In an obviously misguided attempt at mocking the playoff structure of the NCAA tournament, we’re inviting readers to enjoy matchups of actual fetishes in a voter-powered tournament, culminating in April with the Nasty Fetish Final Four. That tournament continues today with the final in the Christmas Ape Region. Who will be the first entrant in the Nasty Fetish Final Four? Remember, you’re voting for what you consider the more nasty fetish.
7. Menophilia
Literal Meaning: “Described as being sexually excited by a female during menstruation. This can be further described as people who are turned on by the smell, image, taste or feel of the blood expelled during menstruation.”
The Intarwebs say: “Menophilia is the fetish for menstruating women. Blood to me is exciting. Thrilling. A visual delight. It has been that way since I was a young girl. Nose bleeds and the sight of blood was exciting to me. I would sit in the mirror and watch the red rivulets run down my face. I began to menstruate and after a period of self loathing and fear of my cycle.”
Notable Advocates: Jean-Paul Belmondo, Freddie Prinze Jr., Anderson Silva
13. Stoma Fucking
Literal Meaning: “One who fantasizes about penetrating a surgically creating orifice, either in the in the colon or the esophagus.”
Gossipy nurse says: “A woman in her 40′s who had had a colostomy for several years following a bad MVA was admitted for an infection in her colostomy site. She came to my unit and sure enough, green pus everywhere. The site was cultured and.. guess what? She had gonorrhea in her stoma. She reluctantly admitted that she had met a man in a fetish chatroom and let him “make love” to her stoma!”
Notable Advocates: Brian Urlacher, Doug E. Fresh, Tim Heidecker
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/global/images/default-avatar.jpg){kind=avatar}
![[image]](http://cdn.ksk.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2009/04/champ-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.ksk.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2009/04/fetishchampmatch-150x150.jpg)
LOL, I have to say the on the internet dating or electronic dating has come a hell of a way from the days of basic chat rooms. Much more and far more people are turning to on the web dating sites to screen prospective dates.
@ ExStomaChick
Tits or GTFO
I really do get the amusement factors of this kind of thing… what with this sports dry spell and all…
Still, thought I should mention for the health of more people that you can imagine.
HAGD all…
at least anyone who has access for a stoma rape (anesthesiologists, home caregivers, etc.) probably already had the idea
I don’t think anyone actually take this seriously
yes, yes… these are all just jokes
UNLESS YOU’RE DOWN WID IT!!!!
@ ExStomaChick
I don’t think anyone actually take this seriously, or has gotten any new ideas for fetishes out of this.
It’s the off-season, we need to talk about SOMETHING!
Ok, this is, if you’ll pardon the expression, total crap. As a very hot blond breasty chick who lived with a stoma/ostomy for 4 years, my biggest fear was meeting a dude who got off on poop — mine being so readily available and all. And now this fetish shows up. Thankfully I met a man who didn’t “go” that way and who found me sexy even with my accessory.
I hate to poo poo on this crappy fetish madness tournament, buuut, while I can believe it’s in the capacity of human perversity to sexualize anything, the reality of stoma fucking is this: The skin around the stoma is tightly sewn to it. To insert anything larger than a pencil (no disrespect to the tiny pricks out there) would mean immediate tearing and a very fast trip the the emergency room, more surgery to revise the stoma and all the life threatening risks this kind of surgery presents.
The gonorrhea story above is total shit.
And by posting this as an cock hardening amusement for those who can’t get any, you also put into the minds of small minds and potential psychos this very dangerous idea. Hell, I’d bet most of your readers had to look up stoma to find out what one is.
This is very dangerous guys.. seriously. And stupid. There are plenty of fetishes around for your tourney that even if you didn’t make this up, it still doesn’t need to be promoted.
Necro AND Stoma, AND, not or. Damn it.
Not hard to see from early on, Necrobeastiality or Stoma was gonna be a Final Four matchup.
Anderson Silva’s into Menophilia? That explains what he did to Rich Franklin.
I was wondering about that reference. He does murder people fairly efficiently and leaves them bloody. But is that because he loves the blood, or because he loves raping them with those tentacles of legs of his?
We should call him.
Too bad necrobestiality and stoma fucking will meet in the semis (won’t they?).
Yeah but it’s kinda like the defacto champ. Tentacle rape ain’t beating either one.
Sort of like how the NBA’s western conference finals were the defacto championship game for most of the decade.
Anderson Silva’s into Menophilia? That explains what he did to Rich Franklin.
All this time I’ve been betting on necropyrovorebestiality, and I just now realized it meant “eating a hamburger.”
Too bad necrobestiality and stoma fucking will meet in the semis (won’t they?).
Good God, these matchups are getting brutal… I briefly thought about a combo, where you love sucking the blood out of someone’s stoma, then realized I’ll never want to eat again for the rest of my life.
In any case, in the end blood is just blood. it’s not the greatest thing in the world, and I’m not sure why people get off on it, but it’s just blood.
Stoma fucking is just ….
Necro-Bestiality vs Stoma Fucking for the tournament winner. (necro wins)
Growing up I didn’t know any guy who saw a girl’s period as a barrier to sex. But then I did grow up in Florida.
I was definitely going to vote for Meno before that gossipy nurse bit creeped the hell out of me.
Underdog all the way! VillaStoma!
I’ve know women who insisted sex late in their period shortened the misery.
I thought all along necrobeastiality would walk through this tourney but gonostoma looks strong, strong I say!
What the fuck? Stoma-fucking is like taking a shortcut to getting deep-throated. Menophilia is just… gross.
I bid a fond adeau to menophilia after this matchup. On a side note, I’ve got to find some of these fetish chat sites. Just for fun.
Pfft. If my friends don’t dance, then they’re no friends of mine.
Otto has officially left all his friends behind.
@ olde – stomas star player was recovering from surgery during conference play
If only I’d had this matchup yesterday when I forgot my lunch at work.
I really can’t decide, since I was going with menophilia, but the stoma std story just made me throw up a little in my mouth.
No one wins, though.
I’m still wondering how stoma fucking wound up a 13 seed. Must have gotten crushed in their conference tournament or something like that.
I haven’t eaten lunch yet, but I just might skip it after reading that stoma story. Good god man, was that totally necessary? I could have lived my life in peaceful ignorance of gonorrea in a stoma hole. I guess it’s better than AIDS in he stoma hole unless McDaniels was the giver.
Sorry, Denny. You may have a shitty 80s song stuck in your head, but it’s nothing compared to the tumor image I’ve got burned into my retinas. Consider yourself lucky.
This attempt at mocking the playoff structure of the NCAA tournament has never seemed more obviously misguided than it does right now.
“S-s-s-s A-a-a-a F-f-f-f E-e-e-e T-t-t-t Y-y-y-y”
Thanx Otto & Upstate, now Im gonna have that fucking song ringing thru my head all day !!!
is menophilia strictly a guy fetish? because i have a certain ex-girlfriend who insisted on getting nailed while on her period. she was way into it, but i just turned out the lights and went along for the ride, so to speak. and always took a long, hot shower afterwards.
Answer: Stoma and Ghonorreah, a blood stained sanitary napkin and a large black tumor on a nose.
Question: What did the 2008 Weblog Best Sports Website have as a post today.
Hats off to the research done for this. I consider voting against stoma every time because I want it to go away. Just thinking about it makes me gag.
#13… lowest seed to win a 64 team tourney?
I forgot the +1 for Otto
@Otto
the “Un-safety Dance”?
@Otto, you can dance if you want to……
If I’d been turned on, slothrop, I’d have never stopped screaming.
In other news, can I get a ruling. Having sex with someone during her period, using no condom? “Menophilia without hats?”
The Gossipy Nurse turned the tide.
But were you turned on by the tumor, Otto. Cause if so, the sandwich is the least of your worries.
Stoma fucking is the Michigan St. of this tourney. I can’t bear to watch, but can’t turn away from the carnage it’s leaving in its wake.
Oh, and fuck Louisville in the pants.
Seriously. Meatball sub. For some reason, I’m not hungry anymore.
Stoma STD’s. Delightful.
/Scanning the skies for the overdue killer asteroid.
Goddamn. It’s AIDS vs. Cancer. Or, worse, the Cowboys vs. the Patriots. I’m really starting to think this whole tournament was a bad idea.
I just grabbed take-out for lunch. Elderly guy sitting near the counter had a giant tumor on his nose — black, bumpy and easily the size of a racquetball. Suddenly, neither of these seem all that bad.
Anyone want my sandwich?
this tournament has hit it’s low peak or high peak depending on how you look at it.
both are disgusting, but that meno picture almost made vomit on my keyboard, and that stoma story is just disturbing.
this is a championship-caliber matchup right here.