Lots of people complain that Twitter is a pointless waste of time. And while that criticism is valid if you follow people who do nothing but re-tweet, I struggle to find a better source of wonder and wisdom than Martellus Bennett’s Twitter feed. (To wit: “A man cannot send another man a smiley face n a txt message WTF” So true, Marty. So true.)
In case you don’t follow the flood of tweets from Marty B, yesterday he broke down his racial heritage. It’s math-tastic:
I’m 1/4 Indian (my pocohontas skin tone gives that away) Im 4/8 Negro the way i say four gives it away (fo)1/6 pappadeaux 2/3 cowboy 1/19
Animal (part liger) 2/20 transformer and 7/35 blue bonnett Texas babamy. Wat r u
Oh and I’m 3/47 alien ET my 1st cousin
Jus found out I’m 1/80 Aggie thanks E. King Gill LOL I think that’s his name. He’s the reason for the whole 12th man tradition.
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Thank you once more for writing this fantastic lines about ladyboys! We require far more posts like this ones!
Im very happy about this shemale post , I hope you will write me
I got amazed for real by your post , any more like this last one ? thank you!
I just spread the love, man.
That’s nothing….Travis Henry is 10.6 people (9 kids, himself and his probably python-like penis)
+1 CobraCommander for the Nas reference
But apparently Marty isn’t awesome enough to reduce fractions.
black, but the kind of black where they’ve got freckles
That would be pretty kick ass if he were related to Malcolm X, Redd Foxx and Dennis Johnson.
fuck i jsut dont get twitter. i dont even know how to read it.
Simply amazing. I think I’m going to spend the rest of my day trying to mash this into a one word phrase ala “meast.”
I would pay handsomely to puff a blunt with Martellus and just get to listen to the inane babble flow like wine from his retarded mouf.
If for nothing else, playing in the NFL would have been great because you could afford to smoke the same shit Marty B is smoking right now.
/puff, puff, pass, bitch!
more genius:
Watch out the beef flu is next. Lmao. I’m sick I think I got t bone steak flu and a hamburgerhelper cough.
fuck, im an idiot
i guess this disproves the rumor that steelers fans cant do math
what percentage is made up of fried chicken?
I’m only 3 % fried chicken, but at least 10% Italian cold cuts
Martellus Bennett and Marshawn Lynch should do their own PTI-style show
@Nestminder – Fair enough. I was thinking he was 186% man. Because that makes perfect sense.
And he was an Aggie? That explains a lot.
“bush made ur life hard not me”
So Marty B is also a fraction Otto Man?
I am not impressed. I’m half man/ half amazing
ADDENDUM: probably one of the better pie charts i’ve seen this century.
/mmm, piiiiiieeeee
Actually, in Texas, lots of the population is 1.86 people. Go to any mall, the state fair or a Cowboys game.
The great thing about Marty B is that you guys don’t even have to do actual work to make fun of him. I think this guy is my new hero.
/no homo?
//i lika da scrip clubz
Gooch,
No, 110% of 1.86 is still 110%.
/math’d
This cat is nuts and I’m digging it. I just hope with all his geneology floating around in his brain, he doesn’t forget how to catch well thrown passes from our superstar QB.
‘Cap n crunch is delicious’
Boy ain’t lyin’
“That’s a no no. And if u have to say no homo u praly shouldn’t say it lmao”
Even as a Giants fan, I can’t help but have some love for Marty B…
/no homo
//wait, what?
So if he gives 110% is he actually dogging it?
…does he think Twitter is a dating site?
The other guys on his bowling team were Thales, Socrates, and Aristotle. Then Heraclitus joined, and the whole damned thing disappeared.
/Funny in a pre-Socratic kind of way
“Outgoing, Entertaining Dude Who Enjoys Having Fun And Meeting New People. “
I’ll have what he’s having.
I just spread the love, man.