Rival minor holidays share space on this dreary Monday, what with stoners and Massholes (there’s room for some overlap, that would at least serve to explain the team logo hodgepodge tattoo) each having relative moments of significance to observe. Is it 26 feet of subs or 26.2 miles of arduous running. The choice is clear. WHO YA GOT?

Contestants

4/20______________________Patriots’ Day

Meaning

A symbol of marijuana culture supposedly marking a ritual some high school students had for getting high in the ’70s_________________Anniversary of the Battles of Lexington and Concord

Proponents

Like half the country, but really Ookie and Santonio________________Dickbag Bahstonians

Preferred narcotic

An icky noted for stickiness__________________A dozen fackin Twisted Teas

Events marking the day

High Times beauty pageant, lots of Crank 2 screenings_____________________Boston Marathon

Finishing Move

Writing impassioned jeremiads about Comic Sans___Transferring supposed lifetime allegiance from foundering Celtics to Bruins