MARTELLUS BENNETT’S MOST RECENT BRILLANCE: Marty B drops some helpful hints for anyone living through a scenario from a horror movie, including “Women do not wear heels!” and “Unless you are a janitor you should not have 50 keys on your keychain.” Sage advice. [Cowboys Insider]
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Next topic, The Soviet Union!
Imagine if he didn’t have all this free time to write because his team sucks in the playoffs. Trade him to a good team so we can hear his ideas on which player is a terrible drunk at SB parties!!
Marty B can suck my D. Story Time Tuesday is a can’t miss at The Toolshed.
That man has THE worst grammar I’ve ever seen on someone out of grade school.
Fumbling “threw” your keys? Really?
RE Otto Man Says:
April 13th, 2009 at 7:47 pm
“You can read all of these tips and more in Martellus’s forthcoming book, Bitch, Look Out!”
OK, now THIS is the best comment of the day.
It is nice to know that in the extremely unlikely event of being chased down by a Jason-like serial killer, the Cowboys got my back. If I’m ever date-raped by a player, on the other hand, I have a feeling I’m on my own.
Whatever. Martellus stole this entire list from Ray-Ray, minus “rule #10: You didn’t see nothin.”
@ Hammer
“…and what about airplane food? Amirite? Airplane food?”
Reading that blog, I have to agree with your title — Martellus is brillant. Truly brillant.
That’s a Ziggy!
FUTURE TOPICS:
-WHAT is the DEAL with the Black Box on airplanes? If it can survive a PLANE CRASH, should’t they make the PLANE out of the same thing as the Black Box?
-WHY do they call it “Grape Nuts”? I see no grapes. I see no nuts…
-”I’ve FALLEN! And I CAN’T get up!”
“Do not be the only black person in the neighborhood. Everyone knows the black guy gets it first.”
Haha! it’s funny ’cause it’s a comedy cliche!
I wonder if Martellius has ever noticed how black people be all dancing like this, but white people be all dancing like THIS….”
Congratulations Marty, you finally got around to watching “Scream”
You can read all of these tips and more in Martellus’s forthcoming book, Bitch, Look Out!
Marty B is the George Carlin of professional football. Looking forward to the 7 things you cannot say to Roger Goodell.