In an obviously misguided attempt at mocking the playoff structure of the NCAA tournament, we’re inviting readers to enjoy matchups of actual fetishes in a voter-powered tournament, culminating in April with the Nasty Fetish Final Four. That tournament continues today with Round One action. Remember, you’re voting for what you consider the more nasty fetish.

3. Frottage

Literal Meaning: “A specific paraphilia which involves the non-consensual rubbing against another person to achieve sexual arousal. The contact is usually with the hands or the genitals and may involve touching any part of the body including the genital area. A person who practices frotteurism is known as a frotteur. The majority of frotteurs are male and the majority of victims are female, although female on male, female on female, and male on male frotteurs exist.”

The Intarwebs say: Available buddy in Fargo. Gotta stay warm somehow.

Notable Advocates: Bob Odenkirk, Bolo Yeung, Charles Grassley

6. Macrophilia

Literal Meaning: “A sexual fantasy involving domination by giants, primarily giant women. Variants include metamorphic fantasies; the shrinking of men/women so that average-sized people appear relatively huge, or more commonly, ordinary humans growing to giant size.”

The Intarwebs say: “The causes of Macrophilia are debated but some, such as clinical psychologist Helen Friedman, classify macrophilia as a substitution for a “normalized” approach to sex. She calls it a manifestation of “old, unresolved psychological issues” and dismisses Macrophilia as a “fetish” and instead labels it as a “disassociation from reality” brought on by the trauma of a sadistic or overly dominant mother during childhood. This generalization of those describing themsleves as macrophiles has been received with hostility from the community itself.”

Notable Advocates: Neil Cavuto, Derrick Dockery, Gavin Rossdale