Martellus Bennett is blogging for the Dallas Morning News‘ website, and fortunately his ruminations have nothing at all to do with football. Instead, the Cowboys’ second-year tight end is using the space to tell fart stories.
This lady was walking in front of me pushing her cart she
stopped to pick up some pringles and let one rip. Sounded like a growl
and and a motor but smelt like a dead carcus. OMG! Now I knew it
wasn’t me LOL and we were the only two people on the aisle. She just
smiled and kept walking like nothing happened the smell followed her.
I swear I could see it like smoke out of a train just nasty.
Stay tuned to the Insider Blog for more of Marty B’s thoughts, including his upcoming post “Queefs: It Stopped Being Funny the Second the Air Came Out of Her Vagina.”
Thanks to commenter Mo Charlo for the smelly tip.
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good article.thank you sir.
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i’m using what odors for a few months now. it’s quite ok.
You all SERIOUSLY need to chill out and not take life so seriously! *GASP* A poot joke! I must argue this on the internet at once!! My delicate sensibilities have been offended!
Bigger things to waste time on folks. Laugh often and scowl less.
Over/under for how soon “carcus” becomes this site’s nickname for Count Al’s QB?
Martellus defines stench.
“Thanks to commenter Mo Charlo for the smelly tip.”
Anal sex?
Anyways Witten and I are working on becoming the best TE tandem possible and that is going well. Be on the look out for Beans and Rice lmao. I’m beans and he’s rice. Has nothing to do with us personally but it does sound good hahaha.
His blog is making me like the Cowboys. Stop it, Mr. Bennett.
Martellus… lofty words. True words.
heh – and then what happened.
As an A&M alum, I can’t decide whether to be proud or especially embarressed. Honestly, I could go either way here.
@Santo, I think Otto Man’s on the right path.
@Man Bear Pig, then you’re not actually gay for him. I CARE that his dogs ate all his cookies earlier.
Good lord, he’s like a black, 14 year old female version of Gary Busey
I believe in aliens. I’ve actually seen four or five of them in my
lifetime. Although they aren’t as smart as everyone seems to think. I
played one in monopoly, checkers, and chess and I destroy him/her
couldn’t really tell which it was so I’m just going to call it It.
Apparently, Martellus Bennett will be starring in “Honky Grandma Be Trippin’” and “Who Dat Ninja?” within the year.
@Mo Charlo
I’m gay for ‘Tellus as well, but I’m tempted to stop following him on Twitter. So fucking annoying…
OMG!
Martellus Bennett is actually a 16-year-old girl.
http://cowboysinsiderblog.dallasnews.com/archives/2009/04/yowsers.html
What the hell?
Do you think he writes this in Crayola and has someone type it up?
John Garret wants Martellus to keep his nose high and tight every time he smells farts.
lnr really depends upon what you stuff up in there
a fart, really, is always going to smell like ass
you can garnish if you want…
but a queef, you’ve got pretty much total control of the contents
http://larryfire.files.wordpress.com/2008/06/quisp-cereal.jpg
@SonOfSpam
Perhaps it was Ladyfarts Black Mambazo.
SonOfSpam: +100
Was it a fart or a queef? Can a queef smell like a dead carcus? Don’t leave me hanging like this.
I saw Ladyfarts when they opened for U2 a couple years ago.
Oh wait…that was Coldplay. Never mind.
Didn’t he also get in some sort of trouble for appearing in degrading rap video?
It’s only on the website? No wonder print media is dying.
Great tip, man. Wish we had Mo Commenters like Mo Charlo.
He’s also on Twitter.
/gay for Martellus
and this is why ksk is my one-stop-shop for all nfl news.
you guys truly know how to cut the fat and tell me only what i need to know.
He thinks that fart jokes are a sophisticated form of comedy. But they’re NOT!
/sustained