Dallas Morning News smells a Pulitzer after Martellus Bennett’s story on ladyfarts
Martellus Bennett is blogging for the Dallas Morning News‘ website, and fortunately his ruminations have nothing at all to do with football. Instead, the Cowboys’ second-year tight end is using the space to tell fart stories.
This lady was walking in front of me pushing her cart she
stopped to pick up some pringles and let one rip. Sounded like a growl
and and a motor but smelt like a dead carcus. OMG! Now I knew it
wasn’t me LOL and we were the only two people on the aisle. She just
smiled and kept walking like nothing happened the smell followed her.
I swear I could see it like smoke out of a train just nasty.
Stay tuned to the Insider Blog for more of Marty B’s thoughts, including his upcoming post “Queefs: It Stopped Being Funny the Second the Air Came Out of Her Vagina.”
Thanks to commenter Mo Charlo for the smelly tip.
Tags: farts, Flubby's headline, ladyfarts, Martellus Bennett, SIC, Unsilent Majority
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April 7th, 2009 at 12:07 pm
He thinks that fart jokes are a sophisticated form of comedy. But they’re NOT!
/sustained
April 7th, 2009 at 12:13 pm
and this is why ksk is my one-stop-shop for all nfl news.
you guys truly know how to cut the fat and tell me only what i need to know.
April 7th, 2009 at 12:21 pm
He’s also on Twitter.
/gay for Martellus
April 7th, 2009 at 12:23 pm
Great tip, man. Wish we had Mo Commenters like Mo Charlo.
April 7th, 2009 at 12:27 pm
It’s only on the website? No wonder print media is dying.
April 7th, 2009 at 12:28 pm
Didn’t he also get in some sort of trouble for appearing in degrading rap video?
April 7th, 2009 at 12:33 pm
I saw Ladyfarts when they opened for U2 a couple years ago.
Oh wait…that was Coldplay. Never mind.
April 7th, 2009 at 12:35 pm
Was it a fart or a queef? Can a queef smell like a dead carcus? Don’t leave me hanging like this.
April 7th, 2009 at 12:38 pm
SonOfSpam: +100
April 7th, 2009 at 12:41 pm
@SonOfSpam
Perhaps it was Ladyfarts Black Mambazo.
April 7th, 2009 at 12:42 pm
lnr really depends upon what you stuff up in there
a fart, really, is always going to smell like ass
you can garnish if you want…
but a queef, you’ve got pretty much total control of the contents
http://larryfire.files.wordpress.com/2008/06/quisp-cereal.jpg
April 7th, 2009 at 12:49 pm
John Garret wants Martellus to keep his nose high and tight every time he smells farts.
April 7th, 2009 at 12:54 pm
http://cowboysinsiderblog.dallasnews.com/archives/2009/04/yowsers.html
What the hell?
Do you think he writes this in Crayola and has someone type it up?
April 7th, 2009 at 1:01 pm
OMG!
Martellus Bennett is actually a 16-year-old girl.
April 7th, 2009 at 1:23 pm
@Mo Charlo
I’m gay for ‘Tellus as well, but I’m tempted to stop following him on Twitter. So fucking annoying…
April 7th, 2009 at 1:29 pm
I believe in aliens. I’ve actually seen four or five of them in my
lifetime. Although they aren’t as smart as everyone seems to think. I
played one in monopoly, checkers, and chess and I destroy him/her
couldn’t really tell which it was so I’m just going to call it It.
Apparently, Martellus Bennett will be starring in “Honky Grandma Be Trippin’” and “Who Dat Ninja?” within the year.
April 7th, 2009 at 2:33 pm
Good lord, he’s like a black, 14 year old female version of Gary Busey
April 7th, 2009 at 2:59 pm
@Santo, I think Otto Man’s on the right path.
@Man Bear Pig, then you’re not actually gay for him. I CARE that his dogs ate all his cookies earlier.
April 7th, 2009 at 3:06 pm
As an A&M alum, I can’t decide whether to be proud or especially embarressed. Honestly, I could go either way here.
April 7th, 2009 at 3:23 pm
heh – and then what happened.
April 7th, 2009 at 3:26 pm
Martellus… lofty words. True words.
April 7th, 2009 at 6:36 pm
Anyways Witten and I are working on becoming the best TE tandem possible and that is going well. Be on the look out for Beans and Rice lmao. I’m beans and he’s rice. Has nothing to do with us personally but it does sound good hahaha.
His blog is making me like the Cowboys. Stop it, Mr. Bennett.
April 7th, 2009 at 7:08 pm
“Thanks to commenter Mo Charlo for the smelly tip.”
Anal sex?
April 7th, 2009 at 9:09 pm
Martellus defines stench.
April 7th, 2009 at 9:43 pm
Over/under for how soon “carcus” becomes this site’s nickname for Count Al’s QB?
April 9th, 2009 at 4:08 pm
You all SERIOUSLY need to chill out and not take life so seriously! *GASP* A poot joke! I must argue this on the internet at once!! My delicate sensibilities have been offended!
Bigger things to waste time on folks. Laugh often and scowl less.
May 7th, 2009 at 8:49 am
i’m using what odors for a few months now. it’s quite ok.