This week’s draft is a twist on an old classic. You’re drafting a singular super power from a fictional character, though not their entire catalog of abilities. Also, you must take on their appearance. Again, we’re lazy slugabeds who only got through one round, leaving commenters more opportunity to ignore the rules make picks.

Ufford’s explanationAll right, you get to have one power from a fictional character from comics, literature, TV, or the movies. Once a character has been used, s/he is off the board. (For example, if you want Wolverine’s retractable claws, no one can claim his healing powers.) Once a specific power shared by many characters has been drafted (i.e. flight or super strength), it’s off the board. And if you draft a power that is connected to appearance, you also get that appearance as well (see: The Thing, Incredible Hulk).

Order:

1. Ape
2. Maj
3. flub
4. drew
5. Punter
6. Uff

1. Ape — Manipulation of Matter (Dr. Manhattan)

Control of the basic elements of the universe has a multitude of applications. I can wipe people out of existence with the point of a finger. Create objects out of the ether. Well, just about anything. Plus I get a giant blue penis.

2. Unsilent — Flight (Superman)

“Shove that up your ass airline industry! Plus, I’ll be able to dunk!”

UFFORD: “You dumbfuck! Hundreds of characters fly! You just pissed away X-ray vision and laser-eyes.”

APE: “Not to mention invulnerability.”

MAJ: “I’m not going to lie here, I don’t know very much about super heroes. Please try to hide your shock and dismay.”

DREW: “I’M TOO COOL FOR THEM!”

MAJ: “Don’t a bunch of guys have x-ray vision? And doesn’t the guy from xmen have laser eyes?”

APE: “Yeah, but Cyclops can’t control it on his own and has to wear a gay visor. Superman doesn’t.”

3. flubby — Green Lantern’s ring

“VALUE PICK!”

Until someone hits you with a school bus, because you have the retarded weakness that is yellow objects.

4. Drew — Power Cosmic (Galactus)

‘Galactus can employ the Power Cosmic to produce nearly any effect he desires, including the molecular restructuring and transmutation of matter, the teleportation of objects — even the Golden Galaxy — across space or time, size-alteration, the projection of energy with indeterminable destructive force, the erection of nearly impenetrable force fields, the creation of interdimensional and intra-dimensional portals, telepathy, telekinesis, and cosmic awareness on a universal scale. Galactus has even shown the abilities to create sentient life in the form of Tyrant, resurrect his herald Morg, manipulate mortal souls, manipulate memories and emotions, and restore dead planets along with their population in every detail.’

“Seems like that could be handy.”

UFFORD: “Any other questions you want to ask that I already answered in the first email, Drew?”

DREW: “Punter’s up”

PUNTER: “…seriously, what’s left that Drew’s trip to the superpower buffet didn’t clear out?”

DREW: /sends Punters through interdimensional portal

5. Punter — Thor’s hammer and helmet. Mostly the helmet.

6. Ufford — Prevarication, The Rumor (The Umbrella Academy).

“Anything she says becomes true. She’ll be all, “Be careful crossing street, I heard that bus has no brakes and the driver’s a drunk.” And then the bus hits them. Besides being a great parlor trick, I would make a fortune in sports betting.”

He’ll have to lie well to pull off the purple hair and tits.