Nasty Fetish Tournament Regional Final — Orson Swindle Region No. 1 vs. No. 2
In an obviously misguided attempt at mocking the playoff structure of the NCAA tournament, we’re inviting readers to enjoy matchups of actual fetishes in a voter-powered tournament, culminating in April with the Nasty Fetish Final Four. That tournament continues today with the final in the Orson Swindle Region. Who will be the next entrant in the Nasty Fetish Final Four? Remember, you’re voting for what you consider the more nasty fetish.
1. Necrobestiality
Literal Meaning: “When a gentleman engages in sexual congress with a corpse of a departed animal friend.”
The Intarwebs say: You can make at least six friends on LiveJournal.
Notable Advocates: Kristen Wiig, Mitch McConnell, Chris Hovan
2. Fecophilia
Literal Meaning: “Taking a walk on the brown side.”
The Intarwebs say: Now your fetish can be all shimmery.
Notable Advocates: Isiah Whitlock Jr., kid from Slumdog Millionaire, Osi again (so you don’t bitch about his exclusion)
Tags: Nasty Fetish Final Four
April 1st, 2009 at 2:04 pm
Clay Davis for the win.
April 1st, 2009 at 2:06 pm
this is like deciding which one of your 2 kids lives. This is the “Sophie’s Choice” match-up of the tourney.
April 1st, 2009 at 2:07 pm
Lord help me, I picked Necrobestiality. Both disgust me in no uncertain terms but sex with a dead animal has to be the absolute worst. I am making this an early prediction and choosing Necrobestiality as the National Champion.
Curls up in a ball, sucks thumb, and cries softly at work.
April 1st, 2009 at 2:08 pm
This one will be the 20 OT thriller with the outcome still undecided. I can’t bear to watch.
April 1st, 2009 at 2:08 pm
i was going to vote Necro, but after seeing that pig I changed my mind.
April 1st, 2009 at 2:09 pm
I hope your cellmate thinks hes god
But c.n.n. refer to him as bowling ball bag bob
Serving time again for abuse of a corpse
Only this time the victims a clydesdale horse
While he masturbates to photos of livestock
He does the silence of the lambs dance to christian rock
Eats feces and quotes from deliverance
And fights with his imaginary playmate vince
oh bloodhound gang, its like you predicted this match up
April 1st, 2009 at 2:15 pm
This really could have been a championship game. I gotta go with necro. Mike Rowe has gotten shit pretty much everywhere including inside his mouth and he seems none the worse for wear, but the stink of dead animal twat on your dick is the kind of thing you can’t just wash off. (Please let it be dead animal twat. The thought of necro-stoma-bestiality is more than I an bear.)
April 1st, 2009 at 2:17 pm
I feel so weird “cheering” for certain things to win……….
April 1st, 2009 at 2:27 pm
once this one is over…
yeah
none of us will ever be right again
April 1st, 2009 at 2:34 pm
the ksk real nfl mascot KILL KILL KILL tourney from last year was much more enjoyable than this shit show.
all i’m getting out of this is a black mark on my soul. i literally cannot vote on this one.
April 1st, 2009 at 2:42 pm
Necrobestiality-Stoma Fucking Final, noone wins…
April 1st, 2009 at 2:44 pm
Thanks for the kinder/genteler Fecophilia photo. You saved one keyboard for me.
April 1st, 2009 at 2:47 pm
@John, I have indeed learned far more from this tournament than I ever wanted to or thought I would know about fetishes.
I sickly feel like I’m actually voting on which one I would kill myself before engaging in, like tomorrow I’ll wake up in a dark room, the lights will turn on, but still be dim, and I’ll be given the choice to fuck a dead animal or take said walk on the brown side. It’ll be like Saw, but without the option of sweet, sweet death.
April 1st, 2009 at 2:54 pm
love the slumdog reference
April 1st, 2009 at 3:21 pm
This is a lose/lose situation. It’s 6 or one-half dozen of the other.
April 1st, 2009 at 3:22 pm
Back in H.S. we were coming up with the worst theoretical combo-philias and the one that still sticks with me is necro-pyro-pedaphilia. ewww! Think on that one for a minute and even stoma fucking a dead turkey isn’t that bad. Unfortunately there is always something way more fucked up out there. We’ll all need counselling (read booze) after the ‘winner’ has been selected.
April 1st, 2009 at 3:28 pm
The superpoo is so cute!
April 1st, 2009 at 3:32 pm
Also: you know who is TOTALLY a fecophiliac? Mike Rowe. Have you SEEN the way that guy’s eyes light up when he gets to wade around thigh-deep in pig shit on “Dirty Jobs”? Trust me: that guy is dowwwwwwwwwwwwn with the brown… and the greenish-brown… and the blackish hangover brown… and the nutty brown…
April 1st, 2009 at 3:39 pm
no nightmare fuel tag? that pig is disturbing.
April 1st, 2009 at 3:47 pm
When is this fucking thing going to be over so I can go to a site full of gridiron-mockery and half-naked members of cheering squads again?
\didn’t care about ncaa tourney either
\\wake me up for the draft
April 1st, 2009 at 3:52 pm
Why do you have a picture of Kathleen Turner on this post?
April 1st, 2009 at 5:07 pm
What about if you fucked a fat pig, but when you woke up, wished her dead? Does that still count?
April 1st, 2009 at 5:53 pm
Using Carrie’s logic, I had to vote for feco. Assuming the animal is still warm, you can still go to your happy place and get through it. There is no happy place when you’re covered in poop.
April 1st, 2009 at 5:55 pm
Jesus this is a brutal matchup. Thought about it long and hard, then decided that sticking your cock in something that’s fucking DEAD is already nastier than pretty much anything else, and the added bonus of it being a dead fucking animal just takes it over the top.
Shitting on someone’s face at least means you’re both alive. Seriously, how do people even get off on fucking something that’s dead? Dead bodies are COLD. Wouldn’t just sticking your dick in a fleshlight or something be more interesting?
This is the tournament winner right here, btw. There’s nothing else even half as insane.
April 1st, 2009 at 5:59 pm
@Carrie,
How’s the virgin thing going?
Btw, this should become a rule for the mailbag. People who write in have to provide sporadic updates on their progress. For example, I’d *** LOVE *** to know how the guy who webcam’ed his wife’s sister in the shower, then made copies on DVD AND VHS is doing.
April 1st, 2009 at 6:56 pm
The worst thing about this tournament is that I just know it’s going to ruin Sexy Friday.
Anyway, I’m predicting an all-beastiality final. Boring, I guess, but I’m not sure there’s anything that brings out quite as much revulsion in ordinary people as sex with animals.
/makes possible exception for classic necrophilia
April 1st, 2009 at 8:00 pm
Tough call, I went with necrobeastiality. At least with feco, its close to something fairly normal (anal, thumb in butt, et al.). With necrobeastiality there is not even a step-second cousin within the realm of normal.
April 1st, 2009 at 8:03 pm
Dont be so sure on the all bestiality final.
To me, tree rape and tentacles are far worse than bestiality. Live bestiality got nothing on the necro form.
April 1st, 2009 at 11:30 pm
@NMC, I think that’s a good rule.
And it’s not going that well, unfortunately, partly because of midterms. I actually was thinking of writing to the mailbag again, but I couldn’t think of a way to word it. There have been no new possibilities, only more slutty-but-I’m-somehow-still-a-virgin encounters (that word makes me feel like I’m referencing Close Encounters of the Third Kind but I’m not, I swear) that just frustrate me more. The mailbag question that is pending in my mind is about the blowjob guy: he wants me to toss his salad now and the last time I saw him the only way I got out of it was saying I’d do it next time. I’m weighing if rimjob/fuck me is a good enough bargain. I think it’s a pretty good deal for him, eh?
April 2nd, 2009 at 2:37 am
@ Carrie,
Yeah he’d be thrilled if you did that. I’m not real sure what you’re getting in the bargain though, apart from (probably) a lousy lay?
You must be going to the craziest college in the US if there are basically no guys interested in getting you laid! Where the fuck is this, Brigham Young?
April 2nd, 2009 at 2:43 am
@ NMC,
I’d finally lose the damn vcard? And I go to SDSU, also known as STDSU. Yeah, I’m in an alternate universe.
April 2nd, 2009 at 3:56 pm
@ Carrie,
Yeah but do you really want to lose it to some fucknut who’s obviously only interested in what HE gets out of it? I mean, your first time isn’t going to be fantastic anyways (really it’s not), but there’s a huge difference between “hmm, t’was okay” and “I HATE THAT FUCKING ASSHOLE!”
He’s shown no interest in whether YOU are enjoying yourself, so I doubt that that’s going to change if you get him to poke you.
Is SDSU South Dakota State or San Diego State?