This Month’s Drew Penthouse Column Is Online. This month, it’s 13 things that totally aren’t gay if you do them while stoned (link SFW unless your office frowns on the Penthouse URL). Like having another guy motorboat your buttcheeks. That’s not gay at all. Am I right? Right? No? Uh oh, Francois and I better have a little chat.
TAGS: quick hits
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christ what an asshole. But I gotta agree the article is lacking. Reads like an ‘oh shit, penthouse article’s due tomorrow and I got nothing so they get a turd I have lying around’. Normally love your stuff or I wouldn’t even bother to comment, but YOUR SHITS WEAK
“pull a tube”, Drew? That means something entitrely different in my mind.
Also, Michael, if that is your real name, you can take all of you purdy fifty cent words and go fuck a leprichaun.
you’re walking into the bedroom of your house and finding your wife boning another guy.
That’s shocking on a number of levels.
Well said, Michael. You’re my favorite Slate writer.
I’m coming late to the party, but holy shit does that deserve a slow clap. Well played, CC.
It’s not gay to make brownies if it’s that .39c Jiffy mix. Having fresh eggs and vegetable oil on hand so you can just whip them up is another matter. If you bought the eggs for a manly omelet and the vegetable oil because you are a perv then making Jiffy brownies is straight as piss.
That article sucked. Boo this man.
Michael, whoever you are, I hope that right now, at this very second, you’re walking into the bedroom of your house and finding your wife boning another guy. Only that one scenario would be enough to make you remember what it’s like to actually have a penis.
That is all.
amazing irony
What a crass expression. May I suggest “prodigious sardonicism.”
Hey fuck you, The Dead rock! We can’t all listen to the incredibly masculine music that is eighties glam metal.
“Crístos, qué un cabrón.”
- The Ghost of Ernesto “Che” Guevarra (after looking at the poster of himself in Michael’s living room, next to the carefully-placed and unread Noam Chomsky books)
1. Great article, though I’m so used to the length of Balls Deep etc. that the word limit makes it feel short.
2. A Twisted Tea or two, or 12, still gay.
3. Christ, what an asshole.
Thank you Professor Irwin Cory. Christ, what an asshole.
Who the hell calls it “THC consumption”? Christ, what an asshole.
I don’t remember asking to see the whine list…
Christ, what an asshole.
Holy shit , just shut the fuck up.
A Penthouse post that contrives a feminist comment on constructionism in the misguided context of THC consumption hardly satisfies either of those basic rudiments.
Do the pages of your thesaurus stick together?
UM:
It doesn’t have to be side-splitting to be worthwhile, just original. And, preferably, football-oriented. A Penthouse post that contrives a feminist comment on constructionism in the misguided context of THC consumption hardly satisfies either of those basic rudiments. Though I’d frankly like to talk about the amazing irony of the presence of a feminist argument in the exploitation-machine that is PH, I abstain because it’s not about FOOTBALL. It says on the side of every fucking page that “KSK is a humor site dedicated solely to the NFL”…. today, that is either disingenuous or simply untrue.
Just sayin.
I think “Christ, what an asshole” is the right response to anything Michael says.
http://www.modernarthur.com/blog/christwhatanasshole.html
I can remember both being an enhancement smoker and identifying the rigidity of the American masculine construction of heterosexuality… in middle school. I fail to see how this list retroactively enhances either of those experiences; rather, I feel it depricates them insofar as the novelty of innocence is being feigned by someone whose productivity should (here’s where my rant becomes normative) be focused on things that allow for analysis-driven insight. Like, for instance, football.
In short, you’re a whiny dipshit.
A post about the schedule? Well that would be downright side-splitting!
Well said, Michael. You’re my favorite Slate writer.
This is a seriously terrible pseudo-article. It has all of the novel elements of middle school without any of the prospective maturity.
I can remember both being an enhancement smoker and identifying the rigidity of the American masculine construction of heterosexuality… in middle school. I fail to see how this list retroactively enhances either of those experiences; rather, I feel it depricates them insofar as the novelty of innocence is being feigned by someone whose productivity should (here’s where my rant becomes normative) be focused on things that allow for analysis-driven insight. Like, for instance, football.
KSK, I understand that the offseason is a clearly slow time for you creatively (ie. parodying EB&D… really? you think you improved upon the existing comedy?…), but linking this list while having no post about the 2009 schedule is frankly inexcusable from this reader’s perspective.
Bravo, sir!
Sometimes, I listen to disco, and I rarely get high. But it’s okay, because when “Boogie Wonderland” or “Disco Inferno” is playing, I imagine I’m banging a really hot 70′s chick with feathered hair, roller skates, and a big bush while snorting coke off her banana tits. So definitely not gay. Except for some reason, I’m calling her “Lance.”
/shutting up, sir
the only place the Penthouse URL is SFW is an adult bookstore.
I’m pretty sure that talking about politics and listening to jam-band music (at least when not high, I wouldn’t know about being high) makes you a douchebag, not a fag.
Good stuff. Epic stuff.
“Uh, why did you visit Penthouse Magazine last week?”
“I was just checking out an article! Honest!”
At some workplaces, isn’t this entire website NSFW?
There are 3 things on that list that even gay guys consider gay.
So do you get to tell your illustrator what to draw?