For a long time, we had a nice thing going here. The AFC East was a real sedate kind of place where Peezys and huckleberries could convene for gentlemanly facebanging and mouf fixing. Nice little corner of the league, even with them self-tainted Patriots stealing dynasties right up out from under my nose.

Nuh-uh. No more. The crazy done been let loose on the Peezy Heezy now that Buffalo went and got them a T.O. Just as soon as we drop a Brett Favre, we infested with the T.O. All I know is it ’bout to get all mediated up in my spot. Now, you know Peezy like to keep it low key. I keep my head down, I play my game, I fix a mouf or two. Can’t be having all this unnecessary courting of the media. It’s bad for the sports and gets moufs going in unappealing ways.

The arrival of T.O. poses a threat to this delicate balance. The balance gets upset, it’s only natural that it reflects itself in my behavior. I WON’T SEE THE PEEZY DIVISION BE ALL TURNED ON ITS HEAD!

THAT’S UPHEAVAL!

Never let it be said Peezy is an intolerant man. When Chad sent loving texts to Laveranues all during the season, Peezy didn’t say Nathan after calling him a faggy long-haired bitchswitch. Live and let live, y’know. Nobody allowed to judge nobody ‘cept God and maybe DMX.

That said, we can live with Terrell Owens. What we can’t live with is exhaustive coverage of all he doings. That’s why Peezy gotta lay down some ground rules for media that want to blow-uptuate my spot with round-the-clock T.O. coverage.

Peezy’s Test of T.O. Controversy Newsworthiness

1. Does the T.O. controversy involve Peezy?

2. If not, did Peezy tell you it was newsworthy? YOU MUST CHECK WITH PEEZY!

2b. Did you check with Peezy twice? ‘Cause sometime Peezy say things he takes back a few minutes later.

3. Could your coverage be better suited discussing Peezy and Peezy contract status?

4. I’mma still cut Brandon Marshall. Get that out there.

Consulting those four simple questions, we can keep the T.O. bidness from getting out of hand before Peezy is forced to fix the moufs of all the talking heads. What people don’t know is how much he takes outta me to fix you mouf. You mouf all dirty and shit, so I gotta take time to wash up afterward.

Together we can rein in the T.O. media circus and maintain order in the Peezy Division.

Oh yeah — WE WINNING THE DIVISION AGAIN AND T.O. AIN’T GETTING NO CATCHES AGAINST US! BECAUSE HE DO NOTHING BUT RUN THAT MOUF!