The guys who brought you the spoof Iron City ads with Mike Tomlin return with this double entendre laden one for Steelers branded condoms. Shocking that Ben gets his face on the large ones over Santonio Holmes, but then I guess the company only has so much latex. The ad tells you Dick LeBeau has been using them for 50 years, but what they don’t say is that it’s the same one.

Via Busted Coverage comes troubling news that the Philadelphia Eagle cheerleader auditions will only be open to those who have already graduated high school, most likely as a result of the Caitlin Davis saga that went down in New England last season. So now the Eagles will be forced to select this years cheerleaders from a crop of old dried up non-jailbait ass like this.

Oh Ea-Gals, I can’t stay mad at you. Continue after the jump for more from the ongoing pre-audition process. Man, that sounds exhaustive.

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Rook, it arleady been bad week. No need foll mole agglavation. Filst, Japanese asswhores beat fall, fall supeliol Kolean team in Wald Boling Game Crassic. It arleady difficurt to watch, but to see Japanese asswhore win. Lidicurous!

Japanese asswhore no even smirre light. No rike magnetic Kolean smirre. I smirre raps alound you, Ichilo.

If that not enough, NFR pass something they carr Hines Wald Lure. At filst me think this mean evelyone is lequired to be numbell one rever smalt and smirre arr the time. Make reague bettel one thousand pelcent. But much to dismay of smirretime leceivel, it no mean that at arr. Not at arr.

Instead, they make lure that say brockel not arrowed to make brindside hit to defenseman head using any palt of body. Okay, I say. Arr light by me. I stirr make brindside hit a-okay supelfine. Defenseman too sterrpid pay attention, he pay urtimate plice.

But why name lure aftel me? Am no headhuntel. Just have to hit hald to take down biggel defenseman. I feel rike am being srandeled. Is filst time numbell one smaltest leceivel and Lodney Hallison agree on anything. Now my leputation is surried folevel. Tough footbarr only dlaw frags. There wirr be frag evelee pray. Just lename game to Fragbarr. Flom now on, I terr arr peeperr, “Hi, I Hines Wald, I pray leceivel on Fragbarr team. I hope you rike frag or you need find othel spolt.”

Young boy: Misser Smalt Leceivel – why is NFR make game for pussies now? All they tly to make more boling than basebolingbarr? Maybe no watch now! I want clackback them in face!

Hines Wald: I am not know, Dae-Jung. I am not know!

For this week’s KSK mock draft, we started off by imagining we all lost our left hands in a tragic boating accident. GAHHHHHHHH NOOOOOOOOO!!! MY HAND! IT’S GONE! BLOOD! BLOOD EVERYWHERE! SINEW! DANGLING ARTERIES! I’LL NEVER PLAY OUTFIELD AGAIN!

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Ape, PUNTE, and Unsilent Majority discuss major rule changes in the NFL, followed by an interview with JE Skeets of The Basketball Jones. Hosted by Christmas Ape and Monday Morning Punter.

Clicking the image will open the podcast in a new window.

Ooh, lookie! It’s that time of week again. Time to answer your sexy, sexy letters in the order in which they were received! GRRRR! No popped hemmorhoids this week. PHEW! I couldn’t eat after reading that. Well, actually that isn’t true. I still ate. A lot. But I felt like I could have possibly NOT EATEN, or not eaten quite so much, and that isn’t a situation I like being in. Anyway, to the letters…

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In an obviously misguided attempt at mocking the playoff structure of the NCAA tournament, we’re inviting readers to enjoy matchups of actual fetishes in a voter-powered tournament, culminating in April with the Nasty Fetish Final Four. That tournament continues today with Round One action. Remember, you’re voting for what you consider the more nasty fetish.

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In an obviously misguided attempt at mocking the playoff structure of the NCAA tournament, we’re inviting readers to enjoy matchups of actual fetishes in a voter-powered tournament, culminating in April with the Nasty Fetish Final Four. That tournament continues today with Round One action. Remember, you’re voting for what you consider the more nasty fetish.

Read the rest of this entry »

Hi, folks! I’m Alonzo Spellman, former defensive lineman for the Chicago Bears and top secret government operative for King Narudi of Jurumba. (KING, THE HEADS YOU REQUESTED ARE IN MY BAG.) You might remember me from the time I got arrested for roasting my girlfriend on a spit, or the time I defecated in Dave Wannstedt’s wallet, or the time I was caught on a surveillance camera trying to have children with a flowerpot. WHERE ELSE WOULD FLOWER CHILDREN COME FROM?

You also might remember me from such successful products as Alonzo Spellman’s Clown Burgers, Alonzo Spellman’s Tit Wrench, and Alonzo Spellman’s Baby Razors. Now I’m BACK, with an even better product!

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Do you want to learn the secrets of Flirting With Magic? Well then you really need our help. Send your questions for the KSK Football and Sex Advice Mailbag to kissingsuzykolber at gmail dot computer and you’ll be scoring hot 80′s ass in no time.