Hey, scheduling mavens.

It’s me, Fireman Eliezer, and I’ve got some kvetching to do. You shmendriks must have some serious chutzpah to schedule the first home game of the Jets season on Rosh Hashannah!

[has a nosh]

When I saw the schedule I nearly plotzed right there in front of my entire mishpocheh! All I wanted was to take my beloved bubbe to the first game of the new season. But I ask you, how am I to do this during the celebration of our new year? Oy vey iz mir.

[strokes payot]

And don’t get me started on that second home game. Scheduling our beloved J-E-T-S for a late afternoon game on the day Yom Kippur begins? Feh! You know very well that game won’t be over until the sun is setting. I’ll tell ya, it’s like a kick in the tuches! Sure, it’s all well and good for the precious goyim, but what about us, your faithful fans in the Jewish community? We give you support and in return we get bubkes!

[berates a woman for not showing her jewbs]

Hopefully everyone in your organization hasn’t gone completely mishegas and can get to work on fixing the schedule to better coincide with the new year and the Day of Atonement. And hey, if you were to toss in some coupons for those delicious kosher dogs we could put all of this ugliness behind us.

Shalom,
Fireman Eliezer