Cassel for some reason), when really it turned out to be the duo that the Arizona Republic reported a few weeks back. And yeah yeah, it’s the first time more than one player has appeared on the cover and a plague will befall both these men by the next sunfall. Really, I just wish they’d let you hit people after the play again. But I guess they’re saving that for when they stick Terrell Suggs on the front.

But what special features can we expect with the programmers tailoring the game to these two? Other than extensive hair care ads to be prominently displayed, of course.

POLAMALU:

TONY GONZALEZ TO THE ATL. The Pro Bowl tight end is dealt to the Falcons for a 2010 second-round pick. Suddenly, the Falcons offense looks that much more dangerous and Matt Cassel looks like he’ll be staring down Dwayne Bowe a little more often. COACH HALEY SAYS YOU’LL JUST HAVE TO DEAL, DICKLICK!

UPDATE: Noted Clinton Portis fetishist Chris Mottram calls the trade “a very-Snyderish deal” by The Falcons. Sure, but only if Atlanta turns around and gives him $50 million guaranteed. And surrenders two more 1st day picks to KC.

OOH, LOOGIT! IT’S A SPECIAL NFL DRAFT JAMBOROO! Ready for your digestion right here. Featuring Mastodon, Genesee, naked Jessica Biel, Sidney Poitier, Nazi shark, Robert Evans, and a host of others. Join me, won’t you? It’s something to do while your wife does her time at Riker’s.