Peter King… From Quinzee?
People, this week’s dispatch of Peter King’s mental wastecurd contains a piece of news so STUNNING, so SHOCKING, so PANTS-DAMPENINGLY HUGE, that I almost can’t stand it. Between this and the cancellation of Frank TV, making fun of Peter King MAY NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN. Follow me after the jump, for an item that will shake your very foundations.
A quiet weekend in the league, with one exception — plus good and very bad news from Iraq, and a fairly emotional King family move.
I knew it. Peter King is moving. But to where? What lucky American town will win the KINGSTAKES? My predictions:
HATTIESBURG – 1 to 10 odds
BALLED UP INSIDE BRETT FAVRE’S GAPING ASSHOLE – 1:1
NASHVILLE (WE SAW HIM AT THE AIRPORT!) – 4:1
PITTSBURGH (VERY PITTSBURGHISH, A TOWN THAT DEFINES LOOSE) – 8:1
JILLIAN’S – 10:1
CAPITAL GRILLE – 15:1
When you think about it, it makes sense that King would move now. No doubt Montclair has grown tired of his me-first antics. The bitching about traffic. The open criticism of the coffee. THIS MAN IS A CANCER WHO WILL DESTROY ANY TOWN’S CHEMISTRY.
But where will he go? I feel like there’s an obvious destination I’m missing. Buffalo, perhaps?
Bills chief operating office Russ Brandon woke up sometime after midnight Friday morning and noticed there was a text message on his cell phone. So he reached over and looked. It was from Trent Edwards, the quarterback of the Bills. “T.O.” That’s all it said.
Brandon shot back with this: “?”
“T.O. was released. Go get him,” Edwards texted back.
Oooh, Trent Edwards just gave you an order, Russ! Better make sure you keep Trent Edwards happy. He’s what we call a noncornerstone player. The guy of guy you don’t build a franchise around. A true peripherypiece of any offense. He’s 175 pounds of concrete vinegar!
The Bills think Jauron is the perfect coach — calm but commanding — to handle Mount Terrell.
Holy shit. Is this team still managed by Marv Levy’s bowel voiding pouch? What’s the opposite of a braintrust?
The organization is sick of perpetually being one weapon away from catching New England (and Miami and the Jets, as it turns out), and it’s willing to take the risk of having Owens ruin the locker room so it can have a chance to win the division.
Good point. It’s worth having Owens make your team worse so your team can get better.
Having been on the USO trip to Afghanistan last year with three players, I can tell you it’s a draining experience for the players, being “on” for 14 or 16 hours in a day with no clocks.
Oh, no! Poor players! They have to be on! They have to be animated, and friendly! And engage in conversation! On topics like: is Sean Penn our Bogart? PETER EVEN SAW SOME OF THE PLAYERS SIGN AUTOGRAPHS FOR AT LEAST 40 MINUTES. THAT FUCKING DEFINES COURAGE.
Well, I’m halfway through this article. And still, the mystery of where Peter King is moving remains elusive. Out with it, Peter. TEMPT ME NO FURTHER!
The Kings are relocating to Boston.
Guhhhhhhhhh. I’m going to need an expert opinion on this move. Tommy?
“FACK YOU, PETAH FACKIN’ KING! YOU AHHH NAWT A FACKIN’ TRUE RED SAWX FAN! YAR FROM FACKIN’ CONNECTICUT! YOU LIKE JETAH! I HOPE YOU GET RUN OVAH BY THE FACKIN’ T, YA FACKIN’ CAWKSMOKAH!”
And there you have it. Peter King is moving to Boston. It’s a match made in douche heaven. Odd that King would want to go to Boston, though. Who will he pay there to end winter?
It’s still a little stunning, even to us
“Wait, we’re moving? Since when? WHY DIDN’T ANYONE TELL ME? I WAS ON MY NEW BLACKBERRY STORM THE WHOLE TIME.”
But my wife and I have always wanted to live in a city, and we were so fond of living in north Jersey that if we didn’t move soon, we’d never move. We’d be too ensconced, too comfortable.
Oh, poor things. Yes, we’d hate to have your lives become TOO perfect! Why, if you hadn’t moved now, you would have just spent the rest of your lives enjoying your spacious media room, relaxing in your pool, and ordering around the maid! SUCH A FOUL EXISTENCE SHOULD NOT BE WISHED ON EVEN THE WORST MAN.
This gives us a chance to live in a city we like a lot, though we could have lived in New York just as easily if we’d have found the same kind of place we found seven blocks from Copley Square.
Ah, WASP humor. You see, they would have lived in New York, had they found a penthouse as roomy and conveniently located as the one they snapped up in Boston! Isn’t that hysterical?
Being a 26-minute walk from Fenway didn’t hurt in the deliberations.
Oh, do you not live a short walk away from Fenway? Pity. You should.
So wish us luck.
NO.
After we get over the initial shock, it ought to be a fun adventure.
“Say, did you realize some sort of Revolution took place in Boston a while back? What a country.”
Kerry Collins will pass Joe Montana on the all-time passing yards list this year if he throws for 3,159 yards. Does anyone else find that amazing?
Not as amazing AS YOUR STUNNING NEW COPLEY SQUARE APARTMENT, WITH AN INCREDIBLE VIEW OF THE HARBOR AND CLOSE PROXIMITY TO FENWAY AND OTHER ATTRACTIONS.
I wish I could pay more attention to the World Baseball Classic.
But I was too busy driving and typing on my Macbook Air, WHICH TELLS YOU THE TIME TO THE EXACT SECOND.
The 10 things I’ll miss about New Jersey, where our family has called home since 1985.
Oooh! Oooh! Do tell. Don’t you, fair reader, want to hear about all the things Peter will miss about a town you don’t live in or give a flying fuck about? Of course you do. THIS MAN IS A JOURNALIST AND WHAT HE SAYS ABOUT LIFE IN MONTCLAIR SPEAKS TO YOUR OWN LIFE IN WAYS YOU CAN’T POSSIBLY UNDERSTAND.
1. Montclair. Great town, better people.
Lofty town. True town.
We must have liked it. We must have loved it.
But he’s not sure. You see, Montclair is like chemistry…
A perfect town (well, no town is perfect, but this one’s close) to raise kids and shovel snow and walk the dog.
AND WORK THE LAND.
2. The house we raised our kids in. A perfect place, close enough to New York and far enough away when you needed peace.
They would have stayed in it, HAD THEY NOT FOUND AN EVEN MORE AMAZING PAD RIGHT NEAR FANEUIL HALL. Isn’t life just amazing for everyone right now? Aren’t you just so happy, dear reader, that Peter King found a way to somehow upgrade his already perfect existence? Why, he’s just like any number of laid off people out there right now, except that he lives in the utmost luxury!
3. Field hockey and softball. Most of the greatest sporting memories of my life happened on fields in Essex County. My kids were tested, and it was good for them.
Sure was! Those games built character in Peter’s children. Why, just listen to this tale of sticktuitiveness and gumption a reporter we know at the Super Bowl told us:
My friend who’s at the SB starts chatting with some chick. She says she’s staying at some decent hotel, in a suite, with a few other stragglers. My friend is like, “Oh, that’s really cool that you’re staying so close, in a hotel, etc.”
“Yeah, my dad paid for it. He’s here too. He wanted me to be able to work here and make some connections.”
“Who’s your Dad?”
“Peter King.”
No chance an incredible tale like that happens unless you are imbued with MONTCLAIR FIELD HOCKEY SPIRIT.
4. Coaching, particularly the 10-and-under softball team, the Montclair Bears, my wife and I coached for the last seven years with our friends Jack Bowers and Karin Nelson. Indelible.
Hope you kids brought Coach King his coffee at 7AM sharp. And not that fucking coffee flavored water shit.
5. Sitting on the back deck on an early-summer night, around June 20th, having the fifth beer, and enjoying the trees and the talk.
Oh, do you not have a back deck? Do not have trees to talk to? Well, you’re missing out.
6. The Upper Montclair Starbucks.
WHERE ELSE WILL PETER FIND A STARBUCKS NOW?
7. The two best restaurants in town, Osteria Giotto and Table 8. Brandon Jacobs swears by the lasagna in Giotto; he’s absolutely right. Must be the nutmeg, or whatever makes it taste so different. I’ll take the skirt steak at Table 8.
Oh, are you not able to eat at the fanciest restaurants in your town any time you please? Is your town’s signature lasagna not nutmegged? Were you not able to get free extra nutmeg in your lasagna by bitching about the coffee during a meal you likely expensed? Again, a pity.
8. Our friends. God blessed us in many ways in Montclair, but the people made it the best home we’ve ever had.
People like Mitch Puin.
10. Everything.
Indeed. Such a picture perfect town. But you know what, Peter? I have a surprise for you. I asked the people of Montclair what five things they’ll miss about YOU. It’s true. Here now are their testimonials.
1. “I’ll ‘miss ‘ that one fucker at the Starbucks who audibly pouted any time I ordered a complicated drink when I was in front of him in line. Yeah, I’ll really ‘miss’ that giant fat asshole.”
2. “I’ll ‘miss’ Coach King spending all practice on his earpiece. Yeah, he really built my character. I give handjobs on the interstate now.”
3. “As a tree, I’ll ‘miss’ seeing Peter King get bent over the porch rail by Brett Favre after Mrs. King had gone to bed. Yeah, that’s a memory I’ll always cherish. JESUS.”
4. “I’ll-a ‘miss-a’ the fat-a piece of gabbagool who asked for extra nutmeg in-a his lasagna-a. Pepe say shut up-a your face, fat-a fuck-a!”
5. “I’ll ‘miss’ Mr. King accusing me of extortion because we didn’t have Gran Torino playing at our theater. What a fucking ass. I have no control over that shit. I’m 16 years old.”
Our apartment in Boston can’t fit most of the big furniture we had.
OH NOES! MY 72-PIECE MOHAIR SECTIONAL WON’T FIT! Don’t you hate it when that happens, fellow Elite Flyers?
Anyway, we had half the Western world in the house Friday and Saturday. A fascinating experience, much more good than bad, and only one truly rude person trying to buy a bedroom set for 15 cents.
“No way I’m paying more than twenty cents, seein’ as how many stains you got here.”
My favorite guy was the older fellow who walked around the first floor of the house, looking everywhere, including in the corner where we kept our driveway de-icing pellets. “How much?” he said. You’re kidding — a half-used container of rock salt? “A dollar,” I said. He fished out a buck, handed it over and stealthily moved away with the treasure under his arm.
Another amazing tale. Who knew people bought odd things at yard sales? This is just the kind of incredible reporting I want out of a football column.
I think Sage Rosenfels beats out Tarvaris Jackson in Minnesota.
Yes, thank you for that astute prediction.
he’s a strong-armed, semi-mobile guy
One could even say he’s quasi-McNabbish.
If you pay second- and sixth-round picks for a guy one year removed from being defensive player of the year, you define short-sighted.
You certainly don’t define clutch!
I think if I were Chris Simms, I’d have stayed in Nashville.
THEY HAVE SLAVERY!
I think I’ll many more some non-football thoughts next week, but I’ll leave you with this one: Moving, at 51, has a certain energizing quality to it, and I’m excited.
And you know who else is excited about this news, Peter? FUCKING NO ONE. DIE.
Tags: Big Daddy Drew, extreme economic tone deafness, FJM style, fun with peter king, i feel for you citizens of celtic nation, matches made in heaven
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March 9th, 2009 at 10:53 am
I actually read the entire column and at one point, started to cut my wrists. I stopped as I started to laugh at the fact that PK will actually almost blend in among the high douchebag population in Baaahstan. His unmistakable skunk streak will stand out though. Or will it??
March 9th, 2009 at 10:54 am
In an unrelated story, Tom Brady takes out a protection order on behalf of his colon.
March 9th, 2009 at 10:55 am
Wouldn’t he be moving OUT of Favre’s gaping asshole? With Mary Beth leaving home, he probably wants to move someplace smaller that requires less upkeep and working of the land.
March 9th, 2009 at 10:55 am
Also, I don’t drink coffee but I hate Starbucks anyway. Is there a possibility that PK switches to the dark side? And by that I mean Dunkin Donuts? If he mentions Starbucks up there could someone kill him? Or is that just wishful thinking on my part?
March 9th, 2009 at 10:57 am
“The Bills think Jauron is the perfect coach”
Bills’ fans disagree
March 9th, 2009 at 10:59 am
Since when does it require 4 people to coach a 10 year old girls softball team and I’ve been around a lot of greasy Italo’s in my life and I’m pretty sure none of them have ever cooked with nutmeg much less put in lasagna.
March 9th, 2009 at 11:02 am
@UU..us greasy Italo’s are offended by nutmeg. I will, however, offer PK some nutbutter.
March 9th, 2009 at 11:02 am
Soon Boston will contain all of the world’s assholes and the rest of us will have to shit out of our mouths.
March 9th, 2009 at 11:08 am
It’s to the point where I hear Drew’s voice in the back of my head as I read King’s column. I practically expected to read “…and work the land” after the snow-shoveling part on SI.
This feature defines shooting fish in a barrel. Fat overcaffienated fish.
March 9th, 2009 at 11:14 am
What kind of moron gets excited about shoveling snow? And don’t I remember him saying something about how his daughters were the ones who usually did it?
Fuck, I remembered something Peter King said. That doesn’t feel right.
March 9th, 2009 at 11:16 am
as a former resident of boston, i can probably estimate the location of pk’s new digs to within two miles, and once i’m that close i can just follow the stench of body odor, dark roast, and kit kats right to his door.
i’ll have to pay him a visit the next time i visit my parents.
March 9th, 2009 at 11:21 am
Fuck me, now I have to move.
March 9th, 2009 at 11:24 am
I hereby withdraw my selection of Boston in the recent “Cities To Own A Luxury Residence In” mock draft. Someone else wants to live next door to this guy, be my guest.
Looking forward to hearing how Finagle-a-Bagel defines clutch.
March 9th, 2009 at 11:25 am
This is gonna be like the picture of Dorian Gray for Simmons.
March 9th, 2009 at 11:37 am
Maybe the Ents in PK’s backyard can help him move the armoire.
March 9th, 2009 at 11:50 am
Is it bad that I laughed out loud at Nimby’s Lord of the Rings reference (he asked rhetorically)?
March 9th, 2009 at 11:53 am
I hope your reporter friend nailed Peter King’s daughter.
March 9th, 2009 at 12:01 pm
What kind of party will KSK throw the day King dies? Can I come?
March 9th, 2009 at 12:03 pm
Hey, at least it’s safe to move to Montclair now. And no, us Italians don’t cook with nutmeg.
March 9th, 2009 at 12:09 pm
Does PK know that, in order to move to Bawstahn, he must offer the virgin brown holes of his daughters to Wes Walkah?
It says so right there in the mortgage!
March 9th, 2009 at 12:11 pm
Well, when you got Cliff Clavin’s personality, Norm Peterson’ body, and Carla Tortelli’s gaping vagina: where else but Boston?
March 9th, 2009 at 12:12 pm
“Being a 26-minute walk from Fenway didn’t hurt in the deliberations.”
I love this. Like this fat fuck would walk 26 minutes to get ANYWHERE.
March 9th, 2009 at 12:12 pm
As some of you may know, I live in Montclair, and have often commented how totally fucking wrong PK is in his descriptions of the place. He lives in the snobby pretentious “Upper” part of town, and the rest of us live in a regular place with regular problems. But so help me, had I known he was throwing a yard sale, I would have attended and posted pics for posterity.
March 9th, 2009 at 12:13 pm
@Ditmas: PK’s new house is actually only 45 feet away from the Fenway entrance. It just takes his fat ass 26 minutes to cover that much ground.
March 9th, 2009 at 12:14 pm
Yeah, I’m struggling with bills, worrying about my job security, and I’ve got to read A FOOTBALL COLUMN about some asshole’s woes in moving from one picture perfect town to a bustling metropolis, where he’ll continue to churn out a shitty product for a high six-figure salary? Two words, Peter King: FUCK and YOU!
March 9th, 2009 at 12:14 pm
@ Ditmas AV – It’s actually only a 5 minute walk for normal folk. It takes his fat ass 26 with a 2 minute break every other block.
March 9th, 2009 at 12:16 pm
I’ve been cock blocked by cock flashy!
March 9th, 2009 at 12:16 pm
In a few years, PK will till the land of Boston to his image, becoming the land baron of the city. Dunkin Donuts will be dead. Tommy from Quinzee will be our last hope.
Either that or PK will increase Starbucks sales in Boston by 1000% by going there.
March 9th, 2009 at 12:18 pm
With any luck PK will fall into the giant fish tank at the New England Aquarium.
March 9th, 2009 at 12:20 pm
“Anyway, we had half the Western world in the house Friday and Saturday. A fascinating experience, much more good than bad, and only one truly rude person trying to buy a bedroom set for 15 cents.”
But how much for the Brett Favre #4 bedspread?
March 9th, 2009 at 12:21 pm
My god, if Bill Simmons moves back to Boston we will be a Douche def con 3. We’re through the looking glass here people.
March 9th, 2009 at 12:23 pm
I’m torn: on the one-hand, “pants dampeningly” is fucking hilarious (especially in all caps). I’m laughing as I’m typing/reading it right now.
However, when used in conjunction with a Peter King reference: disturbing. Shudderingly so.
March 9th, 2009 at 12:24 pm
PK is going to cum all over his Kit Kats when he finds out there is a Capital Grill and a Jillian’s only a few blocks from each other in Boston. he will then eat the cum covered Kit Kats.
March 9th, 2009 at 12:24 pm
By the way, CAWKSMOKAH is the greatest thing since forever.
March 9th, 2009 at 12:25 pm
+1 to GG
March 9th, 2009 at 12:30 pm
Now that Bretty’s gone from Jersey, King moves on to his jump off Tom Brady. Romo has to pray that nothing happens to Brady or Peter King is moving to Dallas.
March 9th, 2009 at 12:33 pm
Can’t wait till Tommy and Peter hook up at the Sawks game. In the men’s room.
March 9th, 2009 at 12:38 pm
This just in: Peter King moves into Mike Vrabel’s bachelor pad.
March 9th, 2009 at 12:39 pm
Please, please will some criminal element in Boston keep an eye out for PK and give him something to complain about, for reals? Like a concussion? Or broken bones? Thanks.
And yeah, how can one city contain that much douchebaggery? With PK, the Kennedys, Red Sox fans and Patriots fans, Boston appears to be threatened by a tsunami of douche that rivals the tsunami that devastated Southeast Asia in 2004. I feel for the innocent citizens of Boston.
March 9th, 2009 at 12:42 pm
The real reason behind his move is the fact that all of Peter King’s daughters have went away to college and Peter King has to shovel the driveway.
March 9th, 2009 at 12:46 pm
Peter King, coming to my fair city? THIS SEMI-DEFINES CLUTCH.
March 9th, 2009 at 12:56 pm
I agree with Samsquatch: we are at Douche Def Con3. King was somewhat contained in sleepy Montclair.
Will he still love 6 hour drives to Foxborough?
Is he responsible in some way for the Great Dr.Z’s illness?
Does anyone remember the time he stole the foul ball from a kid at an Indians game? Then bragged about how he beat the kid to the ball and then tricked him?
50 Cent take this guy on. Destroy him with the G Unit Magic Stick.
March 9th, 2009 at 12:57 pm
PK’s nextdoor neighbors are Woody and Kelly Boyd. They consider him a bit of a dullard.
March 9th, 2009 at 12:59 pm
Can the Fenway Faithful plan their next we-won-something riot at King’s place? Much appreciated.
March 9th, 2009 at 1:04 pm
The Kings are relocating to Boston.
That giant cloud you see moving on the horizon is all the smell leaving New Jersey.
And you know who else is excited about this news, Peter? FUCKING NO ONE. DIE.
I disagree Drew. I, for one, am FUCKING THRILLED that this fat fuck will no longer be weighing down (literally and figuratively) my home state. But agreed on the DIE for PK.
One of the most hateable people in the world is going to the most hateable city in America – this is like poetic justice or something.
March 9th, 2009 at 1:04 pm
I can’t wait until he discovers that Uggs can also be found in Boston. They’re everywhere!
March 9th, 2009 at 1:10 pm
Does Peter King not understand that rock salt is a useful thing to own when you live in an area which receives snowstorms and the like during winter? And that the guy who made such an “odd” purchase was probably just trying to save a few bucks and a trip to the hardware store? Also, it was probably super-deluxe rock salt, the kind that worthless proles shouldn’t have unless they a. work the land or b. take advantage of Peter King The Great and Wonderful’s leavings.
March 9th, 2009 at 1:12 pm
Welkah’s just days away from having PK on his doorstep holding a boombox blasting “In Your Eyes” over his head.
March 9th, 2009 at 1:14 pm
First night in Boston-
PK: Honey, I don’t feel like unpacking tonight. Let’s just put up the Favre Fathead and order a couple pizzas.
March 9th, 2009 at 1:26 pm
I have forgotten the true defintion of in indelibility, and I don’t know if its important. But you, Jack Bowers and Karin Nelson. You define indelible.
March 9th, 2009 at 1:37 pm
Will this fucktard ever understand that inricate detail of a text message conversation is not interesting writing? Peter King defines DIE YUPPIE SCUM.
March 9th, 2009 at 1:47 pm
The two best restaurants in town, Osteria Giotto and Table 8. Brandon Jacobs swears by the lasagna in Giotto; he’s absolutely right. Must be the nutmeg, or whatever makes it taste so different.
It’s John Legend’s special sauce.
March 9th, 2009 at 1:49 pm
Tommy nailed it there, Peter is 100% not welcome. Fuck off King, back to Jersey with you.
March 9th, 2009 at 2:03 pm
When I picture PK’s wife, I see Colonel Fitz’s wife from American Beauty.
March 9th, 2009 at 2:20 pm
Shouldn’t it be DoucheCon 3
March 9th, 2009 at 2:29 pm
That was the funniest shit I’ve read in a long, long time.
March 9th, 2009 at 2:41 pm
Gotta love America and it’s freedom of information. Thanks to the local newspaper’s online database:
a. PK bought in 1991 for $262k
II. and thanks to NJ statewide re-evaluation of properties, it’s valued at $895k
#. the house across the street from PK sold in June for $892k
m. and in 2007 PK paid over $18k in property taxes
13. so don’t feel sorry for that fat ass, he’s clearing $600k and getting out before they raise his property taxes
/dick joke
March 9th, 2009 at 2:45 pm
Isn’t Boston Harbor made out of landfill? Makes me think Mr. King was recruited.
March 9th, 2009 at 2:53 pm
Now I’m 1000% positive I’m never visiting Boston. Fuck that place sideways.
March 9th, 2009 at 3:33 pm
Man these are for sure my favorite part of KSK. Monday is so much better with Peter King broken down like this and delivered weekly.
March 9th, 2009 at 4:02 pm
Threadjack: Holy shit is the Jim Rome show pointless. Over half an hour today (before I switched off the radio on my one-hour commute) on how many guys named Rex he’s had on his show. This guy might be more inane than PK.
March 9th, 2009 at 4:10 pm
Oh man…how did you guys miss the T.O. quote?
“I beat to my own drum”.
Come on, TO. Keep that to yourself. PK is rubbing off on the players. Wait, bad choice of words.
March 9th, 2009 at 4:35 pm
Peter King can afford to buy a $1.26 million condo… I think that’s proof enough that there is no God.
March 9th, 2009 at 5:10 pm
/Ferrari door flies open
Table 8’s skirt steak is, in fact, delicious. Not nutmegged, of course, but still delicious.
PK’s taste in food doesn’t seem to have been affected by his gastric bypass. Sorry, peasants
March 9th, 2009 at 5:22 pm
Wow, just wow. I’ve never actually read Peter King except through here and….he makes Simmons seem like a an actual journalist. Wow.
Also, there are plenty of Italians that put things like nutmeg in lasagna and other stuff, except they are from the North where they don’t butcher (pun +1!) the language by referring to capicolla as gabagool.
March 9th, 2009 at 5:23 pm
Oh, and also his favorite is skirt steak? Yummmy, nothing is quite as delicious as cow diaphragm cooked just right!
March 9th, 2009 at 6:12 pm
Maybe if Brady isn’t healthy for Week 1 of the regular season, the Pats will sign Brett Favre, and King can have his ultimate threesome.
March 9th, 2009 at 6:53 pm
Slash, you forgot Celtics fans. And ‘Southie’.
March 9th, 2009 at 7:37 pm
“my dad wanted me to make some connections”
P King. Does the P stand for pimp.
Sounds a little too salacious for ‘good ol’ Montclair, but maybe not Bahstan.
Corollary: Mrs. King watched Favre and Peter on the porch…shrugged and wept softly.
Douche
March 9th, 2009 at 8:05 pm
never. stop. doing. these.
March 9th, 2009 at 8:11 pm
You’re missing what will shortly become the two running features in the PK shitshow:
1. All these people tawk funny;
2. Did you know Boston has more traffic than Montclair? It’s like ALL the people who live outside Boston come here to work. Hey, guy in the jacket, I know you travelled here from out of town, next time, buy your coffee in Saugus, this is the line for RESIDENTS.
And kindly stay tuned for the eight part series breaking down Honey Dew v. Dunkin Donuts. It will be gripping.
/ Dan Shaughnessy write powerful words. Shockingly racist and inaccurate words.
March 9th, 2009 at 9:29 pm
The next PKWOTW: CAWKSMOKAH
March 9th, 2009 at 10:01 pm
>Nimby posted:
>First night in Boston-
>
>PK: Honey, I don’t feel like unpacking tonight. Let’s just put up the Favre Fathead and order a couple pizzas.
But then what’s she going to eat? Buh-dum-ssshh
March 9th, 2009 at 10:29 pm
King is only 51? Christ, I thought he was pushing 70.
March 10th, 2009 at 12:48 am
I’m willing to send $20 to fmra as the start of a fund to pay her to take care of the PK problem for us for once and for all.
March 10th, 2009 at 1:35 am
Has PK walked a combined total of 26 minutes in his life?
March 10th, 2009 at 6:44 am
Has PK walked a combined total of 26 minutes in his life?
BTW I love your blog!
March 10th, 2009 at 7:41 am
@ Jayson
I assumed wife/daughters/hired help would share a small cheese while PK locked himself in the bathroom with a sheet of sausage lovers’.
March 10th, 2009 at 8:58 am
THE TWO GREATEST SPORTSWRITERS OF ALL TIME ARE (now) FROM BOSTON. NO ONE DENIES THIS.
Shudder.
March 10th, 2009 at 9:01 am
Can we get the students at MIT to build some sort of Peter King trap complete with holographic Brett Favre as bait? Better yet, let’s have them bombard him with radiation and make him some sort of zombie. Can’t you just hear him complaining about the brains in Boston? “These are brains-flavored water!”
March 10th, 2009 at 12:29 pm
There’s nothing like extremely affluent people using their national stage to share their ‘everyman’ experiences. You know, just like the rest of us.
A big fuck you to King and the rest of the Massholes he’ll soon call neighbors.
Signed,
The Rest of the Country
March 10th, 2009 at 1:51 pm
u guys suck……PKs awesome
March 10th, 2009 at 2:10 pm
how long until King praises Boston for being “semi-Pittsburghesque”?
March 10th, 2009 at 2:43 pm
It defines loose.
March 10th, 2009 at 5:14 pm
Wow. Drew really exposes King as being conceited. I can’t even get through a King MMQB without thinking about how arrogant this guy is. Oh, and that was really fucking funny about him mentioning the fact that his apartment is 26 minutes away from Fenway. Oh my god, that is fucking hilarious. Like he would REALLY walk to Fenway.
March 10th, 2009 at 5:19 pm
And the prick charges a dollar for a half used container of rock salt. I hope he dies. I have no problem wishing or saying that, and if he does die today (please) I can handle karma. It will be worth it.