A Shame There is No Popcorn to Go With This
After the runaway success of Marty B’s blog post on ladyfarts, a few readers noticed a subsequent entry in which he proclaims the tight end combo of he and Jason Witten to be “Rice and Beans.” Well, they weren’t the only ones. Execs in the television industry were piqued with the possibilities of a serial cop drama.
Coming this fall to FOX, following the two-hour block of Cops on Saturday night:
Jason Witten is… KENNY ARROZ!
Martellus Bennett is… JEROME FRIJOLES!
Together they are:
Set in the crime hotbed that is Dallas (actually filmed in Oklahoma City to save money)
Archived footage of the late Tex Schramm as…THE CHIEF!
“Listen here, Rice and Beans, I know you get results, but I’ve had it up to here with your unorthodox tactics. You scared Miles Austin halfway to death!”
Ed Werder is … THE MOLE!
“C’mon Rice. You know the department loves you. What’s a little info just this once?”
Tony Romo is… VICE SQUAD DETECTIVE ALEJANDRO!
“I am only in drag to ceetch dees perverts!”
Marion Barber is … MARION BARBER!
“Whatever. Just came to this show for the groupie ass. I don’t play no bitch-ass characters.”
This fall, RICE & BEANS. They’re gonna serve up a platter…OF ASS WHIPPINGS!
Tags: bad Final Cut, Martellus Bennett, Ufford Photoshops, xmas ape
April 9th, 2009 at 2:57 pm
Can’t wait for the episode where Witten gets electrocuted…cue Hines Ward cameo: “Who flied lice now gaijin???”
April 9th, 2009 at 2:58 pm
Now they need a video with Huff and Doback
April 9th, 2009 at 3:02 pm
i still prefer the mexican crime-fighting duo known (in my head, anyway) as “Spic ‘n’ Span”.
April 9th, 2009 at 3:03 pm
something something Big Lebowksi
April 9th, 2009 at 3:16 pm
Site admin, please block all access requests coming from anyone with a fox.com IP address. You just know some Fox monkey is going to read this and think “KA-CHING!”
April 9th, 2009 at 3:20 pm
The fuck is this? Dallas Cowboys on the side of law and order? No wonder they don’t win shit anymore.
April 9th, 2009 at 3:22 pm
Oh sure, make Marion Barber play the part of the street wise pimp who gives Rice & Beans the word on the street.
That’s vely lacist!
We can call him HUGGY bar-BEAR-ian.
/Hates self for being so damn lacist.
April 9th, 2009 at 3:22 pm
With Emmitt Smith as Scoey Bear The Jive-Talking Street Informant
April 9th, 2009 at 3:24 pm
What about Wade Phillips as the fat lazy detective who gets pissed all over and no one gives a shit about?
April 9th, 2009 at 3:24 pm
IN COLOR!
April 9th, 2009 at 3:31 pm
“What about Wade Phillips as the fat lazy detective who gets pissed all over and no one gives a shit about?”
Big stretch from his real life job as the fat lazy head coach who gets pissed all over and no one gives a shit about.
April 9th, 2009 at 3:38 pm
Besides Wade’s already got his own series with Yeehaw double J
April 9th, 2009 at 3:50 pm
I heard that Wade ‘n’ Jerry have a hillbilly variety show on CMT.
Wade: I caught my wife in bed with another man
Jerry: You bitter?
Wade: Yeah. Bit him, too.
/cue banjo
April 9th, 2009 at 3:51 pm
I applaud any post that includes an extended clip of the Beastie Boys’ “Sabotage” video. Thank you good sirs.
April 9th, 2009 at 4:00 pm
FUCK and YES
April 9th, 2009 at 4:21 pm
/cue banjo
+1 Gino.
April 9th, 2009 at 4:58 pm
The best TV appearance by a Cowboy was made by Ed “Too Tall” Jones on “Diff’rent Strokes”. He saved Arnold’s life, but could not save Kimberley and Willis.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=34DdOIaKyR8
“Arnold, have you lost your frijoles?”
April 9th, 2009 at 5:36 pm
Do these guys have powers, like on “Heroes”? Or can Witten actually put his hand through Marty B’s forearm?
April 9th, 2009 at 6:34 pm
i gotta tell ya. i hate the cowboys with every inch of my being… but i LOVED this.
April 9th, 2009 at 6:45 pm
that video was amazing. good work ape
April 10th, 2009 at 4:13 am
“I don’t play no bitch-ass characters”
+3
(groupie ass shatters into 3,000 very small pieces)
April 10th, 2009 at 8:42 am
They can’t film in Dallas anyway, everyone would think the show was set in Detroit.
April 10th, 2009 at 10:38 am
I can’t wait for the episode entitled “The Dallas Queefer Has Beans and Rice Up Her Ass”
April 10th, 2009 at 1:47 pm
This made my day. You should see Martellus’s Twitter. It just gets better and better.
@OJ Incandenza – true story.
April 10th, 2009 at 5:01 pm
I’m excited for the first Gay Zorro episode