Josh McDaniels: It may not have been under the best of circumstances, but all things considered, I know we’re gonna have a great season together. I wouldn’t've traded for you if I didn’t think you were up to the task. If things shake out right, I think we could have a real monumental season. Shock some people. Really shake things up.

Kyle Orton: Cool, man. Glad to be, y’know, helping out the cause and junk.

Josh McDaniels: Not that there won’t be difficulties…

Kyle Orton: [Urp] No doubt. Learning a new [Urp] system. Always tough.

Josh McDaniels: For one, we’ve had some problems on the defensive side of the ball.

Kyle Orton: Oh yeah. Totally.

Josh McDaniels: And the running game could use some work.

Kyle Orton: [Urp] I hear that.

Josh McDaniels: But really, your main concern right off the bat is…

Kyle Orton: Yeah?

Josh McDaniels: It is, well, it is…

[Door flies open]

Philip Rivers: Ya betta ask someboddddaaaayyyyyyy!

Josh McDaniels: It’s that guy.

Rivers: You better believe I’m your main concern YA BEARDY TWAT! I ALREADY RAN ONE CUTLERFUCKER OUT OF TOWN! AND HE WAS TWICE THE SHITTY QUARTERBACK YOU ARE! HE SULKED UNTIL HE COULD SULK NO MORE! THEN THEY PUT HIM ON THE FIRST TRAIN TO THE WINDY SULKY CITY FULL OF MIDWESTERN TWO-CHINNED LUMBERING SAUSAGEWITS! AND NOW YOU’RE STANDING ON THE TRACKS AND THE LASER’S COMING THROUGH!

WHAT? HUH? WHAT? SHAVE YOUR FUCKING NECKGINA!

Rivers: You in some catatonic case? You can’t make out what I’m saying to you? ARE YOU FUCKING MENTALLY DEFICIENT? ARE YOU COCKTUALLY BEREFT!? ALL SIGNS POINT TO FUCK YES!

Orton: This guy…check out this guy. [Urp] He’s kinda funny.

Rivers: I’m a funny guy to you, Beardo? Perhaps you’ll change your mind about my funnin’ ways once I whip the AFC West sweeping dick out. THE HUMOR IS LESS ENJOYABLE WHEN IT SPOOGES IN YOUR EYE!

Orton: So long as I can get Fat Tire, you can sweep anything you want with anybody’s dick.

Rivers: Sulk, goddammit! SULK LIKE A PUSSY BRONCO QUARTERBACK SHOULD! What’s this complacent shit!? You can’t get get beyond the mind games. Your devastated psyche will show!

Orton: [Downs bottle of Bulleit Bourbon] Yeah. You’ff… probabee right about the weather…Gonna rain tomorrow or some schizz [passes out]

Rivers: Can it be? Can I actually be missing the Cutlerfucker? NO! THERE ARE ALWAYS SENSITIVE NINNIES TO BERATE!

Orton:[Urp] It could be. Stranger things have [vomits]

Rivers: Hey! [Pokes with cock] HEY! Get the fuck up! What’s the use without the abuse!?

Josh McDaniels: Since he’s out…uh, any chance I can swing a trade for you?