Worst Signing, Or Worstest Signing? I was a guest on two podcasts leading up to tomorrow’s draft. I joined the roundtable over at Joe Sports Fan, then I joined Levy & Co. over at On The DL, where we talked about the draft, and the fact that Carolina decided last night to hand Jake Delhomme $20 million guaranteed in what has to be the single most retarded signing I’ve ever heard of not made by either Al Davis or Dan Snyder. Seriously, $20 million for Delhomme after that platypus abortion he delivered vs. Arizona? Jesus. That’s almost worse than the picture Levy posted of me in my Vikings hat and pink shirt. Good Lord. I look like a gay sailboat.
Tags: do your worst commenters, fat people, horrible horrible signings, quick hits
April 24th, 2009 at 10:57 am
Pink is not slimming. Just one of many reasons why I don’t wear pink.
/fellow fat guy
April 24th, 2009 at 10:58 am
I would have gone with the kid from “Bad Santa,” but fat sailboat works too.
April 24th, 2009 at 11:00 am
Jake Delhomme defines Sexy Friday.
April 24th, 2009 at 11:04 am
They say having kids makes you age faster, but clearly, you’ve got a Benjamin Button situation going, Drew. When you take the girl to the movies, do they charge you for two kids’ tickets?
/jealous. my gray hair is advancing from my temples to my chest.
April 24th, 2009 at 11:06 am
April 24th, 2009 at 11:10 am
Pink shirts are gayer than A.I.D.S.
And if my daddy taught me anything, it’s that only the gays get the A.I.D.S.
April 24th, 2009 at 11:11 am
You kill me, flubby.
April 24th, 2009 at 11:14 am
So is someone going to photoshop Drew’s head on Big Boy there or what?
Honest to God, I think Dan Snyder choked on his tongue when he read about that contract. Jake Delhomme is fucking atrocious.
April 24th, 2009 at 11:16 am
I thought that when one wears a cap that the hair right above one’s forehead would be under the cap and not peek through under the bill of said cap. Are you just a really huge little leaguer and do you place a baseball with a rubber band wrapped around it on the bill of your cap each night? Just sayin’…
Started reading the book last week. Solid stuff there, will continue to read every weekend until done sometime next year.
/yeah I don’t read books regularly
//so what? wanna fight about it?
April 24th, 2009 at 11:18 am
“So is someone going to photoshop Drew’s head on Big Boy there or what?”
I thought Flubby already did.
April 24th, 2009 at 11:20 am
PURPLE (gay) PRIDE!
April 24th, 2009 at 11:22 am
As you might imagine, this has been a hellish offseason for combination Bronco/Panther fans (thank God I’m probably the only one). Expect my killing spree to start any day now.
I understand that the cap situation was desperate, but Jesus Christ – $20M guaranteed for Jake Fucking Delhomme?
(waits for extension with $30M guaranteed for Neckbeard)
April 24th, 2009 at 11:23 am
Big fan of the JoeSportsFan Show. Good to hear BDD on it this week. Great stuff.
April 24th, 2009 at 11:27 am
Who posted that Make-A-Wish picture of a ginger kid with Down’s Syndrome?
On a related note, they should pay Delhomme $35 mil to disappear somewhere forever. I hear Greenland’s nice.
/can’t say much as my hairline is changing inversely proportional to my waistline.
April 24th, 2009 at 11:29 am
@Impersonal Jesus: Funny you should say that; I am a Broncos fan going to college in NC, and while I can’t say I’d call myself anything greater than a “Panthers sympathizer”, I’m no doubt going to have to deal with a lot of Delhomme angst.
So, you’re not totally alone, I spose.
April 24th, 2009 at 11:29 am
As you might imagine, this has been a hellish offseason for combination Bronco/Panther fans (thank God I’m probably the only one).
That’s what you get for being a “combination fan,” whatever the hell that is.
April 24th, 2009 at 11:33 am
But if the Vikings signed Delhomme and gave him $20 million guaranteed, you’d be sporting wood for a week.
/Tavaris’d
April 24th, 2009 at 11:38 am
Grew up in Charlotte, live in Raleigh. Was always a Bronco fan growing up, but adopted the Panthers as a second team due to obvious local ties.
Fortunately, they are not in the same conference and play only once every four years. When they do play, I pull for the team that needs the win more (i.e., pull for the team jockeying for playoff position, not the 2-6 one). In the event of a tie, I’d go with the Broncos because one should stay most loyal to one’s original team.
@ Ordinary Olandis Gary – I would hope that you’re going to NC State and not one of the evil blues, but I couldn’t wish that kind of suffering on anybody.
April 24th, 2009 at 11:42 am
Why is the Pillsbury Dough Boy wearing a pink shirt? Did he go GAY?
April 24th, 2009 at 12:20 pm
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
https://www.silversnail.com/images/gold/full/action0005952.jpg
April 24th, 2009 at 12:25 pm
I gotta call a little bit of johnny-come-lately bullshit on Delhomme bashing, especially when compared with the recent spate of “Cutler’s a good QB and there aren’t a lot of those and what was Denver thinking?!?!” sentiments around here. Fine, he shit the bed against the Cardinals, but he’s 5-3 lifetime in the playoffs (Cutler’s never even been). On top of that, the Panthers were 12-4 last year and got beat by a team that had Pittsburgh down late in the 4th and could’ve very easily won the Super Bowl. Carolina thinks that they’re ready to compete right now and the recent evidence says that they’re right (as opposed to say, the Bears, who think they’re ready to compete right now even though they’ve been mediocre for the last two seasons). Changing QBs (with who?) means starting over, which they don’t want to do, and $20 million guaranteed for a guy who’s proved he’s a capable NFL starter doesn’t seem out of line. Besides, this is the NFL, if he’s injured and sucks two or three years from now they’ll cut him. That said, $4 million per playoff interception thrown is pretty funny.
April 24th, 2009 at 12:42 pm
Bring back Vintage Vinny Testaverde
April 24th, 2009 at 1:12 pm
It helps the salary cap, but for fucks sake 5 years! $20M! Jesus Butt-Fucking Christ, what the hell is Hurney thinking. I fully expected Jake to be our starter next year, but 5 more fucking years?!?! At some point, they’ll have to open up the #1 QB spot for Moore to get his shot at it, otherwise things will only get worse for the Panthers.
@Charlie: The Panthers have had success with Delhomme at QB, but that success has been more in spite of him than because of him. He has single-handedly taken 3 years off of Steve Smith’s career by throwing faggoty little rainbows in his general direction. Watching poor Smitty contort his body and get smoked by the safety game after game is just sad. And the playoff loss to AZ wasn’t the worst, that loss has to be handed to the coaching staff for a miserable game plan.
April 24th, 2009 at 1:16 pm
I don’t think Delhomme is a terrible QB, but giving this contract to a 34-year-old is goddamn retarded.
April 24th, 2009 at 1:19 pm
Carolina has a much, much tougher schedule this year and every team is going to get a good look at the running game from last year’s film. So, I could actually see Jake putting up better numbers than last year while we struggle to a 9-7 finish…Goddamit.
April 24th, 2009 at 1:21 pm
@Ape: He’s not terrible, I’m pretty sure he’s the epitome of the “average” NFL starter at the position. However, he should never throw more than 20 times a game. But, yes, this contract is inexcusable.
April 24th, 2009 at 1:25 pm
All you “combination” fans can suck it, long and hard. PICK ONE TEAM ALREADY!!
I am a Jets fan, which means my football life sucks and has no chance of sucking any less any time soon, but I dont go around saying, “Well, at least I can watch my OTHER team, (insert witty name here), that isn’t sucking so hard”.
As for the $20M for Delhomme, relax already. This is the NFL; the chances that he gets to play all 5 years of his new contract are slim-to-none. I DO agree with Pantherhands, Delhomme’s rainbows to Steve Smith are fucking deadly.
As for being a Jets fan, please note that this is the bane of my existence. This year I have gotten a new, better job, married a hottie, AND won my fantasy football league. But knowing I have another awful J-E-T-S season ahead just takes the tarnish right off. RIGHT OFF I SAY!
April 24th, 2009 at 1:45 pm
Ape, yes, fine he’s 34 years old, but 5-year contract doesn’t mean 5-year contract in the NFL and they’re trying to win now which means the cap space is important. CobraCommander knows what I’m talking about.
@Pantherhands – I dip in and out of Panther watching depending on fantasy needs so I’m sure you’ve watched more of him than I have, but to say “that success has been more in spite of him than because of him” seems out of scale. The Bears succeed in spite of their QBs, the Vikings succeed in spite of their QBs, and a good case could be made for whatever success the Bucs have. Delhomme is an above average QB who makes the occasional dumb ass play and costs you a game from time to time, but so what? Once you go below the truly elite QBs (of which there are never more than five and usually less than three) all the “good” QBs are like that and you’re vastly better off with him than without him.
April 24th, 2009 at 1:50 pm
but 5-year contract doesn’t mean 5-year contract in the NFL
Yeah, but he could have a major dropoff within a year. That much guaranteed money means a big cap hit if they end up cutting him within two years because he’s broken down (this is a QB who’s had Tommy John surgery)
April 24th, 2009 at 1:53 pm
Gay sailboat? Don’t you mean a ferry?
April 24th, 2009 at 1:59 pm
Didn’t you guys read the fine print? That’s $20 million in old Confederate dollars.
/only possible rational explanation I can think of
April 24th, 2009 at 2:21 pm
Ferry? Don’t you mean carboat?
/Ocho Cinco’d
April 24th, 2009 at 2:23 pm
I like the guy, I don’t mind the contract… I still don’t blame him all that much for the abortion against Arizona because 90% of the blame should go to the coaching staff for the game plan which abandoned the run after the first drive and let Ken Lucas play against Fitz the whole entire first half when he was the reason we were getting torched at the end of the season.
The only thing that sucks about the QB situation is the fact that a McCown is a backup which I still don’t understand, but at least it’s better than having David FUCKING Carr as one. Matt Moore is the future, and yes, i’m being dead serious.
April 24th, 2009 at 3:05 pm
Snyder didn’t realize Delhomme could be had so cheaply.
April 24th, 2009 at 3:10 pm
Jesus, I just clicked that link. A tee shirt that had “I suck cock” spray painted on it would have been more subtle, Drew.
April 24th, 2009 at 4:02 pm
Did Ape give you a ride to Jump ‘n Play?
April 24th, 2009 at 4:11 pm
So, thats the newest in spring fashions for the NAMBLA members.
April 24th, 2009 at 7:19 pm
There are no words to describe the disbelief I had when I heard that, have fun with Delhommo Carolina!
April 24th, 2009 at 7:27 pm
That’s almost worse than the picture Levy posted of me in my Vikings hat and pink shirt. Good Lord. I look like a gay sailboat.
I’ve always thought of Drew as more of a gay frigate, maybe a gay junk.
April 24th, 2009 at 9:40 pm
Yeah, I don’t understand any appeal Jake may have to the Carolina front office or the coaches:
Since 2003, Delhomme has won 54 of his starts (regular season and postseason).
The only active quarterbacks to win more games in that span are Tom Brady (84), Peyton Manning (78), Ben Roethlisberger (59) and Donovan McNabb (56).
April 24th, 2009 at 11:10 pm
Wow, a guy is the 5th best QB in the league over an arbitrary period of time based on an arbitrary stat which may or may not actually show how good a qb he is? And he’s 34? And you say he recently missed most of a season due to an elbow injury and his last performance was one of the all time playoff choke jobs. $42.5 million? Sounds like a steal to me!
What’s that? He threw a whole 15 TDs last year? Better go an guarantee 20 million, we don’t want this to be the one that got away!
April 24th, 2009 at 11:31 pm
You know what, I take it back. If Fucking Stafford is worth 42 million guaranteed, then the Delhomme deal might not be completely batshit crazy.
April 25th, 2009 at 1:50 am
While I’m not entirely a fan of Jake Delhomme as my team’s QB, all the hate is unwarranted I think.
In the 2.5 games prior to his elbow injury, he had the 3rd best QB rating in the NFL (behind Tom Brady and Peyton Manning I believe) with 8 TDs and 1 interception. And you say he only had 15 TDs last year? Man what a great stat to use when our running game exploded and scored 30. It also doesn’t help that Mushin Muhammed lets the ball hit him in the goddamn chest when he’s standing in the endzone completely open.
Yes, he’s being overpaid especially after a terrible performance. Yes, he’s getting old. Yes, Carolina has cap issues.
Yes Delhomme did throw the passes but honestly, blame the OC for calling all passes after our first drive marched down the field utilizing the run to open up the pass.
Peppers: Die in a fucking oil fire you fucking prick. “I don’t want to leave them crippled or in a bad situation.”
April 25th, 2009 at 1:53 am
and to Not Your Fweind, I completely agree about Matt Moore and I don’t understand why McCown is the 2nd string. When we played Moore instead of Carr/Testaverde he showed immense amounts of promise in those 2 or 3 games.
April 25th, 2009 at 2:14 am
Now, no likey, you know as well as I do that no one, let alone Jake, expects him to actually stay in the league another five years. Carolina needs cap room and this is the easiest way to free it up. Don’t get me wrong, Jake’s no Touchdown Jesus, but he’s no slouch either and doesn’t deserve the hate bandwagon. And like you said, if someone can throw 42 mil to a rookie, then 20 to a veteran – who’s taken his team to postseaon more often than not – is pretty freakin’ cheap. Maybe he choked last year against a fast young defense that damn near beat the Steelers, but at least he was in the NFC championship game. The rest of the NFC teams were home watching the game on TV, like you and I.
April 25th, 2009 at 12:58 pm
Maybe he choked last year against a fast young defense that damn near beat the Steelers, but at least he was in the NFC championship game.
Did Delhomme play as McNabb in blackface? That might explain a few things.
/McNabb actually played reasonably well in the NFC Title Game. I just wanted to take a cheap shot.