Peter King’s Kid Can’t Drive For S–t
When we last left NFL gadfly and human landfill Peter King, he was pitching a terrible fit about the Marriott Laguna Cliffs refusing to serve him free coffee before 7AM, despite having a perfectly functioning coffee maker IN HIS ROOM. He also found out the shocking truth about Mexican drug cartels (they’re coming for us!), and insisted we all give cops a little more respect. I know Ryan Moats certainly feels likewise!
What fascinating tidbits will we glean this week from King’s bloated, festering sense of self-entitlement? Hint: It has something to do with coffee! Join me as I again delve into this week’s missive of Peter King tardsauce.
In a dual act of selflessness that humbles me, the Giants and Jets head coaches will come together in a fundraiser to help the ailing Dr. Z try to kick-start his long road to recovery from a series of three strokes.
Humbles YOU, Peter? I’m sorry, were you the one who had three strokes? Are you the one currently drooling in your lap as your wife tries to show you how to use a spoon? Whatever, this rare sense of humility from Peter King, however astonishingly misplaced, can’t last forever…
The Marriott in Dana Point, Calif., responding to my kvetching about no coffee anywhere in the hotel on weekends ’til 7 a.m., made a great call, starting this weekend.
They urinated in the coffee urn?
They’ve begun making coffee available in the lobby at 5 a.m.
HUZZAH! Thank God! That defines clutch. You see, people. We all need causes to believe in. Some people want to help flood victims. Others try to help seniors with dimentia. But Peter King has taken on the equally important task of making sure every luxury hotel he stays in has free coffee on demand EVEN WHEN THERE IS A FUCKING MISTER COFFEE MACHINE IN HIS FUCKING ROOM THAT CAN PREPARE AND DISPENSE FUCKING COFFEE IN A MATTER OF FUCKING MINUTES.
Good to see you improving, Marriott.
Yes, good for YOU, Marriott. You caved to the whims of a completely self-absorbed moron. Soon, you’ll have a Jillian’s in every lobby!
I really cannot get over this. Peter King uses his column to bitch about not getting free shit at the desired hour he likes it, EVEN THOUGH IT’S ALREADY AVAILABLE AND STILL FUCKING FREE. Then, he updates you on how effective his complaint ended up being, as if it’s some incredible accomplishment. Then he gives Marriott the equivalent of a fucking pat on the head by telling them just what a “great call” they made. This man is nothing short of a monster.
The stuffy St. Regis, however, is still making its beach restaurant a hotel-guests only deal. Someday I’m going to be good enough, and rich enough, to eat there.
Ooooh, the evil St. Regis! They must be too busy slaughtering babies to let Peter in! Scoundrels! DO YOU REALLY THINK YOU CAN GET AWAY WITH THIS, ST. REGIS? TALK TO MARRIOTT ABOUT WHETHER OR NOT FUCKING WITH PETER KING IS A GOOD IDEA.
Why I’ll Probably Never Live In L.A. Dept.:
Do you really need a whole department set up for this?
Driving on the 5 in Orange County Wednesday afternoon around 2, I was in a 35-minute combination dead-stop and crawl. Volume. No accident, just volume
ZOMG! Traffic? In Southern California? Preposterous! Didn’t the gold prospectors just move out here? How could this area become so developed so quickly? Please Peter, tell me more about your plight…
… Friday morning, on the 10 near downtown around 11:15, another very thick 20 minutes of traffic
Oh no! Twenty minutes! Cancel that war in Afghanistan, people. The real terror is at home! How can we live in a world where rich people traveling on an expense account have to wait TWENTY FUCKING MINUTES in traffic? And why hasn’t Ford invented the flying car yet? What kind of fucked up world is this?!
… On the way back to our hotel Friday night around 10:25, another 15-minute snarl on the 101.
GAHHHHHH 15 MINUTES! IT’S LIKE BEING TRAPPED IN HELL FOR A VERY VERY SHORT PERIOD OF TIME! Peter King could have taught Dr. Z to sip coffee again in that time! You other drivers are slowly killing an old man!
I love L.A. Every visit I have there is too short.
Then what the fuck is your problem?
Great city…
Lofty city.
…so much to do, superb sports/entertainment complex with the Staples Center nucleus downtown (terrific, comfortable arena, by the way). But living there — I don’t know. Transportation, I fear, would be a major issue.
Indeed. Can we please get Peter an atlas and point out fucking Montana to him?
The weather might make up for it.
Oh ho ho! Even though he was miserable, he still had a wonderful time! Aren’t you glad?
Drove past the Viper Room, where River Phoenix died of a drug overdose, in West Hollywood. It’s a hole in the wall! Looks like some dive head shop from college days.
Who knew a nightclub would have a modest storefront?
Daughter Laura — flourishing and happy in L.A. — is what I would call, charitably, a competitive driver.
But she’s a kickass shoveler!
I did notice our friends the Normans,
Oh, I know them! Fran and Carl. Such a nice couple. Did you hear about Fran’s miscarriage? Such a shame.
WHO THE FUCK ARE THESE PEOPLE AND WHY DO I FUCKING CARE?
…out to see the World Figure Championships Friday night at Staples Center, kiss the road and thank the Lord for safe passage when Laura dropped them off after the skating Friday. I believe Mike Norman, a Vietnam vet, puts that commute in his five most harrowing drives of all time.
Hey, everyone! My kid’s a shitty driver! Got that? Tune in next week when I tell you how concerned I am about that editor she’s dating!
US Airways home from LAX Sunday … $15 to move from a center seat to an aisle with a few more inches of leg room … $40 to check three bags … $7 for a salad. Welcome to 2009 air travel, America.
YOU DIDN’T HAVE TO PAY FOR IT. I assume that $7 salad was a Cobb salad, by the way.
I think one of the reasons I like Jim Schwartz’s chances to succeed in Detroit… is because he thinks.
Yes, that’s a real rare trait among coaches, and among humans in general. I’m so glad the Lions hired a sentient being with a working brain that can process information to be their head coach, and not some invertebrate. Sea horses can’t coach linebackers for SHIT.
I think the moment I’ll remember from these league meetings, other than the Rooney things, happened just before the owners scattered at midday Wednesday. “Peter King!” boomed Al Davis, and he wasn’t smiling. “You haven’t written a good thing about the Raiders in 10 years!”
AND VYE HAVEN’T YOU TAKEN ME TO TOONE P. VEEGGINS YET, KEENG? I VANT MORE VEEGGINS!
I think I admire Vince Young’s moxie
He’s concrete cyanide!
I’ve had pizza
I’ve long since ascertained that fact.
like many 51-year-old old males who travel a lot, in many cities in this country and others. The best I’ve had is from…
This rare exotic place called Uno’s!
Pizzeria Mozza here in West Hollywood. Good luck trying to get in
IT’S ALL FULL! DON’T YOU PEOPLE RUIN IT FOR ME LIKE YOU HAVE THE FREEWAYS!
but if you do, the thin crust and perfect blend of natural ingredients will make you plead, “Don’t make me give up my table. Let me just sit here ’til I’m hungry again.”
Five minutes later, yes?
Amazing how many movie billboards there are in L.A. You’d think they made movies there or something.
I see what you did there.
There’s something wrong in America when you go on the road, need a prescription filled and have to pay full price because you have your HMO card and your prescription card to show the pharmacist but don’t have the approval for a clearly approved medication on the prescription bottle.
And there no free coffee either! What. The. Fuck.
Coffeenerdness: Very, very interesting coffee choice in Laura’s neighborhood. Peet’s, Coffee Bean and Starbucks, all within about 1,000 yards. That’s a reason to live somewhere.
Oooh, chain coffee joints! You don’t see that in every town! BUT TRANSPORTATION COULD BE AN ISSUE. I DON’T WANT TO SIT IN TRAFFIC FOR FIFTEEN WHOLE FUCKING MINUTES.
Hey, spring! Opening day’s a week from last night. You available?
No, but I’m sure the Normans are.
Don’t ask me about my bracket.
I won’t.
I liked Siena, Syracuse and Washington too much.
This bracket’s almost as humbling as another man who is not me having a stroke!
It’s official: There are more dogs than people in the South End of Boston.
But Lord willing, my daughter will be able to run half of them over.
Tags: bad drivers, Big Daddy Drew, FJM style, fun with peter king, strokes, traffic
March 30th, 2009 at 2:07 pm
A mad scientist could animate a sac full of vinegar and water, and that still wouldn’t be as big a douchebag as Peter King.
March 30th, 2009 at 2:08 pm
WHY THE FACK ARE-AH YOU-AH CALLING MY WOMEN OF BAWSTON FACKING DAGS YA FAT FACK!
March 30th, 2009 at 2:10 pm
Who is he kidding with that $7 salad canard? He ate warm Kit Kats and he liked it.
March 30th, 2009 at 2:10 pm
It is just so nice that some multimillionaires are helping another wealthy writer who has unfortunately had a stroke. Peter King should have a stadium named after him for his efforts. Wow, this amazes me. Dr Z and his family must have been so broke that they can not afford the latest greatest aggressive rehab therapy. Now, they need our help. I know that I will never put in my resume to SI. They must really pay their writers nothing.
I truly feel for him along with all the other 100s of thousands of Americans affected by strokes everyday. Nowadays, people can’t even pay their electric bills but Peter King has the nerve to put together a fundraiser together for his buddy.
March 30th, 2009 at 2:12 pm
hey king, get your prescriptions filled before going on the road like the rest of america. DAMNIT KING WANTS HIS LEVITRA AND HE WANTS IT NOW
March 30th, 2009 at 2:12 pm
I connect with Peter King, because I also like coffee and dislike traffic
March 30th, 2009 at 2:13 pm
If King were to die tomorrow, si.com would just hire Jason McIntyre to take his place, right? We’ll never be rid of this sort of crap.
March 30th, 2009 at 2:14 pm
Tom Coughlin and Rex Ryan, now there are two guys who bring to mind “a whole shit ball full of fun.”
March 30th, 2009 at 2:15 pm
Drove past the Viper Room, where River Phoenix died of a drug overdose, in West Hollywood. It’s a hole in the wall! Looks like some dive head shop from college days.
WHO KNEW SOMETHING COULD DETERIORATE IN 16 YEARS!?
March 30th, 2009 at 2:18 pm
“I believe Mike Norman, a Vietnam vet, puts that commute in his five most harrowing drives of all time.”
Hah hah! Peter King jokingly refers to his daughter’s driving skills as being worse for one of his passengers than the time said passenger spent spent desperately fighting for his life in a hopeless, bloody, tragic war.
Ah Peter, you’re such a card. No wait, not “card.” What’s the word? (snapsfingers) Oh yes. Asshead.
March 30th, 2009 at 2:20 pm
St. Regis, you picked the wrong self-absorbed, illiterate, coffee swilling, overpaid SI writer with an underserved sense of entitlement to fuck with!!!
His daughter can’t drive to point of people shitting their pants during a short trip AND he always has to show his wife the proper way to give a hummer using his Brett Favre sex doll. You use too much teeth, bitch!!
March 30th, 2009 at 2:22 pm
King’s angst sustains me.
March 30th, 2009 at 2:25 pm
Maybe if his daughter put down the Bluetooth headset, 3 extra-foamy lattes, 2 blueberry scones, macbook air and Dad’s #4 handkerchief she could concentrate on ACTUALLY FUCKING DRIVING.
March 30th, 2009 at 2:28 pm
River Phoenix defines “dead”.
March 30th, 2009 at 2:29 pm
“Very, very interesting coffee choice in Laura’s neighborhood. Peet’s, Coffee Bean and Starbucks, all within about 1,000 yards. That’s a reason to live somewhere.”
My God. Multiple coffee shops placed very close to each other? Why, it’s almost like . . . a perfectly common business practice among coffee shops which OFTEN RESULTS IN INCREASED REVENUE.
March 30th, 2009 at 2:30 pm
There are also more people of color than white people in the South End. Wonder how long until he figures that out.
March 30th, 2009 at 2:32 pm
Oh Christ….I hope he never “discovers” my favorite pizza place near the Kendall movie theatre in Cambridge. I realize they were one of the only folks showing Gran Torino at the time.
March 30th, 2009 at 2:33 pm
Only commoners brew their own coffee. Peter King is not a commoner, but he is a giant douche hole.
March 30th, 2009 at 2:35 pm
I would call Drew Salieri to King’s Mozart, but that would be implying good things about PK, which I won’t do.
March 30th, 2009 at 2:35 pm
He gave up coffee for crystal meth.
March 30th, 2009 at 2:36 pm
“I assume that $7 salad was a Cobb salad, by the way”
Wrong, it was the Meat Lover’s.
March 30th, 2009 at 2:36 pm
I really hope Peter King gets testicular cancer in both balls, but the doctors dont catch it until its too late. I’m sorry Peter, its metastasized. It defines clutch. You’re dying.
March 30th, 2009 at 2:36 pm
Underneath all that lard and layers of self loathing douchebaggery, Peter King’s skin is actually taken off when his real alter ego Bridget Marquardt does her new exotic beach show for Travel Channel.
March 30th, 2009 at 2:37 pm
This fat fuck talks about eating in So. Cal and not one mention of In-N-Out burger? fuck him, and I want to know if people are wearing Uggs out there.
March 30th, 2009 at 2:37 pm
Y’know, Pete. You could do what normal people do and pack food to avoid paying usurious prices for food on the plane. Or, you could do what everybody else does when traveling on an expense account, which is run up the bill and shut the fuck up.
March 30th, 2009 at 2:39 pm
So when Peter writes “Great call, Viper Room” after they renovate and host a grand re-opening (with coffee!)…will it be cerebellum explosion or central nervous system diarrhea that kills us all?
March 30th, 2009 at 2:41 pm
I’m starting to wonder if Paul Zimmerman’s “stroke,” is actually an elaborate hoax created specifically so that Dr. Z would be relieved from the burden of ever having to speak to Peter King again.
March 30th, 2009 at 2:41 pm
So I live in NY and Dr.Z happens to be a foot doctor that they have overly graphic adds for in the subway. I mean it sucks he had a stroke and all but he is a fucking foot doctor. It’s not like cured AIDS or something. But I’m glad this is moving stuff for Peter fucking King.
March 30th, 2009 at 2:41 pm
One of the best FJM-style beatdowns yet. Well done. The more I see from King, the more incredulous I become. What a fucking horrendous human being.
March 30th, 2009 at 2:41 pm
…out to see the World Figure Championships Friday night at Staples Center, kiss the road and thank the Lord for safe passage when Laura dropped them off after the skating Friday. I believe Mike Norman, a Vietnam vet, puts that commute in his five most harrowing drives of all time.
World Figure What? Figure skating? Figure eating? Figure four giving Championships?
Don’t ask me about my bracket.
Also I thought Pete told us to pick all favorites in the tournament. Assuring yourself a stop near the top but never winning.
March 30th, 2009 at 2:42 pm
Mike Lupica, I assume you’re talking about Emma’s?
March 30th, 2009 at 2:43 pm
Dr Z’s stroke was caused by the fact that Peter King has kept his job for so goddamned long. I envy Dr Z, at least he can’t read the crap PKing puts forth every week. Lucky bastard.
March 30th, 2009 at 2:44 pm
only true coffee snobs know about starbucks and coffee bean.
March 30th, 2009 at 2:46 pm
I was talking to a former boss of mine about a terrifying airplane landing. I said, “It was one of the scariest landings ever.”
He replied, “Have you ever tried to land a C-130 in Da Nang at night while Charlie’s shooting at you?”
I think Mr. Norman would have the same answer for Peter King.
March 30th, 2009 at 2:48 pm
“Don’t ask me about my bracket. I liked Siena, Syracuse and Washington too much.”
Can this be possible? PK more ignorant about college basketball than he is pro football?!?! Washington beating UConn and #9 Siena beating Louisville? You sir, are a fucking moron.
March 30th, 2009 at 3:00 pm
@ futuremrsrickankiel – maybe a few years back there USED to be more non-whites than whites in the South End – doubt that’s the case now, and SERIOUSLY doubt that’s the case in the part of the South End where Peter “South End Buttery” King lives.
/south end resident awaiting opportunity to heckle PK
March 30th, 2009 at 3:02 pm
“Sea horses can’t coach linebackers for SHIT.” No, but blow fish, now there are some good coaches. Too bad blow hards don’t make good SI columnists.
March 30th, 2009 at 3:06 pm
Also, I love Peter King’s analysis on Brian Hartline from OSU. He says he’s a 2nd or 3rd round pick. In other words, he’s an undrafted free agent.
March 30th, 2009 at 3:07 pm
What the fuck did Montana do to you?
March 30th, 2009 at 3:13 pm
I’m guessing PK only knows what the OUTSIDE of a head shop looks like? Does anyone think he really knows what goes on inside? Or does he think it would be a great place to take Brett on date night?
March 30th, 2009 at 3:18 pm
Wait, does SI really pay this guy to “write” for them? This reads more like US Weekly column. Wow. Way to go SI.
/checks bracket
//makes sure every intersection has a Tim Horton’s & Dunkin Donuts
March 30th, 2009 at 3:29 pm
I’m looking forward to Pizzeria Mozza commemorating his visit with it’s new “Peter King” pizza: topped with tortilla chips, salsa, cows imported from Sidney, Ohio, and one pound of human excrement.
March 30th, 2009 at 3:45 pm
While before he was just annoying with his warm kit kats and fear/respect of the sun, that Dr. Z and Marriott combination…that seriously makes him a vile human being.
Choke on that pigskin, you tubby jackass.
March 30th, 2009 at 3:46 pm
@thefuturemsrickankiel
Emma’s is indeed the pizza place of which I speak. For my money the best one in Boston.
If I ever see King there, I’d seriously consider stabbing him with a spoon.
March 30th, 2009 at 3:47 pm
$40 to check three bags…….Who the fuck checks 3 bags? What could you possibly take with you on a business trip that requires 3 bags to be checked? Damn, PK is such a douche.
March 30th, 2009 at 3:55 pm
While I enjoy these PK take downs immensely, what about some Mel Kiper skewering? Every time he opens his mouth I have a near stroke.
March 30th, 2009 at 3:57 pm
I think I admire Vince Young’s moxie
Yeah, this defines moxie.
http://deadspin.com/5009331/aint-no-party-like-a-vince-young-party
March 30th, 2009 at 4:00 pm
Sounds like Peter didn’t realize Boston is fucking cold.
March 30th, 2009 at 4:01 pm
btw, why is the site so slow right now?
March 30th, 2009 at 4:13 pm
Search “Laura King” on Google Images… so THAT’S why she’s so flourishing and happy.
March 30th, 2009 at 4:29 pm
Ciro’s in Glen Cove on Long Island has the best pizza. NO ONE DENIES THIS!
March 30th, 2009 at 4:38 pm
I wish I could be as blissfully self-absorbed as Peter King. Honestly, is there some sort of online course I could take?
March 30th, 2009 at 4:45 pm
“Why I’ll Probably Never Live In L.A. Dept.:”
Because God is merciful and just?
And “Lofty city” made me pee my pants. In a generally good way.
March 30th, 2009 at 4:46 pm
Sea horses can’t coach linebackers for SHIT. NO ONE DENIES THIS!
March 30th, 2009 at 4:58 pm
What kind of fucking douchebag tourist would take the 101 back to his hotel from wherever gay ass place he was on Friday evening? Don’t come to my fucking town and complain about traffic you douche. Where is the hard hitting coffee complaints? The 7-11 on Olympic and Barrington has shit for coffee and I need your advocacy!
March 30th, 2009 at 5:08 pm
Jay C– I did. Which one is Laura?
http://www.uruknet.de/pic.php?f=taliban55fighters.jpg
I bet PK was in traffic on the 5 because he INSISTED on driving to Burbank to figure out how the orange growers are doing, after seeing a documentary by Roman Polanksi last week called “Chinatown.” PK comment: “It’s unbelievable that a privileged few could put this fertile land at risk for their own enrichment. Sad, sad commentary on our times.”
March 30th, 2009 at 5:15 pm
If King were to die tomorrow, si.com would just hire Jason McIntyre to take his place, right?
Dane Cook’s definitely going to replace PK at SI.com once King dies. That would probably cause half of us to go on a murderous killing spree.
March 30th, 2009 at 5:29 pm
This column is a dynastic womb.
March 30th, 2009 at 5:31 pm
God this is so painful. How this man has a job …
March 30th, 2009 at 5:48 pm
Think a vampiric Al Davis could take down the Werehippopotamus Peter King?
March 30th, 2009 at 6:05 pm
Dane Cook’s definitely going to replace PK at SI.com once King dies. That would probably cause half of us to go on a murderous killing spree.
“Why are we still requesting people say ‘cheese’? Was there a time in history when like, photography and cheese were like, the shit?”
/actual Dane Cook bit
March 30th, 2009 at 6:06 pm
That picture of vampire Al Davis cracks my shit up EVERY TIME. What the fuck is wrong with me?
I know you have only so much time in the day, but any way you could start doing a thing like this for David Brooks columns? He’s the Peter King of political punditry.
March 30th, 2009 at 6:37 pm
Peter King gives Los Angeles an F-minus in First Grade Trafficology 101.
March 30th, 2009 at 6:43 pm
Pizzeria Bianco. That is all.
March 30th, 2009 at 7:26 pm
PK, that Pepe Lepeau skunk stripe looks great on TV btw.
March 30th, 2009 at 8:27 pm
@stuscott: really? do people…laugh?
March 30th, 2009 at 8:39 pm
Laugh all you want – but he still has 1000 times as many readers as you – and makes seven figures. That’s all that really matters.
March 30th, 2009 at 9:06 pm
@Andrew: It’s true! He was raised by an upper class Memphis family!
March 30th, 2009 at 9:23 pm
I too wish to spread the word of Emma’s. Bow down, all ye unworthy.
March 30th, 2009 at 9:24 pm
Let me guess – you all hate Bill Simmons too!
March 30th, 2009 at 9:56 pm
“Welcome to Boston Talk.”
March 30th, 2009 at 10:32 pm
@ Andrew.
How did you come to this conclusion, Holmes?
/lights pipe.
March 30th, 2009 at 10:45 pm
Pinocchio’s > Emma’s. It defines loose.
March 30th, 2009 at 10:53 pm
“Andrew” must be Peter King himself. Hey PK – just how many cups of coffee do you have to drink per day to get the caffeine to circulate throughout your fat ass? It’s amazing that 600,000+ people can’t find honest jobs, yet you are being paid to write drivel that amounts to you bitching about your catered lifestyle. Just how fucking ignorant are you?
March 30th, 2009 at 10:57 pm
Clearly Andrew has an SI subscription. It’s all good dude, those week old news stories won’t read themselves.
March 30th, 2009 at 11:12 pm
I know that serious posts are frowned upon here, but man the Dr. Z story is tragic. Yeah, he was a miserable old prick, but trust me, no one deserves what he and his family are dealing with right now. I feel horrible for his wife, clinging to the hope that somehow the “aggressive therapy” is going to work magic. With stroke victims, unfortunately, progress gets measured in inches, not miles. My wife used to volunteer in a hospital where there were a lot of stroke victims, and it was the most depressing place on the planet. I can joke about the rest of King’s self-absorbed, banal bullshit, but the Dr. Z thing kind of hits home.
March 30th, 2009 at 11:42 pm
In a dual act of selflessness that humbles me, the Giants and Jets head coaches will come together in a fundraiser to help the ailing Dr. Z try to kick-start his long road to recovery from a series of three strokes.
For the record, and I’m not trying to belittle the effort of anyone who pitches in to help anyone who is infirmed – even if they have that sweet-ass Time/Warner health insurance – hooking up for a fundraiser does not define selflessness. If they volunteered to give the Flaming Redhead the afternoon off and change Dr. Z’s diapers for the day, that’s selflessness. Meeting up at the Radisson for a $500 a plate fundy with an open bar is actually a pretty sweet deal, especially if you aren’t required to cough up the $500.
March 30th, 2009 at 11:58 pm
The Marriott may have coffee machines in their rooms, but do they have Filipino housemaids on standby to make it for him?
Surely his ego could be inflated to even greater proportions if he was able to have illegal immigrants deported for making bad cups of coffee.
March 31st, 2009 at 1:26 am
Ahem. A brief history lesson..
For the new group, Dr Z has been a life time football beat writer for the NY city football crowd, including a long time stint with the Jets. His insight has always been sound and his access, yes I said access, has been superb. He has always been one of the best football reads in print or online. His announcer ratings and kicker ratings are unmatched. He times the National Anthem every time he had the chance. He has written for Si for basically fucking ever. Did someone call him a foot doctor? Jesus! I admire the effort PK is putting in to help with the rehab…BUT! Peter King couldn’t help but mention he was going to be the Bob fucking Barker to this little Price is Right enterprise. He couldn’t just say “If you want to help Dr Z”. Nooo too ambiguous. “I want you to know how you can help Dr Z” he cried, “By reading my MMQB!” By the way I’m going to be the Master of Ceremonies when we host this little Hootenany!.
You must be proud.
Fuck you Peter King. And to think, I used to read you..
/runs off crying.
//Best of luck and good wishes, Dr Z. Keep up the good work, Linda!
// You waited 15 minutes on the 101 North towards Hollywood on a Friday night and you’re bitching? Please take the time and effort to stay away from LA. Andrew!
March 31st, 2009 at 8:36 am
Can KSK put out a “Piss in PK’s coffee” bounty?
March 31st, 2009 at 10:02 am
I love the PK post every week just as much as the next guy, except Andrew, but can we get a fresh post up in this bitch?
March 31st, 2009 at 10:10 am
Isn’t a football writer supposed to break stories? What is this guy doing on our TV and in a place of prominence at one of the world’s top sports publications? The only things he’s broken lately are lawn chairs.
March 31st, 2009 at 10:39 am
The reason for Laura’s erratic driving? A fistful of PK’s pubes.
March 31st, 2009 at 11:34 am
Is there a mock draft for which celebrity we’d most like to kick in the balls?
I’m definitely picking PK over Dane Cook. If Dane Cook was eight years old, he’d be funny. To other eight year-olds. King, on the other hand…I bet even an eight year-old kid would kick peter king right in the man-gooch.
still, say what you want about peter king, he made the Marriot his BITCH! IN YOUR FACE!!!!
March 31st, 2009 at 11:46 am
Peter King reminds me of BOB from MonstersVsAliens: an amorphous glob of goo, brainless and sticky.
March 31st, 2009 at 11:51 am
If I said “Peter King is what’s wrong with America”
I’d only half be joking.
I wouldn’t want my kids reading his shit and getting the idea that they can spend their whole lives being completely fucking worthless and make a lot of money doing it.
On the other hand, the fact of his continued employment with SI at least gives me peace of mind, that he is not getting paid to put on clown makeup and force himself on little boys at birthday parties.
March 31st, 2009 at 12:37 pm
God bless you BDD: you make my early week less unbearable.
Marriott should crop-dust his bedspread with anthrax.
March 31st, 2009 at 12:40 pm
Do you fuckers really expect peter king to drink out of the coffee pot in his room after he paid a homeless guy to ‘use’ it the night before?
Be reasonable.
March 31st, 2009 at 1:02 pm
King probably liked the pizza so much because of the “extra mozzarella” secretly placed there by the employees who read this every week and are cognizant of King’s ass-hattery.
March 31st, 2009 at 3:06 pm
@ Upstate – i own 5 pairs of Uggs, so i’m doing my part. and amen re: In-N-Out Burger. animal style defines clutch
March 31st, 2009 at 3:23 pm
River Phoenix defines “dead”.
That made me chortle out loud like a fat girl eyeing those last 3 donuts!
And PK defines douche. I can’t wait until his daughter is caught in bed with Tawwmy and his dad. That’d define used.
March 31st, 2009 at 6:03 pm
Peter King reminds me of BOB from MonstersVsAliens: an amorphous glob of goo, brainless and sticky.
BOB is actually funny, however…
October 19th, 2009 at 1:06 pm
How very pathetic. If you don’t like the column, don’t read it. I find it quite sad that you spend your waking hours doing this. Find a more productive hobby, like commenting on seven month old posts. Also, I touch myself at night.