KSK Mock Drafts: Historical Events You’d Like to Witness
For this week’s draft we’re selecting historical events we would like to witness firsthand. This draft encompasses all the world’s history going back to the advent of the written word (roughly 8,000 years ago). The one important stipulation is that nothing you do can change the event or alter history in any way. This means no traveling back to the time and place of Hitler’s birth and stomping the life out of his tiny newborn body in front of his horrified parents.
Draft order is as follows…
1. Ape
2. Punter
3. Unsilent
4. Ufford
5. Flubby
6. Drew
Ape- Giotto drawing a perfect circle
Just so I could be around to mutter, “Psst, that joint ain’t perfect. WACK!”
Punter- My own birth
Because I’m the most important person I know.
Plus it’s disgusting!
Unsilent- The moon landing
No deal, McCutcheon, that moon money is mine!
/basing this on the assumption that the moon landing was real
Ufford- JFK’s assassination
He gets the nod over Lincoln because his head LITERALLY came apart in pieces. Although it would have been cool to see John Wilkes Booth jump off the balcony and break his leg, Lincoln didn’t even die right away because bullets sucked so hard back then.
After being asked whether he’d be in the car or in the book depository he responded, “I’ll take next to the shooter with a 10x spotting scope.”
Flubby- The Last Supper
I don’t buy into the whole divinity story, but I still think he would have been a cat worth meeting– or at least seeing up close.
Ufford: You could totally punch Judas in the balls. Wouldn’t change history, and you could say you punched Judas in the balls.
Drew- Christ’s Crucifixion
Just so I can tell Christians today, “You know, he died like a pig.”
Drew- Hitler’s suicide
Hugely satisfying.
Drew doesn’t really care who’s dying, he just wants to see some death.
Flubby- Game 5 of the 1908 World Series
/Cubs fan
Drew: You keep that part of your soul quite well hidden.
Ape: I don’t see how viewing a 101-year-old World Series victory makes you feel any better about rooting for the team.
Ufford: says the kid whose favorite team wins the Super Bowl every couple years.
Ape: I did have to wait through 22 years and a number of crushing defeats in big games for the first one.
Ufford- Execution of Anne Boleyn
Private 16th century beheading of the Queen that led to the Reformation? In the Tower of London? When it still had a moat? And her lips kept moving in prayer for 10-15 seconds when the executioner held her head aloft? FUCK AND YES.
Unsilent- Exodus
Just in case Moses really did part the Red Sea.
Punter- Signing of the Declaration of Independence.
Drew: I got a third round pick I’m itchin’ to take.
Can’t wait!
Ape- Lenny Bruce’s performance at the Jazz Workshop
My dad claims to have been at this show. Because he’s a liar.
No shit, that guy sold me a bag of baking soda!
Gotta be fun to watch bikers whale on some hippies.
Punter- Chicago at the end of 20th century prohibition.
Maj- Woodstock
But I’d want to be either on stage or backstage. Stay away from me you muddy hippies! I’d want to share some 21st century hydro with Hendrix.
Ufford- Tunguska Event
Ape: Hmm. I should have asked if you’d be affected if you saw something like that firsthand.
Ufford: Since someone got to go to the moon, I’m assuming I get a protective bubble… although a soundwave that knocked me off my feet would be pretty badass.
Unsilent: Agreed.
Drew: Very nice. Flub? DON’T BOGART MY PICK.
Ape: And the weekly “Drew thinks he has a good pick and taunts you into trying to guess it” routine presses on.
Drew: MY PICKS ARE-AH BETTAH THAN YOUR-AH PICKS
/unhappy with my first two picks
Unsilent: But you took two people dying. What could be more fun?!?!
Flubby- Roswell, New Mexico July 7, 1947
/wants to believe
Drew- Chicxclub Crater
I get to see a metor kill all the dinosaurs. Neat.
Oh, and my honorable mention is OJ killing Nicole Simpson and Ronald Brown. Really should have taken it in the first round.
Ape: “This draft encompasses all the world’s history going back to the advent of the written word (roughly 8,000 years ago).”
DREWFAIL
Drew: Oops. Gimme OJ then. Nothing but brain-scarring deaths for me!
Ufford: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Drew is the new Jack.
Ape: Carl Everett is fine with the dinosaur pick.
And that’s that. Now’s the time to add yours in the comment section, but do try to not fuck things up like that asshole Drew. God, he fucking sucks.
April 10th, 2009 at 12:23 pm
Don Larsen’s perfect game in the World Series.
April 10th, 2009 at 12:24 pm
Can we go back and effect historical events or just witness them as they took place. Cause if I can effect history, I’m going back to Feb 3 2008 and I’m breaking David Tyree’s legs at halftime.
If not, then I’m going with the opening of Versailles. Smelly French courtesans drinking and eating themselves into a frenzy in honor of the most powerful sovereign the world has ever known? Yoink.
April 10th, 2009 at 12:25 pm
Jesus died like a pig? He is going to be pissed about the bacon thing.
April 10th, 2009 at 12:25 pm
Defenestration of Prague, obviously.
April 10th, 2009 at 12:29 pm
MMP writing a truly wrong post!
/realizes this is at least a mothly event
April 10th, 2009 at 12:29 pm
I am in Prague right now!!!
Did you know……………… November 22nd 1963 was the last day that Jackie Kennedy wore the color red………..
April 10th, 2009 at 12:29 pm
Geogre W. Bush’s college years
April 10th, 2009 at 12:29 pm
Crash of the Hindenburg.
Oh the Humanity!
April 10th, 2009 at 12:29 pm
Since we’ve got protective bubbles for this draft…
August 6, 1945. Hiroshima, Japan. Big Boom.
April 10th, 2009 at 12:29 pm
i’m guessing most people are home today. I’m going to take the Big Bang. I’m assuming it was really cool. As my second pick, since i’m not sticking around and being a huge asshole, I’m going to pick Mary telling Joseph she was pregnant and that it wasnt his and that she hadnt cheated on him and it was actually God’s child.
April 10th, 2009 at 12:30 pm
The Birth of KSK.
April 10th, 2009 at 12:30 pm
I’ll go with the Homer pick here, the Immaculate Reception.
April 10th, 2009 at 12:30 pm
Crash of the Hindenburg.
Just so you can yell out, “that’s gotta hurt!”
April 10th, 2009 at 12:32 pm
Slothrop and lil’ Wayne need to READ THE FUCKING RULES
April 10th, 2009 at 12:33 pm
When Chocolate met Milk.
April 10th, 2009 at 12:33 pm
Yeah, seriously? No one picked Hiroshima? For shame. Sure, we’re potentially talking about the death of over 100k people, but… it’s a nuke.
The first nuclear test (Trinity) would be pretty wild, too.
April 10th, 2009 at 12:34 pm
The Great Fire of Rome – AD 64. Effective end of the Roman Empire.
April 10th, 2009 at 12:34 pm
The Battle of Saratoga. Without this victory the Colonies probably lose The Revolutionary War
April 10th, 2009 at 12:34 pm
The Battle of Thermopylae. I’d love to see 7,000 gold chain wearing Persians get absolutely owned by 300 Greeks. Death? You got it. Dismemberment? Galore. Fuck and yes.
April 10th, 2009 at 12:35 pm
Well, Drew did Chrst’s death (with snappy Untouchables reference), so I’ll take the Resurrection. And make some cash. “Hey…see that tomb right there? Dead guy’s gonna wake up and leave. No, really — I got 30 pieces of silver says so.” (Would have taken it after Judas Hutchence’d himself)
April 10th, 2009 at 12:36 pm
The French Revolution.
April 10th, 2009 at 12:36 pm
i choose the ray-ray post super bowl stabfest outside that nightclub.
/didn’t kill no motherfuckin’ lion…..
April 10th, 2009 at 12:36 pm
The Buckner game.
April 10th, 2009 at 12:38 pm
The press conference when William Clay Ford bought the Lions. Hopefully we can at least interact with history so I can show up with a bullhorn, announce to everyone that Lions fans will “Rue the day this happened…. YOU WILL RUE THIS DAY” and then disappear to come back to 2009 and find myself on youtube somewhere being declared a prophet…
/Only 15 more days til we fuck up the #1 pick
//cries
April 10th, 2009 at 12:38 pm
Pompeii
i picture myself laughing while italians scream things in a funny language running away from lava
April 10th, 2009 at 12:38 pm
The Band’s final show (from The Last Waltz). I’ll get to some historical event later.
April 10th, 2009 at 12:39 pm
The first blow job
April 10th, 2009 at 12:39 pm
That would be last Sunday, so I could stop myself from eating a raw oyster that gave me four days worth of the scuts.
April 10th, 2009 at 12:39 pm
My second pick is the one-on-one fight between Hector and Achilles during the siege of Troy.
April 10th, 2009 at 12:40 pm
The battle of Salamis, one of the most decisive military engagements in european history, and we historiography of the event is extremely sketchy, we don’t really know how it all went down. Plus there are nice comfy hillsides to watch from while eating olives and drinking ancient wine.
April 10th, 2009 at 12:40 pm
Waiting in the security line of the Newark and Boston Airports 9/11/2001
April 10th, 2009 at 12:40 pm
SonOfSpam has the right idea. Can we bet on these historical events? If so, I’ve got 10 grand on those American college kids to beat the Russians.
Miracle on Ice? Miracle for my bank account.
April 10th, 2009 at 12:41 pm
1980 Miracle on Ice.
Suck it pinkos.
April 10th, 2009 at 12:41 pm
Lincoln delivering the Gettysburg Address.
April 10th, 2009 at 12:41 pm
I’d like to attend The Greatest fucking baseball game in history
How could you miss a chance at watching Billy Martin trying to fight 25,000 drunks with 1 baseball bat?
April 10th, 2009 at 12:42 pm
Babe Ruth calling his shot.
April 10th, 2009 at 12:42 pm
The day Brooke Shields lost her virginity.
April 10th, 2009 at 12:43 pm
Third pick: Waterloo. Great value pick.
April 10th, 2009 at 12:44 pm
In my defense, I’ve had like 20 twisted teas and 68 Lucky Strikes.
2nd pick: Burning of Rome. I’d like to hear what Nero was playing. I imagine it was quite soulful.
April 10th, 2009 at 12:44 pm
Michelle Obama’s victory weed celebration with Oprah.
/weed makes chicks horny!!!
April 10th, 2009 at 12:45 pm
Fuck. Enjoy the draft. I’ve clearly had too many adderalls.
April 10th, 2009 at 12:45 pm
I didn’t even have to think about this one …
The Siegfried and Roy show where Roy got attacked by the tiger.
April 10th, 2009 at 12:46 pm
Slothrop, you idiot, that was my first pick.
April 10th, 2009 at 12:46 pm
Jessica Alba showering last night.
April 10th, 2009 at 12:46 pm
Battle of Cannae
April 10th, 2009 at 12:47 pm
@Slothrop: Mmm your tears taste like victory. Toomer would’ve just made a badass catch if Tyree wasn’t on the field.
As for my draft pick, I would pick October 22nd, 1993. The day before Clarence Thomas was confirmed as Supreme Court Jusitce and straight up murdered his ass, altering the outcome of many cases they would see, most importantly among them the 2000 election. Imagine not having Bush as president (forget about the fact that Gore would be, even). Not being embarrassed for having a borderline retarded president would be a huge plus.
April 10th, 2009 at 12:47 pm
Timothy Leary, at any moment of his acid tour.
Can we accept LSD from people in time? It was legal then you know.
April 10th, 2009 at 12:49 pm
@Bobby W: Well played, sir.
Also, I’m pretty sure Anne Boleyn’s marriage started the Reformation, not her execution. Catholics were actually pretty stoked about that second part.
I pick Spain’s locker room immediately after they won Euro last summer. Besides the lovely view, I’m pretty sure having sex with Iker Casillas and/or Cesc Fabregas would not change history.
April 10th, 2009 at 12:49 pm
Disco Demolition Night
April 10th, 2009 at 12:49 pm
Fourth pick: Given that I know how everything turned out in the end, I’ll go with the Watergate burglary.
@FozzieBear: nice one.
April 10th, 2009 at 12:49 pm
One of Caligula’s orgies.
April 10th, 2009 at 12:50 pm
kick the asshole, who first thought stealing slaves from africa was a good idea, square in the balls.
April 10th, 2009 at 12:50 pm
@Goose, read the rules: “The one important stipulation is that nothing you do can change the event or alter history in any way.”
The Wedding at Cana. turning the water into wine sounds like a non-stop party.
April 10th, 2009 at 12:50 pm
@Zack, yep. I’m an idiot. Like I said, yall enjoy the draft. I’m going to go mainline some Everclear. Like a rawk stah!
April 10th, 2009 at 12:50 pm
Any night at Studio 54 circa 1979 because I love Andy Warhol so goddamn much.
April 10th, 2009 at 12:50 pm
I thought for a few minutes and finally settled on the perfect choice.
And then Ditka just stole my pick. Goddammit.
April 10th, 2009 at 12:51 pm
I’m trying to decide if D-Day would be worthwhile or depressing.
April 10th, 2009 at 12:51 pm
Any show (preferably after Master of Puppets) for Metallica when Cliff Burton was still alive. It still has not been the same since the bus rolled on him.
April 10th, 2009 at 12:52 pm
The game when Doc Ellis pitched a no-hitter on LSD, which I would have provided to him.
‘
Hey Ditka, solid pick with Disco Demolition. I wasn’t there but I watched live on TV. Disco Sucks! Disco Sucks!
April 10th, 2009 at 12:52 pm
The New York City blackout of ‘77. Who wants a new 8-track player?
April 10th, 2009 at 12:52 pm
I’m trying to decide if D-Day would be worthwhile or depressing.
Get out of my head, people!
April 10th, 2009 at 12:53 pm
I’ll take V-E Day, Times Square.
April 10th, 2009 at 12:53 pm
The 1906 San Francisco Earthquake. Oh, if Nancy Pelosi were only there then…
April 10th, 2009 at 12:54 pm
partying with rick james in circa ‘83.
April 10th, 2009 at 12:54 pm
Disco Demolition night
April 10th, 2009 at 12:55 pm
MLK Jr’s “I have a dream…” speech
awesome value pick.
April 10th, 2009 at 12:56 pm
oops
i’ll refresh page and read next time before picking
April 10th, 2009 at 12:56 pm
Pick number five: Betty Page’s first bondage photo shoot.
April 10th, 2009 at 12:57 pm
10 picks!
I want to be one of Marie Antoinette’s ladies in waiting, because I love gossip and cake.
April 10th, 2009 at 12:58 pm
Shootout at the OK Corral.
April 10th, 2009 at 1:01 pm
Man, I was totally gonna take “the first blowjob.” That is a solid pick and kinda surprised it took so long to go.
Battle of Little Big Horn.
April 10th, 2009 at 1:01 pm
witnessing the parting of the red sea would mean you have to hang out with a bunch of jews
April 10th, 2009 at 1:01 pm
When the British left my homeland of India. Good fucking riddance
April 10th, 2009 at 1:02 pm
/crawling back in, hoping not to fuck up again
The exhumation and posthumous drawing, quartering, and beheading of Cromwell’s corpse. That’s quality hate.
April 10th, 2009 at 1:02 pm
Dutch Republic for the win:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Raid_on_the_Medway
April 10th, 2009 at 1:03 pm
Brett Farve’s retirement party. Vicoden and vodka for all.
April 10th, 2009 at 1:03 pm
Duel between Hamilton and Burr. $20 on Burr.
April 10th, 2009 at 1:04 pm
Jesse Owens at the 1936 Berlin Olympics. I’d just point and laugh at Hitler the whole time.
April 10th, 2009 at 1:04 pm
September 2, 1945, the formal surrender of Japan on the deck of the U.S.S. Missouri.
April 10th, 2009 at 1:05 pm
I’m totally watching the Donner Party eat each other. “Hey Joesph — stick to the white meat you fat fuck!” “Dude…I’m totally eating your sister!” “Glad we don’t have any Orientals…I’m on a low-sodium diet, and I’d just be hungry again in an hour!” “Hey, if I eat Levi’s cock, does that make me gay? Eh, whatever…pass me the cock.”
April 10th, 2009 at 1:05 pm
The 1st party at the Playboy Mansion. I win, go home fuckers.
April 10th, 2009 at 1:07 pm
The Alamo. Because less than 200 dudes killed 2,000. And everybody died.
April 10th, 2009 at 1:08 pm
Also, I’m pretty sure Anne Boleyn’s marriage started the Reformation, not her execution. Catholics were actually pretty stoked about that second part.
@smurphette: CHECK YO MISPLACED MODIFIER: My original text was “Private 16th century beheading of the Queen that led to the Reformation” The Queen led to the Reformation, not the beheading. You read it wrong, lady.
April 10th, 2009 at 1:08 pm
The day Penhouse decided that the way to combat the internet was to show pictures of women pissing
April 10th, 2009 at 1:08 pm
But for real. Being on the Enola Gay would’ve been like having a front row ticket to the end of the fucking world.
April 10th, 2009 at 1:08 pm
you fuckers got all the best shit
Best Fire: Nero/Rome. Chicago is a weak second
Best Battle: Thermopylae
Best Assassination: Kennedy (bet your ass I’d want to be on that grassy knoll)
Best Debauchery: Rick James (remember, Ancient Romans and French people smell awful, by the 1980s we had hot running water and deodorant)
Coolest Explosion: the extinction comet thing whatsitcalled
Best Live Musical Performance: Hendrix @ Woodstock
so…you took all the cool shit I’d like to see/be a part of
except
I’d like to be there when Einstein first was inspired to formulate his theory of relativity. possibly the best moment of genius in history
April 10th, 2009 at 1:10 pm
October 25, 1986…Game 6…god knows how many Twisted Teas we would have drank if they had been invented then
April 10th, 2009 at 1:10 pm
Did you know……………..No matter the situation, eating cock makes you gay.
April 10th, 2009 at 1:10 pm
LA Riots. Or when the vandals sacked Rome. I want to see chaos. I want to see cities burn to the ground. I want to see humanity at its ugliest.
April 10th, 2009 at 1:10 pm
Our withdrawal from Vietnam in 1975. That must have been some crazy exciting shit, trying to get the last helicopter out of Saigon.
April 10th, 2009 at 1:11 pm
“Private 16th century beheading of the Queen that led to the Reformation”
antecedent unclear
crap sentence
April 10th, 2009 at 1:12 pm
Pickett’s Charge.
April 10th, 2009 at 1:13 pm
the “first blowjob” was probably performed by monkeys or whatever, or did you mean the first human blowjob?
because that was probably performed on the first human male by the first human female
not really sure I’d want to see that
April 10th, 2009 at 1:13 pm
Speaking of executions I’d like to see Ted Bundy get juiced because fuck rapists
April 10th, 2009 at 1:14 pm
2008 Holy Cross Commencement
April 10th, 2009 at 1:14 pm
I’ll piggy back Mo Charlo’s Alamo pick and go with the Battle of San Jacinto
“remember the Alamo”, “remember Goliad”
April 10th, 2009 at 1:15 pm
Death seems to be popular today, so I’ll take the stock market crash back in the 20s. Stockbrokers doing swan dives onto the pavement would be entertaining.
April 10th, 2009 at 1:16 pm
LA Riots. Or when the vandals sacked Rome. I want to see chaos. I want to see cities burn to the ground. I want to see humanity at its ugliest
I just want a new TV
April 10th, 2009 at 1:17 pm
The day the internet was invented
/ROI would be insane
// Al Gore could not claim he invented it
April 10th, 2009 at 1:19 pm
I’d like to be at Strom Thurmond’s deathbed.
Just so I could whisper in his ear, and then hear his panicked last words. “The next president’s a what now?!”
April 10th, 2009 at 1:20 pm
“The Battle of Thermopylae. I’d love to see 7,000 gold chain wearing Persians get absolutely owned by 300 Greeks. Death? You got it. Dismemberment? Galore. Fuck and yes.”
Ahem.
From Wikipedia:
“Aware that they were being outflanked, Leonidas dismissed the bulk of the Greek army, and remained to guard the rear with 300 Spartans, 700 Thespians, 400 Thebans and perhaps a few hundred others, the vast majority of whom were killed.”
So more like 100,000+ Persians dismembering and crucifying the bodies of roughly 2,000-4,000 Greeks, in a decisive defeat that forced the Greeks to withdraw from Boetia and Athens, until the Greek Navy, led by the book-loving peaceniks of Athens, defeated the Persians at Salamis a few months later.
The Greek army did kill a lot of Persians, but as far the Persians were concerned, 20,000 was a drop in the bucket.
The movie 300, believe or not, was slightly exaggerated.
April 10th, 2009 at 1:20 pm
// Al Gore could not claim he invented it
And that would be even more impressive if Al Gore had ever claimed that.
April 10th, 2009 at 1:22 pm
@Ufford: If that was your intention, then shouldn’t it be the Queen “who” led? In any case, since “of the Queen” is a prepositional phrase, and a modifier of “beheading,” it’s certainly reasonable to read “that led” as referring back to “beheading” as well.
And I’m picking the chambers/court of Queen Elizabeth I during the attempted invasion by the Spanish Armada.
April 10th, 2009 at 1:23 pm
“Serious” Pick: Russia, the Bolshevik Revolution. That moment in time when people really believed that a great idea in theory would not be a colossal goat-fuck in practice.
Still thinking about the “first blowjob” amusment pick.
April 10th, 2009 at 1:23 pm
@Otto: Not only did Al Gore claim to invent the internet, but Obama bowed obsequiously to the Arabs. Also, the banking crisis is Barney Frank’s fault. Jesus, don’t you ever watch Fox News???
April 10th, 2009 at 1:23 pm
The Raid at Entebbe…having only seen the movie, that was some precision work
April 10th, 2009 at 1:23 pm
April 19, 1943, Basel Switzerland. Why yes, Dr. Hoffman, I’d love to go be part of your study group.
April 10th, 2009 at 1:23 pm
Can I break the rules just once? Just so I can save Dimebag Darrell?
The world would be a better place.
I was in LA during the riots. Not as much fun as it sounds.
April 10th, 2009 at 1:23 pm
Custer’s Last Stand. Eat shit, whitey.
April 10th, 2009 at 1:24 pm
Lou Gehrig’s farewell speech.
April 10th, 2009 at 1:24 pm
Jesus turning water into wine and/or the loaves and fishes thing – assuming, I was like, able to go, “Hey, Jesus, Matt here…can you show me that trick”, and then for the hereafter, I’d be invited to EVERY MOTHERFUCKING PARTY ON THE PLANET. NO ONE DENIES THIS!
…also, if you knew how to reverse the whole process, you could totally drink and drive, and when the cop stops you, you’d be all like, no officer, that’s water in that giant wine bottle (and assuming it works on ALL forms of alcohol, you could turn the alcohol in your system back into water, too!).
April 10th, 2009 at 1:25 pm
Sixth pick: legendary samurai Miyamoto Musahi’s duel with Sasaki Kojirō, 1612.
I really love this pick.
April 10th, 2009 at 1:25 pm
SOS, I try to watch Fox News, but I generally just get so emotionally moved by Glen Beck’s Pearl Clutching and Bed Wetting Hour™ that I can’t see through the tears.
April 10th, 2009 at 1:25 pm
Love the old timey newspaper accompanying the prohibition pick. “Chicago to give legal liquor, punter a gay welcome”
I’ll go with MLK’s I have a dream speech.
April 10th, 2009 at 1:27 pm
You generally don’t want .3% water in your bloodstream. Something to do with blood cells dying.
April 10th, 2009 at 1:28 pm
I want to witness the one of the Cawkbox’s legendary Twisted Tea and Red 100s benders.
April 10th, 2009 at 1:28 pm
There’s about 100 great moments in porno history that might make my list
but is ‘the Berlin Wall coming down’ still available?
April 10th, 2009 at 1:28 pm
sorry Kid, I took MLK Jr about 50 picks ago.
April 10th, 2009 at 1:28 pm
RE Otto Man Says: I’d like to be at Strom Thurmond’s deathbed. Just so I could whisper in his ear, and then hear his panicked last words. “The next president’s a what now?!”
That’s a good one. All through the election crap and then after, of course, I wished Strom was still alive to see it, although apparently he was so enfeebled at the end, he was barely conscious. In a way, that made him the ideal Republican politician.
April 10th, 2009 at 1:29 pm
@smurphette @caveman, Why don’t you 2 get a room, argue about the technical subtleties of the English language and then hate fuck?
April 10th, 2009 at 1:30 pm
I’ll take being at Fenway in 1978 for Bucky Dent’s home run.
April 10th, 2009 at 1:30 pm
Otto Man took my pick with Pickett’s Charge, so I’ll have to take Appomattox Court House. Maybe with a picture of Obama in hand.
April 10th, 2009 at 1:31 pm
Damn. Keeping with the civil rights theme, I’ll take being MLK’s cellmate in that Birmingham Jail.
/prison rape joke
April 10th, 2009 at 1:31 pm
Battle of New Orleans. I want to see Andrew Jackson behead the British general and stick his head in a barrel of beer before sending it back home!
April 10th, 2009 at 1:32 pm
@ Skim – I would have left after the second day, hence I would have been killed also when they were flanked.
April 10th, 2009 at 1:33 pm
Washington crossing the Potomac
April 10th, 2009 at 1:33 pm
I clearly didn’t read the rules before my 9/11 comment. My bad. Therefore, I will be take the gunfight at the OK Corral
April 10th, 2009 at 1:33 pm
You all are aiming for the wrong MLK speech.
I’ll take April 3, 1968 — the “Mountaintop” speech in Memphis, the night before he was killed.
April 10th, 2009 at 1:34 pm
Is it me or do the comments during these drafts either verge on or turn into a PoFlaWa?
April 10th, 2009 at 1:34 pm
Therefore, I will be take the gunfight at the OK Corral
From my cold, dead hands. F1, motherfuckers!
April 10th, 2009 at 1:34 pm
my sports moment would be when William Webb Ellis scooped up that soccer ball and started running
which led to the development of Rugby
which was the sport Naismith was coaching when he invented basketball to give his players something to do all winter
which was the sport that eventually developed into (American) football
which, to this day, gives real men all over the world an alternative to pussy-ass kicking and sliding known as footy
April 10th, 2009 at 1:34 pm
@Upstate Underdog – Miracle on Ice was totally my first pick.
Also…
Super Bowl VI in 1972, the Cowboys first
The game in 1945 (I believe) where Rocket Richard became the first player to score 50 goals in a season
And because I am a ridiculous fan – the premiere of Gone With the Wind in Atlanta, 1939
April 10th, 2009 at 1:35 pm
The Funeral Oration of Pericles.
April 10th, 2009 at 1:35 pm
The Rape of Nanking. Cause, you know….rape.
April 10th, 2009 at 1:36 pm
@Slash, Strom Thurmond was a Democrat
April 10th, 2009 at 1:36 pm
@Kid Presentable: I believe you mean $10 on Burr.
April 10th, 2009 at 1:36 pm
The invention of beer.
April 10th, 2009 at 1:38 pm
I’d want to be able to watch DaVinci at the drawing table working on some of his blueprints
April 10th, 2009 at 1:38 pm
Game 5 of the 1976 NBA Finals – otherwise known as the greatest NBA game of all time.
April 10th, 2009 at 1:38 pm
@Slash, Strom Thurmond was a Democrat
Sure, if you don’t count the last four decades of his life.
Thurmond switched his affiliation to the Republican Party in 1964 because he was furious over the Democrats’ support for the Civil Rights Act.
April 10th, 2009 at 1:39 pm
Strom Thurmond was a Democrat
LOL. yeah, Lincoln was a Republican
and Barry Bonds used to be a Pittsburgh Pirate
I’d like to see Anna Nicole Smith fuck that 90 year-old dude
just to see the look of pure, unmitigated joy on his face
and her titties
April 10th, 2009 at 1:39 pm
@Kid Presentable: I believe you mean $10 on Burr.
That might be the comment of the year. Well played.
April 10th, 2009 at 1:40 pm
The coronation of Queen Elizabeth, the first one, not the second, boring one.
April 10th, 2009 at 1:41 pm
The day the Ford family thought, “Ya know, that Matt Millen sounds really smart on Fox.”
April 10th, 2009 at 1:41 pm
Ten minutes before Cleopatra lets the asp bite her breast…so that I can get there first.
April 10th, 2009 at 1:41 pm
Julius Caesar’s return to Rome from Gaul.
April 10th, 2009 at 1:42 pm
Didn’t realize that he switched parties. I should try google before trying to correct facts. Anyway, I didn’t care for him either.
April 10th, 2009 at 1:43 pm
10/22/90 – Off Ramp Cafe: Seattle, WA First public show by a little band called ‘Mookie Blaylock.’
April 10th, 2009 at 1:43 pm
RE Sage Rosencopter Says:
April 10th, 2009 at 1:36 pm
@Slash, Strom Thurmond was a Democrat
Otto already rebutted, but I’ll do it, too: Check yo history. That old motherfucker changed parties in the ’60s.
April 10th, 2009 at 1:44 pm
I didn’t care for him either.
I’d say “who did” but he continued to win elections…
remember that when people stand up to defend the righteousness of The South
so I’d like to be there to see Jefferson and Hemmings, but only if the rules allow me to bring a camera
April 10th, 2009 at 1:45 pm
slothrop: Pearl Jam?
/googling
April 10th, 2009 at 1:46 pm
10/22/90 – Off Ramp Cafe: Seattle, WA First public show by a little band called ‘Mookie Blaylock.’
Very nicely done!
April 10th, 2009 at 1:46 pm
The Earl of Sandwich slicing a loaf of bread, beginning what we now know as the Breadwich
April 10th, 2009 at 1:46 pm
@John Whorfin – yes!
April 10th, 2009 at 1:47 pm
Can someone explain what the hell PoFlaWa is?
April 10th, 2009 at 1:48 pm
birth of the first chicken/laying of the first egg
you know…whichever
April 10th, 2009 at 1:48 pm
Not to take Strom’s side…but his affair with a black woman, his declaration to his mixed-race daughter in the 1940s that he didn’t believe in all the racist stuff that he needed to say to get re-elected, and the role he took in getting his mixed-race grandsons in to college suggests his racial views were not as simple as everyone assumes.
April 10th, 2009 at 1:48 pm
@Barren, PoFlaWa = political flame war
April 10th, 2009 at 1:48 pm
Can someone explain what the hell PoFlaWa is?
you must be a Republican and therefore are too stupid to understand
April 10th, 2009 at 1:50 pm
his racial views were not as simple as everyone assumes.
he was ‘a man of his time’
is that it?
April 10th, 2009 at 1:50 pm
To set the record straight, Democratic Senator Robert Byrd of West Virginia did belong to the KKK in the 1940s.
April 10th, 2009 at 1:51 pm
@ John Whorfin: Perhaps. It is easy to judge today.
April 10th, 2009 at 1:52 pm
@ JW, nice example of what a PoFlaWa normally involves
April 10th, 2009 at 1:52 pm
These people were Democrats because Lincoln was a Republican
now they’re Republicans because Kennedy and Johnson were Democrats
lol @ reactionaries who claim to be ‘men of action’
April 10th, 2009 at 1:54 pm
It is easy to judge today.
well, I already picked ‘thomas jefferson raping his slave’ so I don’t know how I can make my point any more clearly
April 10th, 2009 at 1:54 pm
I’ll take Dedication Day for the Great Pyramid of Khufu.
April 10th, 2009 at 1:55 pm
@Otto Man: Thank you, kind sir.
While I’m here, for the sheer decades-long impact it ended up having, I’ll go with Sarajevo for the assassination of the Archduke Franz Ferdinand.
April 10th, 2009 at 1:55 pm
Pickett’s Charge at Gettysburg. Nothing like 13,000 soldiers walking across a 2 mile open field toward an enemy entrenched and protected by a stone wall knowing you are gonna get f’ed up by cannonball and bullets.
April 10th, 2009 at 1:55 pm
The first time a woman said “you know what, the downstairs is a little bit unruly. Maybe I’ll just trim it up a little bit.”
April 10th, 2009 at 1:56 pm
“It is easy to judge today.
well, I already picked ‘thomas jefferson raping his slave’ so I don’t know how I can make my point any more clearly”
Out of context and a non-sequitir.
/claps slowly
April 10th, 2009 at 1:56 pm
his declaration to his mixed-race daughter in the 1940s that he didn’t believe in all the racist stuff that he needed to say to get re-elected, and the role he took in getting his mixed-race grandsons in to college suggests his racial views were not as simple as everyone assumes.
So he rallied an entire region to bloody resistance against the civil rights movement with fiery rhetoric — encouraging, in no small part, countless acts of murder, lynching, arson and church bombings — but it’s OK because his heart wasn’t really in it? You think that makes him sound better?
I’d have more respect for him if he were racist to the bone. At least then he’d have been acting on his beliefs, not stirring up shit so he could stay in power.
And yes, it was very brave of him to have an illegitimate black daughter. It’s sad that during “his times” he never had the courage to embrace her publicly and acknowledge her existence. But you know, back in the early 2000s, there were just things he couldn’t do.
April 10th, 2009 at 1:57 pm
I’d like to visit New Mexico in 1945 and tell Oppenheimer
“Hey, I’m from 2009 and we haven’t blown ourselves to pieces. . . yet”
because he just looked so wrecked when he realized what he’d created
I feel bad for the dude
April 10th, 2009 at 1:57 pm
Whoa, what the fuck! Dude who put $20 on Burr is not the real Kid Presentable! I’ve made two MLK picks this draft. Get your own damn moniker!
/unless I unwittingly stole it from him last month
April 10th, 2009 at 1:58 pm
PoFlaWa aside, for my next pick I’m taking the St. Valentine’s Day Massacre.
Just to see Al Capone’s game in its prime.
April 10th, 2009 at 1:58 pm
Out of context and a non-sequitir.
no, just deliberately obtuse
April 10th, 2009 at 1:59 pm
I would like to go back to every time Katy Perry gets undressed.
Can we masturbate in our protective bubble?
April 10th, 2009 at 1:59 pm
The day some intrepid camera guy in the 1880s thought “I wonder how it would look like to film my girlfriend and her best friend go at it”
April 10th, 2009 at 2:00 pm
October 12, 1492, so I can sit ona beach and say “fuck off pale-face”
April 10th, 2009 at 2:00 pm
Me thinks we should ditch the politics and get to Sexy Friday. Is it wrong to have Sexy Friday on Good Friday? I hope not.
April 10th, 2009 at 2:01 pm
@UU
/highfive
April 10th, 2009 at 2:01 pm
@Otto Man. You beat me to the Mountaintop speech. Not as big in history, but better in all other aspects.
April 10th, 2009 at 2:02 pm
Seventh pick: Sex Pistols gig at Manchester’s Lesser Free Trade Hall in June 4, 1976.
Let’s tally them up:
1. Great Fire of Rome, AD 64
2. Hector vs. Achilles, Siege of Troy
3. Battle of Waterloo, June 18, 1815
4. Watergate Burglary, June 17, 1972
5. Betty Page’s first bondage shoot, ~1952
6. Miyamoto Musahi’s duel with Sasaki Kojirō, April 13, 1612
7. Sex Pistols gig at Manchester’s Lesser Free Trade Hall, June 4, 1976.
Good draft.
April 10th, 2009 at 2:03 pm
RBP: I’m betting that’s kinda like my point about the first blowjob
I’m guessing it was the first dude with a camera
at what point did his brainstorming turn from
“how do I make permanent this image that I have managed to reflect and imprint onto this special paper”
to
“which young lady will stand before me with her bodice unraveled for the thirty to ninety seconds it takes for the image to be formed?”
April 10th, 2009 at 2:04 pm
Never pegged flubby for a Reed.
April 10th, 2009 at 2:05 pm
September 7, 1996 in Las Vegas.
Sittin with Tupac at the Tyson-Seldon fight during the last moments of his life.
April 10th, 2009 at 2:05 pm
As usual, I’m stumbling into this party late (and drunk), so many of my top historical/religious picks are long gone. My first pick:
James Brown and His Famous Flames Live at the Apollo 1968. One of the best live albums ever. JB was in his prime, his band (Bootsy, Fred wesley, Kush Griffin, Maceo, et al) was on fire and the atmosphere must’ve been electric.
April 10th, 2009 at 2:08 pm
Good god you people don’t know how to listen to directions. This isn’t “OMG YOU HAZ A TIME MACHINE GO BACK AND MAKE AWESOME THINGZ HAPPEN!!!11!”. We’re trying to figure out what historical events would be the most interesting to witness. Of course you’re a fucking Giants fan.
Going with a homer pick here, but I’d love to have seen the Boston Molasses Disaster in person. Explosions, chaos, the slowest tidal wave ever, and people drowning in liquid sugar. Yum yum, get me a front row ticket.
April 10th, 2009 at 2:08 pm
Onboard the Santa Maria on October 12, 1492, to pick up some sweet beach-front property.
April 10th, 2009 at 2:09 pm
I can’t resist taking an eight pick here: the defeat of the Red Baron, April 21, 1918.
I really like this draft.
April 10th, 2009 at 2:10 pm
/shit – limpy got me by 9 minutes.
April 10th, 2009 at 2:11 pm
That one time Maj was dancing at the Wizards game, and my pops was at Disco Demolition and said it was the craziest shit he had ever seen, people were climbing over the gates just to get into the ballpark
April 10th, 2009 at 2:11 pm
Dammit, that’s a quality pick, Gino.
I think I’ll take Johnny Cash at Fulsom Prison.
April 10th, 2009 at 2:11 pm
Titanic….all be it sad, would have been interesting to watch to see where James Cameron fucked it all up….
April 10th, 2009 at 2:12 pm
I’m going to go with the liberation of the concentration camps
obvious choice maybe, but still such a powerful event
kind of ashamed to not be as creative as Wilfork, but fuckit
April 10th, 2009 at 2:12 pm
I’ll go back four years ago to tell myself to not go to law school.
April 10th, 2009 at 2:12 pm
That’s alright Navin, there’s plenty of beach here.
I’d like to be on the submersible that went to the bottom of the Marianas Trench, whenever that was. That would make it 3 people who have seen the bottom of the world.
April 10th, 2009 at 2:13 pm
Fair enough points, Otto Man. Hence my disclaimer that I wasn’t taking Strom’s side. Your orginal post suggested he would be horrified at the the thought of a black president. Perhaps not.
Again, as a white man raised in the Jim Crow south, Thurmond could not acknowledge a mixed race child, regardless of how times changed.
Robert Byrd claims he saw KKK organizing as a way to reach working people, not to preach racism. Senator Albert Gore, Sr. of Tennessee voted against the Civil Rights Act of 1964. Both were white men raised in the Jim Crow south.
I will give both Byrd and the deceased Gore Sr. the benefit of a doubt as to their real feelings.
April 10th, 2009 at 2:14 pm
Cool to see that I’m not the only Classics geek at KSK. As far as “ancient” battles, Constatine’s win at the Battle of the Milvian Bridge seems like a decent value pick. “En Tou Ta Nika,” bitches.
April 10th, 2009 at 2:15 pm
/still cracking up over Wilfork’s pick
“FAAAHK. Look out it’s MAAHHHLAAAHHSAAAAHHS! RAAAHHHNN!”
“Fahk rahnin. I’m gahna wahk fastahh.”
April 10th, 2009 at 2:15 pm
*Constantine’s
April 10th, 2009 at 2:16 pm
the benefit of a doubt as to their real feelings.
they was just followin’ orders
April 10th, 2009 at 2:16 pm
Hendrix and the Who at the Monterrey Pop Festival.
Guitar fires and shit.
April 10th, 2009 at 2:18 pm
@Slothrop: Pearl Jam? Really?
Nirvana or even Soundgarden I could get behind, but Pearl Jam?
April 10th, 2009 at 2:20 pm
I’d like to be by Montezuma’s side during Cortez’s conquest. Imagine the look on the face of an all-powerful continental king when he gets the following news:
1. God exists
2. God’s here on earth
3. God’s headed this way
4. God wants a word with you
and then…
5. Hi, I’m God. I hate your guts and everything about your culture disgusts me. I’m going to burn your city to the ground and rape all your women. Those of you who survive will be enslaved. Consider your civilization over.
April 10th, 2009 at 2:20 pm
all the boston haters on here and nobody picked ‘Len Bias does his first (and last) line’ ?
April 10th, 2009 at 2:22 pm
Beatles’ rooftop concert at Abbey Road studios – 1/30/70. Most famous “concert” ever? Yup.
April 10th, 2009 at 2:22 pm
the benefit of a doubt as to their real feelings.
Or rather than try to read their minds, you could go by their voting records.
Byrd has a 100% rating from the NAACP. Gore’s vote against the CRA was a black mark, but one inconsistent with his larger record — he was one of three southern senators who voted against the Southern Manifesto in 1957 which called for the South to rise up in rebellion. (Guess how Strom voted?)
Byrd and Gore redeemed themselves from their mistakes, but Strom Thurmond was always a piece of shit. Fuck, even George Wallace repented and made amends with his former enemies. Not Strom. Fuck him.
April 10th, 2009 at 2:22 pm
The second defenestration of Prague
April 10th, 2009 at 2:22 pm
@Slothrop,
The Pearl Jam/Mookie Blaylock pick may have been one of the finest picks in the history of the KSK draft. Well played, Sir.
April 10th, 2009 at 2:23 pm
Aurora Snow’s first anal fuck.
April 10th, 2009 at 2:25 pm
@ TDUb
D’oh! Monterrey Pop was going to be my next pick. Excellent selection. I think I’d rather see that than Woodstock.
Otto had a great pick with Johnny Cash live a Folsom Prison, so I’m taking Johnny Cash live at San Quentin Prison, with Carl Perkins backing him up. And I’m really, really going to have to insist on that protective bubble thing.
April 10th, 2009 at 2:27 pm
Aurora Snow’s next anal fuck
April 10th, 2009 at 2:30 pm
What, no Shootout at the OK Corral? Ok, it’s mine. And if Doc Holliday doesn’t say something about being your Huckleberry, I’ll do it for him.
April 10th, 2009 at 2:31 pm
Billie Holiday’s first show at Cafe Society in NYC.
April 10th, 2009 at 2:32 pm
I’ll take the day Mary told Joseph she was pregnant. I’d love to be a fly on the wall and see if Joe took it cool and calm or called her a whore. Good times.
April 10th, 2009 at 2:32 pm
What, no Shootout at the OK Corral?
You’re third in line for that one, SOS. That makes you the Earp who dies.
April 10th, 2009 at 2:32 pm
SonOfSpam, I drafted that a while ago. But you can come with me when my time machine gets fixed
April 10th, 2009 at 2:32 pm
The invention of Control + F
April 10th, 2009 at 2:32 pm
I’d like to be on that boat and find out if Walken really did push whatserface in the drink or not
April 10th, 2009 at 2:33 pm
First public perfomance of Beethoven’s Seventh Symphony.
April 10th, 2009 at 2:34 pm
@ SonOfSpam
OK Corral’s been picked twice. Not reading 100+ comments? Guilty.
April 10th, 2009 at 2:37 pm
The day Hillary climbed Everest. It’d be fun to step from behind a rock and yell “Boo!”
April 10th, 2009 at 2:37 pm
I suck. Sorry.
How bout I make it up by taking the Saddam hanging? Seems like that was a party.
April 10th, 2009 at 2:37 pm
Wilt Chamberlain’s 100 point game
April 10th, 2009 at 2:37 pm
The first time a woman said “you know what, the downstairs is a little bit unruly. Maybe I’ll just trim it up a little bit.”
I missed this the first time. GREAT pick
how about the first time a chick said
“It’s hot as fuck out here. what the hell, it’s a JogBra, not a regular bra. It’s not like I’ll be in my underwear or anything”
that girl deserves some kind of Nobel Prize or something
April 10th, 2009 at 2:38 pm
SonOfSpam, I drafted that a while ago.
Yes, after I had already drafted it.
One more time — the OK Corral is taken.
Sweet Jesus, I’m about to go all Johnny Ringo on some mofos.
April 10th, 2009 at 2:38 pm
Still looking for where I defended Strom’s voting record…
Yeah, voting against the Civil Rights
April 10th, 2009 at 2:39 pm
…was a bit of a black mark.
April 10th, 2009 at 2:40 pm
The shootout at the OK Corral. I can’t believe that’s lasted this long!!
April 10th, 2009 at 2:41 pm
…was a bit of a black mark.
lol
i think you redeemed yourself a bit with that one
just be careful, if you want to start acting as an apologist for prominent men of The South, you’ve got your work cut out for you
April 10th, 2009 at 2:42 pm
Very funny Limpy. Way to make fun of the retarded kid.
/holds knees, rocks back and forth
April 10th, 2009 at 2:42 pm
The shootout at the OK Corral. I can’t believe that’s lasted this long!!
I picked this it yesterday
you swagger-jackin’ sunnuvvabitch
April 10th, 2009 at 2:43 pm
@ John Whorfin
whatserface = Natalie Wood
April 10th, 2009 at 2:43 pm
Do you automatically get the ability to understand the language the people in these historical moments are speaking? I’d like to pick Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount, but my Aramaic is kinda rusty.
So my pick is going to Chess Records in the late ’50s, where Rock ‘N’ Roll was born. I’d watch all the luminaries record, write and hang out together: Bo Diddley, Chuck Berry, Howlin’ Wolf, Muddy Waters, Etta James, Little Walter, Willie Dixon, a young Buddy Guy…
April 10th, 2009 at 2:44 pm
Still looking for where I defended Strom’s voting record…
You never did. But you said we should look past all the public evil he did and try to find the good hiding inside.
Sorry, but fuck that nonsense.
April 10th, 2009 at 2:46 pm
Nice pick, Gino. See Cadillac Records if you haven’t.
I’ll take the Rough Riders storming San Juan Hill. Bully!
April 10th, 2009 at 2:48 pm
@Gino-
Is there a pattern developing here…. is it safe to say that there hasn’t been a truly great concert since 1969? That scares the shit outta me.
April 10th, 2009 at 2:48 pm
Battle of Badon Hill. Meet King Arthur.
April 10th, 2009 at 2:49 pm
The Beatles on the Ed Sullivan Show
/ crying and excited chicks needing attention after a rocking show
// s c o r e
April 10th, 2009 at 2:51 pm
Wait has no one picked the Lincoln assasination (CTRL-F, don’t fail me now!)? If so, YOINK!!!
April 10th, 2009 at 2:52 pm
The first time Rosario Dawson masturbated.
Also, I love when liberals act justified. God bless you.
April 10th, 2009 at 2:53 pm
Personally, I believe Strom Thurmond was the anti-Christ
but that’s a description of what I think Christ was
not an exaggeration of what Strom was
anyhow I’d like to go back and watch these dudes that wrote the bible
so i can see what kind of shrooms they were on
April 10th, 2009 at 2:54 pm
The Battle of Stalingrad. Because Vasily Zaitsev defines clutch.
Also wouldn’t mind being in the club for the Plaxcidental Discharge. Not every day you get to see a mega-rich superstar athlete destroy their future.
/unless you’re a Bengals fan
April 10th, 2009 at 2:54 pm
Man, am I late to the party? I’ll take the Eagles 1960 Championship. Just so I’ll be able to see one Eagles championship team before I die.
And because fuck the rules, I’m also picking Bednarik knocking Gifford the fuck out earlier the same year. Because fuck Frank Gifford.
April 10th, 2009 at 2:55 pm
OK, I just got in my Delorean time machine (runs off of banna peels and empty beer cans) went back 2 days and picked OK Corral.
Otto, I know. It’s yours. Please don’t go Johnny Ringo on me!
April 10th, 2009 at 2:55 pm
@Tracer
I hear ya brother, I hear ya.
April 10th, 2009 at 2:58 pm
@ Charlie Villanueva: Um, Rosario Dawson probably first masturbated when she was like 13 years old, you diddler.
April 10th, 2009 at 2:59 pm
You can’t pick OK Corral, Sage. SonOfSpam already grabbed it.
April 10th, 2009 at 3:00 pm
I’d like to have been around about a week before the volcano at Santorini blew, to see if there really was an Atlantis.
/watches too much History/Discovery channel
April 10th, 2009 at 3:04 pm
@ TDub
That I’m spending my picks on shows that happened before my birth scares me, too. I’m sure there have been some epic concerts in the last 30 years, but I’m drawing a blank.
My next pick is to hang out at Hitsville USA and see as many of those Motown luminaries as I can play with the Funk Brothers.
April 10th, 2009 at 3:04 pm
Copying from Navin, I’ll take August 27, 1883, when Krakatoa exploded. I like big booms.
April 10th, 2009 at 3:08 pm
LaFavre stole Caligula…..
April 10th, 2009 at 3:08 pm
Gino, that Olivia Newton John concert I went to in 1982 at the Astrodome was pretty awesome. You could always go back to that epic event.
/painful childhood memories
//sobs
April 10th, 2009 at 3:09 pm
I’m sure there have been some epic concerts in the last 30 years, but I’m drawing a blank.
I was toying with the ‘94 Nirvana unplugged concert, but decided being there live wouldn’t be much different than watching the thing.
I’ll take the Newport Folk Festival concert when Dylan went electric for the first time. Cry for me, hippies! Cry!
April 10th, 2009 at 3:09 pm
Damn enter key…
Rat Pack party…
April 10th, 2009 at 3:09 pm
you know, I think we take shavin’ and bathin’ for granted a little bit
I’m not sure there’s any single event in history (OK, the big bang is off the board)
that I’d want to see badly enough to risk never seeing a modern vagina again
yeah, we got HIV now, but we also got antibiotics
however, if you can guarantee my return trip
I would like to see Timbuktu before ‘Western’ intervention
April 10th, 2009 at 3:11 pm
Alright I’m really confused. Alter Ego – it appears our love of semi-but-not-really obscure Simpsons references has created quite the pickle.
How do we settle this? Fight to the death? Motorcycle race down Dead Man’s Curve? (For what it’s worth, since you mentioned you may have “stolen” it unwittingly last month, I’ve been posting with this about six months now.)
I’m seeing double here – four Krusty’s!
April 10th, 2009 at 3:11 pm
You’re right, sage. “Xanadu”-Era Olivia Newton John was pretty hot.
“No, Olivia keep the roller skates on.”
April 10th, 2009 at 3:11 pm
“Lincoln didn’t even die write away because”
Congratulations: you have succeeded in making your living using the English language despite lacking basic comprehension of homophones. A success story for the ages!
April 10th, 2009 at 3:13 pm
And @ Francois – very well played.
April 10th, 2009 at 3:16 pm
Kid Presentable(s), I too have many obscure Simpsons references loaded in my noggin. I’m actually considering changing my moniker to Super Nintendo Chalmers since Sage Rosenfels is no longer a Texan.
I know, nobody cares about the Texans
And thats my sandbox. I’m not allowed to go in the deep end. And thats where I saw the leprechan. He told me to burn things.
April 10th, 2009 at 3:19 pm
For my first sporting event:
Muhammad Ali vs. Joe Frazier I at Madison Square Garden. Everybody was there, tasteful attire was prohibited, Frank Sinatra was a ring-side photographer for LIFE Magazine. Oh, yeah, the fight was pretty good, too.
April 10th, 2009 at 3:21 pm
I’ll also take front row seats for the first Ali-Liston fight, the first Foreman-Fraizier fight (DOWN GOES FRAZIER! DOWN GOES FRAZIER!), the the Rumble in the Jungle Ali-Foreman rope-a-dope fight.
April 10th, 2009 at 3:24 pm
Since I’ve been waiting, I’ll just jump in with a few:
1. I’d like to be sitting in Bill Simmons’ living room during the final quarter of Super Bowl 42, just to see if his wife had to pry a bottle of sleeping pills from his hands. I’d promptly knock her out beforehand.
2. Since Flozell already got the Beatles’ final concert, I’ll settle for being in the studio during the Sgt. Pepper sessions.
3. @Slothrop: Pearl Jam fucking rules the day! I’d like to witness Cobain’s “suicide.”
4. I’d like to see Martin Luther nail the 95 Theses to that church in Wittenberg. Fuck your indulgences, sir!!
5. Jackie Robinson’s MLB debut.
April 10th, 2009 at 3:26 pm
I would like to be on the set when they filmed the swimming pool scene for “Wild Things”.
April 10th, 2009 at 3:27 pm
whoever this ‘morons’ guy is, I’d like to go back to this morning and fart in your Cheerios
also I’d like to go back in time and bang Dorothy Parker
grab a handful of her hair
and bust a half a bottle off into her mouth
then I’d be like: “What you got to say now?”
and she’d say something
something hilarious
if I knew what it was it wouldn’t be any fun, you know
April 10th, 2009 at 3:30 pm
Hakim:
No. 1 is somewhere near the pinnacle of Schadenfreude. Nice.
David Tyree: [catches ball]
Simmons: “NOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooo………….. WHYYY MEEEEeeeeeeee………”
bitch
April 10th, 2009 at 3:31 pm
I’ve learned so much from this draft, that “Katy” can be spelled that way, what “ctrl-f” does, and other stuff I should already know, and because I was also trying to find my own sexy Friday material, and was at less than 30% higher brain function, I googled “$10 Burr.” I immediately realized that was stupid. More importantly I found this:
http://media.www.thetraveleronline.com/media/storage/paper688/news/2009/03/30/Opinion/Put-Burr.On.The.10.Bill-3686993.shtml
It is an apparently respected columnist that attempts to argue that the progress we as a country have made in the last 200 years is a bad thing, and we would be better off farming or something, honestly the jeffersonian economic model did not really have an goal or direction in mind, it was about preserving what was, for who had it. That and not repaying the persons who lent you the money so you could purchase the things you have.
April 10th, 2009 at 3:47 pm
I was at Game 2 of the 1991 world series, but my next pick is the game 7 of that series.
Jack Morris. Perfect Game. Last Minnesota professional title in anything besides best bridge collapse.
April 10th, 2009 at 3:48 pm
Sorry, not perfect game for morris, but damn near.
April 10th, 2009 at 3:48 pm
RE Navin R. Johnson Says:
“Onboard the Santa Maria on October 12, 1492, to pick up some sweet beach-front property.”
Does this assume that Columbus actually came to America? Because he didn’t, from what I understand. Not USA America.
Also, I wouldn’t mind being in the studio audience for Elvis’s 1968 comeback appearance, when he was still hot and wearing black leather. Damn.
April 10th, 2009 at 3:48 pm
I’d go to Dublin in 1916 and check out the Easter Rising- when Irish rebels attacked the Brits in the name of a united Irish Republic. All the urban combat, political intrigue and whiskey-inspired nationalism would make for a more exciting Easter.
April 10th, 2009 at 3:50 pm
@Sage – may be a wise move. “Stump The Schaub” is somehow also available.
While I’m at it, I’ll go with following Triumph/Robert Smigel at the Star Wars: Attack Of The Clones premiere. Easily one of the funniest segments in TV history.
And KP II – we can always settle this like men … one-on-one Twisted Tea drinking contest.
April 10th, 2009 at 3:51 pm
Speaking of bridge collapses, I’ll take the Tacoma Narrow Bridge Collapse. Wicked.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3mclp9QmCGs
April 10th, 2009 at 3:54 pm
@ Slash: no, I’m good with just about any Caribbean island beach front. Or island. Whichever.
April 10th, 2009 at 3:56 pm
I’m definitely late to this part. But I’m going to pick 2 quick things and bow out:
1. First Lesbian sex. (Cuz you know it wasn’t between adam and eve!)
2. Being at big daddy drew’s football party in 1999 when the ‘98 Vikings went 15-1, and lost at in overtime to the Falcons, on a field goal, to become the first 15-1 team in history to miss the Super Bowl.
(if drew isn’t the viking fan on KSK staff, alter the location to whomever is)
April 10th, 2009 at 3:59 pm
No one took Senator Byrd’s “Barbaric” THRILL-abuster?
April 10th, 2009 at 4:00 pm
RE Navin R. Johnson Says:
“@ Slash: no, I’m good with just about any Caribbean island beach front. Or island. Whichever.”
Cool. Duly noted. I think it was Hispaniola.
April 10th, 2009 at 4:00 pm
bridges…ancient battles…
how about Xerxes’ boat bridge, that he used to get to Thermopylae?
a couple thousand years before the Army Corps of Engineers
sounds pretty cool I’d like to see that
April 10th, 2009 at 4:00 pm
Thanks KP. I am no longer Sage Rosencopter. He is dead to me!
April 10th, 2009 at 4:04 pm
Sorry, I know it hasn’t been 10 since my last pick, but it would be kind of cool to see the Joe Louis v. Max Schmeling fight (the second one that he won, not the first one, which he lost). Hopefully, Hitler had a lot of money riding on that second one.
April 10th, 2009 at 4:06 pm
Going back to Sports: Tyson-Douglas in Tokyo
April 10th, 2009 at 4:06 pm
When I was 10, my big brother and I saw our Minnesota Twins play the Cardinals in Game 7 of the 1987 World Series at the Metrodome. I waved a stupid Homer Hankie (still not as bad as the Terrible Towel) and watched my Twins win it all in an epic game. That was an amazing experience- especially for a kid.
I’m not selecting this event, however, because I’d see my 10 year-old self and think “Oh, God, kid. The next twenty years are going to be rough.”
April 10th, 2009 at 4:14 pm
I haven’t suggested any sporting events yet… here’s a couple that I could think of that we haven’t heard yet:
1) The Malice at the Palace – front row seats to see Jermaine O’Neal’s awesome sliding, kneeling, KTFO of that fat guy who thought it was a great idea to run onto the court? Fuck and yes. I bet it sounded great. Like throwing a package of salami against a brick wall.
2) Dale Earnhardt’s last race. It’s not that I love seeing death THAT much… but I’d really want to see the reaction in the crowd when their Mustache King met his maker.
3) I’d love to have been there to see “The Play”, either in the Cal student section or amid the Stanford band. The range of emotions were probably a wild ride.
April 10th, 2009 at 4:15 pm
Alongside Genghis Khan as he spread the Mongol empire and impregnated every woman from the Caspian to the Sea of Japan.
April 10th, 2009 at 4:21 pm
Did anyone take the Thrilla in Manila? If not, I will.
April 10th, 2009 at 4:27 pm
Lee surrendering to Grant at Appomattox
April 10th, 2009 at 4:39 pm
1297 AD: The Battle of Stirling Bridge in The First War of Scottish Independence
It was a great battle scene in “Braveheart”, but it didn’t have the bridge. William Wallace lead a rag-tag squad of about 2,500 Scottish misfits to fight England’s better-armed host of 12,000 at Stirling, Scotland. A single bridge over cold, deep, rapid water separated the two armies. The English began marching across the bridge, expecting to Scots to wait for them all to get to the other side before the battle was to start. Well, the Scots didn’t wait- they methodically slaughtered the Sassenach while they were helplessly bottle-necked on this one small bridge.
A cool, too-rare victory for the Scots over the English.
April 10th, 2009 at 4:40 pm
I was in the house for Vince Young beating USC. But if you weren’t there, it’s still on the board, and a good pick.
April 10th, 2009 at 4:49 pm
Building of the great pyramids. maybe I could see the aliens that helped design it
April 10th, 2009 at 5:31 pm
Thanks, Mo Charlo, I’ll snap that one up on behalf of my girlfriend, who hates USC more than I hate Duke (i.e. more than Hitler hated Jews).
Happy Easter, everybody!
April 10th, 2009 at 5:56 pm
Damn it. BOTH Defenestrations of Prague off the board?
All right then, give me May 27, 1942.
DOWN GOES HEYDRICH! DOWN GOES HEYDRICH!
April 10th, 2009 at 5:59 pm
As long as we’re closing out the Nazis, I’ll take the Night of the Long Knives.
Nazi on Nazi violence. No matter who dies, I win!
April 10th, 2009 at 6:14 pm
I’d want to witness an early ’80s “Rum, Sodomy and the Lash”-era Pogues concert in the UK or Ireland. As long as Shane MacGowan is in good form, it would be one helluva show. Guid craic, yeah.
April 10th, 2009 at 6:29 pm
I’ll take Paris, August 25, 1944. You guys cane with me – grateful (and smelly) French women for everybody!
April 10th, 2009 at 6:30 pm
You guys come with me.
/asshat
April 10th, 2009 at 6:50 pm
January 14, 1973: Super Bowl VII. Dolphins complete the Perfect Season
/Just so I could know what it’s actually like to win a Super Bowl.
April 10th, 2009 at 6:57 pm
Since Gettysburg was taken as well as Hiroshima, I’ll take the Battle of Midway. Can my protective bubble float on water?
April 10th, 2009 at 6:59 pm
1) June 28, 1880 – The Glenrowan shootout. How money would it be to see the police shit themselves when Ned Kelly and his gang emerge from the hotel in HOMEMADE BODY ARMOR. Hell, I would probably rock some thunder sticks for such a magical event.
2) Chernobyl – Wha’ Happened!
3) Peg Entiwistle’s plunge off the “H” of the Hollywood sign.
4) Ali/ Foreman’s Rumble in the Jungle.
April 10th, 2009 at 6:59 pm
I’d like to be there to smell Geraldo Rivera’s chagrin when he opened Al Capone’s vault.
Ooh, wait, forget that, I wanna be in the studio when a guy hits him in the face during that brawl involving neo Nazis.
April 10th, 2009 at 7:02 pm
@ the OG Kid Presentable
Looks like I’m late to the party with the apparently not obscure enough Simpsons reference. I’ll yield to your seniority, lest I get a pair of scissors jammed in my neck.
Anyway, Twisted Tea is for pussies. I only drink Joose.
April 10th, 2009 at 7:08 pm
First things first:
@shinos: alba’s shower likely involves a husband, a child, or both. Excellent choice.
@FranLero: and to ditto Ottoman – fucking brilliant.
The day Anne Frank ‘finished’ her diary. Just really want to know what happened…
April 10th, 2009 at 7:10 pm
Big Ben’s first Choco Taco
April 10th, 2009 at 7:12 pm
Kid Moe and Kid Presentable obviously see the Simpsons influence here as well(my next choice would be the Pope of Chili Town) and since picks will thin out now am going ahead with my next one:
In honor of his retirement, would have liked to be in the hallway for this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XXpcb5aTnPk
April 10th, 2009 at 7:12 pm
I’ll go with the set of Twilight Zone: The Movie for the helicopter decapitations.
Also, the set of The Room during the sex scenes
April 10th, 2009 at 7:17 pm
Wednesday, November 24, 1971, Northwest Orient Flight 305 out of Portland International Airport (PDX) in Portland, Oregon to Seattle, Washington. And I want to be on it right up until DB exits the plane. Then, I want to follow him out of it. Can I float in my bubble or do I have to use a ‘chutte?
Stay Tuned: next up….more MYSTERIES SOLVED!
/changes the channel
April 10th, 2009 at 8:10 pm
I’ll take the Newport Folk Festival concert when Dylan went electric for the first time. Cry for me, hippies! Cry!
Along the same lines: Bob Dylan at Manchester’s Free Trade Hall, May 17, 1966. Sometimes wrongly called the “Royal Albert Hall” concert. This is the concert where Dylan played some folk (the crowd liked it) then he plugged in and started playing some of his electric songs, and the crowd got so mad that someone yelled “Judas!” His response was, “I don’t believe you! Play louder!” The crowd started clapping out of time to try and get Dylan’s rhythm off.
I’d love to see one of those concerts where a musician actively challenges his audience, instead of just giving them the songs the same way they were on the album.
April 10th, 2009 at 8:11 pm
The Immaculate Reception or, failing that, at least when the Mayflower trucks moved the Colts out of Baltimore in the middle of the night
April 10th, 2009 at 9:13 pm
I can’t believe it hasn’t been taken after the miles of comments, but ok, Boston Tea Party it is.
April 10th, 2009 at 10:03 pm
one of those 1966 doors shows
April 10th, 2009 at 11:30 pm
I’ll take the Scopes Monkey Trial. Take that Zombie Jesus!
April 10th, 2009 at 11:32 pm
Non-sports: The Post’s news budget meeting when Bradlee green-lighted the first Watergate story.
Sports: Joe Willie’s “We’ll win. I guarantee it” pronouncement.
And since hell freezing over hasn’t happened yet: Syracuse’s 1985 upset of Nebraska.
April 10th, 2009 at 11:57 pm
I’m really late to the party, so here’s a few . .
1) The first time Helen of Troy (therefore, she’s of legal age then) masturbated. . Being able to watch the most beautiful woman off all time playing with herself? Instant win! Whoever said they want to watch Hector and Achilles fight, just remember, they run around all of Troy three times, and they fight naked.
2) The reign of Vlad the impaler. How cool would it be to watch the real life Dracula do his thing? Fucking awesome!
3) Any time a triceratops fought a Tyrannosaurus Rex. How cool would it be to see one of the most famous dinosaur images live?
4) The Resurrection of Jesus Christ. Pretty apropos considering the weekend we’re in.
April 11th, 2009 at 12:01 am
“.Still looking for where I defended Strom’s voting record…
You never did. But you said we should look past all the public evil he did and try to find the good hiding inside.
Sorry, but fuck that nonsense.”
You are confused, Otto Man: I never said “look for the good inside”.
I was suggesting that setting up all issues as black and white (oops) with no nuance overlooks historical context: Honest Abe, the man whose Bible Barack Obama used to take his Oath of Office, favored re-settlement of the slaves freed by the Emancipation Proclamation. That is, Lincoln believed freed blacks, whom he believed could never live in peace with whites, should be deported to Africa or the Carribean Basin.
In today’s world. that stance would make Lincoln a racist, much like Strom’s actions would be inexcusable today. By the standards of his time, Lincoln was forward thinking on race, as many white people in the North saw black people as inferior, regardless of their stance on slavery. I do not condone Strom’s political record, as my original statement about “racist crap” should have made clear. It is not fair, though, to judge Thurmond and other figures (like Lincoln) solely in light of contemporary morality, as you insist on doing.
/dick joke
April 11th, 2009 at 2:05 am
@Kid Moe: I greatly appreciate your frankness and honesty during this random and slightly disturbing ordeal. Although I will say that my Twisted Tea drinking contest proposition is strictly related to everyone’s favorite email (see two posts down).
Also, I think Kid Gruesome is a kickass name as well. Nonetheless, I would like to end my votes with being in the producer room as Conan O’Brien and the rest of the Simpsons writers hammered out what would be “Marge vs. The Monorail.”
April 11th, 2009 at 2:07 am
The Battle of Agincourt; witnessing Shakespeare (or whoever the fuck it was) write Hamlet; the 2000 Supreme Court conference debates in which the Justices discussed Bush v. Gore; witnessing Cicero argue anything; watching Napeoleon lay siege to anything; Lincoln’s second inaugural; seeing whoever it was Cromwell dispatched to the Houses of Parliament to nail to the door a sign that read “These Rooms to Let, Now Unfurnished”; Justice Jackson’s closing argument at Nuremberg; DaVinci figuring out Copernicus was wrong;
April 11th, 2009 at 2:24 am
I’ve got a few more…
1. I want to have a front row seat to Hagler-Leonard, just so I can keep shouting to Hagler, “Get out of that southpaw stance, you asshole, you’re blowing the fucking fight according to the judges!!!”
2. Go back to see Samson from the Old Testament on the day his hair was finally grown all the way back and toppled that Phillistine temple. (I’ve got my protective bubble)
3. Witness to George Washington’s final speech as President. Remember: he’d been offered the chance to be king of the United States and the fucker turned it down cold, then went on to plead with the politicians NOT to go off and form political parties, saying it would set the country back. Oh yeah, “I heard the motherfucker had, like, 30 goddamn dicks.”
April 11th, 2009 at 10:33 am
January 10th, 1982.
Candlestick Park.
Fuck Dallas.
April 11th, 2009 at 11:21 am
Not to beat the dead Nazi horse anymore, but as long as it’s still out there I’ll take the Wannsee Conference too. Ach ja, can I bring Brüno with me?
April 11th, 2009 at 11:59 am
I’d like to go back and follow the Zodiac killer around. Just to see how he was able to do it so flawlessly, fuck with people, and NEVER GET CAUGHT.
April 11th, 2009 at 12:26 pm
Oh yeah, “I heard the motherfucker had, like, 30 goddamn dicks.”
He’d save children, but not the British children.
April 11th, 2009 at 12:36 pm
It is not fair, though, to judge Thurmond and other figures (like Lincoln) solely in light of contemporary morality, as you insist on doing.
No, it is fair. It’s not only fair, it’s necessary.
You act like everyone in 1948 was running around declaring that “white supremacy must be preserved” and “all the fixed bayonets of the federal government will not force southerners to accept Negroes in their homes, their schools and their churches.”
They weren’t. Plenty of white people — including Harry Truman in 1948, then the Supreme Court in 1954, even Richard Nixon in 1957 — had the nerve to stand up for civil rights back then. It wasn’t a case of “everybody did it.” Your stupidly waving your hand around to say, “hey, those were the times, who are we to judge?” is a flat fucking insult to the people who had the nerve to stand up to Jim Crow and the systems of segregation back then and say, sorry, this shit is flat out wrong.
And one more time since you seem too fucking stupid to understand it. Thurmond lived until 2003 — well into our times — and he never repented for the shit he pulled, and he never acknowledged the illegitimate black daughter he had. Don’t fucking tell me “his times” couldn’t let him do all that.
If you’re looking for the dick joke, you’re it.
April 11th, 2009 at 1:36 pm
So late, I read every entry, and I am very surprised that David & Goliath wasn’t taken.
First major upset ever recorded, I believe. Steal of the draft?
April 11th, 2009 at 1:51 pm
For a second day of the draft value pick, I’ll jet off to Tokyo and watch Buster Douglas fight the match of his life (or just about anyone else’s) to beat Tyson in his prime.
April 11th, 2009 at 2:13 pm
“It is not fair, though, to judge Thurmond and other figures (like Lincoln) solely in light of contemporary morality,”
Totally right. Just like we shouldn’t judge those involved in the Holocaust. Lots of people were anti-semitic in the 1940’s, so who are we to judge the Nazis with “contemporary morality.” They were simply the products of their times.
April 11th, 2009 at 2:51 pm
Thurmond lived until 2003 — well into our times — and he never repented for the shit he pulled, and he never acknowledged the illegitimate black daughter he had. Don’t fucking tell me “his times” couldn’t let him do all that.
You clearly don’t know what life was like back in 2003, and how shameful it would have been to admit to fathering a mixed-race child at that point in American history.
Remember how the PGA shot and killed Tiger Woods’ father Earl for all his down and dirty misceginating. A saint like Strom Thurmond would have suffered the same fate.
April 11th, 2009 at 3:40 pm
“I do not condone Strom’s political record, as my original statement about “racist crap” should have made clear.”
Of course you don’t condone his political record. You just think we should accept it as a product of his era, and not judge the poor misunderstood racist, and simply let bygones be bygones.
But “condone”? Golly, no.
April 11th, 2009 at 5:03 pm
Sorry to break up the politics again, but I will slap myself on the wrist for not seeing Tyson-Douglas when it was first taken. FIX YO CTRL-F!
April 11th, 2009 at 6:51 pm
RE: Strom Thurman, South vs. North, etc
The (black) commedian and political activist Dick Gregory once famously said of his career arc in America “In the south they tell me ‘You can get as close as you want, just don’t get too big’. In the north they tell me ‘You can get as big as you want, just don’t get too close.’”
So for my next pick, I’ll pick a showcase in a 1950s-’60s Mississippi juke joint on the Chittlin Circuit. Maybe catch a young Richard Pryor or Howlin’ Wolf or Professor Longhair or Screamin’ Jay Hawkins…
April 11th, 2009 at 9:18 pm
Stunned picks are still being made amidst the Strom Thurmond debate, but for a sense of the macabre…the trial of Charles Manson
April 11th, 2009 at 10:41 pm
senator thurmond needed the shit kicked out of him. late supreme court justice william o. douglas was a member of the kkk in his youth; he figured it out and went on to become one of the better jurists ever to grace the bench. even that cumstain george wallace saw the error of his ways. not so strom. he was an unrepentant cocksucker to the day he died. love to know what galactic karma has in store for the asshole.
April 12th, 2009 at 12:19 am
I select the late great Earl Warren’s first strip show.
April 12th, 2009 at 1:49 am
Just had to second Ape’s pick of the Colts getting the fuck out of Baltimore under the cover of darkness.
To think all those poor Bawlmer fools, not knowing that the Colts were about to be replaced by a crack epidemic and the most useless record in baseball.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R01KcErgQV0
April 12th, 2009 at 8:07 pm
i would tell myself to pull out so i didn’t have to get married
\breaks rules about changing history
\\doesn’t care
April 12th, 2009 at 9:35 pm
Sports: Secretariat’s 31 1/2 length win in the Belmont to win Triple Crown
Other: In Ted Kennedy’s car on July 18, 1969 – Chappaquiddick
April 13th, 2009 at 1:19 am
Okay late to this but here’s my two cents:
@Shinons: great pick with the Berlin Olympics that would’ve been some funny shit!
Picks:
1. Crecy: The very first slaughter of the Frogs at the hands of the longbow, would like to be sitting with the Black Prince on the hard hit flank (right of the English I believe) and watch the rain of death begin all those arrows must have been awesome! (@jujrok kudos for the Agincourt I detected a slight anti English bent to the posts and its good to see one English victory represented)
2. Pink Floyd’s first concert at the Roundhouse, the start of the true rock show music sound effects light show, drugs in a plenty, Syd Barrett not yet completely fucking mental, what else do you want? cheap booze and a phycadelic (sp?) atmosphere yep got that as well….
@Gino Tourettsa The Pogues rule, probably my favourite band currently but have to take this!
3. England win the World Cup:
“They think its all over , oh it is now” What a party plus the way things are going potentially the only party of its kind we’d see for a while
4. The Great Beer Flood
Someone mentioned the Molasses Flood in Boston, well this would’ve been equally as cool, plus I wouldn’t have had to leave my city, just go back a couple hundred years
5. The writing of Ryme of the Ancient Mariner:
Great poem plus get to hang out with Coleridge doing copius amounts of Opium, would love that!
6. Tiger’s First Masters presentation:
Watch these old up tight whiteys have to hand a green jacket to a black man??? YES PLEASE!!!!! Another definate session of pointing and laughing…
7. Battle of Trafalgar:
Hang out with Nelson, watch the French get ass rammed and party like a drunken sailor, only reason its 7 is you’d have to stay out of kissing range what with the swings both ways admiral…
Honorable Mention:
Go back to The Battle of Neville’s Cross, tape the entire thing and add to the end of the final edit of Braveheart, so people know what happened a few years later to those cheeky Celts… No really I love the Scots but I do wish more people knew of Neville’s Cross by the by Edward the III was a bad-ass.
April 13th, 2009 at 5:19 am
When David Copperfield first hypnotized Claudia Schiffer…
/thought he’d be the only one with a lame joke
April 13th, 2009 at 9:45 am
Hannibal getting psyched and leading the Carthaginians into the Roman empire during 2nd Punic War – bringing elephants into battle
and for the fuck of it, let’s just say this really happened, I’d like to be on the sidelines of each of these tasks:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heracles#The_Labours_of_Heracles
April 13th, 2009 at 11:32 am
It is not fair, though, to judge Thurmond and other figures (like Lincoln) solely in light of contemporary morality, as you insist on doing.
ok. i agree with this statement.
the platitudes you’ve been spewing are logically infallible.
we can’t know his heart
we didn’t live in his times
however we can judge the man by the standards of his own contemporaries
and he was a vicious reactionary compared to them, as well
so what’s your purpose?
April 13th, 2009 at 1:32 pm
@EquiSpace: a fine pick – my dad was present for that and speaks of it with great reverence.
@That’samare: I’m pretty sure they would have been wearing armor (I think the whole naked-slathered-in-olive-oil only applied to wrestling and such) but in retrospect I admit it was a blown pick – doesn’t sound like it was all that much of a fight. The Musahi duel would have been much more exciting to watch.
@Roves Rongrastname: Steal of the draft. Agreed.
April 16th, 2009 at 9:47 am
hey dipshvt Drew, nice comments on Christ. I am a pretty unphaseable Catholic, and can appreciate edgey comedy, but that was beyond the pale. Answer me this: what’s the difference between a jew and a frozen pizza?” frozen pizza doesnt knock on the window when you stick it in the oven. now go enjoy your meaningless existence as your faith does not include mention of a savior having unlocked the gates of Heaven for you, you fat fvck.