LETS! GO! BUCS! LETS! GO! BUCKS!

Goddammit I hate football. Look at all these losers. Don’t they know that we have no shot at the playoffs? And yet here they are. Sitting here watching a stupid, meaningless game. That woman in the third row is really pretty. She better not be fucking my fiance’.

DE-FENSE! DE-FENSE! LET’S GO!

Oh God, I hope somebody picks me up at the bar tonight. Tells me how great my tits look. Takes me to their place and drugs me. Rips my clothes off. Fucks me til’ I pull a quadricep. God, I miss dating. Douglas is a nice man, don’t get me wrong. Good job, nice family, but…he doesn’t really know his way around a woman. Certainly not good with my Grade A tatas. Doing alright, girls? Mmmm, looking good.

B! U! C! S! IS THE BEST! B! U! …

Maybe I should go back to college. Get my MBA, I don’t know. Being a sideline whore just isn’t as much fun as I thought it would be. I could get a different guy to fuck me every night if I went back. Wouldn’t hurt to have some of my own money, either. Not that Douglas ever notices the things I buy to keep myself looking great. Unlike Brooke C., with her mousy hair and whore lipstick. It is! It makes her look like a tramp!

[Bucs give up another touchdown. Fans boo.]

I could go get a temp job. Wait tables someplace. Sure, I don’t have experience, but people like me! And they like my tits. I just wish that Douglas wasn’t so judgmental, because when he finds out I’m fucking both of his brothers he’s gonna shoot through the roof.