KSK group post: NFL Twitter endorsements
CNBC’s Darren Rovell did a story yesterday about athletes receiving free schwag or making a quick buck by endorsing goods or services on Twitter. Intrigued, we did a quick search and found that a number of our favorite NFL figures were already cashing in on the phenomenon. Check it out:
TheBen: “15 KILL STREAK ON CALL OF DUTY BEATS SUPER BOWL RING ANYDAY”
Percy_Harvin: Big thanks to Magic Bus head shop on Broad Ripple for hooking me up with that sweet-ass Graffix bong while I was at the combine in Indy.
PacmanJones: Yo yo Pacman down wid Belvedere Vodka. O YOU GON DRANK WID MR. BELVEDERE, BITCH. Chuh chuh 4:15PM from the strizzay
TankJohnson: Much love to Target World of Cincinnati for the new AR-15. This is going to come in handy.
Kyle_Orton: Can I just support every bar in Denver?
TheMikeVickExperience: Shout out to my boys at the Leavenworth Commissary for hooking it up with this badass shiv…I mean toothbrush. Yes, toothbrush. sent from prison
The_Terrell_Owens: I supposed to tell yall about Northtown Kia, but then they say I only got 140 letters. Bitch you trippin. IM TO BABY! I’m gone to take as ma
JayCutler: Paxil is okay, I guess. 3:39PM from the bar
Eli+Manning: OMG! JUST GOT THE COOLEST MIRROR FROM HOBOKEN ANTIQUES. IT’S REFLECTY!
JoshMcD: Any player who doesn’t tweet me back is fucking cut. 4:34AM from office cot
TonyRomo: Thanks Taco Bell, for making nothing my baby can turn down.
HinesWald: Foll best time, make it a Santoli time. Even if it made by Japanese asswhore.
MartyB: Don’t no grocery store got ladyfarts like Kroger got ladyfarts.
RaiderMilt: When traveling, use Hertz IF NOT, YOU A BITCH! YOU A FAGGOT!
TomBrady: Is that a paparazzo following my feed? Gisele, alert our Frontline Security snipers. Frontline Security has the BEST snipers. 12:15PM from hot tub filled with Veuve Cliquot
SI_PeterKing: Sam?! SAM! Who do I tweet for a South End Buttery latte? JACK BOWERS IS DYING AND I NEED MY BUTTERY FIX. 4:59AM from Jillian’s
Jared_Allen: I hole heartedly recomend Twin City Limozine. Their much cheaper then a 3RD offence D.U.I.
FlorioPFT: Hey guys, just wanted to tell you all about the new and expanded family plan from Sprint Mobile. You can even get reception in West Virginia!
Clinton_Portis: AT EASTERN MOTORS
Antwaan_Randle_El: YOUR JOB’S YOUR CREDIT
Chris_Cooley: AT EASTERN MOTORS
Clinton_Portis: DANCE MOVE! DANCE MOVE ON THE CAMERA!
CountAl: Ven yoor blood bank says no, VEST END BLOOD BANK says YES! 5:35AM from stone coffin
Unsilent: RT @Clinton Portis AT EASTERN MOTORS
Unsilent: RT @Antwaan Randle El YOUR JOB’S YOUR CREDIT
Unsilent: RT @Chris Cooley AT EASTERN MOTORS
CorporatePeezy: Looking for the best in fine dining? Try Maggiano’s. THEY KNOW HOW TO GIVE RESPECT!
AaronSchatz: Finally, the ability to look down your nose at anomalous championship teams… IN AN IPHONE APP.
GreggEasterbrook: Have you read my book “The Progress Paradox” yet? Well, that’s why you’re searching for happiness via Twitter’s ultimately empty vessel. @:38PM from oak-laden study
PlaxicoB: Shout out to my boys at Ignacio’s– best tailor in Manhattan. Open 24hrs & specializing in mending bullet holes in men’s trousers.
GiantEndOsi: Nothing gets fecal matter of your sheets like Gain! Not that I would know. 8:39PM from toilet pillow
PeytonManning: Best Buy Target Lowes Home Depot Sprint WalMart Verizon Capital One Chunky Soup
Madden2010: Whoa hey BOOM gurph! I urghala retired! Looks like I’ll durgaurga be needing durrr advice there of that Charles Schwab guy pfffrrrrt
JeffGarciaIsNoRat: Did you know that Oakland’s White Horse Inn serves a caramel appletini? Because they do and they’re delish!
Favre4: So when you need to work the land, remember the Garden Weasel. 5:00PM from glass penthouse
BrandonThaMarshall: If you’re going to put your hand through a TV, blame it on a McDonald’s bag. McDonald’s: I’m blamin’ it! 4:57PM from hospital
Eyeshade21: For lucky best wash use Mr. Sparkle.
MiamiTice: StubHub is without question your best destination for unloading those valuable Super Bowl tickets.
KINGLASERFFACE: For mouth eye treatment, count on Dr. Harvey Mack, board certified in Opthaorthadontology. WHAT? HUH? FUCK YOU! 3:45 PM from airplane flying next to errant pass
Chris_Cooley: No one does fuck portraits like Sears does fuck portraits. take it from a fuck portrait pro! 11:00PM from wife’s vagina
HinesWald: Many sank yous to Ru Ru’s Nooder Bal. Numbel one best nooder it Pissburgh!
TheRealMcMahon: Wanna get your dick hard? Male Vitality Performance has your bases covered.
HurdyGurdyQB: Genuine Ipecac Syrup is all I need to bring out my best on game day.
RaeCarruth: Need a quick place to nap or hideout from the cops? Try the trunk of a Dodge Stratus. Plenty of room for you as well as the food, water, and piss bottles you’ll need.
Then there is some Twitter fail that we don’t have to make up…
[ thanks to KSK reader Peter E. for the Peter K. pic ]
April 22nd, 2009 at 1:48 pm
Mangenius: Continental Airlines has the newest fleet of J-E-T-S! Jets! Jets! Jets!
April 22nd, 2009 at 1:50 pm
Mark Sanchez: Mr Snyder offered me a full body oil massage. Then he ran his fingers through my hair. Vinny was just glowering at me.
April 22nd, 2009 at 1:50 pm
LenFailWhale killed me.
April 22nd, 2009 at 1:51 pm
Mark Sanchez: Oh, big thanks to Visa for their new green card!
April 22nd, 2009 at 1:51 pm
MarkStepnoski: Funyuns, dog!
April 22nd, 2009 at 1:52 pm
JuiceNotLoose32: For amusing head-snapback action, try Pez! If I ate all the Pez, it’s cuz I loved it too much. 11:29PM from Bubba’s taint
April 22nd, 2009 at 1:54 pm
The Ghost of Sean Taylor: Under Armor’s bulletproof vests fucking suck!
April 22nd, 2009 at 1:54 pm
The Peyton Manning tweet was priceless.
Donte Stallworth-contact Johnson and Riggs law firm for your manslaughter needs. From cozy chair at Johnson and Riggs 3:19 p.m.
April 22nd, 2009 at 1:54 pm
THEFUCKINGPHILLIPRIVERS: i don’t see what’s up with all you DOUCHEFUCKS on here, this is gay DOUCHEFUCKERY 2:34 am from Darren Sproles’ ass
April 22nd, 2009 at 1:57 pm
Marky_Mark_ Chamura: Johnson’s Rape Kits: Talk about a lifesaver!
April 22nd, 2009 at 1:57 pm
CorporatePeezy: Got crooked, yellow teef? FIX YO MOUF at the offices of Dr. Steven Perlstein, DDS!
April 22nd, 2009 at 2:00 pm
Hakeem/Nicks/Son!: Try Popeyes 3 piece and a biscuit! That shit’s bangin son!
April 22nd, 2009 at 2:00 pm
Tony Romo: I dry my post-season-ending-fuckup tears with Kleenex brand tissue. From facedown on Lincoln Financial Field.
April 22nd, 2009 at 2:02 pm
OSullivanClan: Dewars Scotch eliminates the hallowed chill on thy blustery nights when pillaging.
April 22nd, 2009 at 2:03 pm
SteveSmiff: Ace bandage hand wraps, for all your punching needs. Babies, teammates, AND pregnant bitches
April 22nd, 2009 at 2:03 pm
Ray Lewis: Covered in blood? Brawny paper towels soak up all that shit real nice. Unrelated note: Cutlery Barn Steak Knives on sale this week!
April 22nd, 2009 at 2:03 pm
KCollins: For all my darkie friends, try Night Train fortified wine. Right bros? Get it? LOLZ!
April 22nd, 2009 at 2:05 pm
Ken_Lucas: O’Hanrahan’s Eye Patch Emporium, the place to go when your eye socket is crushed. 2:36 am from behind Stevie’s house with cattle gun.
April 22nd, 2009 at 2:07 pm
LightsOutMerriman: Shoot it in my ass, Canseco!
April 22nd, 2009 at 2:08 pm
Who in the world is HurdyGurdyQB?
April 22nd, 2009 at 2:08 pm
DStingley: I shoulda had a V8! (can’t move hand to slap forehead…still got gig?) 4:38 pm from special chair
April 22nd, 2009 at 2:08 pm
Mike_Vix_Cell: Silence of the Labs, now on Warner Brothers DVD and BluRay. With Director’s Commentary and Deleted Scenes. Proceeds donated to Committee for Prison Reform and Justice for Inmates. 12:30 pm from floor of shower room.
April 22nd, 2009 at 2:09 pm
Unslient: For the finest weed in all of D.C., try Scotty at the corner of U and 18, underneath the burnt-out lamppost. “No seeds, no schwag, just pure goodness in that bag.” Tell ‘em Kogod sent ya!
BigDaddy: Arnold’s Country Style Bread is so fucking good, I fucking put a slice of it between two more fucking slices of it. Fuck and yes.
MMPunte: If you like your Asian BDSM leather-fetish bukkake — and I mean really like it — then you need to get a subscription to Brazzers Platinum. You’ll swear the girls are chained up in your own basement!
Flub: Depressed over being a Raiders fan? King Cobra is there to help.
XmasApe: You know what really gets the panties dropping? A genuine FATHEAD sticker on your dorm room wall. Don’t worry, ladies. Big Ben just likes to watch.
CaptCavemanUSMC: If you have translucent skin like me, you’re going to need at least a 300-level SPF. I recommend the new Total Blocker from Sherwin-Williams.
April 22nd, 2009 at 2:10 pm
Iron_Mike_Ditka: Fixodent and forget it!
April 22nd, 2009 at 2:10 pm
Ray-Ray: Legal troubles in Atlanta? See the offices of Judge Alice Bonner, she’ll get you off! Jesus saves!
April 22nd, 2009 at 2:11 pm
DanSnyder: When I want to burn a pile of money and/or draft picks, Kingston brand lighter fluid is the only one I trust.
April 22nd, 2009 at 2:14 pm
ThaJuiceisLoose: Nothing runs like a Ford Bronco!
April 22nd, 2009 at 2:15 pm
Who in the world is HurdyGurdyQB?
Donovan
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Hurdy_Gurdy_Man_(song)
April 22nd, 2009 at 2:16 pm
@Otto: +1, AND a slow clap.
April 22nd, 2009 at 2:16 pm
MATT_RYAN: Come to Jim’s Car Dealership. Where you will get a great deal on a car.
April 22nd, 2009 at 2:17 pm
MB3sStiffArm: Can’t find the right weapon for getting revenge on old crackas who are trying to keep you down? Go right down to Jethro’s hunting and surplus store off of I-820 in Euless for all your revenge needs. Jerry Jones gon get his wig twisted back. 9:38PM sent from web.
+100 Otto Man
April 22nd, 2009 at 2:21 pm
BillBelichick: After forcing your video cooridnator’s wife to get an abortion, nothing says “thanks” like a bouquet from 1-800-FLOWERS at least according to our team lawyers. 2:20 PM April 22nd from lair
April 22nd, 2009 at 2:28 pm
…how the fuck do you guys know about The Magic Bus?
Also, @FMRA:
Your future husband batted in the winning two runs in yesterdays Mets-Cards game. I was going to wish paralysis on your future children, but no. Paralysis is too good for the spawn of a Patriots fan and Rick Ankiel.
April 22nd, 2009 at 2:28 pm
Best part of that Peter King Twitter screen grab? Here’s the next thing he posted:
“This just in: Josh McDaniels did not accompany the Denver traveling party to SoCal this morning for the Mark Sanchez workout.8:57 AM Apr 21st from web”
That’s the kind of redaction that makes Mort come.
April 22nd, 2009 at 2:31 pm
@ CVE
Who wants a body massage?
BigRed: Can’t tweet, at Golden Corrall having pre-lunch, post-brunch snack. Time’s yours.
April 22nd, 2009 at 2:33 pm
EMMITTSMIFF: Git yourself a Roget’s Collegial Dinosaurus! Your vocabulary will expound beyond your expectorations!
April 22nd, 2009 at 2:33 pm
Belicheck3x: Grumble
April 22nd, 2009 at 2:33 pm
JLurieGoldStandard: The best part about firing people for their Facebook statuses is that AccounTemps sends me a new employee over in thirty minutes or less.
April 22nd, 2009 at 2:46 pm
@ Gino
That’s pure win.
April 22nd, 2009 at 2:48 pm
TheVY: Drink Patrone! It will knock your shirt off.
April 22nd, 2009 at 2:50 pm
Super_5: Tums-tu-tu-tu-tums!
April 22nd, 2009 at 2:51 pm
@WBIMA
Duuuuuuude!
SeanTaylor21: Johnson & Johnson Band-aids don’t product jack shit!
April 22nd, 2009 at 2:52 pm
fuckfuckfuckfuck
SeanTaylor21: Johnson & Johnson Band-aids don’t PROTECT jack shit!
/failfailfail
April 22nd, 2009 at 2:54 pm
WadePhillips: When I like a glass of tall, cool gravy, I reach for Heinz. It has no lumps so I can drink it through a straw.
April 22nd, 2009 at 2:55 pm
amazing White Horse Inn reference. accidentally stumbled in there once…just once.
April 22nd, 2009 at 2:57 pm
8Ain’tEnough: When making sweet love to the ladies, I always trust Trojan brand condoms to protect me from unwanted responsibilities. 4:20PM April 20 from Montana Men’s Correctional Facility
April 22nd, 2009 at 3:06 pm
TheBen: “CAPS LOCK MAKES POSTS SO EASY TO WRITE”
April 22nd, 2009 at 3:06 pm
LMo39: Let us recall Aristotle: “Spoken words are the symbols of mental experience and written words are the symbols of spoken words.” OH YEAH!
3:07 from Gillette Stadium
April 22nd, 2009 at 3:08 pm
epicSawzdouche: awahh fans drank hahhdah than any otha fans drank, when we throw baaack twelve twisted teas. NO ONE DENIES THIS!
April 22nd, 2009 at 3:11 pm
DrZ: The NBA! It’s Fan-Tastic! Good to the Last Drop! Quality is Job One. Somebody get rid of that fat bastard named King Peter who keeps visiting. Burger King: Have It Your Way. 3:63 TM from the fork
April 22nd, 2009 at 3:17 pm
@Gino
DrZ: JHISHhi[sdahv0[h08;))) 6:66 from the yellow submarine
Fixed it.
April 22nd, 2009 at 3:21 pm
Daniel$$$nyder: I only want a QB who cleans his chest with Nair. Nair, for that franchise QB look. updated 3:48 PM from Iceland
April 22nd, 2009 at 3:25 pm
BruschiBusiness: When those old stroke legs start acting up try a wheel chair from SpinLife. 3:24 PM from Belichick’s dungeon.
April 22nd, 2009 at 3:26 pm
Nate Newton: Have that “urge to be competitive”, but can’t play sports worth a damn? Then just rent a U-Haul van and be the the World’s Biggest DOPE MAN!! (Weed not included.)
April 22nd, 2009 at 3:43 pm
JayCutler: Get Depeche Mode’s Greatest Hits. Or don’t. Whatever. 4:04 AM my room
April 22nd, 2009 at 3:45 pm
SwervinIrvin: EvarSharp Scissors. A cut above the rest!
April 22nd, 2009 at 3:54 pm
In defense of Big Ben, a 15 kill streak is pretty fuckin awesome.
April 22nd, 2009 at 3:56 pm
QuantumSingletary: If you really want to see inside a man’s rectum, the quality instruments of LorthCo Colonoscopy are the way to go.
BQuinn: @QS Do they give discounts on bulk orders?
April 22nd, 2009 at 4:00 pm
Matt Ryan actually has a Twitter. Matt_Ryan_ATL. He says some random shit on it but I haven’t seen product endorsements.
April 22nd, 2009 at 4:03 pm
AlonznoSpellman : Clown Burgers. EAT THEM OR I’LL FUCKING KILL YOU
April 22nd, 2009 at 4:05 pm
SirCollinsworth : Watch me Sunday nights on a new Vizio flatscreen. If, you know, that’s all you can afford.
April 22nd, 2009 at 4:08 pm
No matter how many times I see it in print, “CHUH CHUH” will always crack me up.
April 22nd, 2009 at 4:10 pm
@Otto
Don’t forget: GayZorro@BQuinn: Wanna go halves?
April 22nd, 2009 at 4:17 pm
Favre_4QB: This will be the last time I send a message on Twitter. It’s not a matter of if I CAN tweet at 39, it’s that I don’t want to tweet anymore.
/message gets intercepted
April 22nd, 2009 at 4:21 pm
Matt Cassel: Coach Haley just punched me. 5:30 AM from Inside Locker
April 22nd, 2009 at 4:24 pm
Ocho_Cinco: Big ups to Johnsons Marine Auto! BOAT CAR! I TOLD YOU MUTHAFUCKAS! 4:45PM from Planet 85
April 22nd, 2009 at 4:27 pm
Bikebikebike: Schwinnschwinnschwinn
April 22nd, 2009 at 4:29 pm
Drew_Magery @GiantEndOsi: How does Gain work for towels?
April 22nd, 2009 at 4:36 pm
GooseSiragusa: Heart Start Home Defibrillators- When You Need a Little Boost.
April 22nd, 2009 at 4:49 pm
Lord_Haney – KY Jelly is a fantastic anal lubricant. At least, that’s what all these fucking faggots on my team tell me.
April 22nd, 2009 at 4:54 pm
Najeh Davenport :When I take a shit I only shit in hampers from Target..Only the best!!!4:53pm from the closet
April 22nd, 2009 at 5:08 pm
Reggie Bush: All these “new fangled” gums promise you the world, but for my money the original Dentyne still does the trick! 4:59 from somewhere deep in Kim’s asscrack.
April 22nd, 2009 at 5:16 pm
RedFaceCoughlin: SCREAMSCREAMSCREAMSCREAMSCREAMSCREAMSCREAMSCREAMSCREAMSCREAMSCREAMSCREAMSCREAMSCREAMSCREAMSCREAMSCREAMSCREAMSCREAMSCREAMSCREAMSCREAMSCREAMSC
April 22nd, 2009 at 5:54 pm
Solid entry. I have nothing that would make this any funnier. Except maybe a Purple Jesus injury tweet?? Anyone??
/cries
April 22nd, 2009 at 6:14 pm
PurpleJesus – Old Spice High Endurance. Lasts All Day. Get it? Please start using the nickname I gave myself!
April 22nd, 2009 at 6:15 pm
HEAD_COACH_HALEY: Mac? What the fuck are you going to do with a Mac? You think that computer makes you smarter than me, taint-blister? Well, fuck you! I’m the goddamn HEAD COACH! 3:56 AM Chiefs practice facility
April 22nd, 2009 at 6:31 pm
Kid of Steel: I eat Sunshine grits – they’re the grittiest. 11:01 PM from Club Fabulous!
April 22nd, 2009 at 6:41 pm
Those were fantastically awesome!
April 22nd, 2009 at 6:53 pm
@Gino: Cutlerfucker strikes me as more of a Morrissey guy.
April 22nd, 2009 at 7:11 pm
Following up on Gino’s Favre tweet:
Favre_4QB: You know what? On second thought, as much as I love to work the land, baron that I am, I think I want to go back out there and just have some fun playing football. But I’m not sure. I’ll schedule a press conference for next week and let you know. 7:09 from an undisclosed location in Boston that smells eerily similar to coffee-flavored water.
Nice job, Gino.
April 22nd, 2009 at 7:54 pm
DonteStalin: Go to your local Jeep dealer to get official Mopar Brush Guards, perfect for mowing down pedestrians.
April 22nd, 2009 at 8:55 pm
ConcreteCyanide: Rohypnol, for the sorority slut that isn’t attracted to the Heisman
April 23rd, 2009 at 1:32 am
Lardi_Gras_Wade: Had maintenance flip the *eats oreo* door hinges today. Double-J hit himself *drinks large pitcher of buttermilk* right in the ol’ *belches* meat whistle. Blamed the Red-Headed (one-dimensional) offensive guru. *engulfs leg of lamb in amoeba-like fashion*. Good day, lofty day. @10:46 a.m. from (Hidden) Valley Ranch.
April 23rd, 2009 at 1:50 am
2Barbarian4: JERRY GODDAMN JONES!! MARION BARBER DEMANDS A FRESH CROP OF YOUNG LINEBACKERS TO EAT EVERY TRAINING CAMP! DRAFT ACCORDINGLY YOU TURKEY-NECKED PIGFUCKER. @3:00 a.m. from the River Styx
Also, I had a Talladega flashback while reading the Peyton Manning post.
April 23rd, 2009 at 8:31 am
@ Monkey Business
I was surprised to see the Magic Bus reference as well.
April 23rd, 2009 at 12:28 pm
Bill “I’m the real fucking Romo” Romanowski : When I get ready to spit in the faces of black players I don’t like, I sniff “krazy glue” it is the best glue to bring out all that phlem!
April 25th, 2009 at 2:22 am
TikiNBC: I am actually Ronde. Working out pure and hard with Meredith. 7:03 am from Today studios
RondeINT: @TikiNBC: I AM THE REAL RONDE.