No. 1 Bungles Detective Agency
HBO has announced that is considering Cincinnati for the featured team on this year’s installment of Hard Knocks: Training Camp series. Instead of Jerry Jones scarfing down popcorn with Peter King, we should see the further examination of floating bacon, Carboat and, it being the Bengals, a host of extralegal activity. In retrospect, it appears Cincy knew of this all along when one looks at the character issues heavy draft class they put together this year.
Tags: marvin and ocho, odell thurman demands a producer credit, they needed a new cop show after The Wire ended, xmas ape
April 28th, 2009 at 7:24 pm
Good Tiger…Great Tiger
April 28th, 2009 at 7:29 pm
This show already exists…its called Cops.
April 28th, 2009 at 7:41 pm
I didn’t think tigers could look embarrassed, but that one nailed it.
April 28th, 2009 at 7:48 pm
It will be a combination of Sopranos meets Dumb & Dumberer. I predict it will be the most popular show in Cleveland, Baltimore, and Pittsburgh.
April 28th, 2009 at 7:52 pm
Is there an address I can send alcohol to? I’d like to help alleviate Monday Morning Punter’s pain.
April 28th, 2009 at 7:52 pm
All I can say is ‘CAR BOAT’… Life is better now
April 28th, 2009 at 7:54 pm
Given the quality of the Bengals’ roster, shouldn’t they retitle the series, “Medium Knocks?” Maybe, “Marginally Registerable Knocks?” “Light-As-A-Feather Knocks,” even?
April 28th, 2009 at 8:57 pm
i hav a hard time seeing Ocho as the new Marlo Stanfield.
April 28th, 2009 at 9:40 pm
How about “Flight of the CON-chords”?
Hah? HAH?
Anyway, Ocho alone makes this a watcher, and don’t forget Tank Johnson’s here too. Too bad J.T. O’Sullivan doesn’t speak as he’s portrayed by KSK.
April 28th, 2009 at 10:08 pm
SCENE: Chris Henry, Tank Johnson and Kenny Watson walk into a Cincinnati-area bank, wearing pantyhose over their heads and carrying sawed-off shotguns.
Henry: EVERYBODY DOWN ON THE FUCKING GROUND! THIS IS A ROBBERY!
Watson: DON’T NOBODY MOVE A FUCKING INCH!
Johnson: Hey Chris, when can I shoot a guy, huh? Now? How about now?
Henry: Not now, Tank. Keep it cool! (walks over to the teller) GIVE ME ALL THE MONEY IN THAT FUCKING SAFE, OR ELSE I’M GONNA SPLATTER YOUR BRAINS ALL OVER THAT WALL!
Johnson: Aw fuck, you talking about shooting that bitch is giving me a hard-on!
Watson: (whispers) Fuck man, shut up. We aren’t actually gonna kill anybody.
Johnson: Naw man, that ain’t part of the fucking deal. Hey Chris, I’ll give you my split if you let me shoot that fat guy over there! I bet he’d shit hisself if I blasted him right in his fat gut!
Henry: SHUT THE FUCK UP! Okay bitch, just walk over to that safe…..don’t start crying, you just do what I say and you get to live another day. I promise.
“Hard Knocks” Director: Cut! Cut! Chris, baby, what are you doing?
Henry: Excuse me?
Director: Your character is a ruthless criminal who’s always one step in front of the law. Instead you are reassuring your hostage, and you can’t keep control of your goons!
Watson: Goons? Who the fuck are you calling goons?
Johnson: Hey Chris, do you mind if I blast the director man’s head and jerk off into his neck hole? A 10-gauge magnum would do the trick, but I left all 75 of them that I own back in Dallas.
Henry: EVERYBODY SHUT THE FUCK UP! I’M ROBBING THIS MUTHAFUCKING BANK, AND I DON’T CARE HOW IT LOOKS ON NO MUTHFUCKING HBO!
Director: Nice passion Chris, I like it. Very Sam Jackson. But we need to get that while the cameras are rolling. Also, do you think you can fit in a clever catch phrase into your robbery, like “We’re gonna blitz that vault and take that cash in for a touchdown!”
Watson: That is lamest shit I have ever heard.
Director: No, it’ll look great on the screen, once we do some more takes and get the lighting right.
Henry: Fuck that. Tank, go ahead and shoot that asshole.
Johnson: (moans deeply, shoots the director half a dozen times, and cums in his pants)
Watson: Yo Chris, I got the loot. Let’s roll!
Henry: Okay, just make….hold up, got a phone call. “Greetings, this is Chris Henry”
Marvin Lewis: Team meeting has been rescheduled for five o’clock. Are you going to make it?
Henry: I’ll be there, coach. (Tank is shooting hostages while they scream bloody murder.) Just another lazy Tuesday afternoon.
END SCENE
April 28th, 2009 at 10:08 pm
Um…..that is one long fucking comment right there.
April 28th, 2009 at 10:12 pm
Homicide: Life on the Street
Oz
The Wire
Yeah, Hard Knocks: Bengals seems like the next logical step in the progression.
April 28th, 2009 at 10:46 pm
JL White:
+ocho cinco
cant fucking wait for this show
April 28th, 2009 at 10:57 pm
Over/under on Bengals players who think “extralegal” means even more legal than regular legal?
April 28th, 2009 at 11:03 pm
Brown paper bags are going to look great with stripes on them.
April 28th, 2009 at 11:58 pm
If the Bengals Detective Agency could replicate the Simon and Simon opening, then I’m in…
April 29th, 2009 at 12:28 am
Sad Tiger does not approve.
April 29th, 2009 at 12:29 am
http://scoopcats.com/meow/wp-content/uploads/thumb-sad_tiger.jpg
April 29th, 2009 at 12:37 am
Them fellas can’t stop following the Tank.
April 29th, 2009 at 4:23 am
Um… Mark Schlereth just called Mark Sanchez a spic.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FQJcUjlcF2I
April 29th, 2009 at 4:44 am
@OOOORW
Please redact that statement.
Schlereth said that Mark Sanchez’s middle name is “Dirty”…………heyyyyooooo!!!
April 29th, 2009 at 7:21 am
There’s no way this show can be live, or even a 5 second delay.
April 29th, 2009 at 7:24 am
One can only hope the ineptitude on display rivals the “Hard Knocks” from a couple years back with the Chiefs. Nothing says “Winning Organization” like your head coach spending his valuable preparation time pulling out magic markers and glitter to make a Welcome To Chiefs Camp sign.
Sadly, there is usually more talent and intrigue on the “Making The Team” series than “Hard Knocks.” And better breasts, too (Kelli Croyle notwithstanding)
April 29th, 2009 at 8:28 am
Do not drink Chris Henry’s Bush tea.
April 29th, 2009 at 8:37 am
Rey Maualuga just announced he’s going back to USC. Not to play football, but to avoid being associated with such a loser program.
And he doesn’t want to take a pay cut.
April 29th, 2009 at 11:00 am
Any detective story about an outfit called the Bungles Detective Agency can’t be even partly bad. Wish I’d had the nerve to call my new novel’s private eye, Jim Brandon’s, agency something like that. Some of us are all square and a yard wide.
April 29th, 2009 at 11:38 am
One can only hope the ineptitude on display rivals the “Hard Knocks” from a couple years back with the Chiefs. Nothing says “Winning Organization” like your head coach spending his valuable preparation time pulling out magic markers and glitter to make a Welcome To Chiefs Camp sign.
Yep. As soon as I saw that, I gave up on the season.
April 29th, 2009 at 12:37 pm
Over/under on Bengals players who think “extralegal” means those girls are old enough for anal?
/fixed
Will we see Ocho at Marvin’s house? If they get just one shot of those two in a home-style setting, I’m going to laugh myself like my name’s Mike Heimdirgenrerereir.