J-E-W-S JEWS! JEWS! JEWS!
Hey, scheduling mavens.
It’s me, Fireman Eliezer, and I’ve got some kvetching to do. You shmendriks must have some serious chutzpah to schedule the first home game of the Jets season on Rosh Hashannah!
[has a nosh]
When I saw the schedule I nearly plotzed right there in front of my entire mishpocheh! All I wanted was to take my beloved bubbe to the first game of the new season. But I ask you, how am I to do this during the celebration of our new year? Oy vey iz mir.
[strokes payot]
And don’t get me started on that second home game. Scheduling our beloved J-E-T-S for a late afternoon game on the day Yom Kippur begins? Feh! You know very well that game won’t be over until the sun is setting. I’ll tell ya, it’s like a kick in the tuches! Sure, it’s all well and good for the precious goyim, but what about us, your faithful fans in the Jewish community? We give you support and in return we get bubkes!
[berates a woman for not showing her jewbs]
Hopefully everyone in your organization hasn’t gone completely mishegas and can get to work on fixing the schedule to better coincide with the new year and the Day of Atonement. And hey, if you were to toss in some coupons for those delicious kosher dogs we could put all of this ugliness behind us.
Shalom,
Fireman Eliezer
Tags: Fireman Ezekiel, Jews, New York Jets, photoshop by Ufford, Unsilent Majority, Using up my entire Yiddish vocabulary in one post
April 16th, 2009 at 1:04 pm
…Jewish Jets fans have split-personality disorder?
April 16th, 2009 at 1:07 pm
Meh, how many Jews can there be in New York, anyway?
April 16th, 2009 at 1:11 pm
I thought the new stadium doesn’t open till 2010.
April 16th, 2009 at 1:11 pm
National Football League? More like the Gentile Football League.
April 16th, 2009 at 1:12 pm
Would you like something to read?
Do you have anything light?
How about this leaflet, “Famous Jewish Sports Legends?”
April 16th, 2009 at 1:14 pm
Huh? It’s like he’s speaking a completely different language.
April 16th, 2009 at 1:16 pm
More like Jew york…
April 16th, 2009 at 1:23 pm
Although they actually play in Jew Jersey.
April 16th, 2009 at 1:23 pm
Tommee from Quinzee would brain this guy 3 words into a conversation
April 16th, 2009 at 1:24 pm
I thought the Jets played in Hymietown?
April 16th, 2009 at 1:24 pm
What’s the difference between Karate and Judo? Karate is a form of self-defense, and Judo is what they use to make bagels with.
April 16th, 2009 at 1:25 pm
Juden!
/set voice changer helmet to “Cartman”
April 16th, 2009 at 1:33 pm
The “jewbs” link had me momentarily excited, then if found out it led to UrbanDictionary instead of pics.
This defines disappointment.
WHERE IS THE GRATUITOUS T&A??
April 16th, 2009 at 1:42 pm
Jewbs rule. But good luck getting anything else.
April 16th, 2009 at 1:42 pm
Rosh Hashannah – Isn’t that the day the Jews worship the devil?
April 16th, 2009 at 1:45 pm
We have Tommy from Quiznee as a representative for the Patriots fan, Emo Eagle fan as the Eagles spokesperson, methinks we have a wiener for the New York Jets!
April 16th, 2009 at 1:47 pm
Borat wants to know why you photoshopped the beard but not the horns.
April 16th, 2009 at 1:57 pm
Jewbs? I thought they were referred to as heglars. As in, “Would you look at the heglars on that joozinek?”. And minus points for no references to “glach”, “jagons”, and sticking fingers in the “thrusher”…
April 16th, 2009 at 1:59 pm
By the way, this entire post should be read in a Mort Goldman voice.
Serious, how much sensitivity towards a minority group can Jews expect from a league that still has a team called the Redskins? Of course they won’t get results by…oh, wait they own over 60% of professional sports.
April 16th, 2009 at 1:59 pm
Fuck it: I’m starting a Jew Wop singing group called Rosh Hosha-na-na. Who wants in?
April 16th, 2009 at 2:01 pm
First the destruction of the Temple, then the Holocaust, now this.
April 16th, 2009 at 2:04 pm
Sounds like Ezekiel is a little ferklempt. Someone get him a BLT stat!
April 16th, 2009 at 2:07 pm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R4N93wprbW0
angry jets fans?
April 16th, 2009 at 2:11 pm
Meh…I don’t bitch about Christmas Eve games…I just go to church drunk.
April 16th, 2009 at 2:18 pm
You know who I blame for all of this? the Jews.
April 16th, 2009 at 2:22 pm
@G.G. Is that anything like the high musical holy day of the Islamic faith ….. Ramadan-a-ding-dong?
April 16th, 2009 at 2:33 pm
Pacman’s Bodyguard:
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2009_swimsuit/models/bar-refaeli/09_bar-refaeli_9.html
Enjoy
April 16th, 2009 at 2:54 pm
Wait…
did I just get laid? What the hell happened here?
/needs a Yiddish dictionary for every word except Kvatching
April 16th, 2009 at 3:06 pm
I understand Pacman and Tawmmy more than I understand this.
April 16th, 2009 at 4:26 pm
I dont see what the big deal is. You dont hear many Dolphons fans complaning about all this…
April 16th, 2009 at 4:46 pm
Jewbs rule. But good luck getting anything else.
When this lapsed Catholic boy went to American University, I got more primo Hebrew tail than any rock star ever dreamed of (in my defense for that douchebag statement, I had just spent 5 years in the submarine service but still looked 18. I deserved everything I got and that’s that). Want to know the secret, my friends? It wasn’t just that I was reasonably clean-cut and good looking – no, those will only get you so far. And I sure as shit wasn’t rich. The secret was that I was tall. I’m 6′2″. Take your average JAP classmate age 19-22 with awesome tits, strike up a conversation, position yourself so that she is continuously looking up at you, buy her a little dinner and a bottle of wine, make her laugh a bit, dance with her cheek to your chest (this is a clincher), and you are In Like Flynn, buckeroo. Take her to her place because it’s a lot nicer than your grouphouse shithole (thank you Jew Daddy!) and get to plowing those green fields of Jerusalem. Let her blow the shofar a bit. Finishing move is on the Jewbs, that goes without saying. Oy vey!
Think I’m bullshittin’ you? I ain’t.
/married a catholic girl, haven’t gotten laid since.
April 16th, 2009 at 4:47 pm
btw, i always speak in italics
April 16th, 2009 at 4:50 pm
Good God, please don’t don’t show us pictures of Drewbs.
April 16th, 2009 at 5:03 pm
40 years in the desert = 40 years without a Super Bowl. It all makes sense!
April 16th, 2009 at 6:08 pm
Hey, stop acting like all Jewish people do is whine! There’s a lot more we’re good at too! Come on, you guys! This isn’t funny!
/they also hoard money
//+1 for trying to jew some dogs out of the deal
April 16th, 2009 at 7:03 pm
Needs more yarmulke.
April 16th, 2009 at 10:18 pm
they play games on turkey day… if you start drinking early enough, its not a problem
April 16th, 2009 at 11:17 pm
I fear his sidekick will be some sort of man-beast with a golden dome, an ill-conceived sense of what constitutes the everyman and a propensity for using thinly veiled pejoratives to insinuate certain things about Fireman Eliezer. Methinks he enjoys his meat with a little dairy. If you know what I’m saying.
/Wait, so the local cops are selling Afghany grass to the Canadians? Assholes.
//I guess I’m the asshole
///Christ, what an…
April 17th, 2009 at 12:14 pm
@SonofDad
God Bless You, whoever you are.
/smokes follow-up cigarette
April 17th, 2009 at 12:35 pm
So you’re saying you lifted this verbatim from Mike Greenberg?