Worried you may have contracted the deadly swine flu that is fast becoming a GLOBAL PANDEMIC THAT WILL MOST CERTAINLY KILL US ALL IN A LANDMARK EVENT THAT HISTORIANS WILL MOST CERTAINLY END UP NAMING “THE PORK DEATH”? Well, it’s important you know the symptoms, symptoms matching those of the recent victims seen above. And here they are.
-Coughing
-Sneezing
-Snorting
-Willingly spending more than 6 hours drinking in a piece of shit Landover parking lot
-Gender confusion
-“Dancing bowel”
-Appearance in old Visa commercial
-Going from bitching about Art Monk not being the Hall to bitching about Joe Jacoby not being in the Hall (“He was greet on Sundees!”)
-Loves of pretzels, dancing (Maj only)
-Spending six hours discussing some stupid fucking golf outing you had
-Yellowheads
-Cranial gout
-Harris Teeter VIC card
-Waxy discharge
-Muumuu
-Double cheeks
-High school class ring
-Obvious hair transplants
-Monogrammed clothing
-Muddy saliva
-Dave and Buster’s game card
-Subcutaneous chocolate deposits
-Hypochondria
-Cauliflower eyelid
-Mild fever, some lightheadedness
-Affection for piece of shit team that will never win anything again ever, so fuck you
PROTECT YOURSELF. I suggest buying two surgical masks, Saran Wrapping your entire body, ionizing your home, burning the dog, and never living near any stupid fucking Redskins fans, like I do.
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wowww very nice.thanks
keep it up OP you will have many more visitors
Confirmation is due later on today for the foremost instance of to human being someone transfer of swine influenza in GB. It is believed to be a friend of Lain and Dawn Askham, who were the foremost confirmed victims in the United Kingdom and they gathered after their come back from honeymoon in Mexico. at first the man was discharged but later his symptoms kept going he was re examined and was detected to be suffering from Type A flu. Examinations are still ongoing but are likely to confirm swine flu. This at once takes the entire number of swine flu sufferers in Britain to 8 -that is 6 in England 2 in Scotland but as yet no deaths.
oyun oyna sünger bob oyunları
Drew’s just mad because a pig humped him at a petting zoo 29 years ago.
Also, dementia resulting in thinking that Jason Campbell is an NFL caliber quarterback
Fuck … I’m going to Dave and Buster’s tonight.
…at least I should get out of going to work tomorrow. Thanks, porcine virus!
“Affection for piece of shit team that will never win anything again ever, so fuck you”
Uh Drew–last I checked you were a Vikings fan, arguably just as big of choke artists (some might say even bigger) than the Skins. Not even Purple Jesus can save you from your shithole of a QB situation and crap receivers. CHECK YO MOUF!
Getting swine flu in the cooch can’t be a good thing for the ladies.
Does this mean I have to lay off chorizo for the next several weeks? Christ, just kill me now…
I’d like to change “pork death” to “getting porked to death.” I encourage you all to spread this euphemism among your friends, colleagues, and johns.
You left out a couple of symptoms:
– Choking
– Poor decision making in the last two minutes of either half.
Explain Dave and Buster’s game card.
@Gino: But they said I’d be feelin’ just fine!
THE PORK DEATH is yet another possible excellent name for this years fantasy football team.
+1 Tice
“Subcutaneous chocolate deposits” might be the line of the year so far.
@J.L White: I assume that if the disease starts to incorporate Cowboys DNA, the “team chemistry” of the virus will cause it to turn upon itself and it will falter in the first round of the Pandemic stage after going 13-3 in South America. Thus, we will have nothing to worry about. However, we must beware 3 years down the road, as it will continue to try to resurrect its full, lethal potential by drafting special-teams standouts and viruses with long injury histories and character issues.
/Cowboys fan.
//seriously though, fuck the redskins and the eagles.
///reading the list of symptoms, I could have sworn this was about the Raiders.
They say that swine flu is caused by mutated strains of avian, porcine and human influenzas combining into one. That tells me one thing: Redskins fans have begun fucking Eagles fans. I think for the safety of our nation, nee the world, we should exterminate all the NFC East fan bases.
/won’t someone think of the children?
Hail to the Swine Flu!
Hail leth-ar-gy!
Phlegm and di-arr-eha….
Call the CDC!
Hmmmm, I have Hypochondria AND a Harris Teeter VIC card. Best to be safe and burn all my clothes.
“Followed by millions of dumbfounded dipshits”
You left out two other symptoms: lumpiness and the Cleveland Browns.
/Red vs. Blue
I don’t think Maj has to worry about swine flu. something tells me it isn’t kosher.
It’s just a little airborne, it’s still good, it’s still good!
You know who could bring us back to the glory years? Joe Gibbs. SOMEONE CONVINCE COOCH TO COME BACK!!
It turns out haterade makes an effective flu vaccine. Thanks BDD!
Blah blah blah joke about Drew having all those symptoms blah blah blah
Sorry guys, just not feeling up to scratch tonight.
The Swine Flu claims another victim. It looks like we’d better euthanize jonthefisherman.
Hey fuck you Drew. What has your shitty team ever won?
Does this mean Mr. Burns will finally get out the check book and give to charity? I think not.
Sure, Slothrop. They all come from the same magical animal.
The fact that pork chops, bacon, ham and the flu all come from the same source is proof that God hates us and wants us to be, like Skins fans: fat, sweaty, and delusional.
6 billion plus people in this world, and 150 so far have died from this. I wouldn’t really call this a pandemic yet. Hell, according to the CDC 36,000 people in the US each year die from the flu *granted, most are elderly or really young*. But if it weren’t for the fact that the mexican hospital keep turning people away that have symptoms because the workers don’t want the flu, or because the hospitals are over crowded, we’d probably see fewer deaths.
With that being said, one good thing has come out of this. Not many smelly Europeans are coming over to the states as of now, because if I was to wear a surgical mask for anything, it would be the french women with the hairy pits and no deoderant. And, I’ve always wondered…do the pits match the carpet?
Mmmm. Pork soda.
- Deep-rooted admiration for Toone P. Wiggins
Primus warned us about this in 1993.
I hope this doesn’t mean I have to stop eating bacon.
Don’t forget, “unconditional love of jorts”.
I thought you could order the Pork Death at Denny’s
Hot fudge is also greet on Sundeez… hot fudge for HOF.
I always wanted to die from something called “pork death”, and here I come to find out its just a stupid flu bug. What a rip.
Drew’s just mad because a pig humped him at a petting zoo 30 years ago.