Punctured Butts. The KSK Sex And Football Mailbag
It’s that time of week again. Time for me to bust out my big mailsack, jostle it around, give it a firm slap, and see what comes gushing out. Wanna be in next week’s column? Email us right here. As always, points awarded for brevity and sincerity. And herpes! You people, by the way, really need to work on the brevity part. Off we go.
Football – the Falcons have never ever had back-to-back winning seasons. Is 2009 the year, or do we find out that Matt Ryan has been running a Ponzi scheme, which is now even worse than fighting dogs?
Sex – I’m replacing the computer chair in my home office. Can you offer a recommendation for the ultimate chair for surfing the web with one hand?
Thanks,
C
That is an excellent question. There’s nothing worse than trying to gratify yourself in a subpar office chair. You end up straining an oblique muscle and shooting onto the armrest. Now, the most widely coveted office chair in corporate America is the Aeron chair.
Its mesh weave design is meant to be breathable. And that’s important, lest you get the dreaded swamp-ass. But kicking back in an Aeron, I find, isn’t all that comfortable. In fact, I find the whole exercise of masturbating in ANY chair to be a pain in the ass, because you can’t straighten out in a chair. If you’re like me, the closer you get to the end, the more you straighten out your whole body. I’m stiff like a goddamn cadaver by the time I’m ready to deliver a payload. My knees are locked. My back is arched. I could be used as a load-bearing pillar at that point.
Thus, I suggest you adjust your technique so you aren’t dependent on the chair. That’s right. I suggest you finish STANDING UP. A bold move, but one that could save you years of lower back pain and give you a more satisfying release.
As for the Falcons, I would actually be pretty confident about the future. They had a point differential of 66 last season, which means their winning record was, statistically, not a very fluky thing. I’m not sure they’ll do better than 11 wins next year, but there’s no reason they can’t be a playoff team again, particularly with Ryan at the helm. Goddamn teams with franchise QB’s. CHERISH WHAT YOU HAVE!
S’up Bitches?
Please never address us like this ever again.
So my life sucks. I’m a female and found a bump on the vajayjay a few weeks ago. The doctor looked at it and said it was a wart and that I have HPV.
DAGGER!
She put acid on it…
GAHHHHH!!!
and it’s gone but I don’t think that’s what it was. None of my previous partners had any warts nor did any of their partners. Trust me, I asked and made them ask. How do I find out if I got a BS diagnosis or am I highly screwed? Will I ever get laid again?
I don’t really have a football question. I guess I could ask your guess how many guys in the league have stds. I’m thinking at least 70%.
Screwed,
NYC
No, you’re screwed. You have HPV. The reason you don’t think the doctor was right was because you don’t WANT the doctor to be right. The fact that none of your partners had visible warts means nothing. And the fact that you asked them, again, means nothing. Your circumstantial evidence against having genital warts is no match for the physical evidence of your doctor having to burn a damn wart off your hoohoo. I don’t know much about HPV, so let’s check the Wiki…
human papillomavirus
Ooh, sounds like your genitals get wrapped in puff pastry.
HPV infection is a cause of nearly all cases of cervical cancer.
Ruh roh.
However most infections with these types do not cause disease.
Phew! Let’s hope Wikipedia is right this one time!
A cervical Pap smear is used to detect cellular abnormalities. This allows targeted surgical removal of condylomatous and/or potentially precancerous lesions prior to the development of invasive cervical cancer. Although the widespread use of Pap testing has reduced the incidence and lethality of cervical cancer in developed countries, the disease still kills several hundred thousand women per year worldwide. HPV vaccines, Gardasil and Cervarix, which prevent infection with some of the sexually transmitted HPV types that cause the most disease may lead to further decreases in the incidence of HPV-induced cancers.
Jesus. This makes herpes sounds like a damn Sunday cruise.
One study found that, during 2003–2004, at any given time, 26.8% of women aged 14 to 59 were infected with at least one type of HPV.
26.8%? Holy smokes. HIDE YOUR DONGS!
Okay, so this is pretty serious business. I suggest crawling out of your little cocoon of denial and monitoring yourself pretty closely. It’s not the end of the world. Looks like a shitload of other people have it. But if you try and plug your ears and pretend you don’t have it, it could come back to haunt you. IN THE CERVIX!.
Dear Guys Whose Damn Tournament Has Made It So I Can’t Browse Your Blog At Work (GWDTHMISICBYBAT),
PUNTER!!!!!
A topic that has cropped at my office is the future that reversible vasectomy holds. Basically it would allow you roll without a condom, while holding no fear of accidental procreation, followed by child support and other expensive things. You still run the risk of sexually transmitted diseases, but as the Gay Mafia has told us, herpes is in the vogue now.
Yeah, but that was before I found out that some STD’s require having a doctor POUR FUCKING ACID ONTO YOUR GENITALS.
Monkeying with the system though does carry inherent risks, but it does offer protection from gold diggers. I maintain that if this is a concern for you then you’re sleeping with the wrong women, but others claim it could be useful for college. What’s your advice on setting yourself to shoot blanks through college to avoid kids? You get the bonus of sex without a condom, but you run the risk of damaging the boys.
Football question, I live near Detroit but am not a Lions fan. I have a preexisting loyalty to the Redskins since I grew up near D.C. Luckily the Lions are one of the few franchises I can safely laugh at. My question is what is an acceptable level of taunting that I can direct at the local Lions fans? Some of my best memories of this year’s football season were centered around watching my friends shove loaded shotguns into their mouths following Orvlosky’s safety.
Thanks,
Testicle Trauma
If you want to have kids down the road, there’s no point gambling with a “temporary” vasectomy that could leave you permanently sterile. You may not give a shit about sterility when you’re in your early 20’s. But that changes, I assure you. Some men actually DO end up wanting children. I, of course, am not one of them, but still. Use a rubber. You don’t want the warts.
You’re a Redskins fan? What the fuck makes you better than a Lions fan? At least Lions fans KNOW they’ll suck every year. COOCH ZORN KNOOS THIS OFFENSE NOW!
Hey KSK,
I’m in a fantasy football league with some guys that I went to college with. I have a question about message board etiquette. Let me start by saying I’m not overly sensitive and have to take jokes all the time, so I feel like I’m allowed to joke as much as I want.
Anyway, one of the guys from my league is dating and living with this girl who dated one of the other guys in our league for about 6 months and was banging this other guy in the league.
Wait, so she banged TWO other guys in your league? Is she the league trophy or something?
I want to know if its kosher to make fun of him about this or does this fall under the don’t make fun of other guys’ wives/girlfriends. My feeling is that I’m making fun of the guy, not his better half so it’s all right.
Football: Please tell me that there’s no chance Jason Taylor ends up in NE
But you WOULD be making fun of his better half by making light of the fact that she’s sloppy seconds, or dirty thirds, or whatever the fuck she is. Of course your friend will get pissed if you tease him about it. I suggest pulling the “your girlfriend is a bicycle” card only if he pulls a shady trade.
“Whoa whoa whoa. You got Marmalard for Devery Henderson? YOUR GIRLFRIEND IS A SLUT AND A HALF.”
Otherwise, off limits.
Taylor has 0% chance of ending up in New England*
*- margin of error: +/-100%
Dear Cosa Nostra of Catching, (rim shot!)
Real (Virtual) Football first: What rookie do you think this year will turn out to be a real sleeper catch? Who will earn the coveted ESPN Fantasy Jacket! Who will masturbate the ball down the feel with the most derision?
Sex Question: Oh yeah, I’m a 20 year old virgin, with no hooker buying money in sight….what do I do with few, if any, barely legal sluts to do?
Signed,
The Deprived and the Depraved
It’s impossible to gauge which rookie skill position players will excel if they haven’t been drafted yet. If Knowshon goes to some team with a god awful offensive line and no passing game (LIONS AT #20!), of course he won’t be as effective than if he gets drafted by a team like the Jets, who have a decent front.
I can’t tell you how to get laid if you haven’t yet, except that you just keep trying. Don’t take rejection personally. Someone out there will give you a chance at some point if you’re genuine and not a dick. Like I say, you tell a thousand jokes, one of them is bound to be funny.
Pioneers of Porn,
Why is Jay Cutler being such a bitch?
Is it immoral to fuck a girl in my friend’s room without his permission, so long as it is in the bed in his room that is not his, because his roommate recently moved out. My room will be occupied by my roommate and his 2 guests from out of town who will be sleeping on my floor. Oh and my friend will definitely find out, but by then, the deed will be done.
Thank you for your ever stretching moral conscience,
Big Red.
Immoral? FUCK AND NO. You’re a single guy trying to get laid. Bang her on the damn dining room table if that’s your only option.
Cutler was born a bitch and will die a bitch. That’s just who he is.
Hey there, cadre o’ cock clutchers.
Sex question first: yesterday, I bought my girlfriend some X since she told me she wanted to try it. Now, the question I have is, should we have sex when on it? On one hand, I bet it’d feel amazing. On the other, might it ruin what is an excellent sex life? I could see it being like banging Megan Fox one night, only to have every other girl pale in comparison.
Football question: is it fair to say that the NFC North has the worst QB situation in football right now, and potentially the last few years? Between TarVar, Orton, and the Lions gang of misfits, watching them almost makes me glad I’m just a Browns fan.
-PM
Since I am neither European nor a Pet Shop Boys fan, I have never taken ecstasy, so I can’t answer your question with any degree of accuracy. I’ll leave this one to the commenters. They just seem to looooove bossing people around.
The whole Bears QB situation is insane. What the fuck is this team doing? For years now, they’ve blatantly ignored trying to improve the position. It makes no fucking sense. And the Vikings’ situation makes me want to get HPV in my asshole.
KSK Crew,
Sex: So this girl who I used to hook up with in high school recently became single again and has been trying to get me to hang out with her again. Now the reason why I stopped getting with her back in the day was because she’s a little psycho/stalkerish. Now she’s still pretty hot, but I’m still getting the stalker vibe from her. I know I can get laid, but is it worth it at the price of having a stalker on my hands?
No.
Football: Now that he’s been released from the Rams, do you see the Ravens having any chance at landing Tory Holt?
Peace out mofos.
Keith
Sure, why not. Seems like a decent fit.
Sex:
Recently I’ve transitioned from some random flirting with this girl (she initiated) to actually going out a few times. At first glance this is not a shy chick by any means; some of the things I’ve heard come out of her mouth have turned me on and disgusted me simultaneously. Here’s the thing though: when we are together 1 on 1 we do boyfriend-girlfriend shit and she acts very in to me but fairly prude…. but every time we go out drinking heavily with a larger group of friends the night, without fail, ends in an enthusiastic trip to Poundtown. Drunk sex is all well and good, but I’m going to need to shoot a sober load or two at some point before I start murdering hobos. I like this girl but I can’t decide: is she just closet-shy or am I getting entangled in a web of crazy?
Plenty of ladies need a bit of liquid courage to get aggressive in the sack. Sounds like you’re unlikely to change her methods. Stock up on the Cabernet, fella.
Football:
Cutlerfucker on the Bears… it sounds so wrong but it feels so right. I would have no problem dealing with some bummerfaces if it meant my team had something besides a “serviceable quarterback” for once in my fucking life. Any chance at all of this happening?
Mike in Chicago
Nope.
Sex:
Alright, so I have been dating this very cute little bombshell who is 4’11” of tits, ass and fingernails (more on this in a moment). As we have been together, she has grown progressively nastier in the bedroom and until recently had absolutely no complaints about this. After about 6 months, we are even talking about moving in together and have started using the “L” word.
A couple of weekends ago, something went horribly, horribly wrong in the bedroom. I was nut-deep in her face about to reach the Big O when she decided, as she had heard this was a turn on, to stick a wet finger in my ass. In retrospect, I appreciate her intentions. WELL, what she did not take into account is that I happened to be suffering from a painful enflamed hemorrhoid, and as her digit slid into my angry anus up to the second knuckle, her nail essentially punctured it.
Excuse me for a moment: AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Pain like you would not believe ensued. I screamed like a girl (all of this as I am beginning to splooge, keep in mind) and she yanked her finger out which was now covered in my shit and ass-blood.
Oooh! Oooh! I have you going to the final 8 in our fetish tourney!
I spent the next hour crying on a toilet and dabbing at the bloody mess in my ass. It was a week before I could wear white underwear again. So my question is: how on earth do I ever look this girl in the eye again in the bedroom? Will it ever not be awkward, or will I have flashbacks to this moment for the rest of relationship? Oh, and can I use this as leverage to get anal?
Why would you want ANYTHING to do with any anus after that? No, I think you can get past it if you genuinely love her. It was an accident. A horrible, horrible accident. Have a couple good experiences in the future and the bad stuff will get wiped away. Jesus, that’s a fucking horrible story. I’m gonna barf in my hat.
Football:
As a non bandwagon, NH resident Patriots fan since I was 4 years old, I have message for KSK: FACK YOU. Sure, metro Boston is a wretched hive of syphilitic arrogant douchery, but that only represents 98% of the fan base. What do you think the odds are of the Pats climbing back on top in the AFC East this season, and will they finally address having the slowest secondary in the history of the NFL?
Jim
They already addressed their secondary with Bodden and Springs. I think they’re the clear favorite to win it all again this year. You fucker. A PUNCTURED ANUS IS WHAT YOU DESERVE.
Hey,
What is the Interweb’s official stance on circumcision?
I personally am un-cut, and happy with it. I used to be ashamed of it (because everyone else was), but now feel sorry for people that were cut. As far as I can tell, if you know how to use a bar of soap and keep your bits clean, you’ll end up with a much richer sex life. Examples:
-Jackin’ it – no Jerk Sauce required.
-Quickies – if the wife’s not quite warmed up yet, it’s still a smooth ride.
-BJ’s – my dickhead hasn’t spent years rubbing its nerve endings raw against my boxers – so I’d assume it’s a little more sensitive.
-Fuckin’ – this may not be circumcision related (but I think it might be). I’m 32 and can keep going for a second round in the sack without a pause. This means that I’ve NEVER had to hold off an orgasm, just shoot off load #1 and keep on truckin’.
As for Football, try to say something original about T.O. coming to Buffalo.
Regards,
Captain Anteater
I’m cut, and I just had my new kid cut when he was born. I’m not terribly sure I made the correct decision. You have a kid, the kid is born, and looks healthy. So why lop off part of his genitals right off the bat? Odd custom. “It’s a boy! Quick, let cut his penis!” I don’t really know how it came to pass. You’re probably right that uncut is the way to go. But fuck it. I’m a cut man and that’s the way it is. I’ll be damned if my kid’s gonna rock a turtleneck.
The one thing no one talks about in the TO signing is that he got fucking old last year. He wasn’t quite as fast, and he already drops passes like a fucking Seahawk. I think this year could easily be his last in football.
Sex: The girlfriend is coming to visit me in Europe while I’m studying abroad. Despite her declarations while in the US that she would “never have anal” (and my agreement I wasn’t interested – cause what else can I say?), is this or is it not the perfect time to make the push for earning my brown belt?
+1 for brown belt
I’ve got the magic of a foreign city, us alone, “I’ll never tell” all going my way, is it possible?
Nope. People tend to be protective of their assholes like that. You saw what happened with the other guy.
Football: My drafting style has never been very good. I usually try to be sneaky and “steal” that “breakout” player for this season. Last year I grabbed Willis McGahee (bust) and the Cincinnati starting RB (can’t even remember name now, I dropped him so early) in the first two rounds. Do you have any draft secrets that work, or should I just go down the list provided by the pros and not try to showoff. Oh I had two wins all last year, so clearly my style didn’t work out.
Sincerely,
Terrible Drafter
It’s all fucking luck. Just go at it again and maybe you’ll come up a winner this time around. And if you lose again, hey, it still beats having HPV.
Tags: Big Daddy Drew, chairs, hpv, ksk fantasy sex advice mailbag, torn anuses, warts
March 19th, 2009 at 12:12 pm
“It was a week before I could wear white underwear again.”
one should never wear white underwear and I blame the Jews for circumcision.
March 19th, 2009 at 12:15 pm
To Vasectomy guy:
You’re assuming that the girls you would be sleeping with in college would actually believe you about the vasectomy, and consent to having a go without a condom.
Any girl that agrees to that is a girl who you DO NOT want to sleep with without a condom. STDs doesn’t just happen.
March 19th, 2009 at 12:17 pm
People would get a vasectomy rather than use a condom? Seriously?
It’s a condom, for Christ’s sake. Just a thin layer of latex or, if you have borderline bestiality needs, lambskin. It’s not an inch of steel with an inside layering of barbed wire.
Condoms come in all shapes and sizes and colors. You can get a blue one and live out that Dr. Manhattan fantasy. You can even get one that’s ribbed for her pleasure, turn it inside out and be selfish.
Anyone who’d rather have a surgeon dig into his balls and rewire the machinery rather than slip on a glove is fucking insane.
March 19th, 2009 at 12:20 pm
Like I say, you tell a thousand jokes, one of them is bound to be funny.
How many have you gone through? We’re waiting.
March 19th, 2009 at 12:24 pm
I have HPV. It’s not a big deal for guys except that there is a very small chance that it could develop into warts. The cervical cancer thing is a bigger deal. That’s why girls should get that vaccine.
March 19th, 2009 at 12:25 pm
A punctured anus is definitely final four material in the fetish tourney.
March 19th, 2009 at 12:31 pm
Jesus people are afraid of condoms.
Most guys don’t even know they have HPV, the little warts can be hard to detect on a penis. Glamour or Cosmo or Sassy once ran an interview with some NASCAR wife / beauty queen about her brush with HPV. In the article, she went on to describe how when the doctor had to laser off her HPV lesions she started to cry because all she could think about was how she had been infected, and she was essentially burning her future baby’s house.
Talk about a mind-fuck from an STD.
March 19th, 2009 at 12:33 pm
As a father (I know, right!), the circumcision rule for me was “Make sure your kid’s dick is the same as yours.” The last thing you need to do is explain to a four year old why his dingle is different.
March 19th, 2009 at 12:34 pm
Ecstasy man–Sex while rolling is fucking great. The biggest problem I’ve come across is when you get a dirty pill (which 99.999% of pills are–my suggestion is to get capsules or straight crystal of MDMA if you can) it could be cut with something like meth which’ll take the lead out your pencil real quick. Whiskey dick has nothing on meth dick.
March 19th, 2009 at 12:35 pm
Temporary vasectomy for college kids? Insanity! Any Doc who would agree to the procedure I wouldn’t trust with my junk.
Get a glass candy jar, fill it with various styles/colors of condoms and keep it on a shelf in your dorm room. The reaction of the coeds to your ‘candy jar’ will save you alot of time.
March 19th, 2009 at 12:37 pm
(It should be noted most cases of HPV in women are the low cancer risk sorts and the infection can clear up on its own.)
(And the CDC reports that 50% of sexually active Americans will have HPV at some point in their lives.)
March 19th, 2009 at 12:39 pm
never tried X. can’t help you there.
lots of chicks are afraid of the uncut and won’t suck one. their hangup, and it’s fucked up that they feel that way. but I’m glad I’m circumcised because I need to get my dick sucked while we’re waiting for these women to grow up.
HPV is the best reason for giving women head, for those of you who don’t enjoy it for its own sake. go down there, take a peek. if things smell way the fuck off, or you see any little white bumps: “I just remembered I have a thing to go to…” if everything looks and smells nice, chow down.
btw men commonly show no symptoms of HPV infection, and the infection can pass. so tracking down the source of your wart is an exercise in futility. fortunately the strains of HPV that cause warts mostly don’t cause cervical cancer. spotted coochie has to be better than chemo- and a hysterectomy, right?
March 19th, 2009 at 12:41 pm
Stay away from EX+Sex. Trust me, it’s fun at the time but it fucking kills relationships. Not because non-ex sex pales in comparison, but because of the emotional fuckery that comes from ex, especially in the day-after phase.
Tip, though, enjoy your ex phase and get out of it. That shit is OK for a period, but take it too many times and it’ll fuck with your wiring. I haven’t partaken in years and I still sometimes feel a touch off in certain circumstances. I did it quite a bit for about a year though (but pure homemade, rather than potentially dirty streeters).
More than that and you’ll fucking pay for it…
March 19th, 2009 at 12:43 pm
Sweet Jesus the anal finger of doom story was awful. My asshole actually puckered.
March 19th, 2009 at 12:43 pm
OH, and the surprise finger up the ass thing…where do women get the idea that this is OK? Is this what j4b read in Cosmo? “Stick your finger up your man’s ass. He’ll love it!”
sorry for your hemorrhoid, but that chick hopefully learned a lesson that day. ASK first.
had a chick pull this on me once, but I was too busy getting blown to notice. later on she tells me she did it. I’m thinking “wait, did she wash her hands after that? before dinner?”
March 19th, 2009 at 12:44 pm
“Goddamn teams with franchise QB’s. CHERISH WHAT YOU HAVE!”
From your keyboard to Dove Valley.
March 19th, 2009 at 12:47 pm
Let me first say that I am NOT the girl who wrote in about having HPV. Let me further say that having HPV is more common than you would think. Ever had a plantar wart on your fingers or toes? You’ve got HPV. Canker sores? A strain of HPV. Skin tags? You guessed it–HPV. I feel for you, girl. I don’t know how old you are, but I might ask my doctor for the Gardasil series just in case. Even if you’re too old for your insurance to pay for it, you can ask for it and pay for it out of pocket. Good luck, honey.
Vasectomy guy: You’re totally stupid if you’d rather get a vasectomy than wear a rubber. That’s like using a brick to swat a fly.
Sloppy Seconds: Busting on your buddy for dating a girl that some of your friends have dated (I’m being genteel) is a dick move. But she’s an idiot to date within the same friend group. It’s six of one, half a dozen of the other. Be cool and earn the good karma that comes with NOT ribbing your friend for riding the town pony.
Big Red: Wait. Why are your roommate and his guests sleeping in YOUR room? Tell him to sleep in his own room so you can bang your girl in your own bed in peace. Grow a pair, dude.
Mike in Chicago: How much is the sex worth to you? Think about it.
Jim: OUUUUUUCH. (Why doesn’t Cosmo ever advise girls to trim their nails short if they’re going to insert them in small, unlubricated orifices?) (Girls would know this if they watched porn.) (I keep my nails short.)
Terrible Drafter: That “no one we know is over here” argument is pitiful. You’re not going to get the ass on that side of the pond either.
March 19th, 2009 at 12:47 pm
Once again kids, when going to Europe to study, there are no girlfriends. Dump them before you leave.
March 19th, 2009 at 12:49 pm
I have HPV. There are roughly 70 different types of HPV, and only two of those types are known to cause cervical cancer. Definitely get a pap smear from time to time, but the odds of this being non-cancer causing HPV is in your favor, so don’t freak out too much quite yet.
People can have HPV without having symptoms. People can transmit HPV even if they have never had symptoms. It’s a miracle to me that 90% of the population don’t have one type of HPV or another.
March 19th, 2009 at 12:54 pm
some people are allergic to latex
some of us just really hate condoms
the only reason why I regularly subject myself to the monotony of monogamy is because I really don’t want to take the chance with a vasectomy and you can’t trust random ho’s to be on birth control
March 19th, 2009 at 12:55 pm
OIURAO;IEUR;OI2384O9UA;LGIH; LKGJ LKA PUNCTURED ANUS O98ALIJF;LKAWER;OIAU;OGIH;IDAFL;ASKDJF;LK
…
Look. A poke or two up the bum is something everyone can enjoy… if done properly. Two fucking words, people: FINGER. COTS. One of those babies with a little cream lube makes a world of difference. NO ONE SHOULD EVER HAVE TO EXPERIENCE RECTAL PUNCTURING.
March 19th, 2009 at 12:56 pm
Nearly every girl who’s not Amish has had HPV at some point, it’s extremely common – in fact, it’s the most common STD in America (half of women aged 20-25 have it right now). HPV itself isn’t a problem as long as you are going for regular checkups with your OB-GYN – only a handful of strains of it are actually linked with cancer (and guys are basically carriers, very few cases where they have symptoms). That “hundreds of thousands” dying of cervical cancer thing is almost entirely in the developing world – Latin America in particular – where women just don’t get checked out regularly. The greater risk to women in America who have HPV comes if they flake out on their appointments and it spreads. So make damn sure your girlfriend goes to her naughty bits doctor.
Trust me. I have an internet connection and know how to comment!
March 19th, 2009 at 12:56 pm
clare, did you consider the fact that big red may be living in a college dorm, hence the roommate sleeping in the same room as him?
March 19th, 2009 at 1:03 pm
Also, guys who “hate condoms” are perfectly welcome to go, as the kids say, fuck themselves, thereby sparing any ladies from their errant cocks. If you can’t fuck like a goddamn grown-up, you’ve got no business sticking your dick in things.
HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING FROM TRAVIS HENRY?!
March 19th, 2009 at 1:06 pm
“I have an internet connection and know how to comment!”
this is one instance where the Wiki article is actually pretty good (or was when I read it)
March 19th, 2009 at 1:07 pm
Use a condom you retards. One night (aka 15 minutes) of slightly more pleasurable sex isn’t better than a lifetime of potential hassles if you fuck up and knock her up or worse, contract something that could kill you.
Is jeopardizing your life (or at best, being branded as an Untouchable) because you got an STD because you refused to use a condom worth it? If you’re too stupid to make that decision it really blows for the rest of us since you’ll probably procreate early and often and have a litter of kids who are as dumb as you.
March 19th, 2009 at 1:08 pm
Yeah, I did, senor mullet, but take a closer look at his question–he talks about two separate rooms. Are these two separate friends? HIS QUESTION RAISES MORE QUESTIONS THAN IT ANSWERS.
And if you are a college student, Big Red, lay off the pronouns and the indeterminate subjects and objects. Your GPA will be the better for it.
March 19th, 2009 at 1:11 pm
Can I safely assume the “torn anuses” tag will be resurrected for the Seahawks’ first game of the season?
March 19th, 2009 at 1:12 pm
I’d like to suggest an annual award for the best sex mailbag emailer. Maybe you could call it the “PEGGIE” in honor of all the anal fascination. Anyway, I want to nominate Jim for emailer of the year. That was a great story.
Great job on the mailbag, BDD.
March 19th, 2009 at 1:15 pm
@spanky: Agreed, it would be completely fucking irresponsible of any doctor to perform sterilization on anyone that young (early 20’s I’m assuming), but it does happen, and there’s a total fucking double-standard. Men in their 20’s can and do get snipped, relatively few questions asked, while no doctor in the world will sterilize a childless woman under age 35 (believe me, I’ve looked into it), because it is apparently unfuckingfathomable that a woman could be absolutely positively sure that she doesn’t want to spawn. Either sterilization for everybody or sterilization for nobody.
/falls off soapbox
March 19th, 2009 at 1:16 pm
Mrs.:
If I don’t have time to get tested between partners, I wear protection. “Time”= 8-12 weeks, the gestation period for HIV. The other bugs develop more quickly.
Like I said, monotony has its benefits. Unlike Travis Henry, I don’t have any kids. My dick tests clean and so does my lady’s vag.
HPV and HSV can be spread by skin contact, so condoms don’t offer full protection from those.
Of course, the only sane policy for anyone with viable sperm is to only fuck women who you can conceivably be entangled with for the rest of your life. Condoms break. Birth control fails. The biological imperative never quits. So, a vasectomy would provide relief from all of those worries. Shit, even vasectomies are less than 100%. Men who’ve been snipped have, in fact, fathered children. Now there’s a surprise for your ass.
If I need a random pussy binge I buy a box of condoms. No biggy. It’s a trade-off.
So, I can go for a long time without wearing one, and don’t need to fuck myself. But I do anyhow.
March 19th, 2009 at 1:17 pm
One other thing about the vasectomy. From the sound of the letter, this guy isn’t even in college yet?
I was 24 when I got my vasectomy, and I got turned down by three doctors before I found one that would reluctantly do it for me. If you’re 18 or 19, you’re not going to find a reputable doctor who will snip you. Just use a damn condom.
For that matter, look into the female condom. I’ve never used one, but I’ve heard that for the guy, using one feels almost the same as bareback.
March 19th, 2009 at 1:18 pm
Katni, just go out and get yourself a case of HPV and your doctor will be champing at the bit to excise your uterus for you.
/room for 2 on soapbox
March 19th, 2009 at 1:19 pm
@Big Black: Female condoms are like fucking a ziplock baggie shoved into your woman’s vag. But, if you’re into that, I’m sure the aquarium departyment at Walmart could hook you up for cheap.
March 19th, 2009 at 1:20 pm
Thanks for your sincerity on my Pecker Slicing question. It’s usually a topic that I get on a small soap-box about, but as soon as someone says “I want him to look like me”, I lay the fuck off. That honesty is admirable, I just don’t like people coming up with bogus excuses. My Dad, Son, and myself are all still in-tact, so it would be hypocritical for me to say otherwise – I just think it is the better pick if you’re not concerned about mini-me’s junk looking like yours.
March 19th, 2009 at 1:21 pm
clare,
it made sense to me and i read it as 2 different friends rooms. maybe its a guy thing, that we get what each other mean through vague pronoun reference.
March 19th, 2009 at 1:23 pm
@Katni: well, I had no idea. I’ve heard good things about them, but I currently have no need of condoms of any kind, so I won’t have first-hand knowledge anytime soon.
Ziplock baggie, eh? I can imagine that the actual zipper part would chafe like hell.
March 19th, 2009 at 1:24 pm
Its most likely suite… so yeah its the best option. Shit, in college, as long as I wasn’t already in the bed, as long the person washed my sheets\pillow and flipped the mattress I didn’t care.
How is that even a problem a real problem.
March 19th, 2009 at 1:28 pm
I’ve done too much thinking about Big Red’s predicament, but I think I have an answer: Put your roommate and his friends in the vacated room you were originally going to have sex in. Have sex in your own bed in peace.
March 19th, 2009 at 1:28 pm
Sounds like the Hemorroid dude needs more fiber in his diet. I actually felt bad for a second…then I laughed my ass off.
March 19th, 2009 at 1:29 pm
with the female condom your trusting the woman to not only want to insert the thing properly, but to know how. I’m not wearing a condom with any woman I trust that much. (distrust that little)
at least with male condoms you can pull the thing out and make sure it’s still intact. nothing like that latex cockring to send your ass to the clinic like quick. if your name is any indicator it’s only recently that you’ve been able to buy condoms that fit without breaking anyhow so you should be used to this.
March 19th, 2009 at 1:31 pm
I want to hear more about the nut you got when she punctured your ‘roid? Also, uncircumcised dudes are fucking geoduck idiots. Chicks don’t dig that shit but it makes it easier for the rest of us. Good bag. To a kid lookin up to me, life ain’t nothin but bitches and money.
March 19th, 2009 at 1:33 pm
Du hast die Scheisse Gern?
March 19th, 2009 at 1:38 pm
Well, I can ride my bike with no handlebars for like 1.4 seconds. SHIT YOU NOT!!!!
March 19th, 2009 at 1:41 pm
@Gern: I’m going to guess that your vast knowledge about what chicks “dig” is strictly anecdotal.
March 19th, 2009 at 1:44 pm
I was nut-deep in her face about to reach the Big O when she decided, as she had heard this was a turn on, to stick a wet finger in my ass.
See, this is the type of shit that I was talking about. Where in the hell in the sexual manifesto does it say that it’s OK to stick a finger (WITH LONG NAILS – GAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH) in a man’s ass? That’s why she got blood and shit all over her hands. Bet you she won’t do that shit again.
I spent the next hour crying on a toilet and dabbing at the bloody mess in my ass.
Good God man, I really felt for you on that one. I had actual ass cramps thinking about your ruptured hemorroid. I can’t even imagine what it must have felt like to take a dump after Freedy Krueger introduced herself to your brown eye.
That was the sickest and most painful story so far…definitely a bracket buster.
March 19th, 2009 at 1:44 pm
Word to the above. Based on my own anecdotal evidence, any statement uttered by a guy that begins with “Chicks dig…” is almost always wrong.
March 19th, 2009 at 1:45 pm
C: The Falcons will come back to Earth somewhat. But I’d still have them as a WC contender. And no idea on the chair.
Screwed: Uh…it’s called a second opinion. And take it seriously. If a doctor told any guy, “You could have dick cancer,” he’d be taking that VERY seriously!
Testicle Trauma: Use the rubber — it protects from gold diggas AND nasty viruses. AND it’s cheaper by far — what college kid has the money to go get his boys sniped?
Fantasy Nerd: No need to remind the guy that his girl got teabagged by two other guys or that she gave up the Hershey highway to them but not him or that they have footage of her with a striper on their hard drives. No reason whatsoever!
Depraved: Wait till the Draft. As for losing the Vag card…aim younger (but still 18) OR older (but not grandma age).
Big Red: I blame the diabeetus…and Peyton Manning. And any friend who gets between you and poonani that ain’t his is just not a real friend.
PM: You already BOUGHT the X. Might as well see what it does.
Keith: Hot AND Stalkerish? What are the odds? Actually hot people are not stalkers. They’re “secret admirers.”
Mike in Chi: Have you tried X? Or just mix in some Bailey’s with her morning coffee.
Jim: OUCH!!! Look at it on the bright side: this girl has NO ISSUES regarding trying to get you off. That’s a keeper in my book. Forgive and move on.
Anteater: Only problem with “uncut” is making sure girls aren’t shocked by it. Some are. And the under for T.O. meltdown is 5 weeks.
Terrible Drafter: Sell it as an “European custom”. Hey, if a romantic night in Paris or Rome won’t seal the deal, what will?
March 19th, 2009 at 1:49 pm
Dude, a circumcised schlong is like a totally unshaven bush: kind of a throwback, but still eminently fuckable and even kind of exciting as a deviation from the norm. Now you see the tip… now you don’t! It’s like handjob peekaboo!
What?
I’m sorry.
Dicks are funny. Work is boring.
March 19th, 2009 at 1:55 pm
*uncircumcised bah
March 19th, 2009 at 1:55 pm
@ FMRA: that’s why I said you gotta make sure she’s cool with it. If they’ve never seen one (and depending on their age, they might not have seen more than 1 or 2), they might not know what to make out of it.
As for the unshaven bush…it’s fun to see at first, but I prefer trimmed. No one gets their feelings hurt cause I’m stopping to push the shrubbery back!
March 19th, 2009 at 2:04 pm
On the vasectomy question: If you’re banging multiple girls in college that are totally cool with banging you with no rubber, vasectomy or not, you need to use the rubber that much more.
Enjoy herpes.
March 19th, 2009 at 2:09 pm
“If you’re like me, the closer you get to the end, the more you straighten out your whole body. I’m stiff like a goddamn cadaver by the time I’m ready to deliver a payload. My knees are locked. My back is arched. I could be used as a load-bearing pillar at that point.”
That same thing happens to me when I get a full house playing poker. Do you think anyone notices that as a “Tell?”
March 19th, 2009 at 2:12 pm
Thinking about having sex with Megan Fox on X almost made my brain implode.
March 19th, 2009 at 2:12 pm
Ladies, does every issue of Cosmo tell you to stick your finger in your man’s ass (without even asking)? Or just every other issue? I am tired of getting ambushed by the anal invader every time I date a new girl.
March 19th, 2009 at 2:25 pm
That was the sickest and most painful story so far…definitely a bracket buster.
The anal story is this year’s Davidson
March 19th, 2009 at 2:33 pm
Yep, I had a girlfriend in college who slipped me the finger during oral without any warning…not cool. Apparently (she told me later) a gay friend of hers had told her it was a fantastic idea. I got the weirdest nut of my life and she got a really shitty finger.
The above commenter who suggested the condom candy jar – good move, until your asshole friends remove all the condoms and replace them with the similarly foiled and sized flavored packets from Ramen noodles. Not that I was the asshole who did that in college or anything,,,
March 19th, 2009 at 2:51 pm
Of all these dudes on here I must be least protective of my anus, but I will smack a woman upside the head if I catch her trying to finger my ass without asking. That should tell you something.
ASK. I’m not your fucking monkey.
March 19th, 2009 at 2:52 pm
Have you ever had a doctor give you a prostate exam, except that he left his finger in there just a second or two too long? Just long enough to make you wonder if he’s enjoying himself?
Yeah, I never went to that doctor again.
March 19th, 2009 at 2:55 pm
How long is too long?
March 19th, 2009 at 2:57 pm
If you walk through the desert for forty years with an uncircumsized dick, you’re going to get sand in it. Ergo, circumcisions.
March 19th, 2009 at 3:16 pm
Jesus, is that HPV letter for real? A doctor told you, and you doubt it. So you ask your dumbass friends, who get their medical knowledge from Wikipedia and episodes of “House.” Because what do health professionals know about disease? Full retard.
March 19th, 2009 at 3:20 pm
Well, there’s enough doctors out there who could give a fat fuck about women’s reproductive health that you shouldn’t really trust them all. Of course, the whole wart on your twat thing seems to be a fair indicator that you’ve got…warts on your twat. AKA HPV.
March 19th, 2009 at 3:31 pm
FMRA,
Why the hate for guys who hate condoms? I hate condoms. I fucking despise condoms. Of course, I still use them, (or did, before I had a steady girlfriend who was on the pill) but you’re lying to yourself if you think they don’t make sex significantly less enjoyable.
March 19th, 2009 at 3:32 pm
RE “Ladies, does every issue of Cosmo tell you to stick your finger in your man’s ass (without even asking)? Or just every other issue? I am tired of getting ambushed by the anal invader every time I date a new girl.”
I haven’t read Cosmo for a really long time, like years and years, because it’s, well, it’s like the female equivalent of FHM or Maxim (not a compliment). But I see the covers and it seems that every month, they run some “the sex move that’ll drive him wild” story. That’s probably where they get this shit. Either that, or as someone indicated above, a gay male friend.
I don’t care how much someone likes the idea, my finger isn’t going up his ass. I don’t put any fingers up my own ass, why the fuck would I want them in anyone else’s? I just don’t get it. Maybe it’s a generational thing.
March 19th, 2009 at 3:35 pm
Am I the only one who channeled The Rock in their head when anal made it’s mailbag comeback?
“Finally, anal has come back to the KSK Mailbag!”
March 19th, 2009 at 3:36 pm
If you’re dating a chick, and she’s got multiple issues of Cosmo lying about, that’s a problem.
I’m not sure if FHM or Maxim are really equivalent, because they have pictures of boobies. Pictures of boobies never hurt anybody. Cosmo is worse than fucking Oprah when it comes to giving women stupid ideas.
March 19th, 2009 at 3:39 pm
So, true story, after living in a frat house and being exposed (ha!) to many different penii, I began to question my own circumcision. I wasn’t cut all the way down like my Egyptian friend (his penis was, as we all decided, taut) but I knew I wasn’t uncunt. Did a little bit of circumcision research, what do I find?
I have a “high cut”. It’s like a mock turtleneck! I love it. I get enough extra skin to make it fun to play with, but I don’t look like an elephant’s trunk.
/will never be allowed to run for public office now
March 19th, 2009 at 3:42 pm
Jake, Dr. Freud is on line 1 for you…
March 19th, 2009 at 4:00 pm
Cosmo does a lot of assuming what guys will like, and as I’ve learned here, they are often VERY WRONG.
To the ass-bleeding guy, damn, I’m sorry. But it is true that you’ve got a girl who’s all about trying new stuff to get you off. If you can get past this, just give her a little direction and it’ll be some hot sex.
I have a similar opinion on both the virgin guy thing and the circumcision thing: if a girl finds out and won’t suck/fuck you, (with the exception of you and her both being virgins) then find a girl who’s not such a, well, a pussy.
March 19th, 2009 at 4:08 pm
Carrie,
This is just a theory, but as someone who works in publishing, I know there are a TON of gay dudes in this industry, especially in magazine publishing. I would like to hypothesize that the Cosmo writers are asking the gay dudes in their office (and in a place like Cosmo, 90% of the guys are probably gay) what they like.
Ergo, things in butts.
March 19th, 2009 at 4:10 pm
PM – if that’s your girlfriend’s first time on X, she’ll be so spaced out you’ll have to rape her. On the other hand, she won’t know/mind/press charges in the morning. In the end, no it won’t ruin your sexual expectations.
March 19th, 2009 at 4:36 pm
C: It’s a home office? Do you have a laptop? Then go jack off in the warm plushy comfort of your bed.
PM: Without getting into the nerdy biochemistry of it all, no do not fuck on X. you are completely right. It’ll be the happiest moment of your life, making everything else downhill from there. Seriously.
March 19th, 2009 at 4:39 pm
Dude cut is the way to go. There was an article in the nytimes a while back talking about how a circumcision reduces your chances of contracting AIDS from heterosexual sex by 50%. And if that isn’t reason enough, i’d doesn’t look all weird.
March 19th, 2009 at 4:44 pm
My wife had a subscription to Cosmo for awhile, so I’d read through it every now and then to see what they THOUGHT guys really like. It’s 85% of bullshit. The other 15% is “Duh!”. (He likes blowjobs! No shit, really?)
Circumcised vs uncircumcised. I really fail to understand WHY THE FUCK they do this in American hospitals? What the fuck is this, the Spanish Inquisition? Nobody gets his fucking dick snipped in dutch hospitals, I can tell you that. I seriously fail to see what benefits being circumcised even gives you? the only downside to non-circumcised is that you have to spend a grant total of twenty seconds or so cleaning out around the head a few times a week when you shower. (And if you orgasm daily, the cum pretty much takes care of the cleaning by itself.)
The anal buster story was actually kind of amusing. Sorry. I’m sure it was fucking horrible for the guy, but I laugh at other people’s misfortunes. I would call it the worst story ever though. A good friend of mine who was uncircumcised had a girlfriend who was tighter than hell, and she decided one day it would be fun to get him hard, slap a rubber on, then plunk herself down as hard as she could on his pole. Unlubricated or anything.
Needless to say, he heard a loud snap, felt a distinctly unpleasant pain, had her get back up and saw blood slowly filling his condom because she had circumcised him.
Ouchies.
The doctor he saw in the hospital apparently thought it was really funny, he couldn’t stop making awesome jokes about it. (which don’t translate well into written form.)
He was able to laugh at it about a year later, but he was pretty fucking freaked out when it happened.
March 19th, 2009 at 4:44 pm
would – wouldn’t. Sigh.
March 19th, 2009 at 4:45 pm
Sex onE is much better for the girl than the guy. From my experience, the biggest problem keeping it up stemmed from getting so easily distracted. Sure, the girl is laying there nearly helpless to your desires, but every little sound or light quickly gets your mind derailed from the mission. Make sure there is plenty of good herb around, kush preferably. Then again, I subscribe to the belief that kush enhances every experience.
March 19th, 2009 at 4:47 pm
To the “X” guy. (Nobody out here (bay area) calls it X, but whatever).
I’ve heard lots people say to not have sex on E, but my girlfriend and I have done it a few times and there weren’t any negative consequences. It will be great for you and your girlfriend will have the best time of her life. I’m not kidding. E basically makes women orgasm nonstop. You won’t even really have to do anything.
Yes, the next couple of days won’t be great, and I wouldn’t advise you to do it on the regular, but a few times a year probably won’t ruin your brain.
March 19th, 2009 at 4:52 pm
Hm Jigga might be right about having weed around. I definitely have always smoked before doing it. It’s also always been towards the end of the evening after coming home from a long night of partying, so it wasn’t at the peak effects for either of us.
March 19th, 2009 at 4:56 pm
@ Jake yeah i got the mock turtle neck too and it’s the shiiiit. Girls don’t even notice the half inch of foreskin, but my thumb sure does every sunday night!
@ jm take the x and do the xxx. It’ll be fun. My HS health teacher said it would ruin every other sexual experience for the rest of my life, but she also told me mixing weed and beer causes heart attacks and abstinence is the only way to practice birth control. She was also a 6′5″ dyke.
But do heed GothRodger’s advice and don’t roll very often. I’ve only taken x half a dozen times and I can safely say I don’t think I’ll take it again. It turns me into a space cookie, especially when I did it 3 times in 2 weeks.
March 19th, 2009 at 5:05 pm
The Cosmo thing reminds me of the Dave Chappelle bit:
“The cover of Cosmo says ‘101 Ways to Please Your Man!’ 101? You can narrow that down to 4. Suck his dick, play with his balls, make him a sandwich and don’t talk to him so much!”
Chris Rock said all a man wants is Food, Sex and Silence.
It’s funny because it’s true.
March 19th, 2009 at 5:05 pm
@The Gooch: Is there really nobody smart enough in the entire company to figure out, “hmm, we’re giving advice to women about men like… let’s ask A FUCKING STRAIGHT MAN!” its not surprising though that they come up with ll this anal play. if you’re getting advice from gay guys, it’s not exactly hard to figure out what responses you’re gonna get from someone who likes to take it in the ass in the first place.
March 19th, 2009 at 6:28 pm
a straight up butt inquisition that is completely unanticipated isnt what’s hot in the streets….
but some gooch play that clearly implies ‘this is going to go in your bum while you bust’ is pretty fantastic and ya’ll are straight up phobes if you aren’t willing to accept that particularly because any girl that does it is usually really damp from the idea (enhanced orgasm for me and something that makes her more enthusiastic about giving brain? yep sign me up)
March 19th, 2009 at 6:29 pm
RE John Whorfin Says:
“If you’re dating a chick, and she’s got multiple issues of Cosmo lying about, that’s a problem.
I’m not sure if FHM or Maxim are really equivalent, because they have pictures of boobies. Pictures of boobies never hurt anybody. Cosmo is worse than fucking Oprah when it comes to giving women stupid ideas.”
I meant in editorial tone. Cosmo is basically “go out and have sex all the time, and also, here are tons of cosmetic ads and photo spreads showing clothes you can’t afford.” I know FHM and Maxim are full of boobies (and why not?). And I assume they’re also full of ads for beer, video games, expensive watches, cars (some of them expensive). Haven’t paged through FHM or Maxim lately, I’m not their demo.
Cosmo likes to think it is youthful and fun and sexy. Its editors seem to think that both men and women (but especially men) are stupid. Really, men shouldn’t be too upset about Cosmo, it encourages women to walk around with their tits hanging out and bang as many dudes as possible. It’s for sophisticated chicks like Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton.
March 19th, 2009 at 6:54 pm
Deprived-
Craigslist has plenty of cheap options for you
March 19th, 2009 at 7:37 pm
@NMC: OUCH! OOOH!!! I feel your buddy’s pain!
Why can’t some girls be nicer to the bishop?
March 19th, 2009 at 7:53 pm
Condom haters. I have two words for you. Durex. Avanti.
A little pricey, but TOTALLY worth it if barebackin’ is not an option.
Ecstasy+sex= intense orgasm and it makes foreplay AWESOME. In my meandering experience it does not ruin sex thereafter, you still have mind-bending orgasms, just wait a couple of days after the ecstasy sex to let the nads’ recharge. Gotta love that seretonin!
March 19th, 2009 at 11:43 pm
Are the hemorrhoids similar to anal traits, by any chance?
I got anal fissures all the time, but that’s only because I wipe until I see red instead of brown …
March 20th, 2009 at 1:53 am
To the X guy- it won’t ruin sober sex. However, you should know, that X isn’t like viagra or enzyte- drugs which have an effect localized on the dick. X has a net effect on your whole body, so sensation eerywhere is affected. The reason I bring it up is that it may lead to less than optimal sexual performance, becuase your body will be stimulated everywhere. This has nothing to do with being a so called dirty or clean pill, and is just the net effect of the drug.
As far as long term effects go, MDMA posses little to no risk. Comprable to other drugs, MDMA is very safe. It isn’t addictive, and doesn’t have adverse health effects. Cognitive functions generally return to normal within 1-3 days (somewhat like a hangover). There is no known medical evidence of any long term cognitive impairment in humans. In the short term, the increased release of seratonin has been found to lead to periods of depression in some people- however, usually those people were predisspossed anyway, and after a short period of time seratonin levels increased to their earlier levels. This has been found to be true for recreational users as well as heavy users.
Cut pills, while unlikely to result in whiskey dick, do bring up another issue: unsafe substitutes. Ever since MDMA became illegal, there has been fake pills. Sometimes these pills contain unsafe chemicles. Additionally, even if not unsafe, who wants to take a fake pill? there are numerous tester kits available, and it’s highly recomended that you purchase one.
For more information, go to http://www.erowid.com.
March 20th, 2009 at 2:54 am
I am in shock. I had no idea there were so many geoducks out there. So to all the chicks on this site, you’re totally cool with the full turtleneck? For me it’s a source of ridicule that shall remain constant.
March 20th, 2009 at 2:57 am
Surgically cut both ways here. All things considered I would have liked to have had a say so on whether someone was going to remove a portion of my Johnson or not. As far as the vasectomy..that was my choice.
I have procreated.
I have strewn the seed.
Good God man, why would anyone want to procreate more than twice!
That shit gets expensive.
Now my story about the vasectomy
Dating this girl, she’s got an 8 year old kid. She has always wanted to escalate the relationship, but as mentioned before,
I am somewhat reluctant.
She later admitted to me that she stopped taking the pill “on purpose”.
Prior to this knowledge, I went ahead and made an appointment to see about this whole “stop making fucking babies” thing.
I was referred to a doctor “Ginsberg”. I heard he was good with carving. A brisket.
This is where the true part comes in.. In his office, I was asked to slide my pants down below my knees. I was on my back at the time. I complied. He held a soldering iron in his hand and for some reason I felt it was a good idea to follow direction. He made a 1 to 1& 1/2 inch incision on each testicle. Bout midway down. This was somewhere around the time that I smelled my own burning baggie. He was a nice enough guy, for a Yankee fan. This was back during the Bartman Cubbies fiasco.
So during this entire time we were talking about baseball. Good times!
Basically, they cut off two pieces of supply chain and welded them shut! Why wouldn’t anyone ride this train to happy town?
/Gots two already
//You should see my grandaughter, she’s such a princess!
March 20th, 2009 at 6:24 am
NYC: the worst part about HPV is the every-three-to-six-month visits to the GYN office. Even if cervical cancer is found, it is easy to treat in its early stages. If it is caught early enough, most women can even have kids later in life if they wish. That said, death from cervical cancer is ugly, miserable, and particularly tragic since it is relatively easy to treat. I’ve seen several women die of this, and in each case the death was made worse by persistent, futile attempts to save a life that was, at that point, beyond modern medicine’s ability to save. So, find a GYN that you like, and see him/her frequently.
TT: you’d prefer surgery (twice!) to condoms? First, let me say that I would never — ever — believe a twenty-something guy that told me he didn’t have to use a rubber because he’d had a vasectomy. (Not even when I was 20something.)Second, don’t taunt Lions fans. Karma’s a bitch, and your team isn’t exactly heading in the right direction.
D/D: A little more background info might be helpful … but you could always find a girl that you’re attracted to, and you know …. take her out, treat her nice. I know, radical idea. But unless you’re living in the middle of amish country, why do you need to resort to hookers or barely-legal sluts?
Big Red: If your friend actually bought the bed, then you need to ask permission. If it is a dorm bed or rented apartment furniture or something along those lines, then go for it.
Keith: stay away, unless you can easily change geographic locations.
Mike: have you tried somewhere between shit-faced drunk and sober? Some women really need a little alcohol (or something) to loosen up at first; but if you’re always getting completely drunk she might not get to where she warms up when sober. I would suggest splitting a bottle of wine between the two of you and see where that takes you.
Jim: I doubt this will cause long-term problems, unless you hold it against her. And if she wasn’t OK with anal before this happened, I don’t think she will be any more likely to be OK with it now. Maybe even less likely.
CA: the trend seems to be swinging against circumcision. Since younger women are more likely to have seen uncut men, they are probably more accepting. There is some evidence that circ’d men are less likely to transmit hpv/hiv, but it’s based on epidemiological studies. Association does not equal causation. To me, it seems awfully barbaric; especially since there are some docs that don’t use anything to numb them up before they start slicing. If I ever have male children, I’ll probably leave it up to the father to decide, but my vote would be against the circ. Oh, and I don’t see TO even making 5 wks.
TD: why would being in Europe make her more likely to have anal? That doesn’t even make sense. Not even a little bit.
March 21st, 2009 at 3:20 am
Terrible Drafter: your Europe story was lost on me once I read that you drafted Willis fucking McGahee and some running back from the Bengals in the first two rounds of fantasy. Are you nuts? I’d rather have a bleeding ass and HPV on my eyelids than either of those guys last year. And ‘breakout’? What exactly about McGahee screamed breakout to you? He was coming back from an injury at draft time last year. I hope your league had 48 teams in it and you were drafting last. Good lord… fantasy advice? In the first two rounds, draft two dudes with working legs whose names you know. My god.
March 21st, 2009 at 3:21 am
i hear maurice clarett and matt jones are poised for ‘breakout’ years this year…