Jay Cutler uses big city fame to score internet “celebrity” azz
Now that Jay Cutler has pissed and moaned his way out of Denver and into the big city, he is wasting no time before jumping onto some H-list trim. Page Six reports that Cutler was spotted getting ‘faced in a Chicago night club with Julia Allison hugging up on him Saturday night. Readers of KSK might not be familiar with Allison, a Chicago native– and that’s largely to their credit. Allison is the dating columnist turned internet attention hound who appears on dreadful cable news talk shows on the reg. Said an eyewitness:
“He was sitting in a banquette and she was standing between his thighs, touching them and facing him. They were all over each other. It was kind of gross. He was drinking beer all night but she stuck to water.”
Getcha some! Whooooo! Gawker– a regular follower of Allison’s adventures adds:
Per the oversharing queen’s Twitter, we know Allison was showing the new QB her headband at 2 am in one tweet, and then not posting again until 7:35 am the next morning (see below left). “Jay is one of the top 10 quaterbacks [sic] in the NFL,” she wrote a friend. “I didn’t know who he was until last night.” Now she knows him.
For those who think this is post is merely a roundabout excuse to post a picture of this broad in her underwear– congratulation, you are correct…
When asked what he thought about Cutler’s debut on the Chicago social circuit, fictional former Bears QB Rex Grossman said, “What a joke, first they replace me with a neckbearded drunk, then they bring in a diabetic dipshit who thinks it’s a cool idea to land some wackass congressman’s sloppy seconds. Goddam, you run the Sex Cannon out of town and the whole scene turns to shit. This hayseed can’t even unleash the dragon on a GOOD Chicago internet celebrity.”
Tags: Cutlerf*cker, gratuitous T&A, the interminable offseason
April 14th, 2009 at 10:12 am
I’ll take “Douchebag Quarterbacks who are about to contract Herpes” for $1000, Alex.
April 14th, 2009 at 10:13 am
Nobody can resist the moutheyes on that guy
April 14th, 2009 at 10:18 am
Gotta give the man credit for dipping his wick ASAP. No point in waiting for the four attractive women in Chicago who haven’t been “emergency loved” by Urlacher to come around.
April 14th, 2009 at 10:25 am
I guess he could have done a lot worse at 2am in a strange city. It’s not like he woke up in a bathtub filled with ice and a note that said to call a doctor immediately.
Or did he?
April 14th, 2009 at 10:27 am
A SIX? By whose metric? I dislike Julia Allison as much as the next Gawker reader, but that’s just ridiculous.
April 14th, 2009 at 10:30 am
Must be a metric where being a smug attention whore counts for minus two or so, Clare. Can’t say I disagree with that notion.
April 14th, 2009 at 10:32 am
I’d say the floozies must come out of the woodwork for the drunk Chicago quarterbacks, but after Grossman laid waste to the city, that’s about all thats left
April 14th, 2009 at 10:34 am
She’s only a six because her personality is part of the package.
April 14th, 2009 at 10:37 am
Wait, we need a reason to post pictures of attractive chicks in underwear?
April 14th, 2009 at 10:44 am
She’s clearly a six because she’s so fat.
April 14th, 2009 at 10:45 am
Major emphasis on “celebrity”…I had no clue who the hell this broad was until this post
April 14th, 2009 at 10:48 am
Goddammit, I need to get famous.
April 14th, 2009 at 10:49 am
@clare: no doubt, if that’s a six then what’s a nine? i don’t know what kind women inhabit the real life of planet ksk, but if they look better than that, i call most sincere bullshit.
granted, there is no accounting for personality when your looking a picture of a pretty woman in her underwear.
April 14th, 2009 at 10:54 am
I like that she stuck to drinking water while he got blasted. She’s classy – a whore, but not a drunken slut.
April 14th, 2009 at 10:56 am
Supposedly she’s famous for bloggin about her daily life…Us men cant get famous doing shit like this…It would just include farting, masterbation, and ball and ass scratching. But not always in that order.
April 14th, 2009 at 11:01 am
Are we sure the Sex Cannon or the syphlitc LB haven’t hit that yet? She doesn’t exactly look, uh, pure.
April 14th, 2009 at 11:04 am
“Go ahead trucker hat dude– paw these boobies.”
April 14th, 2009 at 11:22 am
I thought we had KSKharacters to look forward to for yesterday…
/whines
April 14th, 2009 at 11:29 am
if that’s a six then what’s a nine?
I can easily conceive of four levels above this one
nobody said five was average
April 14th, 2009 at 11:30 am
It’s pretty amazing where a good nose job and the utter inability to self-reflect will get you these days.
Yes, Jay Cutler, I’m talking to you.
April 14th, 2009 at 11:31 am
A six? This is why the metric system will never catch on in America.
April 14th, 2009 at 11:34 am
Clare, dear. You’re forgetting that women allow themselves to be photographed for the sole purpose of being physically dissected and critiqued on the Internet by hairy, middle-aged men. WHERE is your sense of femininity?
April 14th, 2009 at 11:40 am
I agree. 6 seems too high. All this whore is going to want to do is talk about her stupid blog and brag that she “dated” Cutlerfucker. Unless of course, he’s “the one” and she can get a reality show out of it.
April 14th, 2009 at 11:46 am
@fmra: to be fair, I don’t think I’m middle aged just yet. However, if you’re out there posing for pictures like that, you want me to look and you want to be judged (good or bad)
April 14th, 2009 at 11:46 am
I get the sense that Cutler has called Matt Leinart to hang out, but Leinart blew him off in favor of his brahs, causing massive sulkface.
April 14th, 2009 at 11:48 am
Rob in WI: I wasn’t even accounting for personality
on the fuckability scale, this one rates a ‘Do Not Touch’
and I’ve had sex with a 270 pound woman (hey, she was six feet tall)
but by appearance alone, she rates a 6
her shit is tight, she’s got some discernible hips and tits, and a tolerable face. 6 ain’t bad
i don’t know if that’s before or after deducting one point for the vacant stare
April 14th, 2009 at 11:48 am
Personality doesn’t count in a hotness ranking. That’s why Osama bin Laden’s niece still ranks at a solid 9.
I give her an 8, have you seen Chicago women???? Ugh.
April 14th, 2009 at 11:51 am
“Jay is one of the top 10 quaterbacks [sic] in the NFL,” she wrote a friend. “I didn’t know who he was until last night.”
Sounds like something Peter King would say.
April 14th, 2009 at 11:55 am
Rob, your last point (re: posing for pictures like the one above) is totally valid. Christ, stupid chicks piss me off so, SO much more than stupid guys. “Tee hee! I’m learning about football! Tee hee!” GAHAKLUWEL;RKUOqiuro;ihf ;lkau roi tUQEDGHLKOTHYGOWGJmn hfd;ljskkl
April 14th, 2009 at 12:11 pm
That’s why Osama bin Laden’s niece still ranks at a solid 9.
http://www.iconocast.com/B000000000000149_Portu/A9/News1_0.jpg
http://sabbah.biz/mt/images/wafabinladenniece.jpg
http://www.thesuperficial.com/images/2006/03/wafah-defour-reality-show.JPG
uhhhhhhhhh
April 14th, 2009 at 12:48 pm
“That’s why Osama bin Laden’s niece still ranks at a solid 9.”
He flipped the 9 and the decimal point.
“That’s why Osama bin Laden’s niece still ranks at a solid .9″
fixed
April 14th, 2009 at 12:58 pm
Fact: Criticizing hot chicks on the internet makes you feel better and cool.
April 14th, 2009 at 1:09 pm
She looks like Janice Dickinson.
April 14th, 2009 at 1:11 pm
Also I’m waiting for a whiny, passive, oversensitive Jezebel reader to miraculously come across this article and bitch at everybody for ranking Ms. Allison.
April 14th, 2009 at 1:16 pm
People, people… six is not an insult. There are a lot of fine lookin’ sixes in this world. Hold your head high, you sassy sixes– I’ll take you over a three-way with two threes any damn day.
April 14th, 2009 at 1:27 pm
People, people… six is not an insult. There are a lot of fine lookin’ sixes in this world. Hold your head high, you sassy sixes– I’ll take you over a three-way with two threes any damn day.
would you rather put six inches in a nine or nine inches in a six?
if you’re in a sixty-nine, it really doesn’t matter if she’s a six or a nine.
(I know a chick who’s a solid nine, model chick with a phat ass and a real quality boob job. but her vagina’s probably a three. looks like a goddamned ham sandwich.)
April 14th, 2009 at 2:19 pm
We don’t know who this chick is because we get our dating advice at this site.
Maybe we should start asking her for tips on gambling on the NFL.
April 14th, 2009 at 4:11 pm
Umm, not sure it is the same niece… those Ayrabs have lots of kids… I am getting calls that yall are lighting me up!
April 14th, 2009 at 4:12 pm
Thank God he didn’t get set up by the Bears’s secondary, otherwise we’d be looking at a picture of Lisa Lampenelli in her underwear.
April 14th, 2009 at 4:20 pm
“Even in a solid six looks good in the right lingerie.”
BOOSH! That’s ridiculously funny and awesome.
April 14th, 2009 at 4:38 pm
Julia Allison
Pros: That pic above
Cons: Everything else.
April 14th, 2009 at 4:40 pm
I went to high school with her & I can go on the record in saying this girl was as TERRIBLE as they come.
She was never cute & if you care to dig deeper you will find out that she’s had quite a bit of work done. The girl is about as annoying as they come. I feel sorry for Jay Cutler that he had one of Chicago’s biggest skanks in his lap as hsi welcoming committee… JULIA BAUGHER is her name, but she is that terrible & had to change her name. Too bad her reputation as an annoying cunt will remain.
April 14th, 2009 at 5:12 pm
Does this make her a literal Cutlerfucker?
April 14th, 2009 at 6:04 pm
As a New Yorker, I would say I prefer Chicago’s specimen of internet celeb (at least the linked one) to ours, which may be the only time I will ever say I like Chicago anything better (like the town fine, just not as much as NY). Oh, and Chicago, you gave us Julia, she’s originally from there.
April 14th, 2009 at 7:28 pm
“She looks like Janice Dickinson.”
Dunno, she looks like a younger, more deranged version of Fran Drescher to me.
April 14th, 2009 at 9:01 pm
From what I know about this bird, she’s a strong candidate for a hate f***.
April 15th, 2009 at 1:12 am
i’m surprised it’s fallen to me to point this out: while ms baugher-allison might be an obnoxious bitch whose body is a testament to the miracles of modern surgical techniques, any obnoxious 6 can become a tolerable 9 by the application of a properly-sized and -seated ball gag.
problem solved.
no need to thank me. please resume your eye-fucking her as a prelude to your later masturbatory activities.
April 15th, 2009 at 2:05 am
Great body + butter face + ridiculously annoying attention whore = 6.
Sounds about right to me.
April 15th, 2009 at 9:30 am
Needs More Cheerleaders ftw
April 15th, 2009 at 9:58 am
@Clare
-3 for dating a Dahkie