Shaved Pubes. The KSK Sex And Football Mailbag
Ooh, lookie! It’s that time of week again. Time to answer your sexy, sexy letters in the order in which they were received! GRRRR! No popped hemmorhoids this week. PHEW! I couldn’t eat after reading that. Well, actually that isn’t true. I still ate. A lot. But I felt like I could have possibly NOT EATEN, or not eaten quite so much, and that isn’t a situation I like being in. Anyway, to the letters…
Dear Football-lovin’ Friends of Dorothy:
Football – which is harder: rooting for a team that ruthlessly cuts beloved team leaders without remorse once they’re on the wrong side of 30, or rooting for a team that constantly blows its (cap room) wad on name players on the downside of their careers?
Why not root for the Patriots this year, in which case you can do both? OOOOH BURN. No, the answer of course is that any sane fan would far, far prefer the ruthless franchise that jettisons beloved players the very second they show signs of wearing down. There’s also the new Josh McDaniels approach, where you bloodlessly cut both aging veterans AND young, talented players you know will become aging veterans ten years from now. Can’t build a winning program with players like that.
Sex: what’s your take on manscaping? What’s the advantage of doing it? More to the point, how would a guy with a hirsute, Mediterranean look (I’m basically a carpet) go about it? Weed-whacker?
Anxiously awaiting a reply before I commence shopping for a lawnmower,
Harry Balls
I have been accused of manscaping in the past. But I assure you, my chest hair really is that sparse, and my skin really is that ruddy. NICE! As for shaving your chest, or waxing your happy trail, or putting a Flobee to your balls, I don’t think it’s gay to take action if you think girls will like it.
The problem with manscaping is that it usually involves absolutes. Let’s say you’ve got a fucking Persian rug on your chest. There’s no way to just go and thin it out. That’s what they need. They need to invent some kind of body hair thinning device. Maybe we could genetically engineer lice to eat hair, then we could smear it on your armpits. VOILA! Natural deforestation.
But since pit lice don’t exist, your only option is the razor, wax, or electrolysis, which all leave your skin bare. (Pubes are an exception here, as you’ll see below) So then, the question is, where do you NOT shave after that? Every place you shave will look completely fucking jarring next to the areas you leave unattended. It would be like a fucking hair curb. Then you gotta shave EVERYWHERE, which strikes me as laborious and painful.
Just leave it, Big Bear.
KSK,
Football: What kind of role will Derrick Ward have next year and how effective will he be? Not to drop the Michael Turner word but does he have any hope?
He won’t have much support from the passing game, and his o-line is average at best, compared to hisl ast team which had one of the better lines in the NFL. I think it’ll tough to get him 1,000 yards.
Sex: I’m going out with a chick tonight and this is the first time fucking it very likely. I shaved the pubs nice and short yesterday, but have fallen victim to razor burn, leaving small red dots and bumps throughout the area. What do I do to make sure this girl doesn’t think I have herpes in case she doesn’t believe the true story?
And do you have any tips to prevent this unfortunate razor burn from occurring again?
Thanks,
Hairless.
Tell her the truth with a bit of self-deprecation and I doubt she’ll be skeptical. I have no lie for you that’s better than the actual truthful explanation you already have to explain your cock bumps.
Now, onto proper pubic hair maintenance. I groom my pubes. I have no choice. They grow an inch a minute if left unattended. Stray baseballs can be found in my pubic roots. Manscaping is the only option for me. But I use scissors. It sounds terrifying, but it’s really no big deal. You get in the shower, throw down a wastebasket, stand over it, and trim away. DON’T FORGET UNDER THE DING DONG.
One time, I trimmed my pubes and put the wastebasket back out in the bathroom. Seconds later, my two-year-old ran into the room, looked in the basket, grabbed the pubes, and ran off with them, laughing manaically. I then chased after my kid, saying HEY GIMME BACK MY PUBES KID. Then I got the pubes back and had to burn off my kid’s hand with a soldering iron. So watch where you dispose of your bits.
Dear Jerky Boys of Jerking Off,
Sex: Related to last week’s post, I’ve also recently discovered I have HPV.
OMIGOD it’s an epidemic! Peter King will be reading about it in Newsweek days from now, to be sure.
Apparently there is a large occurrence of this considering I’ve only had sex with two different girls before. Everything I’ve found says that the wart producing strains don’t cause cancer in the female bits (will verify with my doc, of course), which is good for me . Especially since it’s looking like I’m about to break a four-year drought in the action.
My question is this- when’s a good time to breach the subject? Assuming she doesn’t have it as well, she can get the vaccination. But obviously it’d be pretty weird to start getting down to business only to stop and kill the mood with my not-so-special surprise.
There’s no good time to let someone know you have genital warts. In fact, it’s near the top of the list of embarrassing personal revelations that have no optimal time-frame for divulging:
1. Unplanned pregnancy
2. STD
3. Homosexuality
4. Sex Offender Conviction
5. Your Secret Other Wife
6. Sixth Toe
7. Illiteracy
8. Cocaine Dependency
9. Eurythmics CD collection
10. Unemployment
If you’re gonna tell her, just sack up and tell her.
Football: Simmons predicted a banner year for all Kansas City sports. As much as I would love for this to happen, I’m skeptical- he’s not exactly known for his winning predictions. What are the chances the Chiefs at least make it to the second round of the playoffs?
-Larry Johnson’s Lost Innocence
Here was a line from the latest Simmons’ column:
The hottest celeb? My friend Daryl Morey, the Rockets GM, who was hounded by MIT students as if he were Britney among the paparazzi. I dubbed him Dork Elvis. Even he admitted that was funny.
Do you really trust the opinion of someone who, in the span of four sentences, manages to 1) Name drop, 2) Congratulate himself for giving someone a wildly stupid nickname, 3) Tell you that someone found his stupid nickname hilarious? No, you do not trust predictions from that sort of person. NO ONE DENIES THIS!
There’s no reason the Chiefs can’t improve and be a playoff team next year, given the history of quick turnarounds in the NFL in recent years. Even with Todd Haley as the coach. What? You don’t think Haley can turn this team around? WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM, CANDYDICK?
Sex: Okay, so after a very prolonged dry spell — like, most of my life, thanks to a fundamentalist upbringing — I’ve started getting regular poon access from a girl at work. She insists I wear a wetsuit when going under, and I’m very unused to it. So much so that in two sessions, I was unable to get off. She’s enjoying it, I’m enjoying it … but I’m not finishing. More troubling, she even gave me a BJ for a couple of minutes this last time, sans rubber … and still nothing.
Trust me when I say it’s not a residual guilt thing. My biggest fear is that I’ve gotten so used to spanking it to pictures of 19-year-old supermodels — which I do, regularly — that I’m now unable to enjoy normal sexual relations with a real woman. WTF is wrong with me?
The condom problem isn’t new. A lot of girls will ask, “God, what’s the big deal with condoms?” And the truth is that condoms often lead to psychological erectile dysfunction. You put one on, your dick goes limp, you can’t screw. Hence, many guys don’t want to use rubbers. Watching porn or whatever only compounds the problem because you now have a precise vision of how you expect sex to work. And when it gets somewhat awkward (as it can in real life), it only increases the pressure you put on yourself. Why is this not going as well as I envisioned? Is my dick totally limp? Can I still shoehorn the little fucker in there? SHIT!
Your solution probably lies in monogamy. If you get tested for AIDS and what not and she gets tested and goes on the pill or whatever, then you can ditch the rubbers. If that doesn’t interest you, I suggest doing everything you can to NOT put pressure on yourself to perform. Have some wine (not too much obviously). Don’t feel obligated to bang the next time you hook up. Things like that. Time, and growing comfort with your partner, usually solves the problem.
Football: Who is the best keeper for ‘09: Ray Rice, Jason Campbell or Brandon Jackson? Yeah, Campbell is a starter, but the other 2 are RBs with upside.
None of those players are keepers. If you must keep one, I’d say Rice.
Hello Gay Pride Parade Participants,
Fantasy:
The fantasy league that I have with my friends from highschool has in the past always been for free with the winner at the end of the season winning bragging rights and nothing else. This upcoming year, the commissioner wants to make it more interesting by having all 12 people involved pay 25 dollars to participate. Everyone except myself and one other person have agreed to pay the fee. In the four years I’ve been in the league I’ve never placed higher than 7th out of the 12, so is it worth it to fork over 25 dollars knowing I’m going to lose, or do I quit the league and just do free leagues like at yahoo or espn? Is it a bitch-move if I choose the second option or am I justified since I am unemployed and do not even have any prospects?
If you don’t want to pay the fee and leave the league, that’s your choice. You shouldn’t feel bad about it. That said, I think the money usually makes fantasy more enjoyable.
Sex:
Remember a while ago when some guy had sex on his friend’s bed and asked what was an appropriate way to apologize? Yeah, that was me. Anyway your suggestion was to apologize and offer to buy new sheets for him.
We suggested that? That’s gay.
Instead of accepting my offer my friend blasted me back over facebook and has since acted like I’m dead to him, ignoring me everywhere (all his other friends, which also happened to be my friends too, have followed suit).
Jesus, that’s even gayer. Who’s your friend, Spencer Pratt? What a douche.
I’m in college, a senior, and have two months left before I graduate–is it worth it to try and make new friends before school ends or just say “fuck it” and wait until I’m in the professional world to try.
Wait. I don’t know what college you go to, but if it breeds douches who get all huffy just because you banged a chick on their bed, you don’t want any piece of them.
Football: Do you think it’d be wise to attempt to trade Shaun Rogers? I doubt his value will ever be higher than it is now, and given his weight issues, I can’t see him staying healthy for more than a couple of seasons, and he’s signed for five more years. That being said, our defense would be a total shit show without him, no matter who we add in the draft.
Shaun Rogers has a cap figure of nearly $9 million next year. And he eats children. You’re stuck with him.
Sexy Sex: Welp, I’ve never done “it” before.
Nudge nudge wink wink
Furthest I’ve ever gone was second base. I met this girl at my friend’s party, and we’ve been talking, and we’ve both come to the conclusion that a good ‘ol one night stand is in order. Her parents are out of town this Saturday, and she invited me to spend the night. Should I be honest and tell her about my situation, potentially leading to embarrassment?
GOOD GOD NO.
Or should I just immitate the gratuitous amounts of porn I’ve watched over the years, definately leading to embarrassment?
Later Alligators,
X
You sure should!
Dear Queerbates,
Sex: Any guidelines for jacking it at work? Under what circumstances is this allowed while at the workplace?
Is anyone in the bathroom? No? Then jerk away, sport. Did someone just enter the bathroom? STOP JERKING IMMEDIATELY, YOU FUCKING WEIRDO.
Football: What incoming rookies do you think will have the most significant fantasy impact?
Thank you,
Someone who needs relief at work
Impossible to know until they’re drafted. But I do know this: they’ll run much faster if you put pubes in their hand.
Tags: Big Daddy Drew, god simmons is an arrogant prick, ksk fantasy sex advice mailbag, pubes, you look like a man o lantern
![[badge]](http://cdn.ksk.uproxx.com/wp-content/themes/default/images/100121_FOXmsnBadge_200x50.gif)
March 26th, 2009 at 2:43 pm
I too often trim my pubes in the presence of young children.
March 26th, 2009 at 2:43 pm
From exploding hemorrhoids to shaving the ol’ jungle. Dare I guess what next week’s focus will be?
Brady Quinn called. He wants his year’s supply of myoplex bars you ate in a day, Shaun Rogers.
March 26th, 2009 at 2:44 pm
Really Drew, scissors? purchase one of those beard trimmer things. perfect way to shorten the pubes without shaving.
March 26th, 2009 at 2:45 pm
To the guy who’s never had sex: DO NOT ADMIT THIS! You may be terrible the first time but if you have the whole night, you go for gusto. Play the first one off as you were so excited to be with her, you couldn’t help it. Get into some seriouis foreplay though for the 2nd and 3rd rounds. Make daddy proud.
March 26th, 2009 at 2:46 pm
Nair fellas, nair.
March 26th, 2009 at 2:46 pm
Jerking it at work? Is getting your rocks off more important than your job? C’mon man learn some self control.
March 26th, 2009 at 2:48 pm
They sell shit that helps prevent razor burn. Also, exfoliation helps. That’s right. Loofah your balls. Good as new.
March 26th, 2009 at 2:49 pm
Being a soon to be expert on unemployment, my soon to be ex-boss came up with a good term: REFIRED. Yep, I am not working now because I am currently refired. In fact next Friday I am throwing a refirement party.
March 26th, 2009 at 2:49 pm
Best mailbag ever. Very well done.
March 26th, 2009 at 2:51 pm
@my nuts etc: Really?? Pubes and virgins > spying on your sister in law and popped hemorrhoids? Weird.
Also, is your commenter handle a Snot reference?
March 26th, 2009 at 2:56 pm
I think the man o lantern tag broke your formatting, champ.
Also, I don’t know anyone with a dick who would “blast” someone on facebook, especially for getting laid. Shit in this faggot’s bed and call it even.
March 26th, 2009 at 2:57 pm
drew,
i usually do the trimming with a beard trimmer, as MC suggested, but i use a different attachment than the one i use on the face. also, i usually stand over the toilet, which may prevent further pube chases at the magary household.
March 26th, 2009 at 2:59 pm
@MC affirmed. I have hair clippers I used in my really bad hair days taht work like a charm. Just plop on the old #5 and I am good to go.
@dAndy – I think this is one circumstance where “Better living through chemistry” does not apply. Don’t they use that stuff to kill cancer? Just keep it away from my junk.
March 26th, 2009 at 2:59 pm
a tip for you guys: hair clippers come with a little bottle of oil. I suggest using it. Proper clipper maintenance can prevent some serious ouchies when trimming the nether region
March 26th, 2009 at 2:59 pm
Charlie Villanuevas Eyebrows Says:
March 26th, 2009 at 2:43 pm
I too often trim my pubes in the presence of young children.
Charlie….Chris Hansen from Dateline is here..He’d like you to sit down and talk with him
March 26th, 2009 at 3:01 pm
@Katni – the popped hemorrhoids one was just nasty. While “spying on the sister in law” was a good email, I ap[preciate the depth of quality in this one. There was a great laugh in every answer.
And to the guy whose friend is pissy because you got some in his bed — what a fag. When I was in college, we treated shit like that as a challenge. As in, “You made sweet love to you girlfriend in my bed? Guess I’m just gonna have to plow this hairy, sweaty, 200-lb she-beast in yours.” Guess your buddy just can’t pull it off…
March 26th, 2009 at 3:02 pm
Lost, #5?? Jesus how long is your hair? I suggest a #2
March 26th, 2009 at 3:04 pm
“i usually stand over the toilet”
Bad idea if you own that toilet.
March 26th, 2009 at 3:05 pm
hair maintenance – if you have shag carpet that hangs between your neck and junk, don’t feel like you have to use a razor to maintain it. get a set of hair clippers and just trim it down. it will LOOK thinner. plus you won’t look like you have a squirrel trying to jump out of your polo shirt if you decide not to wear a t-shirt underneath.
March 26th, 2009 at 3:05 pm
@ LostInTheOffice: The past few chicks I have been have approved of the Nair use. It’s a pain in the ass when you do it to an extent, but you’re good to go for at least a couple of weeks. I do from my chest to my nuts with it. Much easier than shaving/trimming. Nothing like catching a dick wrinkle with the clippers. Good God that shit hurts!
/TIP: Keep that shit off of your nipples.
March 26th, 2009 at 3:06 pm
nair left a nasty chemical burn on my nether region. not enjoyable.
March 26th, 2009 at 3:07 pm
Harry Balls: Beard trimmer. Don’t take it all off–use the second- or third-shortest comb. It’ll be thinned out but still look nice and butch, a look I like a lot. The only hair you need to go down to the skin for is back hair. Nobody needs that.
Hairless: Same advice for you, champ. A few suggestions for the itchies: Baby powder, hydrocortizone cream, and Clearasil pads. Nothing with menthol in it unless you are a masochist or Roger Clemens. When you shower, go over the area gently with a warm washcloth to unclog your pores.
Unemployed fantasy league guy: Dude, no shame in dropping out if you can’t afford it. The shitty economy makes it easy to back out of lots of things you don’t want to do. p.s. You’re in the wrong for having sex in your friend’s bed if you didn’t have permission, but I live by the phrase “It’s easier to ask forgiveness than permission.” That said, if your friend didn’t accept your good-faith apology and offer to buy him new sheets, your friend sounds like kind of a dick, and who wants to be friends with someone who begrudges you getting some?
X: From someone who took a “*sigh* let’s just get this over with” approach to losing her virginity it’s way less of a big deal than you probably think it is. A few tips: Wear a rubber, take your socks off, don’t tell the girl you love her after you come. (Unless you do love her.) (Gay.)
March 26th, 2009 at 3:07 pm
Is the landscaping guy talking about chest hair or about the nutsack hair? The nutsack is easy, shave it all off (prepare to have your balls feel like they’re fucking FREEZING for the first week or so!). The chest hair is more tricky and also kind of baffling. I don’t think I ever met a chick who had a problem with chest hair? Most actually find it sexy?
March 26th, 2009 at 3:09 pm
What did we learn? Pit lice need to be genetically engineered and soon, dammit.
March 26th, 2009 at 3:09 pm
sage – I’m not going for the clean shaven look and prefer to avoid stubble. I just don’t A. want it to look like I’m smuggling a tribble, and B. I can’t afford to lose the inch and a half or two of length by having shrubs around the base of the flagpole.
March 26th, 2009 at 3:10 pm
@ Brick: You left in on too long. 8-10 minutes tops. Once you get past 10 you may as well just dip your balls in hot lava.
/I guess you could be one of the people that can have a reaction to it like it says on the bottle.
March 26th, 2009 at 3:11 pm
@ NMC: So the chicks you date are obviously big Austin Powers fans?
March 26th, 2009 at 3:16 pm
I’m in college, a senior, and have two months left before I graduate–is it worth it to try and make new friends before school ends
Jesus Christ, dude! You’ve only got two months left in college! Who the fuck cares about friends??? GO GET LAID MORE! Once you’re out of college, the availability of young, fresh, hot poon drops by like 900 hojillion percent. A MONTH!
Those last two months should be filled with fucking until your dick AND your balls fall off from exhaustion. If you don’t, ten years from now you’ll wistfully look back on those college years and think to yourself “If only I had fucked a dozen more chicks in my last two months.” Don’t be that guy.
As for that “friend” who blasted you for fucking on his bed, he’s obviously a giant brokeback humper. Hit him back with the old “At least it got used once!” standby and then forget about the assneck.
March 26th, 2009 at 3:17 pm
(Pubes are an exception here, as you’ll see below)
That could have ended much worse…
And a #5 on your pubes? Do you braid that shit too? Maybe put it in a ponytail?
March 26th, 2009 at 3:17 pm
“Blasting” someone over Facebook is the first sign that you deserve a ruptured hemmorhoid. Seriously, dude, you’re friend is a pansy. Unless you were banging his girlfriend in his bed, the only way that should have ended is with a high five and an offer to wash his sheets. In hindsight, you should have wiped your dick on his pillow.
March 26th, 2009 at 3:19 pm
@ dAndy,
Well, I guess if you look like a fucking bear there might be a few women who find that less than attractive, but 99% of the world thought Tom Selleck was fucking hot and he looked like carpetland.
I’ve got a reasonable amount of chest hair and never had a single complaint about it. Maybe the world’s changed or something, I dunno, but I never figured it was that big a deal? Women seem far more at ease about some hair here and there than we guys are…
March 26th, 2009 at 3:20 pm
In hindsight, you should have wiped your dick on his pillow.
Or given her a creampie, then have her let it ooze out onto his pillow! Ultimate betrayal!
/Watches too much YouPorn.
March 26th, 2009 at 3:20 pm
nice monty python reference
March 26th, 2009 at 3:21 pm
I’m gonna agree with the chicks who recommended the beard trimmer for your furry chest (and your pubes). My husband does it and it makes his chest hair neat and short…but still there. Also, doesn’t make the manscaping stand out and look weird. It all just flows…
March 26th, 2009 at 3:21 pm
To the guy who can’t finish in a rubber. First, I would try to hold back on the wacking it for a few days before the next session. Build up a little steam, and also give the little guy a chance to gain some sensitivity back. Then just relax, and let it happen.
March 26th, 2009 at 3:21 pm
Can you even call it a one night stand if you’re planning it in advance?
March 26th, 2009 at 3:22 pm
@WTF is wrong with me? Try laying off the spanking to 19 year old super-models for a while, and your problem will take care of itself. Also, imagine SHE is the 19 year old super-model. Works like a charm.
March 26th, 2009 at 3:23 pm
@ NMC: I think there’s finally starting to be some pushback among girls who don’t want guys acting “prettier” than them. I’ve got chest hair and whatnot too, and I keep the fairways maintained, but at some point, it gets to be a little much. Maybe the metro thing is finally starting to phase out.
March 26th, 2009 at 3:23 pm
So your saying the pelt on my back isn’t alluring? Huh.
March 26th, 2009 at 3:24 pm
YOU’RE you fucking idiot.
March 26th, 2009 at 3:26 pm
In college I dormed with 3 guys and me and one of my roomates put our beds together to make bunk beds to have more space in the room. The other guy of course didn’t. His mattress got a lot of work and of course he was never informed about it. What good would it do to be up front and tell your roomate about this? That’s no way to go thru life. He got what he deserved for telling his friend (although I must question whether that truly was his friend with that kind of reaction)…
March 26th, 2009 at 3:28 pm
@NMC: I with you on the chest-hair thing. My boyfriend has a healthy amount, but I’ve always found it attractive. I think the real hair trouble comes when the forest spreads to your back…that’s really what you have to watch out for.
March 26th, 2009 at 3:29 pm
Fucking in someone else’s bed is never seems like a big deal until you find out it was your bed. No idea why. I admitted to a friend I fucked on his couch in his dorm room five years ago and he lost his shit.
March 26th, 2009 at 3:29 pm
I shave the downtown bonanza. I use a wet/dry groomer so I can trim while the shower is running. Easy disposal. I don’t use an attachment either, lasts longer that way. I’ll have to give Nair a try though. How long does it last? Why avoid the nipples?
/Really kills cancer?
March 26th, 2009 at 3:30 pm
@ 85
Maybe the metro thing is finally starting to phase out.
We can only fucking hope. It’s about time guys get back to being guys, instead of being the kind of pansies that go get a fucking manicure.
March 26th, 2009 at 3:32 pm
Anybody who gets pissed at you for using their bed for sex is a fucking pussy. I don’t remember the whole story, but unless you pulled out and jizzed all over his pillowcase he’s being a bitch. And even if he was justified, exacting revenge via Facebook is a super bitch move. Revenge pranks were a lot more interesting when I was in school I guess.
March 26th, 2009 at 3:33 pm
Hey hey hey. A little grooming doesn’t make me less of a man, and I’ll show any guy who says otherwise my huge stack of porn.
March 26th, 2009 at 3:34 pm
The solution to this body hair problem has been solved by our friends in Australia.
Now we’ve got Nads.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ItrU8tMTbSU&feature=PlayList&p=F4CF12E4E6A3FA0D&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=6
March 26th, 2009 at 3:35 pm
If my college friends got pissy because of somethin glike that, my plan would be to repeat the act as many times as possible, leaving as big a mess as possible as well. Any worthwhile friend would gladly allow you to use his/her bed unless they also had specific plans for its use.
March 26th, 2009 at 3:35 pm
@ Lucky Like Little,
He lost his shit because you fucked on his COUCH? What the hell? What else is a couch for??
At a party at his place, my best buddy OFFERED me and a hot girl his bed to go fuck in. He was a true goddamn friend. (even better was that his bed was basically on a loft type deal that was open to the room where we had the party in, though the fucker did keep turning down the music!)
March 26th, 2009 at 3:38 pm
@ NMC: The key there about Tom Selleck is the past tense reference you made. When was Magnum PI a hot show? Mid 80s maybe. Things have changed. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with some well maintained chest/pube hair. Shit, right after nair’ing I look like a 13 year old with a beer belly, but after a couple of days the playing field looks like a lovely meadow showing it’s first signs of life after a harsh winter. That’s when it looks the best supposedly. But if I went without Nair’ing for a month or two the shit would be looking like the untamed jungles of the Amazon except not my whole chest just a triangular shaped soul patch from my nipples to my neck with a happy trail leading to a circle of love hair around the belly button and then on to some serious 70s pornstar action below the belt.
/god damnit! if I would have typed so much right then I would have deleted this shit. GAY
//Not to mention my hair is one color, goatee another, chest hair another, ball hair another, leg hair another. I’m like the fucking color spectrum from my head to my toes for Christ’s sake
///It’s been nice commenting with you people I must leave and never return now
////See you bitches at the draft tomorrow
March 26th, 2009 at 3:39 pm
@ JennyM,
There is absolutely no denying that back hair is disgusting. It’s also really irritating to remove since it always grows right where you can’t reach it!
I’m thinking about using napalm…
March 26th, 2009 at 3:41 pm
I thought it was bad when my golden lab took off with a mouthful of pubes from the trash can. A two year old makes it even funnier.
March 26th, 2009 at 3:47 pm
@ KD’s185: It last pretty damn long unless you’re wanting that schorn scrotum look. It’s been at least a month or so since I last Nair’d and my chest hair is not even a 1/2″ at this point. As for avoiding the nipples that shit burns the fuck out of mine. Not while doing it, but later that day and the next couple it will feel like all the skin got rubbed off of them. You can get some on their during the application process so you can’t the hair around the nipples handled just dab a wet washcloth on the tips of the nips to get the nair off so you nipples aren’t on fire.
/sorry couldn’t perform pube measurement at work
//Anyone know if Nair is currently hiring?
March 26th, 2009 at 3:50 pm
Oh almost forgot, there is Nair for Men out there now. Beats the shit out of choosing whether or not you smell like cocoa butter or flowers afterwards.
March 26th, 2009 at 3:50 pm
the whole angry for using the bed thing speaks to the pussification of the fucking world. Next time go anal and try and leave some small, unobvious specks of shit on his pillow. that’ll learn him…
March 26th, 2009 at 3:51 pm
Shave your pubes and spread them all around your friend’s stuff (soap, shampoo, laptop, pillow case, text books, cereal, etc). See what he’ll do on his Facebook page.
March 26th, 2009 at 3:52 pm
To the virgin: I don’t know how old you are, but considering how woefully bad (read: programmatic and somewhat ADD in bed thanks to having overdosed on freaky Internet porn) most 20-something men are in bed, I’d just go for it; odds are she won’t even know the difference.
hoooo boy been sitting on that one for a while
March 26th, 2009 at 3:57 pm
Jerkin it at work is the greatest way to get through an afternoon. Slow day with appointments? Sick of making phone calls? Your bloggers are getting lazy in updating frequently visited sites? Head it to the bathroom! I’m the only guy who works at my bank, so no worries of the walk in. Those that find that wrong, I would hate to have your job. You probably like your job, you probably work the land.
March 26th, 2009 at 3:58 pm
@FutureMrs.
Ah, taking shots at 20-year old men/boys. You the type that prefers older men? I’m sure Charlie Villanueva’s Eyebrows is of age enough to please your radical demands. Fucking is simple, insert penis, develop a rhythm both party’s are comfortable with, repeat until orgasm. Also, ADD doesn’t have anything to do with internet porn, that shit strikes without warning.
/Not that I’d want to take any adderol before sex
//See what I did there?
March 26th, 2009 at 3:59 pm
@fmra: Is that why college girls like older guys? F that noise. If you didn’t have it figured out by sophmore year you’re a lost cause.
/Nads is uncool.
March 26th, 2009 at 4:00 pm
@ FMRA,
Let it all out girl, tell us how you really feel!
March 26th, 2009 at 4:01 pm
i don’t get why people get all pissy. My roommate fucked a random on my bed. Did I turn into a bitch about it? Negative. I fucked a girl on his bed and pulled a Dirty Sanchez on his pillow, which I admit might have been a little harsh. All was forgiven and laughed about after we each got new sheets.
Hooray College
March 26th, 2009 at 4:02 pm
I have another question regarding the Facebook Blaster. What the hell could he possibly say to make the bedfucker out to be some huge asshole? I don’t think I know anyone who made it through college without fucking on somebody’s something. If he wants to air dirty laundry (fuckin’ puns) on Facebook (super fagtastic) maybe a proper retaliation would be setting your status to “____ fucked on ****’s bed, and now he’s pissed at me. **** is a whiny little bitch. And a virgin.”
March 26th, 2009 at 4:03 pm
@ dAndy,
Yeah if you look like a rug you probably need to do some maintenance every now and then. I was (trying to) imply that there’s no need to shave every hair if you only have a moderate amount.
March 26th, 2009 at 4:03 pm
Bad idea if you own that toilet.
a little pubage on the seat/floor is nothing a clorox brush/dustbuster cant handle.
March 26th, 2009 at 4:06 pm
@ NMC: I concur 50twelf%.
March 26th, 2009 at 4:06 pm
@bk,
Or a two year old. Apparently.
March 26th, 2009 at 4:16 pm
You might as well treat your “friend” as dead if he’s doing the same to you. To reiterate he’s being a pussy of epic proportions. My friend who had a room next to me locked me out of my room in order to screw his girlfriend because his roommate locked him out as said roommate was aware he wanted to bone and did not feel like leaving the room. The fat fuck broke my couch and I still think its hilarious 5 years later. So in conclusion, your “friend” is potentially homosexual and jealous you didn’t fuck him in the bed.
March 26th, 2009 at 4:19 pm
@young james- once you bunked you beds, didn’t you have so much more room for so many activities?
@everyone else when you read charlie villanueavas eyebrow;s comments, don’t you think of andy bernard?
March 26th, 2009 at 4:24 pm
“a little pubage on the seat/floor is nothing a clorox brush/dustbuster cant handle.”
I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about clogging the fucker up and paying a plumber to snake the shit.
March 26th, 2009 at 4:28 pm
Drew is always finding new ways to clog a toilet.
March 26th, 2009 at 4:30 pm
@Quentin.
Thank you.
March 26th, 2009 at 4:33 pm
@BDD,
After one recent hedge trimming, I also forgot to empty the little trash can in the bathroom. My 2 year old promptly walked in, and dumped the can and it’s contents over his head. I didn’t know whether or not to laugh or be shocked. So I got my camera and took a picture.
March 26th, 2009 at 4:33 pm
You’re plugging up the shitter with pubes? Good God man, how much hair do you have? It may be time to go for a toilet with a little more flushing power. Like the one Al Bundy had.
March 26th, 2009 at 4:33 pm
Damn Drew, that condemn answer was deep and insightful.
I want to cuddle with you now.
March 26th, 2009 at 4:37 pm
I’m petrified of nipple chaffing. Once it starts, it’s a vicious circle.
March 26th, 2009 at 4:37 pm
I just want to be the 12th person to say: a #5?!? You been hoarding merkins for the past 27 years?
March 26th, 2009 at 4:38 pm
HPV guy/Larry Johnsons’ whatever-you-said: This is definitely not easy, this conversation has to come off sincere and with class and a little bit of modesty. I have done this a couple of times now and each time it played out just fine! The girls were so touched that I was honest and direct with them that it seemed to actually help. These diseases are really becoming that common. I found that it’s good to wait until you KNOW it’s probably going to happen…But not like while pants are coming off; I always found an intimate moment, making out, or perhaps while talking about your feelings for each other (or when she’s talking about her “feelings” for you, might be more accurate) might be a good place to bring it up. “I have something important I need to talk to you about, I need you to listen to me and I am pretty embarrassed about this so please don’t mock me…” Need to make her feel that she is SO awesome that you are sharing this just with her. Should work out alright…Then you have to deal with the rubber issues mentioned later in this post.
March 26th, 2009 at 4:42 pm
Like the one Al Bundy had.
The Ferguson 9000! BA-WOOOSH!
March 26th, 2009 at 4:42 pm
Comments this week are hilarious. dAndy gets the +1 for the rainbow colored body hair…WTF man?
And the Facebook blaster is clearly the pussified one. I agree that you need to set your Facebook status to let everyone know how much of a pussy and virgin he is and then cut him off and get as much trim, mugambo and sex until you graduate. He’s clearly not going to do anything about it because he likes to fight via Facebook and by definition that makes him a wide receiver.
March 26th, 2009 at 4:42 pm
Clogging a toilet up with pubes?
What are you, Sasquatch?
Nair burns very much. Owee.
Clippers with a two blade, followed by soap and a shave for the coinpurse.
March 26th, 2009 at 4:42 pm
Oh, and who is the babe in the pic?
March 26th, 2009 at 4:48 pm
I’ve reached a happy medium where I have my girlfriend Nair my back for me. It’s fun quality time spent together, like a date!
Otherwise I say no to chest-hair trimming/shaving and yes to pube trimming, with electric trimmers, high and tight at the 2 setting.
March 26th, 2009 at 4:48 pm
Kohler toilets have class 5 flushing power. Just sayin’…
March 26th, 2009 at 4:50 pm
@ phony – I just googled merkin. A pubic wig, nice! I learned something new today. I consider that an accomplishment.
/continues to ignore stack of software development tasks
//hits refresh to read more comments
March 26th, 2009 at 4:50 pm
You fuck sticks aren’t using beard trimmers? That’s what they’re made for!!
March 26th, 2009 at 4:50 pm
“I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about clogging the fucker up and paying a plumber to snake the shit.”
Jesus Christ! How much pubic hair do you have?? nevermind.
March 26th, 2009 at 4:51 pm
There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum. It’s breathtaking. I suggest you try it.
And trying to use clippers over the toilet is damn near impossible. Dem shits go flying everywhere.
March 26th, 2009 at 4:52 pm
To the virgin: don’t cry, and everything you’ve ever seen in porn is unrealistic. You have no idea how many times I’ve heard of guys crying after sex, especially virgins.
March 26th, 2009 at 4:55 pm
Drew clogged his toilet by trying to flush a stolen Oscar.
March 26th, 2009 at 4:56 pm
So it’s not ok to make fun of my ex’s suicide attempt over facebook?
March 26th, 2009 at 5:01 pm
trimmer over toilet is the best way to go, if you have the right utensils. trim’n'vac is the best, and sure, you get some mess on the seat, but it’s not enough to clog. Do this for the upstairs. Down on the coin purse I like to give her a once over with the vac, and then hit the shower to finalize it with a razor. Sounds scary at first, but I’ve never nicked myself. provides the best feeling ever. again, shorn scrots is the best. Also, I use the GFs leg razor to her limited knowledge. for some reason, it’s gentler on the skin than the whisker razor.
did it once and have never gone back.
March 26th, 2009 at 5:04 pm
/continues to ignore stack of software development tasks
//hits refresh to read more comments
That sounds awfully familiar for some reason.
/hits F5.
March 26th, 2009 at 5:07 pm
So it’s not ok to make fun of my ex’s suicide attempt over facebook?
Pics or it didn’t happen! Wait, what?
Some people take that facebook shit way too seriously…
At the virgin dude, the one thing to remember when you’re trying to use stuff you learned in porn for realsies is that 99.99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999% of all women do NOT like to be plowed through a wall while having sex. Go a little easier.
If the girl IS one who likes to be plowed through a wall, for fuck’s sake please post her phone number on Sunday morning.
March 26th, 2009 at 5:10 pm
What’s the best way to remove the hair from the palm of your hand? I should avoid blades because I’m almost blind.
March 26th, 2009 at 5:15 pm
Also, I use the GFs leg razor to her limited knowledge.
Now that is fucking cold. Bang someone on her bed, fine, but don’t use her razor to shave your nuts! Those things cost like 7 bucks!
March 26th, 2009 at 5:16 pm
@Monkey Business: Try using some vaseline next time you rape a virgin.
March 26th, 2009 at 5:18 pm
My lady just ran out of her pill and the fucking Walgreens won’t take her insurance anymore. Long story short, she wont have her birth control for a month, so we’re back to bagging it up. I had some problems getting off, until I discovered this: http://pureromance.com/EC_ProductView.aspx?categoryID=9&pid=625
It tightens her up enough that I’m back to my old one-pump-and-dump self.
March 26th, 2009 at 5:20 pm
@Rocco
So she finally found a mirror?
March 26th, 2009 at 5:21 pm
@NMC – limited knowledge being that she knows of it and appreciates the results. When you live together, share bills, bang her in our bed, it evens out and I feel like a seal.
March 26th, 2009 at 5:22 pm
I never had to worry about the hair on the palms, it could never grow over the callouses/blisters from the self service anyway. Take THAT Catholic Church!!
March 26th, 2009 at 5:27 pm
Conventional wisdom is right; a beard trimmer is the way to go, but if you’re like me and grows on the shaft itself some touch-up with a razor in the shower is necessary. USE SHAVING CREAM, not soap, trust me. Doing the first stage over the toilet is mistake, you will just end up having to vacuum anyways. The preferred method, when no one is home (or likely to come home very soon) is do it naked or pantless in the garage (with the door shut) and then just shop-vac up the mess. It is more fun for some reason to wear a shirt only, I don’t know why. Also, you can use the shop-vac directly on the skin to get all those pesky detached pubes, but while doing so hold all your junk firmly and just go around the bordering areas, the last thing you want is the shop-vac trying to take one ball.
March 26th, 2009 at 5:32 pm
Injuries from Shop Vac Sex will be a topic in next week’s mailbag.
March 26th, 2009 at 5:32 pm
Shave your pubs with a razor in the shower, the steam works like a charm, no razor burns.
March 26th, 2009 at 5:32 pm
I’m telling you, Trim’n'Vac is like shop-vac and trimmer all in one. It sucks up all the trimmed pubes and the ones that getting by the awesome sucking power are easily swiped into the toilet. Now, the first time you do this it may be a bit touch and go in you’re Sasquatch, but each time after that (you develop an internal clock on when things are getting too hirsute and plan accordingly) is easily and less to clean.
I don’t take the Trim’n'Vac to the sack though. I don’t trust those fast moving metal teeth against my sensitivos. The razor works fine, even on the shaft. Sometimes you have to fluff, so you can stretch the skin enough to cover total area, and loose the ball skin enough too stretch out and get in that crevis between nuts. After a while it’s like second nature though, and you trust your razor stroke. It takes me less than 5 minutes now to do the whole thing when needed.
March 26th, 2009 at 5:35 pm
@ Squatch
That shit is gold man. Had me rolling. Shop-vac one ball indeed!
March 26th, 2009 at 5:40 pm
@ Squatch
is do it naked or pantless in the garage (with the door shut)
I think it speaks volumes about the commenters here that you felt obligated to put the (with the door shut) there.
But when you talk about the door, do you mean the big garage door? Or the one to the backyard?
March 26th, 2009 at 5:46 pm
One of my roommates in college had his buddy bang a girl on his bed..she bled on his sheets and earned the nickname Spot….He didn’t get blasted on facebook…Instead he got an umbrella shoved through his car’s radiator
March 26th, 2009 at 6:01 pm
the fuck? was that sincere, legitimate advice to the guy with the condom aversion? thanks for the advice dr. joyce.
March 26th, 2009 at 6:02 pm
I heard “Blasted on Facebook” and Shop Vac Sex are in the Fetish NIT.
March 26th, 2009 at 6:03 pm
Man… I never knew there was so much pube-trimming going on among the male population. I thought it was a metrosexual thing, but apparently not.
RE Charlie Villanuevas Eyebrows Says:
“To the guy who’s never had sex: DO NOT ADMIT THIS! You may be terrible the first time but if you have the whole night, you go for gusto.”
I’m gonna have to disagree. I would think it’d be better for her to know you’re a virgin (if indeed you’re telling the truth here) than to think otherwise and then (possibly) be disappointed and thinking that you’re just a bad lay. Plus, many chicks like the idea of being some guy’s first. I guess they think of it like they’re training you or something…
Dude with gay-ass Facebook ex-friends: Personally, I think sex on someone else’s bed is bad form, but not worth ending a friendship over. Your ex-friend is a douchebag, you’re well rid of him. I mean, if you apologized and he still wouldn’t get over it, he’s a whiny little bitch. Don’t guys usually just call each other “asshole” and then punch each other on the arm and then get over shit like this? “Unfriending” someone on Facebook sounds awfully girly to me.
March 26th, 2009 at 6:07 pm
@ Slash
Another great insight into the male psyche. Asshole /armpunch. That works! NO ONE DENIES THIS! Unless that fucker fucks a bitch on my bed and I’m not involved. Then he’s dead to me!
/commenters free to have sex on my bed
//with my girlfriend
///really
March 26th, 2009 at 6:10 pm
Commenters are free to have sex on my bed
/with my girlfriend
//really
March 26th, 2009 at 6:17 pm
//Not to mention my hair is one color, goatee another, chest hair another, ball hair another, leg hair another
dAndy, on your empending unemployment…think Benetton!
March 26th, 2009 at 6:20 pm
*impending* unemployment… shite!
March 26th, 2009 at 6:21 pm
Chrissy Moran
March 26th, 2009 at 6:23 pm
To the Virgin – Quit overthinking the situation, be grateful you have a captive audience, and get on the damn scoreboard. After you nut, don’t get all dreamy and philosophical but turn your attention to her biznes. You’ll get hard again soon enough and then you’ll have the stamina to playout some of those bullshit porn scenarios.
Get in there and give ‘em hell.
March 26th, 2009 at 6:31 pm
You guys with all the pube trimming advice are missing a HUGE opportunity here. Let your gf/wife/mistress/so do the trimming for you. They trim you up the way they like (what the fuck do you care), you lay back and enjoy the therapy, and then it’s game on. Only do this when you are at a “happy moment” in your relationship, btw.
March 26th, 2009 at 6:38 pm
@Quentin LogJammin
“once you bunked you beds, didn’t you have so much more room for so many activities?”
I was gonna say, I can’t believe no one picked up on that until you did.
We can do aerobics!
March 26th, 2009 at 7:52 pm
Jesus christ, my buddy did the same thing to me in college. I found out he nailed some beat chick in my bed while I was out of town for the weekend. The next time we got good and hammered, I kicked his ass and all was right in the world. The End. That guy’s a bitch.
/KSK blocked at work, late to the party
March 26th, 2009 at 8:03 pm
The fact the “sex on a friend’s bed” thing is even a discussion blows my mind … I’m recovering from surgery at my parents’ for a few weeks and let two of my best friends crash at my empty apartment anytime they want. For all I know it’s a fucking brothel, all I ask is that they change the sheets when they’re done.
That guy’s “friend” is a douche, as well as everyone else in the group who takes offense. All of this should work quid pro quo.
March 26th, 2009 at 8:12 pm
If you are going to shave, shave in the direction the hair grows. This helps prevent razor burn. Manscaping is a must. Men don’t have to be hairless, but no girl wants to go down on a yeti. And with the amount of work women put into being grooming its the least a man can do. Be careful with Nair, that stuff can burn, and always smells terrible.
March 26th, 2009 at 8:15 pm
@Katni: My god, you listen to Snot? I knew I loved you for a good reason.
Back in the day, I had sex on the bed of my room mate. My female room mate. And the girl I was with was Code Red. I got some shit but all was resolved with new sheets. Point is, this is a guy who is pissy about his male friend having sex on his bed. Fuck that fucking fucker right in his Facebook. Fuck.
March 26th, 2009 at 8:52 pm
I wanted to get a ruling on the manscaping. I just started the bush trimming a few years ago and am also doing the shaven sackness, in the shower. I also shave the parts of my back I can reach. Now the fun part. I am half Irish so all of my body hair is red. I have really hairy fore arms. Enough so that when my arms are crossed, I have had people ask me, “Where did you get the dog?”
Shave the arms? Yes? No?
Christ, I fell gay just asking that.
March 26th, 2009 at 9:26 pm
Shaving the arms = fucking gay.
You’re a guy. Guys have hair. Deal with it.
March 26th, 2009 at 9:43 pm
Yeti,
You’ll figure out one day tha tunless you are horribly disgusting or Brad Pitt about 1 out of 6 girls will be wiling to have sex with you if you can make them laugh and not creep them out. Some are cute, some aren’t- it’s your business to decide where to lay your seed (no hate from over here).
Having an absurdly hairy chest may reduce your odds to 1:8 at most (maybe more among the homogenous taste MTV-generation) but the broads who do go to bed with you are going to have a relatively, and increasingly, unique sensory memory of having your happy freeway (I’ve got 12 lanes myself) scraping their asshole during reverse cowboy, nipples during pile-driving, etc. Assuming you can fuck like a poet-drummer (and even if you can’t just go ahead and believe you can) you’ll have that pussy for life.
Be yourself and learn how to recognize that 1:8 and don’t waste time with the others. Do manscape the balls and inch or so around the LOVE missile though so you can get deep brain.
March 26th, 2009 at 10:29 pm
@yeah, right: I implore you, unless you are an Olympic swimmer, don’t shave your forearms. DO NOT shave your forearms. Does Chase Utley need to shave his forearms to be a hot piece of ass? HELL NO.
March 26th, 2009 at 11:24 pm
Thanks Clare. I can swim but I ain’t all Michael Phelps and shit. Thank you for the ruling. I will be carrying my furry red dog for the rest of my life.
Hmm guess I am a hot piece of ass now that you mention it.
Now about the leg hair…
March 27th, 2009 at 12:04 am
Drew, your “shoehorn” imagery was fuckin brilliant. Awesome mailbag.
March 27th, 2009 at 1:19 am
According to Drew’s list of difficult discussions; Well, I’ve had a couple of those. A couple of years after I left Mrs. Yeah, right? I was seeing a girl on a for sex only basis. Started out as a friend but we all know how that is going to go. At the same time I met my most recent Ex for the first time. I liked my most recent Ex much better. As soon as I met her.
Scene 2: Girl for sex only calls me and tells me she has Chlamydia. Sorry.
Scene 3: I’m walking to nearest liquor store.
Scene 4: I call the girl I really am starting to like and I have to tell her that I have an STD from another girl. “We’re still cool though, right” I ask.
SILENCE
Scene 5: “I don’t have to pay for the prescription, do I? Asshole?”
And that’s how it went for the next two years, until she left me with a half empty house and a letter taped to the kitchen cabinet on April Fools Day. “We don’t talk anymore”
/True Story
March 27th, 2009 at 2:51 am
Let me clarify something: when I said that I wanted to “imitate porn,” I didn’t mean that I wanted to try out shit that I’ve seen online… just approach the situation like I knew what I was doing, which I clearly don’t. Yeah.
March 27th, 2009 at 4:35 am
I am kind of in awe of how much thought guys put into their pubes.
Not only does Nair hurt, but it’s never worked at all for me, and I smell like chemicals masked with flowery perfume all day.
To the virgin guy, I’d say don’t tell her outright, but maybe hint to her that you’re not too experienced so she doesn’t know she’s the first but you have something of an explanation for if you suck. Do it for those of us who still are virgins.
/shame
March 27th, 2009 at 7:25 am
@ spanky datass: Googled Benetton. Not sure what I am looking for there.
@ Navin R. Johnson: Yes, letting the lady friend take care of the grooming is fucking great. I also enjoy the adrenaline rush from thinking she might actually cut my dick off or require me to get stiches in the unit. Especially considering the way she shaves her shit. I don’t even shave my face that fast, yet she misses not a pube when she shaves herself. AMAZING!!
Yes, the small of Nair pretty much melting the hair off of your body smells like a burnt corpse, but it doesn’t last. Also, it’s good to put some non girly smelling lotion on afterwards. A plus of Nair I forgot to mention is that you end up with a big clump of of hair in the bottom of the shower that you can either force down the drain with your feet or simply drop in the toilet and flush away.
/tune in next week when I discuss the intricacies of Q-tipping
//I too also use clippers for my head and goat in the garage, well, back when I had a garage anyway
///Save me Obama, SAVE ME!!!!!
March 27th, 2009 at 8:33 am
Yellow lab. Golden retriever. Shave pubes but not all the way. Fuck on any available surface.
March 27th, 2009 at 9:00 am
El Duke that was cruel – funny, but cruel.
March 27th, 2009 at 9:05 am
For the body grooming issues, go here http://www.shaveeverywhere.com (it’s a corporate site for Phillips, so it is SFW).
March 27th, 2009 at 9:21 am
All this talk about manscaping and not a single link to http://www.shaveeverywhere.com/ ? Greatest product ever.
March 27th, 2009 at 9:23 am
lol, oops. It took me about 15 minutes too long to read this weeks mailbag…
March 27th, 2009 at 10:08 am
@dAndy: “Yes, letting the lady friend take care of the grooming is fucking great. I also enjoy the adrenaline rush from thinking she might actually cut my dick off or require me to get stiches in the unit.”
Hence the caveat: “Only do this when you are at a “happy moment” in your relationship, btw.”
Also, you’ll win some major trust points by letting her trim you up, and I’ll guaran-fuckin-tee you that she’ll be more careful with your package than she is with her own, or even you are with yours.
March 27th, 2009 at 10:34 am
RE: Toddler Pubeburglar
I cannot remember the last time I laughed so hard at a story I read. Awesome.
March 27th, 2009 at 10:48 am
@El Duke. Wow. Right on, but wow.
March 27th, 2009 at 11:07 am
@ Navin: You are correct. I’ve shaved her before and was scared shitless.
March 27th, 2009 at 11:49 am
Great stuff on appropriate manscapping, but how the hell did we get through 143 comments without some mention of proper FEMALE hedge trimming.
C’Mon, what’s the proper protocol – brazillian/landing strip/female soul patch/love triangle/au natural.
Ladies, any comments? Clare, Katni, FMRA? Anyone – Hello?
March 27th, 2009 at 12:15 pm
@ Jake: Great minds… eh?
March 27th, 2009 at 1:22 pm
To the kid who’s friends ditched him because he banged on his roomies bed:
If your friends are ignoring you because of that, trust me, they’re not your friends.
A real friend is someone who walks in on you banging a girl on his bed, starts laughing, and says “condoms are in the 2nd drawer, not the top one”.
You only have 2 months left in college. You’re going into the real world, full of real people, who don’t have time to give a shit about somethign as pedantic as this. Ditch them and move on, you’ll be better for it. (Note: I’ve never been invited to any weddings from anyone I went to college with, and I lose exactly zero sleep over it).
March 27th, 2009 at 1:44 pm
let me start off by saying.. great mailbag..i’ve been recommending it to all my friend who would be into a site like this and not my girl in case i decide to leave a mailbag that sounds all too familiar to her…lol
manscaping : I leave the center chest hair and shave the nipple hair… luckily the chest hair is not thick and plentiful so i dont look ridiculous.. i use a beard trimmer on my stomach hair and the pubic region… year ago i’d shave everything down there w/ a mach3, but it got irritated too often.. so trimming is much better.. but testicle shaving is def the way to go.. feels so good when she sucks the balls.. sooooooo good.
to (mostly) everyone : you guys are assholes. i asked the same question about the wetsuit 3 weeks ago and you guys gave me the worst advice (if you even wanna call it that) – now this guy asked the question and he gets real answers.. thanks a lot.
drew’s advice is pretty spot on for jacking at work..if you’re into that kinda thing..cant wait until you get home or even better for a lunchtime quickie with your significant other?
finally, @ kd: so I see you’re into cuckolding…
March 27th, 2009 at 1:56 pm
@wooderson – i get what you’re saying, but wouldn’t condom location be useless at that point..he’s not stoppin to put on a condom..
March 27th, 2009 at 7:34 pm
“This is Merkin Muffley at The Pentagon…”
Name the movie.
March 27th, 2009 at 9:07 pm
@dAndy Benneton had an ad campaign in the 80’s(?) ‘United Colors of Benneton’. It featured folks of all ethnicities and hair colors (wheeee! there it is), frolicking around blahblahblah world peace blahblahblah ……. fuck I’m old.
/examines life
//heads out to the bar
March 27th, 2009 at 9:28 pm
Time, and growing comfort with your partner, usually solves the problem.
/Ain’t that fuckin sweet.
March 27th, 2009 at 10:54 pm
@ Recondite
Dr. Strangelove..?
March 28th, 2009 at 2:32 pm
to (mostly) everyone : you guys are assholes.
You must be new here?
March 28th, 2009 at 3:09 pm
On the topic of fucking on a friends bed.
I let my friend use my house while I was out of town. He rounded third base in my bed, and then sprinted towards home in my guest room.
But honestly if he had done a 8 way bukkake in my bed, I’da just given him a big hi five, bought him breakfast, and resumed daily life. That type of stuff takes balls.
We are all in this ass getting mission together, why do some people have to be so anal about it.